I'm really pissed at my boyfriend. Is it mean to dump him right after Vday??

[n83]

Perhaps you are jumping the gun here. How do you know that he is not planning to give you a Valentine's gift at dinner? Or maybe he thinks that taking you out to dinner on Valentine's Day is the gift.

 

DN - It's already 8:30 here now, I know he's not calling or taking me out to dinner. There's no dinner, gift or card coming..

 

BigSkye - ??? That's a little shady... Are you going to confront her??

 

n83, I was supposed to have dinner with my bf of over 1 year. We dont think V-Day is a big deal and we originally werent supposed to do anything, but we both decided last week that we were going to go out. Well, the weather here is bad and he decided at the last minute he didnt feel like going. This is one in many things that he has done to disappoint me. It might not be THAT big a deal, but things do ADD up.

 

Bigheart - Damn girl, I'm sorry, that sounds horrible I was really sad to read your post. I know waht you mean though. Individually these things aren't a big deal, but when you put them all together, you get a clear idea of where you stand in his list of priorities.. In the past, whenever a guy has been in love with me, I could call him up at 4am on a workday and he'd still come over if I needed him to. Such is the power of love. I can already see, the bad things between me and this guy I'm now dating are adding up, and I don't want to be in another bad relationship.

 

Does he know how disappointed you are? Are you thinking about ending the relationship??

[EvaGina]

The more I think about this, the more I realise how rude it is.

At first I was thinking "oh here we go, a chick just p-o'd she didnt get anything on a fake holiday... GREEEEEDY"

 

But Yeah, I see what you mean. ANY recognition, not of hte holiday, but of your effort, would have been appreicated, but you got nothing.

[bigheart09]

n83,

To be honest, I wasnt that disappointed because I didnt want to go out b/c of the weather. What disappointed me was that he doesnt want to see me at all. We have tried ending things many times (due to his depression and messed up life) but we both cant let the other go. Sometimes he is really great, but then he does things like this. I asked two times today if he wanted to go and he said yes, and then on his way there he called and said he really didnt want to go. I told him to turn around and go home.

[n83]

But Yeah, I see what you mean. ANY recognition, not of hte holiday, but of your effort, would have been appreicated, but you got nothing.

 

Hey Eva.. I'm glad you don't think I'm a greedy B any more. It just made me feel stupid for going so out of my way for him, and he couldn't even take some notebook paper and write me out a stupid card.

 

To be honest, I wasnt that disappointed because I didnt want to go out b/c of the weather. What disappointed me was that he doesnt want to see me at all. We have tried ending things many times (due to his depression and messed up life) but we both cant let the other go. Sometimes he is really great, but then he does things like this. I asked two times today if he wanted to go and he said yes, and then on his way there he called and said he really didnt want to go. I told him to turn around and go home.

 

Do you think the good things outweigh the bad? Is he generally a good boyfriend, or is he usually neglectful of things that are important to you?

[bigheart09]

He is just selfish. His life is falling apart and he only thinks about himself. That is the root of our problems. I used to think the good outweighed the bad, but lately i dont think so. I told him I still wanted to see him and I could come over and he said I would just be a distraction (because of all the work he had to do) That is hurtful.

[n83]

He is just selfish. His life is falling apart and he only thinks about himself. That is the root of our problems. I used to think the good outweighed the bad, but lately i dont think so. I told him I still wanted to see him and I could come over and he said I would just be a distraction (because of all the work he had to do) That is hurtful.

 

Ouch. That is really mean.. I can definitely see why you'd be hurt by that. Can I ask you something though.. why are you hanging onto him?

[bigheart09]

I dont know. I keep telling myself that I cant abandon him when he is going through so much personal stuff, but I think I finally had enough of his mood swings. I do love him.

[n83]

I dont know. I keep telling myself that I cant abandon him when he is going through so much personal stuff, but I think I finally had enough of his mood swings. I do love him.

 

Well.. if you ever decide to leave him, this is a really great place for support .. and even if you don't leave him, you can always vent at us.

[bigheart09]

Yes, I have been doing that for months. Two weeks ago, we decided to end things, but later that night I ended up at his place and we decided to work things out.

[desert_rose26]

you're not the ONLY one who's gotten nothing for v-day. I put together a nice email message with a special song. He didn't even reply and we haven't talked since. But my situation is totally different...u see, my thread is in the cyber forum. lol..

[n83]

Yes, I have been doing that for months. Two weeks ago, we decided to end things, but later that night I ended up at his place and we decided to work things out.

 

Do you regret trying to work things out?

 

you're not the ONLY one who's gotten nothing for v-day. I put together a nice email message with a special song. He didn't even reply and we haven't talked since. But my situation is totally different...u see, my thread is in the cyber forum. lol..

 

Hey, even then, he coulda sent you a freakin email back!! What a jerk. Lol maybe we're dating the same guy

[hosswhispra]

n83 and desert rose26- there is a book called the Five Love Languages, people express their love in different ways: doing things, words of affirmation, quality time spent together, physical and gift giving. It sounds as though both you girls express your love in terms of gifts. Your guys may express their love differently--but it doesn't mean anything less. I know that you both just want to be thought of today and that the gift doesn't really matter. Check this book out, it may save you from having to go through grief and heartache.

[n83]

n83 and desert rose26- there is a book called the Five Love Languages, people express their love in different ways: doing things, words of affirmation, quality time spent together, physical and gift giving. It sounds as though both you girls express your love in terms of gifts. Your guys may express their love differently--but it doesn't mean anything less. I know that you both just want to be thought of today and that the gift doesn't really matter. Check this book out, it may save you from having to go through grief and heartache.

 

Hey hoss.. I know that people express love differently, but in my case, there's no love and not much expression of caring. I always come second to other important people or things. If it were just this Vday thing, I could maybe look past it. I figured out a while ago that the relationship wasn't built to last, but I didn't think he'd do something like this, so thoughtless, and make it so easy for me to want to walk away from him.

[bigheart09]

No I never regret things....If things dont work out between us, at least i know I did all I could do to make us work. I have talked to him 3 times already tonight.

[BigSyke]

just be thankfull you guys have a relationship. Ive tried everything in the book, to get my girl to see me....i would purposely leave something at her house, so i could see her maybe more than once a week.

 

She always says rude things like "ohh are you working with your hottie co-worker?" I guess no matter what i cant see her for even 5 minutes to give her the paycheck i pretty much dropped on her. Shes going to a 6 hour movie, with her out of town dad....adn the same thing on sunday.

 

Trust me you might think you have it bad, but these dudes just need a wake up call, end it with them for a week, then see what happens. Me, i feel like im worse than single, when your girl says she will NEVER have sex with you, even on V-day....but then goes and says how she used to have sex too much with her ex, really makes you want to blast yourself.....im sure she is with some guy, which is the only thing i can add up..

 

 

usually when she is with her "dad", she answers the phone....or at least responds to my textss.....i hate this holliday

[bigheart09]

n83,

What are you going to do?

[Batya33]

Why are you staying in this relationship?

[n83]

n83,

What are you going to do?

 

I'm going to leave him, I think.. I just don't know when, how, what to say, etc.. I'm thinking about texting him right now to tell him I won't be making it to his bday dinner..

 

Why are you staying in this relationship?

 

I second that.. What on earth are you doing with her??

[n83]

edit - I texted him and told him that I won't be able to make it tomorrow, and to have a good bday.

[Rabican]

Honestly, I don't know that I want to be with someone that is too dense to even know that they should just get me a stupid card. I shouldn't have to have tons of mini discussions about every mundane thing.. It would have been one thing for him to say, look, I'm sorry but I don't have money right now.. or SOMETHING. He didn't even say anything about it. But he sure did gladly accept the CD he told me he wanted me to get for him.

 

Id have to agree with you.... shows some real thickheadedness on his part to get nothing.

 

I thought I skimped... I bought her a teddy bear (lion... not a bear actually), took her out to our favorite japanese restaurant, got her 2 cards, some chocolate, and a little stuffed penguin (its our thing since we watched march of the penguins).

[n83]

Rabican -

Ummm no, you didn't skimp .. lol.

[Stari]

I am all for voicing one's expectations.

 

In my ears 'you should' means 'I am right and anyone who disagrees is wrong' .

And since most people don't look favourably at having their opinion considered inferior in advance, saying 'you should' is a good recipe for conflict.

 

Hosswhispra, thanks for the book tip. I look forward to reading it very soon.

[Siriana]

Talking about it?!

Yeah, right!

You've been together only for few moths.

So buying something cute and not too expencive is a sign of respect.

Better doing that than finding out your gf bought you a present and you didn't get her anything.

 

One more thing.

He didn't start the convo are we celebrating V day.

He decided that they don't celebrate it.

If someone mentiones that crap about communication again I am going to puke.

 

It's not your fault.

There is nothing to talk about it.

It's v-day, christmas...etc in your situation small present is a must be.

 

Now about communication. Say to him where is my vday present and what happened with my christmas present.

Than later you can dump him by saying I am dumping you because you're a cheap idiot.

 

 

Ahhhhhh, i feel better now.

Sorry for the tone i was using but I was dating a cheap guy and it was humiliating. Now I feel better.

 

Oh, and one more thing - don't buy him a single present until you get one.

Why you even bothered after getting nothing for Christams.

That was a major red flag.

He is immature, celf-centered and selfish.

[n83]

In my ears 'you should' means 'I am right and anyone who disagrees is wrong' .

 

Sorry but I just don't agree with this. By your logic, no one should ever do anything, and no one ever has an obligations towards other people. Did he HAVE to do something for me for Valentine's? No. Then again, I didn't either, and had I known that he wasn't going to be doing anything, I would have spared myself a difficult and dangerous trip accross my city, just to make sure that he didn't show up at my doorstep with a gift and I had nothing to offer back.

 

All I know is, if I had posted that my boyfriend went this much out of his way for me and I didn't do a damn thing for him, I'd be getting chewed out right now. Ironically, the same people who are posting here calling me selfish would probably be the first ones calling me selflish on that thread.

 

Oh, and one more thing - don't buy him a single present until you get one.

Why you even bothered after getting nothing for Christams.

That was a major red flag.

He is immature, celf-centered and selfish.

 

Hey Syrix.. I agree in hindsight that was a major red flag. I just overlooked it (stupidly) because we had only been dating for a month at that point. But it was the same situation: I told him ahead of time I was getting him something, just something small, and the "gift" he (supposedly) bought for me never showed up. Around mid January he even brought it up and said something like, "I think I should just get you something else..." ... and that was it (and of course, he didn't).

[ghost69]

well, thoughtfulness is one thing, but getting upset for not getting anything is bogus. you should check your thoughts on being a material girl. sounds like the situation here. i mean, he thanked you right? was he surprised or did he just toss the present off to the side and go back to watching tv? the thought that counts is great. i'm sure he appreciated that. if you can tell that he didn't, maybe you should bounce on him and get another man. on the other hand, sometimes guys don't do the mushy stuff right away. you have only been together since thanksgiving right? don't you think february is too soon to be mushy and lovie dovie? i would if some chick pushed this one me. i might check her myself like moving waaaay to fast. it is possible you are overreacting, but then again, it is possible he isn't THAT into you.

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