I'm really pissed at my boyfriend. Is it mean to dump him right after Vday??

[Daligal83]

I know what you're saying Mythical, and don't take this the wrong way, but she didn't just get him a card. She asked him what she wanted for a present, drove in a storm to get it and to get it to him. Plus he did this for christmas too. To me, it shows a pattern that has nothing to do with the point of it being a present. It's the give and take that isn't equal here. The problem happens to just be manifesting itself in the form of presents.

 

and Ericson, she's only been with him since Thanksgiving. It's not expected that she'd be in love right now.

[n83]

I would rather someone break up with no matter what time of year or what special day it is rather than be with someone who wants to break up with me but feels sorry for doing so just because it per-se my birthday. If you want to break up with him , do it. Know what I mean?

 

Yeahhhhh I definitely hear that.. I think that's a matter of personal opinion though.. I'd always remember a guy that broke up with me on my birthday or Valentine's day.. I'd prefer a guy to wait, but that's just me... either way I wouldn't wait longer than this weekend. I have no desire to continue with this longer than I have to..

[Mythical_Suicide]

I know what you're saying Mythical, and don't take this the wrong way, but she didn't just get him a card. She asked him what she wanted for a present, drove in a storm to get it and to get it to him. Plus he did this for christmas too. To me, it shows a pattern that has nothing to do with the point of it being a present. It's the give and take that isn't equal here. The problem happens to just be manifesting itself in the form of presents.

 

and Ericson, she's only been with him since Thanksgiving. It's not expected that she'd be in love right now.

 

I've done the same thing for my bf, I know alot of the times my bf doesn't have the money to get me anything but I will still go out and get him stuff and not expect anything in return... and yes, i've bought my bf more than just a card for Valentines Day last year but once again he didn't get me anything , I didnt expect nor did I expect an explanation. Maybe it's just me but if he's done this before and she's had such a problem with it she should have said something before now. Just my opinion.

[n83]

I know alot of the times my bf doesn't have the money to get me anything

 

At least he gave you an explanation. At least you knew he didn't have money.

[Daligal83]

I know alot of the times my bf doesn't have the money to get me anything but I will still go out and get him stuff and not expect anything in return

 

The thing is here though, you knew he didn't have the money. He isn't saying that to her, he's just taking her present and saying thanks. To me, that's rude. And I didn't mean to insult you by saying it was just a card...a card is extremely thoughtful and sweet. What I meant was she went through a lot to get him this present and just taking it and saying thanks is disrespectful.

[n83]

I've done the same thing for my bf, I know alot of the times my bf doesn't have the money to get me anything but I will still go out and get him stuff and not expect anything in return... and yes, i've bought my bf more than just a card for Valentines Day last year but once again he didn't get me anything , I didnt expect nor did I expect an explanation. Maybe it's just me but if he's done this before and she's had such a problem with it she should have said something before now. Just my opinion.

 

Maybe it is just you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

holidays don't have to be about spending a lot, but people who make no effort to do anything at all, unless they have both agreed to not doing anything up front, are making a not too disguised statement... i.e., don't count on me to be there for you or put myself out for you if i don't feel like it... like they don't want to be obligated to you for holidays or things where they have to show you are 'special' and entitled to their efforts/time etc.

 

if someone really cares about you, they enjoy doing special things for you, and enjoy spending special times with you, rather than avoiding or ignoring them... they can at least they do something small for you because they don't want to hurt your feelings or have you think you don't care about them...

 

i dated a guy where we were in different towns on valentine's day, and i sent him a happy valentine's day text.. and he replied that he was sad and sending candy to 'his girls' (his daughters because he was unhappy his ex had the girls and he wasn't wtih them on valentine's day), but didn't bother to wish ME a happy v-day or send me candy... so he did indeed know how to do it, and have the money to do it, and knew it meant something to me, but he was just trying to one up his ex and made sure his daughters got something but basically blew me off... so i knew right there that he did not value me as much, or wanted to send a message that we weren't all that serious, so i took the hint!

[n83]

BeStrong -

I'm glad you're no longer with him You're right, that was a big hint, just about what kind of effort he was willing to put in..

[BeStrongBeHappy]

yeah, he sure had time and energy next time he was in town to try to hook up with me, and i said, ummmmm, sorry, i'm way too busy (busy permanently that is...)

[MissTee]

Nope, I wouldn't put up with that.

 

Totally selfish.

 

BTW, I don't think it's mean to dump someone straight after V-Day if it's completely obvious they don't give a flying **** about the meaning of the day.

[shikashika]

Nope, I wouldn't put up with that.

 

Totally selfish.

 

BTW, I don't think it's mean to dump someone straight after V-Day if it's completely obvious they don't give a flying **** about the meaning of the day.

 

I totally agree with this..

 

excuses like "he didn't know he was supposed to" are a complete cop-out...

 

Is this guy over 5 years old?

 

His girlfriend shouldn't have to TELL him or ASK him to celebrate..

 

It sounds like a guy who is so into himself that he can't even think about doing this for someone else???!!!!

 

why should this need to be explained to him? and... if you have to tell him to get you something... do you really want a guy who is not capable of going and getting his girlfriend something... or even making a CARD for Valentines' day?!?!

 

I sure wouldn't

 

he shoulddn't be doing these things because she asks him to.. he should do them by thinking with his own little head.

 

And if.. you want a guy who can think about other people (you!) then I say he doesn't sound liek the guy for you.

 

True, maybe his ex girlfriends didn't care either... but obviously he doesn't either... if he wanted to do it enough.. he wouldn't need a girl to tell him to do it

[n83]

yeah, he sure had time and energy next time he was in town to try to hook up with me, and i said, ummmmm, sorry, i'm way too busy (busy permanently that is...)

 

LOL that's pretty funny!

 

BTW, I don't think it's mean to dump someone straight after V-Day if it's completely obvious they don't give a flying **** about the meaning of the day.

 

Haha damn right sista.. lol.. it just sucks that tomorrow is his bday. Am I mean enough to dump someone on their bday???

 

I dunno. I think I should wait til the weekend at least.

[n83]

Shik -

I'll spare everyone the cut and paste of your last post, but I have only this to say: Amen.

[EvaGina]

what if he just really doesnt care about Valentines day?

 

just becuase it may mean something to you, it doesnt mean he has to care about it

 

I would be angry too, I mean, the lack of thought is horrible and all... but it might pay to talk to him.

I dont think its fair to expect him to care about valentines.

[Daligal83]

If he doesn't care about Valentine's Day, I'd say that's fine. But then he shouldn't have accepted her gift.

[n83]

I would be angry too, I mean, the lack of thought is horrible and all... but it might pay to talk to him.

I dont think its fair to expect him to care about valentines.

 

Eva If he doesn't care though, he shouldn't be taking Vday gifts! I wouldnt mind, like I said earlier, if he didn't care. But he has to let me know, because it makes my life easier too. It's not fair of him to say, "I don't care about Vday, so I'm not going to get her anything.. but I'll take whatever she gives me!"

[EvaGina]

Eva If he doesn't care though, he shouldn't be taking Vday gifts! I wouldnt mind, like I said earlier, if he didn't care. But he has to let me know, because it makes my life easier too. It's not fair of him to say, "I don't care about Vday, so I'm not going to get her anything.. but I'll take whatever she gives me!"

 

thats fair enough

you told him you were going to get him somthing, right?

if he didnt take it, would you have been insulted? I would be.

 

It seems to me that this is a case of being disappointed, but turning it into anger.

 

Have you told him?

[MissTee]

LOL that's pretty funny!

 

 

 

Haha damn right sista.. lol.. it just sucks that tomorrow is his bday. Am I mean enough to dump someone on their bday???

 

I dunno. I think I should wait til the weekend at least.

 

Have you already given him his B-Day pressie?

 

I think he's been given enough...

[n83]

thats fair enough

you told him you were going to get him somthing, right?

if he didnt take it, would you have been insulted? I would be.

 

It seems to me that this is a case of being disappointed, but turning it into anger.

 

Have you told him?

 

I told him I was getting him something a few weeks ago.. It would have been fine if he told me not to get him anything in the first place, rather than knowingly let me buy him something and then not accept it.

 

But yes, I am extremely disappointed. Like I said earlier, even if he had driven a mile from his house and picked me up a card, I would have been happy. Or stay at home and make one, I don't care. But I never would have gone so far out of my way had I known the effort would not be reciprocated (even slightly).

 

And no, I haven't told him. I just don't want to talk to him at all right now.

[n83]

Have you already given him his B-Day pressie?

 

No, I haven't! I was saving it for when I went to his sister's for dinner tomorrow. Yeah, I seriously want to go return it, get my twenty bucks back, and call him and tell him I won't be bothering to make it out for his birthday. And if he gets pissed about it, he can shove it.

[MissTee]

No, I haven't! I was saving it for when I went to his sister's for dinner tomorrow. Yeah, I seriously want to go return it, get my twenty bucks back, and call him and tell him I won't be bothering to make it out for his birthday. And if he gets pissed about it, he can shove it.

 

hah!

 

Ok. You haven't been with the guy long. He's obviously selfish, unromantic and cheap so i think not showing for his B-Day dinner and not giving him a present will convey the correct message.

 

 

[n83]

hah!

 

Ok. You haven't been with the guy long. He's obviously selfish, unromantic and cheap so i think not showing for his B-Day dinner and not giving him a present will convey the correct message.

 

.. Or maybe he's so dense he wouldn't even get the message..?? He might stupidly think everything is ok with us.

[BigSyke]

you could have it worse, my girl is at a movie with her "dad" till 12pm, the movie started at 6:30....hmmm. And her dad just happens to be out of town.

 

I say confront him, but im sure there is other things wrong in the relationship

[DN]

Perhaps you are jumping the gun here. How do you know that he is not planning to give you a Valentine's gift at dinner? Or maybe he thinks that taking you out to dinner on Valentine's Day is the gift.

[bigheart09]

n83, I was supposed to have dinner with my bf of over 1 year. We dont think V-Day is a big deal and we originally werent supposed to do anything, but we both decided last week that we were going to go out. Well, the weather here is bad and he decided at the last minute he didnt feel like going. This is one in many things that he has done to disappoint me. It might not be THAT big a deal, but things do ADD up.