sex drive too high

[ricard123]

I seem to really have a high sex drive and always want sex. My girlfriend normally wants it max 2 times a week. The other times I don't get it I get frustrated and if I don't get it for a longer than a week I get really frustrated. So much so that I feel cursed to wanting it so much. After a week she notices that there is something wrong and I tell her what's wrong. We usually then have a massive fight about it because she says we've been through this so many times before. I ask her have we solved anything in the past? She says 'Yes' because we have sex and I have nothing to complain about. I then try to explain the problem and she bluntly refuses to talk about it and refuses to negotiate on anything or work on the problem because for her there is no problem. It's like sex means nothing to her and it's just some minor detail of the relationship.

 

We got angaged a couple of months ago. (We did have regular sex a couple of times a week and there wasn't problems) - The whole thing it would seem started when we went on vacation and she didn't want to have sex becuase we were staying in some one else's house. (to me this was ridiculious and we had fights about that too because she said that I didn't understand her) This really upset me because I was paying for everything and was doing it especially for her. I didn't enjoy the holiday because for me instead of getting a thank you I got a kick in the behind.

 

We are now engaged and the wedding invitations has been sent. I feel trapped and don't know how to work this out. Should I get out? This woman meets every other need I have 100% except for the sex issue - She truly is one of a kind and I love her. We get along extremely well. I respect her and she does me and I have never gotten along with anyone else like with her in my life.

 

It seems we are not sexually compatible or she has little interest in it. This seems to really be causing a conflict in myself as I don't know what to do. I wish I could solve the sex issue or want it less. Also, at this time I feel we should be really having a lot of sex because we're engaged. I don't think when we get married that things will improve.

[FrancisHouseman]

A lot of couples have a difference in sex drive. It can be frustrating but I don't think its worth ending a relationship over. You should make the most of the time you do get intimate.

 

I have a really high sex drive and my boyfriend was shocked at first, said that his mates would laugh if they knew he had to literally fight me off sometimes! I used to get really frustrated with him and feel really hurt and upset if we went to bed and he wanted to sleep. I remember once pushing him out of bed with my legs practically having a tantrum and shouting "I want s e x!!" my neighbours probably thought I was a right nutter! ha ha ha

 

He says he is happy to have s e x twice, three times a week but that he is tired. He works hard. "Can't we just cuddle instead.. it doesnt mean i don't fancy you, it doesnt mean i dont think you are gorgeous or love you just as much as i did when we were in our honeymoon stage, it just means i am tired!"

 

So now I am happy to snuggle up and say Goodnight baby. When we do have s e x I will make the extra effort, dress up, make a night of it, make it fun. That way neither of us feels neglected.

[Stu147]

I think the more you push your girlfriend to have sex more often, the more pressure it puts on her and the less she will actually feel like it.

 

I am in a situation where my wife has a high sex drive and mine has been somewhat diminished by taking anti-depressants. The only difference between my situation and yours is that I have an excuse why my drive is low, but that doesn't necessarily matter when feelings come into play. But what I can say is that I feel under pressure to have sex even though my wife doesn't verbally apply pressure to me. You still feel like you should be having sex more often, and this creates pressure. The more pressure you feel the more your sex drive decreases. It's like a vicious circle. It's not easy for either party, and if your partner really cares for you she will be feeling this too. Don't assume that she is not suffering as well, because I'm sure she would love to have a sex drive that matched yours. But we do not all have compatible sex drives, and even if two people are compatible in this way there are still times that one partner's drive will diminish due to stress, tiredness, worry, medication, etc.

 

Perhaps it is your perception that she refuses to budge an inch that is troubling you? I think you guys need a frank and open discussion about this issue, and maybe a compromise can be reached, but the topic needs to be approached carefully with her because if you guys have already rowed about this on numerous occasions she may feel a bit cornered and become defensive. Perhaps your approaching line to her should be a bit more submissive, accepting that any faults are are joint problem and not just her fault. That way she might open up to you a bit more.

 

Hope this makes sense, and I really hope everything works out for you. If this relationship is as good as you say then please don't let it all go to waste over an issue like this.

[kate111]

Maybe you should do more romantic stuff with her.

 

Sometimes it feels a little crude when a boyfriend just wants you for sex.

 

I know I feel more in the mood when I am made to feel sexy, special and spoiled.

[Cardinal]

I definitely think this is an issue that should be resolved prior to marriage. Your intuition is likely right. I doubt it will improve with marriage.

 

There is something to making the most of the time you do have together as Francis mentioned. But that can be easier said than done. A man feeling frustration from a lack of sex and a lack of orgasm with a partner will rarely be able to turn it around by getting the emotional support of cuddling or spending intimate time with a partner and 'knowing they desire them emotionally".

 

I tried an experiment recently lowering my own very high sex drive (much like superior has done but by choice rather than ancillary need). I am surprised to say it has given me a great deal more control over my body and over my mental state. I don' t feel the same sort of frustration and constant urge that has plagued me in the past. I am also not sure if there is any other way to bring my sex drive in line with my partners (plural as in every girl I have been with has always had a lower sex drive).

 

Mismatched sex drives are a problem in many relationships. And they are a problem most relationships have to face at one time or another if they last long enough. If it is temporary, many couples can deal with it constructively. However, if it is chronic, I am starting to think another approach is needed.

 

It is a nice feeling to know that there are medications (prescription and/or herbal) that can give a man (or woman) such strong control over their sex drive. Speaking as a man, I know it is very easy and safe to both increase or decrease the physiological drive for sex. In my experience there are a limited number of things a couple can do to match sex drives and it often comes down to a matter of compromise where neither party is particularly satisfied. As noted many of the problems associated with mismatched sex drives are not due to a lack of sex drive from one partner or an overabundance of drive from another. It is the dynamic that causes such a viscious circle. I tend to think that viscious circle can be partly broken by honing your ability to control drive (physiologically, psychologically and supplementally).

 

Sex drive is much like hunger except that a lack of sex is not likely to kill a person (we just think it might =D). Having an unsatisfied drive is its own viscious circle even if you look at it outside the context of a relationship. I have spent years learning to control my appetite for food (I am a nerd I know). For me those years have been worth it.

 

I think the same can be done with incompatibilities in relationships. Remember the Aldous Huxley quote. It went something like, "the only corner of the world you can improve is your own".

 

Good luck.

[Day_Walker]

You have to ask yourself do you want to have a married life where you feel sexually deprived? That is a question that you have to answer for yourself. Also realize that when you get married the sex is going to naturally decrease even more because of what accompanies married life. If sex means that much to you then you have a tough decision to make. If it was me I would end it because of the lack of sex because it is an issue that I am unwilling to compromise on.

[kr356]

i completely agree with you here, i am one of those rare women that have a higher sex drive then her partner, and I do felt like he didnt find me attractive, that he never wanted to have sex with me.. and it was frustrating, and sometimes it still is, but i would rather snuggle some nights and have fantastic sex others, then him getting annoyed at me for pushing and ending up fighting over sex, when really in the big picture it's a small part of a serious relationship.

 

The more you push her, the more she will stop doing it, don't make it feel like it's a chore for her, my friend is in this situation, her boyfriend hassles her EVERY day to sex, she feels like she has to put it on a list of the chores to do for the day and because of that she never enjoys it.. she keeps telling him if he maybe helped her out a little she wouldn't be as tired when it was time for bed, she does everything around the house, works full time, gets up at 2am to drive him to work every day.. by the time he is home sitting on the couch wanted sex, she can't even keep her eyes open.. what i am saying is look at the big picture, make sure you are not making it a chore for her to have sex with you.

[candy604]

sex isn't everything in a relationship. Remember that. You both will be growing old and other things other than sex are more important. So I wouldn't end it with her b/c of that. Your hormones do settle down though when u get older. I don't think you should be pushing for sex, coz she'll just push you away.

 

As for the vacation thing, personally if I was staying at someone's home I'd feel uncomfortable having sex. It's just for respect. You can look at it in a different angle that it's a time to spend and relax with someone you love ( you don't have to expect sex).

 

heh just try to control yourself, as cardinal said. Take control of your body, don't let your body control you.

[Altruist]

I think what is causing her to want sex less often is that you are demanding it. That kills the spontaneity and romance. Find other ways of coming accross with your needs. Just my opinion.

[g1234567890h]

My girlfriend and I have crazy sexual drive. We both live at home but we like it twice a week, but the problem is sometimes we both don't want it at the same time, so we're working on turning each other on. We're really good at oral so we can give each other orgasms whenever we want to, but for actual sex we're all over the place. Tonight we were having sex for about an hour until she got tired and now she's asleep. I think she's just taking a nap and she'll want more.

 

I think partners can match whoever has the higher sexual drive. If one person has a higher sexual drive then they have to figure out what turns their partner on. I think sex is really good for you and you should have it often.