Adoptive parents more invested, study says

[annie24]

link removed

 

I just came accross this, I found it interesting. A study found that adoptive parents are more invested than biological parents in raising their kids. This doesn't surprise me very much. I think people who can adopt tend to have more money and can spend more resources to raise these children. But, even after income was adjusted for, the adoptive parents still came out better. Plus, the study found that many gay couples who do adopt try to compensate for the discrimination they face by trying even harder to be good parents.

 

I really found this interesting, just wondering what you guys think?

[EvaGina]

thats suprising and really encouraging!!

 

The people I know well who were raised by adoptive families were treated badly and ALL grew up with terrible social problems.

[annie24]

The people i know who were adopted grew up in really loving homes. One of my friends that was adopted was abandoned as a child in a parking lot at 16 months old. so, it is so good they got adopted!

[jengh]

I was adopted and my parents provided me with the most loving home one could ever ask for. They gave me everything I needed to succeed, set up a college trust fund so I would never have to worry about paying for school, taught me moral values...

 

So, yes, Annie, I can definitely see where that study would be correct.

[EvaGina]

 

Im glad the people I know are the exception to the rule!!

[agent1607307371]

It depends on how positive the investment is really. My (natural) parents were overly invested in me as a child and all they managed to do was mess me up.

 

It can be positive, but at the same time can easily go the other way (though not be design).

[Dako]

No offense to anyone, but the effort needed to adopt is much higher than that required to get pregnant. You cannot accidently adopt.

[annie24]

You cannot accidently adopt.

 

lol! it does take A LOT of effort and money to adopt. But of course, it can also require a lot of money and effort if the couple needs fertility treatments.

 

I wonder if they did a study on that too? or if this study included that in its controls. Any couple who goes to such great lengths to have children must really want them!

[jengh]

No offense to anyone, but the effort needed to adopt is much higher than that required to get pregnant. You cannot accidently adopt.

 

I looked through all of my parents' adoption records and i couldn't BELIEVE what they went through... It was a 2 year process. They had to have intensive home studies, TONS of referral letters, TONS of money to give to the organization....Only once they were approved were birth mothers allowed to select them. I guess they had to go through some pretty intensive interviews with my birth mother before she decided on giving me up to them...

 

There was SO much paperwork involved... wow..

[jengh]

lol! it does take A LOT of effort and money to adopt. But of course, it can also require a lot of money and effort if the couple needs fertility treatments.

 

I wonder if they did a study on that too? or if this study included that in its controls. Any couple who goes to such great lengths to have children must really want them!

 

oh absolutely, i agree 100% with that. Those fertility treatments sound brutal..

[Dako]

Oh, I agree about the fertility treatments. That's especially hard for people when it reaches a dead-end.

 

My mom's diaphragm was faulty. I'm the result.

[sophie274]

I'm not too sure about the significance of the study. I'm a bit surprised it had to be done, frankly: seems to be stating the obvious in a way not very flattering to natural parents.

 

Clearly, most people can get pregnant and make a baby. Adoptive parents are pre-screened for all sorts of things, and the process requires major commitment.

 

There is a remarkable difference in why and how couples have children and how they end up liking being parents. It's hard to generalize - some planned children end up left by the wayside (metaphorically I mean!), some unplanned are treated like kings, some are just children of convenience - because it seems like the thing to do. Very interesting in my opinion.

 

It took three years of trying and various drugs (no IVF though) for my parents to get pregnant with my sister, and by the time my mother finally got pregnant she was ECSTATIC! I think the wait gave them time to get ready and really really intensely desire a child, but at the same time was a huge source of stress. Complex ...

[annie24]

I wonder if the study was done more to investigate same-sex adoptions. A huge complaint that many people have about same sex adoptions is that a same sex couple isn't good for a child. so, I think that this study may have intended to try to debunk that point of view, not to imply that biological parents aren't as good parents.

[sophie274]

I wonder if the study was done more to investigate same-sex adoptions. A huge complaint that many people have about same sex adoptions is that a same sex couple isn't good for a child. so, I think that this study may have intended to try to debunk that point of view, not to imply that biological parents aren't as good parents.

 

Good point Annie!

 

Though I'm not sure it does much against the arguments of opponents to same-sex adoption, since I believe they oppose more on the grounds of the "family model" of gay couples than on parenting skills ...

 

I read an article in the NYTimes about a month ago about Eastern European orphans coming to the US for trial runs with families before the families filed for adoption (for older children, about 7-15), and the stories were so touching! One family gave a 7 year old girl her first bubble bath, and a princess dress, and she got to watch TV for the first time, and this other family took an older child skiing for the first time. The best part is that is was the best two weeks of their lives for both the children and the couples!

[applepie]

I don't find that surprising at all. There are lots of adopted kids in my family and all of them have turned out really well. I'm all for it.

 

What I do find surprising is the people who adopt children and then mistreat them. Why would you even bother? I guess the same goes for natural parents, but it seems the adoption process would be harder to fool.

[rocio]

What I do find surprising is the people who adopt children and then mistreat them. Why would you even bother? I guess the same goes for natural parents, but it seems the adoption process would be harder to fool.

 

People don't always adopt for unselfish reasons. They may adopt to fill a void within themselves. To give meaning to their lives, etc. The problem is that adoptive parents don't always bond with their children the same way that natural parents automatically do. And without that bond, each sacrifice they make seems more like a burden than a privilege. I know of some cases where adoptive parents are extremely cold and neglectful.

 

Overall, however, I'm not surprised with the results of the study. I would love to adopt and have alot of respect for couples who choose this option for the right reasons. Also, my sister says that adopted kids usually have lots of problems and don't appreciate their adoptive parents. However, I never believed that. And I read in my parenting book by the American Academy of Pediatrics that adopted children don't have any more or different problems than other children.

[justpaisley]

I think it just stands to reason that the harder you work for something, the more you're going to appreciate it. In this case, the "it" in question is a child. You're not going to go through months, maybe years of hard work and thousands upon thousands of dollars just to get a baby you don't really want to work hard to raise.

[rocio]

I'd rather sign all the papers in the world than to have my body beat up the way it's been butchered over the last few weeks!

[wayne]

Adoptive parents are specially selected from a long waiting list... they're picked, by design, based on factors that predict their investment in parenthood. So this result isn't a surprise.

 

Of course there can be such a thing as "too invested". Parents can develop quite a death grip on their kids and act like it's some kind of betrayal when their kids try to grow up and become adults.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I would imagine that to be the case. Makes logical sense to me.

 

For the reasons Dako said...anyone can get pregnant. Just about anyone can give birth. But to actually CHOOSE to have a child. There's either something very wrong with those poeple....or every right.

[sonjam]

No offense to anyone, but the effort needed to adopt is much higher than that required to get pregnant. You cannot accidently adopt.

 

Dako made a very interesting observation. Obviously when a study is done, a sample of a population is taken, and the results are based on that. Now to get pregnant, willingly or accidentally happens. So obviously the sample would include parents from both those. Where as to adopt, is a process, nothing accidental about it. Now it is my believe that if you plan for your child, and want it badly, you will invest in its future as much as any parent would, with the added bond of carrying the child in your womb, and having the fulfilling experience of seing your own eyes, nose and personality traits in your child. Often people who just "have" kids, or get them by accidentally fall pregnant don't invest in the child, they are just there, and have to adjust to the parent's lifestyle, who inevitably resist to changing their lifestyle, since they didn't want or plan for the child to start off with.

 

In a statistical analysis this will obviously reflect very badly on the natural parents group, as you won't have that element in the adoptive parents group, but I detest the fact that is is "generalised".

 

I totally disagree with the statement the study is making. The sample should only come from people who planned parenthood, and wanted it badly enough.