What was you contribution to the end of your relationship?

[Me and myself]

After my ex broke up with me, and because I care so much for her, I've done a serious analysis of what went wrong in my relatioship. We all know that both parties have their share of "guilts" but I focused only on my side. I want to have a greater knowledge about how I am so that I can change.

So, I would like to know what do you think you have done (or not) to contribute for the end of your relationship. Let me know I'm not the only one to do certain things....

So, from my side, I have:

 

1 - Let my fears and insecurities control me, I was affraid of show her how much I care (I was affraid she pulled me away).

 

2 - I didn't act, reacted instead. At a certain point, in the relationship, I was not talking about things. I prefer to be mad at her and blame her for what she was showing (instead of trying to understand her). This happens only once but I think it was enough for her.

 

3 - I didn't confront her about certain attitudes she had done. I did ask her but got satisfied with her answers, even if sometimes I though were only excuses (later, I broke up with her because of this, before we get together again).

 

4 - I wasn´t able to stand for a position. According her, I broke up with her twice while I think it was only one. She told me later, when I asked her to get back, that I broke up twice and she doesn't want that to happen again.... so she said NO about getting back.

 

I feel bad 'cause it seems there's not so many people acting like this, especially nº 1 and 2.

 

And what about you?

[Parsley]

I also am guilty of number 1 to an extent. My ex began pulling away from me, but I went into complete denial, and blamed myself for everything and because I was so terrified that he would end it, I became clingy and insecure about everything he did. Now that I know everything that was going on then...I had reason to feel insecure. But the way my ex dealt with it was to let me feel that way, so those fears grew and grew and I'd cling closer than ever.

 

Also my fault, right from the beginning, was that I always forgave him. I was a complete pushover...he would stand me up, or cancel on me a *lot* and though I would be so upset with him, I never let him see that. I always forgave him pretty much instantly and made a joke out of what he had done. Maybe if I had actually taken a stand when he left me waiting a a bus stop for 3 hours before cancelling on me instead of forgiving him by that evening...he'd have known that I would take things seriously and maybe we could have talked about it.

 

I know that the amount of pain I've suffered as a result of this break up is directly proportional to how much I denied the fact that there was anything wrong. Yes he hurt me a lot in his own right...but I doubt I would have hurt this much if I hadn't ignored it for so long. We were only together 4.5 months, and I still cry regularly 1.5 months later.

[wishiknew]

1. I was hurt badly in my last serious relationship, so I was hesitant to invest anything emotionally into this one. I didn't actually realize what she meant to me until I lost her.

 

2. Kind of ties back to #1 but I wasn't very good at communicating with her. Ironically, things have been much better since we've broken up.

 

3. I was very selfish in the relationship, it was mostly what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, etc.

[Orlander]

I didn't believe in or have faith in myself and was thus unable to unconditionally love. Everything else was a direct result from that.

 

Orlander

[isidore]

Let my expectations turn into silly hopes because I didn't want to accept the fact that everything ends.

 

Also, it's not that I didn't communicate enough, but at a few critical times I failed to.

[drum4god]

1. I didn't guard my heart enough. I opened up myself way too early, and exposed some of my insecurities and weaknesses.

 

2. I was too available. I never said no.

 

3. When she would withdraw, instead of just accepting it, I would get insecure, and that we all know is a big repellent.

 

4. I gave too much too soon. I know this doesn't sound bad, but you need to give something for your mates to work for. She had nothing to work for, because I gave it my everything.

[TrustNoMore]

When she would withdraw, instead of just accepting it, I would get insecure, and that we all know is a big repellent.

 

What if that person seems to withdraw every day or other day?

[Portage]

Falling out of love.

[drum4god]

When she would withdraw, instead of just accepting it, I would get insecure, and that we all know is a big repellent.

 

What if that person seems to withdraw every day or other day?

 

Good question. If you don't anything it just gives them a licence to do it all the time, and if you say something it comes of needy.

 

I guess you have to say it in a assertive tone. Instead of asking "what is wrong". Say "what is your problem". I don't know.

[This is Horrible]

different view points on time we spent together. i always said that it was not enough time, she always said that she tried her hardest.

 

then instead of communicating about things we didnt see eye to eye on, we just had these fights about small stuff and turned them into huge, huge fights...they werent good for either of us.

 

today is day 43 since the break up and although it sucks, i am beginning to believe it was the best thing.

 

i think the thing that hurts the most is knowing that we both put a 10000000% effort in to make it work and it still didnt. i am actually able to imagine life going on without her now, something i was unable to do last week.

 

sometimes love isnt enough. it takes so many things to make a relationship work, and love is just one of them. i learned this the hard way, but i am now using this as rallying point to improve myself and not let past mistakes come back and haunt me in the future.

[boontahr]

1. shared perhaps too much of my insecurites thinking that being honest would be a good thing. ended up turning her off to me

 

2. also was too available and quick to meet her needs (or at least try to). don't want to say i 'emotionally spoiled' her, but she did seem to have high expectations by the end of the relationship

 

3. became less respectful of her when i thought that she was being controlling and selfish. also failed to communicate these concerns with her as i obviously became more emotionally guarded and resentful

 

there's probably others, just those i can think of right now

[Me and myself]

As I can see, insecurities and communication are the weak points.

Being more specific about my relationship...I was able to talk about my self as I never did (and told her that). She tried to do the same, or at least I think she did, but I never understood what she was trying to do or say. I've interpreted it as if she was withdrawned or loosing interest but, in fact, and now I'm almost shure, she was only sad and lonely because I couldn't understand what was happening. I became insecure and start thinking she was playing games with me which made feel angry once (it didn't happened again because, after one week, she broke up). Seeing things from this perspective it was nice for her to break up at that point before it escalates even more..what hurts more is the fact that she didn't even tried to explain me what was happening. When I understood, I asked her back and told her that finnaly I had understood and that I wanted to change (with her help, of course) but she said "You will never change!".

[boston23]

ha...so I was just reading a stupid Cosmopolitan article (at the gym and was the only magazine that i hadn't read there), and apparently I did every "sin" that they named to make a long term relationship fizzle out. I only skimmed it b/c i didn't want to make myself feel any worse, but apparently I just became too comfortable in the relationship and didn't realize that I still needed to put work into it (into every aspect of it).

 

Whatever, my ex should have voiced his issues. He moped about for 2 months before he broke up with me.

[Stambler]

1) Became consumed with my career, thinking it was what was best for my family

2) Became miserable and depressed about the pressure from my career and felt sorry for myself

3) Didn't think I had time to listen to her problems and concerns

 

I now know what is really important in life. This I will share with my next mate