Why does he keep saying this?

[pseudofemme]

I've been seeing this guy for 2 months. I'm crazy about him and he says he's crazy about me. We get along great. However, lately one thing has been bothering me.

 

Whenever I make any comment about the future, such as "I'll miss you when you go on vacation in May," he tells me this: "Don't think so far ahead, we might not still be together then. Just enjoy what we have right now."

 

I suppose he's right, but I can't help but wonder if he's hinting about a breakup soon. He seems to say this a lot--that we might not still be together at such-and-such point in the future. Or he'll preface future plans with "If we haven't broken up yet, we should do ______."

 

Part of the reason this worries me is that, earlier in our relationship, HE was thinking really far ahead. After one month of dating, he invited me to come with his family on a trip this summer. Then he started feeling like we were rushing things and wanted to slow down, which was fine by me. But now he seems to have done a 180 and is avoiding thinking about the future at all.

 

I should also mention that this is his first relationship lasting more than 4 weeks. So he doesn't have any experience with staying for someone for very long. I wonder if that has anything to do with it.

 

Basically, I'm wondering if all this is a red flag, or if I'm just overanalyzing things. Thanks.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello Psuedofemme,

 

It is puzzling that he should mention this on what seems to me rather casual conversation... not "making plans" for the future type conversation so much.

 

You might just ask him what he means by the comment...

 

Maybe he is a little disappointed still by his short lived previous romance (s).

 

Also... what did you say while he was looking ahead earlier?

 

Maybe he wanted some reasurrance...

 

Of course, you may have not known about his previous disappointments so this is not a critisism on your part at all...

 

I'd just ask him point blank, (but with understanding of course) the next time he mentions it.

 

Sounds like a little communication might be in order.

 

Good luck, and best wishes.

 

P.S. Time may solve this for you both anyway, right?

 

Jeff

[DizzyDoris]

I had a boyfriend a couple of years back, who used to say things like this. We dated for about 2 months. One day he was meant to be coming round mine and didnt show up. I called him...no answer....so i text him...no answer. I never saw or heard from him ever again! And no he's not dead haha cos my mate still sees him round town!

 

I'm not saying that this is going to happen to you, but i would trust your instincts, they never fail.

[g1234567890h]

I've been seeing my girlfriend for about two months and we say that kind of thing all the time. We really don't know.

 

I think you're overanalyzing things. My girlfriend and I don't ever plan things more than two months in advance because we don't know if we'll be together or not. We think we will, and we hope we will, but we really don't know. That's just how the way things work. He knows the impermanence of things, like I do. It doesn't mean he's planning on breaking up with you, he's just keeping both of your options open.

[Juha]

Be careful... Had a gf who was crazy for me and she would say that she will miss me when I am gone and some others... WHen I asked her why she would say these things she did not have an answer...

 

One day she just broke up with me after 1.5 years, never gave me a reason or talked to me about breaking up to this day...

 

Maybe he is not invested in this as much as you are...