Ugh, how do you all do it?

[InsertNameHere]

How do you maintain NC? Its so hard. I try to stay busy, but I cant be busy all the time. Everytime Im alone I feel weak, everytime I see my other friends with their girlfriends I feel weak. Its so hard...

[TheRedQueen]

We've all been there buddy. Buck up, stay strong, and just remember,

 

This too shall pass.

[ahhh2jz]

TheRedQueen is right, it really will pass. Only little by little though, mind you. It is kind of hard to stay busy all the time; so look at it this way. Try to do something that will make you exhausted. I mean physically and mentally drained. I did this through the gym mainly. If I found myself still having energy, I knew I wasn't pushing it hard enough. You shouldn't have much energy to do a lot of thinking.

[cristal]

It is one of the most gut-wrenching experience that you will ever have in your lifetime. Most days, it will literally bring you to your knees. You will just have to feel the pain and "go through" it. Life on a daily basis becomes an emotional rollercoaster which you just cannot control.

 

Time is your only friend when maintaining No Contact. Lots and lots of time. From my experience, breaking NC - regardless of who breaks it, brings you right back to day one. So regardless of how you feel, you have to keep ploughing on until the strong feelings to contact dissipates.

 

And it will.

 

Stay strong!

[NR498E]

Let's say you break NC and give her a call.How will you feel when the conversation is over?

You have nothing to gain by contacting her.

Self control is a virtue.

[Parsley]

For the first 33 days, it felt like a breeze... compared to now. My ex contacted me and it felt like bullets peppering my whole being. And since then...it's taken more self control than I knew I had to stick to NC. I've even broken it a couple of times. But since then...the thing that's been keeping me sane (to some degree) is just convincing myself that he will not asnwer the phone, he will not reply to any texts, and will not open any emails. The more I visualise him seeing that it's me contacting him, and making the decision not to engage in contact, the more embarrassed I feel by the idea, and my pride stops me. Could you employ a similar technique when you're feeling stretched?

[InsertNameHere]

Ya, I have broken NC before. ANd it does suck and it puts you right back where you began. Its just so painful..

[Lady Bugg]

I think Parsley said it right....Envisioning yourself doing something that could possibly embarrass you might work. I hate to admit...but I am HAPPY that I have somewhat of an ego....well enough to keep me from making a complete fool of myself. I only learned by MAKING a fool of myself in the past. Believe me.

 

I truly think it comes down to discipline and self control really. I wrote a thread about this recently. I like to compare it to as if you are exercising yourself mentally....and emotionally. Anything you do repititiously everyday...

only gets easier...and becomes more "natural".

 

Just remember....one day at a time.

[need2bme]

Yes, the only way to do it IS, "one day at a time". In fact, that is the only way to do anything. Maybe if you can go this one day, just this one day an tell yourself that you will call her tomorrow if you feel so strongly. Then tomorrow, tell yourself that maybe you can call her the next day.

 

Or.....you can just remember how it feels when she doesn't give a crap but still wants you around to bost her...(oh, sorry, that was a little about me). Look, just remember how bad you feel when you talk to her and she still won't come back.

[ColdWinterForest]

It is a daily struggle, man. Even today it was hard for me.

 

Actually, I think I have gotten past the urge to contact her, but I still feel horrible about the entire situation. You know what I mean? I still think about my ex everyday... and I still feel a lot of anger, sadness, whatever.

 

So, it is a daily struggle. It is HARD, and I would also like to know if things will EVER get any better.

[InsertNameHere]

I guess its just hard since we left on such "iffy" terms. That makes it harder. But I am tired of breaking NC. It only makes me look like the fool.

[itsallgrand]

Well, don't sit around listening to country music.

I pretty much only know what NOT to do. Through trial and error.

 

Ultimately, standing face to face with yourself is what needs to happen. In my humble opinion.

Friends, hobbies, work, family is all lovely and good.

 

But use it as a distraction all the time, fall down hard. People often advise to distract yourself and just not think about it.

 

Me? This time I stood it out cold and hard. Like a death. This happened, it hurts, it sucks, but I am strong and complete on my own.

 

It's been easier, somehow. To let it go.

 

You will get through and you will be a stronger man for it. For real.

[loverUTD]

I listen to sad country music every day. I constructed a playlist the day after she requested time and space apart that's designed to cut right through me. All the songs that are so applicable to our situation. To how I feel. And I've added to that over the past 3 weeks. I've done a decent job at maintaining limited contact. I plan on this taking at least another month, though I'm prepared to wait as long as it takes.

 

My lead song, and my favorite:

I breathe in I breathe out

Put one foot in front of the other

Take one day at a time

'Til you find

I'm that someone you can't live without

Until then

I breathe in and breathe out

[need2bme]

I was thinking today that the exes were also our friends AND if you did like I did and made the mistake of making them your life, then you really want to call them when you hear some good news, see something funny, are sad, etc.

 

...and you know that she is sharing all of this with someone else. It will just take time...

[Wandering_Sword]

I'm on my 70th day of NC and trust me it wasn't easy. But always remember, baby steps first. I spent that time at the gym, martial arts training, running and reading. And thankfully my friends were there to hang out and do stuff.

Initially, I stayed home a lot and did not want to go out, after the first month I forced myself to venture out and slowly I found myself enjoying it once again.

I'm not 100% good but I'm definitely in a better frame of mind to take on the world

But it will take time, so don't feel pressured to rush through this. Anything worthwhile doing (healing yourself) takes time. Good luck and keep strong.

[Masu16]

I quit playing video games when i met my ex. I said Id never play them again. Since shes not around anymore I started playing again, got my mind off her.