renaissancewoman101 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 sorry if I offended you Harley. Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 No offense taken. Sorry my reply came off that way....Just pointing out he's not gay....sorta wish that was it, then I'd understand all of this Link to comment
b2761 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 just sounds like your generic commitmentphobe, enjoying the buzz with you but not wanting it to go further. and since you DO seem to want it to go further, I think you've got to agree to disagree and disengage til you either meet someone else or down the road no longer have any romantic yearnings. It's the old joke "Doctor- it hurts when I do this..." "Well- stop doing that!" And trust me, I know it ain't easy when you realize those kinds of things. Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 Well, I spent yesterday with him. First time I'd been to his house in a while. I noticed he'd taken down some pictures that hung in his hallway. Then realized they were one's of his ex wife. ....he was married for 17 yrs and she up and left one day without warning, only been divorced 6 months when we met....got me to wondering if he's just not over her yet. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Well, I spent yesterday with him. First time I'd been to his house in a while. I noticed he'd taken down some pictures that hung in his hallway. Then realized they were one's of his ex wife. ....he was married for 17 yrs and she up and left one day without warning, only been divorced 6 months when we met....got me to wondering if he's just not over her yet. hm. "up and left without warning." something tells me that she was probably pretty upset and tried to talk to him about it for several years but he didn't really "hear her." It wouldn't surprise me if he is still processing what happened in his head. Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 hm. "up and left without warning." something tells me that she was probably pretty upset and tried to talk to him about it for several years but he didn't really "hear her." It wouldn't surprise me if he is still processing what happened in his head. seems to 'hear' me when we get into 'serious stuff' but you're probably right......his version, she woke up on her 40th birthday and told him she no longer wanted to be married, packed her things and moved to another state..... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 He seems to 'hear' me when we get into 'serious stuff' but you're probably right......his version, she woke up on her 40th birthday and told him she no longer wanted to be married, packed her things and moved to another state..... yeah...... right....... do you really believe his version? like the saying goes, there are 3 sides to every story. his side, her side, and the truth. Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 I do believe him. Until he gives me a reason not to, I'll always believe what he says! ... IMO, That saying is ridiculous, btw. There's only ONE side, and that is how someone perceives it for themselves....why so skeptical? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I am not implying that he is lying to you. I am just saying, who wakes up one day and decides to walk out of a decades-long marriage? like, is happy one day, and isn't the next and wants a divorce. whe was probably pondering a divorce for a very long time, whether he knew it or not. EDIT: I wonder if maybe this is why he is committment shy? I mean, maybe in his head, his marriage was fine. Maybe they had some problems, but he didn't think they were major. And maybe when his wife did walk out one day, it really did hit him as a shock. Maybe he has spent the last few years trying to reconcile things in his head - ie, how could he have thought they were happy when she was so unhappy she was making her escape plans? Have you talked to him more in depth about his divorce? I think you should, you two have been close friends for so long. Has he ever had counseling after his divorce? I can see why he would shy away from getting himself into another long term relationship/committment. Maybe he is wondering if his wife felt so miserable, would he be able to make the next woman happy? Link to comment
caro33 Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I see what you are saying, and I know you said he might not have known about it but I wanted to share my experience. My guy up and left after 10 years, and all he said was that I was a perfect girlfriend but he didn't feel like being in a relationship anymore. Now granted, it was probably not just an out of the blue thing, but he said he'd thought he'd wanted to leave for the previous two weeks only. He couldn't tell me why and he never did. Even the night it ended he had wanted to go out for dinner, see a movie and have sex etc. The conversation was raised by accident: I pushed him on it when his behaviour was odd about a simple question. Now he may have been unhappy with me all along but he never gave me any idea about it. We were meant to be planning our wedding. This stuff does happen, and it makes those of us it happens to extremely gun shy. Harley, he sounds like he loves you very much. It could turn into a when Harry Met Sally thing, or that could be romantic fantasy. Someone who appreciates you like that sounds worth holding onto in whatever form they'll offer their love. I suggest you maybe ask him again about giving it a shot, and then if he says 'no' move on romantically, but keep him as the best friend that he sounds like he is. Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted February 5, 2007 Author Share Posted February 5, 2007 Annie, I get what you're saying.......However, how does one partner know something is wrong if the other one never says anything? ... A lot of people wake up one day and decide it's time to change, it's not that uncommon Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 Annie, I get what you're saying.......However, how does one partner know something is wrong if the other one never says anything? ... A lot of people wake up one day and decide it's time to change, it's not that uncommon I guess the point I am trying to make is that it's not so important the reasons why she left. What's important here (in the context of your feelings for him), is how he has dealt with her leaving. Is he over the relationship? Is he still hung up on her? I mean, your question is "What is HE doing?" ie, why does he act like he likes you, but doesn't want the relationship to move to the next level and wants to keep it as friends. Has he accepted the end of his marriage? is he over her? And even if he is over her, is he afraid this will happen to him again? where his next partner "wakes up" and decides to leave? I think you should talk to him about how he feels, and maybe you'll have a better idea why he has been hesitant to move the relationship forward. Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 Makes good sense............thanks..........I plan to have a heart to heart with him next week..... Link to comment
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