Robert Smith Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Don't stop Praying! Link to comment
caninelover Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 You sound like such a wonderful man and my heart goes out to you. She may come back to you after she has some time or she may not. Try the NC and she may wonder. Get out and do things, see people, create friendships, etc. She may come around and realize that the two of you have a shot, if you could do therapy together. In the mean time? Get your own counseling to help you through this. I'm sort of in the same boat. Take Care. Link to comment
sti_2004 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Bad situation bro. If i were you i'd start strengthening yourself for the worst.. Who knows whats gonna happen in this "60 days" seperation.. I think if it gets to a certain point.. theres not much hope otherwise it will just happen again later... i've been through this situation a few yrs ago. I had to bite the bullet because deep down inside i knew there was no hope... take care of yourself mentally + physically.. best of luck. p.s besides the right chick doesnt pull that stupid ish. Link to comment
brando Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 It seems like a reocurring theme for married couples. As if any of us fully understood LOVE. Let her go. Live your life. Date if you can. DOnt waste any more time with this woman. 30 days 60 days, the longer you two are apart the sooner you two will be divorced. I suspect she is emotionally divorcing herself further from you, for this is the divorce that is crucial, not the legal.So you two are separated and you owe her nothing at this point. I speak from experience. Leave her completely to herself. Their is nothing you can say to her to change how she is feeling. SO no use trying. It shows more you care about her by doing nothing. Giving her time. But you too must live your life. DO not forget that. You can seek the company of other women, sex is not necessary nor the goal. But it may make you feel better to be out and living your life. I know easier said then done. Your happiness DOES NOT depend on this woman. This is an inaccurate belief. I read once that if a partner comes to you and tells you they want out let them go. By trying to persuade them to stay is only selfish. be well. Link to comment
isisastaria Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 I have to be honest with you. My mother is a therapist with over 20 years experience. There is either something you aren't telling us about, or she is CHEATING. You are doing something very wrong and she is giving you a clear consequence, or she is cheating...plain and simple. 60 days? Is that exact? How convenient for her!!! That is obviously planned. And, we all think we won't be cheated on...but it happens! Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Hello, I read your post, My opinion and from reading the responses from the other "great" member is that she was young and now is wanting to experience life alone. She got the bug from her single friends and maybe some attention from other males that she might not have received at home from you. Either way any attention is good from the opposite sex, it strokes our ego's and makes us feel "GREAT"... The reason why I'm telling you this is because sometimes we get caught up in the excitement,attention,the living life on the edge type of feeling,hanging out with friends and all the things that are fun for a bit but the brutal honest truth to that is.... "Sooner or later we all come back down to reality" and the excitement,the attention etc. gets old and we start scratching our heads wondering what the heck did we do????? We threw away someone that loved me unconditionally, a family, a marriage, a best friend...for what???? for a little fun!!!!!! So you see my friend, the fun never lasts forever. Sooner or later it gets old and then reality hits and you sitting there holding nothing. Let her fall on her own it will be up to you if you love her enough to pick her back up.... Goodluck and my thoughts and prayers are with you!!! Tha Gipp Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 also, one other thing... re: sex, if a woman is feeling emotionally distant, she will not want to be physically intimate... and men a lot of times see physical intimacy as a way of establishing emotional intimacy, but women want the emotional closeness first... so it is not just romancing that is important, but understanding that if you are too eager to just hop into bed when you haven't seen her, she may feel that what you want is sex and not her... so if you could tell her the thing you have always wanted is HER, and the sex makes you feel closer, and it is NOT the sex that is all you want... as they say, the brain is the largest sex organ, so tell her how important she is to you, and how important your marriage is, and that you desire her because you love her! Very true. Link to comment
kevin_the_one Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 “I don’t love you anymore” Usually when someone calls me, they’re separated. But when let’s say the husband callsme, the most common complaint that he hears from his wife is “I don’t love you anymore.” The implication is that of course they have to separate. I try to help him see that most people, and in this case the wife does, have low self-esteem and that he is head-overheels in love with her and she knows that. So thereforeeee, she subconsciously looks down on him as being an idiot for being in love with her. He has the diagnosis that she doesn’t have any reasons for not being in love with him anymore, and sometimes she does. She’ll say, “Oh, you neglected me. You were not there for me when I needed you.” That’s a real common one. So I help him see that those are excuses and not the real reason. Because if they were the real reason, then when he said, “I’m willing to work on that. Let me help you understand why I wasn’t there one hundred percent for you.” Then she would respond positively and say, “Well, you’re going in the right direction. What can I help you do to keep moving in this direction of being there for me, of being more understanding?” She never responds positively to that, showing that’s not the real thing. She will say, “It’s too little, too late.” Well, why is it too little, too late? That’s not really what’s going on. What’s really going on is since he’s head-over-heels in love with her, she has lost respect for him. She has an ego problem, and she can’t conquer her ego problem by saying to herself, “I’m so proud of myself that I conquered this idiot.” Most of the time, the man sees it and begins to move in a more independent direction. by Homer McDonald with Dean Jackson Link to comment
Lsdaddy Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I've got to be honest with this one, it seems pretty similiar to my situation. I heard the "i love you but not in love with you" line a bunch of times and finally it progressed to "I'd rather not be married to you then be married to you", "Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you" and the classic "I just want to see what else is out there and have fun". Ultimately, she filed for divorce and has already gone on a date with another guy. She had not and I don't think still has (as she is very sexually restricted/shy that I could never break her of) cheated sexually but divorcing me was a means to an end. Ultimately, I have no idea what is going to happen but she is a very intelligent woman. All I can say is you are doing the right thing by giving her the space she requested. If she is not willing to fight the good fight then the relationship isn't worth continuing. I've tried everything to get my wife to realize that we are meant to be together and we have a great life but she needs to go figure that out on her own. I hope that all works out for you, I really do as I can empathize... Link to comment
sanj101ca Posted April 24, 2007 Author Share Posted April 24, 2007 Has anyone here after say a 3 month seperation ended up moving back in? But the spouse that left is sleeping in the guest room....no sex or kissing... Only intimacy is a hug and kiss on the cheek.... How did you bridge that gap from being roomates to back to a realtionship as a married couple? She doesn't feel ready for a counsellor yet....she's been back home for 3 weeks now.....sometimes we laugh like old times.....but sometimes she holds up a wall.....I feel like I'm always the one initiating conversation or a hug....or make it the effort to call her from work to see how she is doing.....funny thing she used to that all the time in the realtionship prior.....and now it's reveresed....guess I'm getting a taste of my own medicine... Anyways I guess I can count my blessings....she's in the house....we talk a bit each day.....I get to see her pretty smile...I guess for now I can keep the path....but some mornings I wonder how much more I can hold on longer.... Link to comment
benga Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Hey that's awesome!! How did it happen? It would be good of you to let us in on what changed. I would recommend that you take each day at a time. No pressures and slowly and over time speak about what happened and why. Encourage your wife to meet a marriage therapist with you. You will have to have somebody mediate your feelings. A lot has happened over the last 3 months and it would be good for you to bring it out. If somebody who is trained in this is able to help, it would be wonderful. So what turned it around? Wish you the very best!! Benga Link to comment
sanj101ca Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 I'm not sure what turned it around to be honest. During the 3 months we chatted a little here and there....and then one day she called and says she's coming back....but have no expecatations.... First 2 weeks was tough....as she would not really spend much time with me...pretty much come home and go out with her friends and stuff....but things are getting better...slowly...we're now talking about each others day and I'm really and truly listening to her....vs in the past where I didn't really give her my 100% focus..... I make sure to give her a tender hug every morning and night....small things are what i'm doing now....you're right about not pushing...I'm letting her drive and I'm sitting in the passengers seat....but during the drive I'm offering suggestions...let's go for dinner....bike ride...walk.....things that she used to allways wanted to do....but good old me got into a rut.....it happens....I've reconized it.....I'm working on it by showing her....and not telling her as I did in the past each time I did something for her and expect something back in return. I've also had some really good chats with her Dad.....one thing he stresses....just keep on showing her love and do nice things each day...and it will eventually be recipocated back.....you know what I think his 40 years experience of marriage seems to be working for me We have a long road ahead......but I'm willing to put in the efforts. Keep the faith guys! Link to comment
confusedashell Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Hi there! I had a similar experience about two years ago (and came on here for advice). One day my wife just came back and said she wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted me to leave. I was gobsmacked because I hadn't expected it when she subscribed us to cable TV for as a present. All the women on here of course and the women at work said there must have been signs. There was of course. but being a man, I just missed them all. After about three or four months we slowly started getting back together. The opposite happened to us, she just got fed up of me treating her like crap and walked out. she also went out a lot and partied a few times a week which really annoyed me. How could she go out and and party like theres no tomorrow when I was sitting at home in misery. eventually I followed everyones advice on here: stopped grovelling, stopped calling, stopped asking her to come back to me and started trying to get over her. I started some hobbies and started to keep myself busy and then she slowly came back to me. We talked for weeks and weeks and eventually she came out with what was wrong and we sorted it. now things are fine. we're back together and alls ok. Hope that helps! Link to comment
niceguyfinlast Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Hire a private detective since you do have a decent income and no kids. They are used to this type of situation and Im sure they can handle it with the discretion it needs. My wife left me and said she needed some time to miss me... we spoke to each other every day and night and she came back a week later from her moms. It happened again about 4 years later, she went away for a week but by this point we have two kids so it was like a vacation! We spoke every day and worked things out, its kind of funny but sometimes its easier to communicate to women over the phone rather in person. We worked it out to a certain point and she came home again. A week maybe, a month hell no! Dude move on... Im sorry. The best thing for you is to have sex with some random chicks. Maybe once she see's how happy you are without her she will actually miss you. The sex is a must! I have found and I bull * * * * you not that sex helps heal the heart. Plus hey there might actually be something there between you and that new partner. At least you can talk to someone about her, and Im sure you can lend an ear to her woes.. Im 33 I have 4 kids with 3 moms and I am happily married with my Hot little mama who is 29 but looks like she's 19 LOL! LIFE IS TOO DAMN SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY! Link to comment
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