answersguy Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Music guy, I was in a similar mind set at one point, here's my story, give it a read and see if you can relate. Link to comment
glegend Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Buddy theres no cure for it. All I can say is that the right girl will come with time. I went through a similar thing in grande 7 before I met my girlfriend (which I'm still waiting for). At the beginning of grade 7 I was you know being a nice guy and everything like you and that got me no where. Then I tried acting like a playa which was fun but not me and I didnt really find anything I was looking for in a girl. Then I just gave up then while I was DJing my school dance I met my girl and we are still together today. Link to comment
Anglyz719 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Sweetie stay the way you are...there are not to many men left in the world like you! I wish I could find one!! Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 well, I'm not going to change for anyone, if a woman can't accept me for who I am, then that's their own problem. I do stand my ground if I'm getting disrespected Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 It's not about changing for anyone, it's about changing for yourself if you don't find that your personality/approach/social skills get you to where you want to be and who you want to be with. Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 welllll, I'm not gonna change any of that either and yes I'm gonna be a jerk about this because it's not anything that I do, it's them..NOT me Link to comment
Dako Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Don't change. Keep doing the same things and hoping for different results. It's not you, it's them. Seriously, Batya has a good take on this. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 welllll, I'm not gonna change any of that either and yes I'm gonna be a jerk about this because it's not anything that I do, it's them..NOT me Good luck with that . . . . the good thing is that it will let you stay in your comfort zone - it takes guts to self-evaluate and change if needed but it's much more comfortable not to. I'll spare you all the examples I have of success at self-evaluation and change because you're not interested in or not ready to hear them. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I remember an ad for Gibson Guitars about 10 years ago..... "Never change, never improve, die naked, cold, and alone." Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 I like how I am, I like being nice to people. Sure, I can change where I meet people. I went to a concert that the band I manage played at and there was this girl I went to school with who happened to have been there, so chatted and back then she was kinda geeky and a friend of the girl I had a long-time crush on, but now she's really attractive. I asked her if we could hang out (sent her a message on Myspace) and didn't get a reply back Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 who said you should stop being nice to people? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I like how I am, I like being nice to people. Sure, I can change where I meet people. I went to a concert that the band I manage played at and there was this girl I went to school with who happened to have been there, so chatted and back then she was kinda geeky and a friend of the girl I had a long-time crush on, but now she's really attractive. I asked her if we could hang out (sent her a message on Myspace) and didn't get a reply back I don't think it's appropriate to ask someone out via a myspace message. In any event, where is it written that you're going to get a positive response from everyone you ask out? Of the several men I have asked out, the response has either been "no" or it was a one date wonder. No complaints here, because I did not expect to have every man I am interested in be interested in me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 well, I don't think it's a big deal to ask a girl out by myspace. maybe phone is preferable, but I definitely go out with guys who ask me out online. an advantage to myspace is that you know if they have read your message. whereas if you send an e-mail or get her voicemail and you get no response, then you are unsure if she got the message. but myspace, you know if she read it. and if she didn't respond, sounds like the response is "no." Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 I don't get a lot of positive responses back anyway. Cuz I get the whole "you are just too good enough for me", or "I just don't like you like that" or "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" every single girl has said this to me, it gets frustrating Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 That's not true - didn't your most recent ex say yes to going out with you for awhile? If you are looking for a marriage minded woman I would suggest starting off with a good impression - get her phone number, call her and ask her out on a proper date you plan in advance. If you get voice mail, you can leave one, or you can try again at another time. Obviously some people will be fine with being asked out via myspace or asked to "hang out" but why risk it particularly if you want someone who is interested in the traditional concept of marriage and not just casual dating. Again it is up to you - you can have a pity party - a negative mind set where you claim that it's them, not you, and that you are the victim of constant rejection, etc. That can really sabotage you - that mindset - it will show in your actions and interactions with people and can be a turn off. Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 That's not true - didn't your most recent ex say yes to going out with you for awhile? She wasn't even an ex. She never really wanted to go out with me..she just used me and now she won't give me my stuff back Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 That's a good thing because from that experience you can learn not to get involved with a train wreck type person which was clear to you from early on. It's too bad it harmed you via loss of property, etc but it might remind you to avoid that situation the next time. I will give you this to think about - or not, it's up to you. A few years ago I went out with someone 4 times. The main reason there was not a fifth date was because he was a negative person - he focused a lot on his mistakes (mostly career/educational) and just had a negative vibe about him. Otherwise - he was pleasant enough to me, reasonably reliable, reasonably attractive. The other day I was curious about whatever happened to him. I googled him. 1 year and 5 months after we dated he died, at age 39, from cancer. I do not believe he was sick at the time that we dated. I do have to wonder though - and this is why I bring this up - whether his negativity (and he had been that way for years as far as I could tell) weakened his immune system, his general health, etc. Of course, he could have been negative as a result of feeling physically "off" and I'll never know. It makes one wonder, though, of the effect of choosing a negative mindset on your physical well being. . . Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 see, I've had clinical depression since I was 13 and it runs on my dad's side of the family, I've been to therapy and done the meds, but being negative and having low self esteem I've had for a long time and it's hard to change right away Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 I understand - my dad also suffers from depression - for more than 50 years now. It most definitely takes time, therapy and the right meds to change when you suffer from depression. What is great about your post is that at least it acknowledges your part in doing the work. Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 mmhmmm and I know that no one else is gonna do the work but me Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Yes and that's a good thing because you will get the benefits and know you did it for yourself and by yourself. The other part of the work is, when you do find a relationship, the other person has to do the work required of any person in a balanced relationship. Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 Yeah, it takes two to be in a relationship, not just me. It's just hard to find someone on the same committment level as I am Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Yes, it is difficult but you can increase your chances by doing the work and getting involved in activities and interests that attract more serious-minded single women. Link to comment
Night Pumpkin Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Dude, If the girls you know don't want to commit to you, that's OK. I used to think just like you. I wanted to marry by the time i was 22, buy an apartment, have a stable job, and live happily ever after. The problem is that life never works out that way. YOu need to be more flexible. The world is full of so many opportunities, and you just need to be more open to them. Maybe you can't find a girlfriend now. Thats ok, because maybe the girl who is right for you is just around the corner.... so just be content with what you do have..... maybe during this time you sound focus more on your communication with girls. Communication is the No. 1 issue in relationships, so practice that now with girls who you are friends with, so that when you do have a girlfriend, you have have that all straightened out....... Yeah, it takes two to be in a relationship, not just me. It's just hard to find someone on the same committment level as I am 1 Link to comment
musicguy Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 ^^^^ Great reply Link to comment
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