he slept with a prostitute before he met me...

[Clementine orange]

Don't like that example?

 

A man is lonely, it's been a while since he's had sex. He knows a woman (through friends etc) who is sexually available and doesn't require a relationship to enjoy sex. He buys her dinner, theatre tickets, drinks etc. They have sex.

 

She expects him to pay for her company, he is willing to pay

 

Is she a prostitute?

[Clementine orange]

Another example?

 

He's wealthy - sucessful business man/rock star whatever. She's attractive - ex model, playboy centrefold whatever. They get married (she likes his moeny, he like her body), he keeps working, she doesn't. She spends all his money and is his eye candy on his arm when they go out. They have sex.

They like each other, they like the arrangement. They are not in love.

 

Is she a prostitute?

[rocio]

I guess it depends on the mentality of both parties involved, but if she is just doing that because she can't afford her own tickets and drinks, and has no interest in sex other than getting tickets and drinks, then she is a very cheap prostitute.

 

I know a girl who started seeing this old man - spending time with him and fulfilling his sexual needs in exchange for purchases. She's now living in the beautiful loft condo that he bought for her, doesn't have to work, and has some really nice clothes. That's a prostitute. I don't know any woman who would sell her body in exchange for theatre tickets, but then I guess it takes all kinds...

[Clementine orange]

Because the woman wanted to have sex with him for reasons other than financial compensation. After receiving the drinks and the cab ride, she could have just as easily walked away.

 

Sure she could have walked away - but she wanted to have sex, she was lonely, horny, wanted "revenge on a ex", whatever. The prostitute could walk away too - but she needed the money.

 

 

We all need things.

[cantexplain]

NO! Please don't do throw away your moral values. The more we all keep our standards up the better this world will become. And certainly the higher quality people we will attract!

[AwdreeHpburn]

NO! Please don't do throw away your moral values. The more we all keep our standards up the better this world will become. And certainly the higher quality people we will attract!

 

huh??

 

Can someone who says something like this please tell me how sex is immoral?

[cordelia]

I would be pretty disgusted by that as well so I don't blame you...that was nice of him to be honest but he probably would have been better off by not telling you! Its totally different to have had sex with past girlfriends or girls he dated..but $350 for a prostitute ?

 

Anyways, it was 5 years and he was obviously younger and immature then. Maybe his buddies put him up to it if he was complaining that he was horny!

 

I would get a new mattress though, at least you wont go to bed every night thinking about it. But at least he was honest about it and he is faithful to you now so nothing to worry about there!

 

Good luck!

[sophie274]

Another example?

 

He's wealthy - sucessful business man/rock star whatever. She's attractive - ex model, playboy centrefold whatever. They get married (she likes his moeny, he like her body), he keeps working, she doesn't. She spends all his money and is his eye candy on his arm when they go out. They have sex.

They like each other, they like the arrangement. They are not in love.

 

Is she a prostitute?

 

I really don't think it matters much. I mean, this woman WAS a prostitute, end of story.

 

Everyone can pick to date someone with similar value systems/morality as him/herself. Personally, if these two people got divorced, I would not date the man.

[Bethany]

A man meets a girl in the bar, he buys her multiple expensive drinks, after the bar closes they both go to an all night diner, he buys her food. Later they take a taxi back to his house, he pays. They have sex. In the morning he buys her taxi back to her house. They never see each other again. Both parties are fine with this.

 

How is this different from prositution?

 

Because there is NO contract or verbal agreement between them that if he paid for the drinks, the cab etc etc that it was in exchange for sexual intercourse.

 

The woman assumes albeit naively or even completely innocently that his generousity is because he likes her and she is worth it but in no way has she entered into a contract with him.

[rocio]

Sure she could have walked away - but she wanted to have sex, she was lonely, horny, wanted "revenge on a ex", whatever. The prostitute could walk away too - but she needed the money.

 

 

We all need things.

 

What I'm saying is that AFTER the money has been exchanged, the date can easily walk away. The prostitute is going to get her butt kicked if she walks away after accepting money.

[cantexplain]

great distinction, but I have known one woman who told me specifically she "gives out" for free dinner, drinks, and other monetary benefits of dating - as if this is the expectation of the process. She did not think sex was a big deal. She liked getting out and being treated well in exchange for percursory sex.

 

Others of us think sex is a big deal.

 

relational styles differ, for sure.

[fnlyfrei]

These prostitution analogies are really irritating me. I guess all females are some form of a prostitute then...if I am, I suppose I want CASH...not stupid dinners or movies !!! And heck, I want a tip for really good service !

[cantexplain]

huh??

 

Can someone who says something like this please tell me how sex is immoral?

Sorry, I failed to include a quoted message in that comment. Somewhere previously in this thread someone said she was considering throwing away her "stupid moral values" instilled by her family.

 

But also, where did I say sex is immoral? I don't even think purely physical sex without love is immoral. I don't think that exchanging sex for money is immoral. Its shallow. Its a reflection of standards.

 

IF DISHONESTY IS INVOLVED, it is immoral. I'm so moralistic I would go so far as to say that it is evil if dishonesty is deployed to achieve any success which is not a life and death or physical safety issue.

 

I am saying to this person to hold on to her own moral standards and her world will continue to improve by the people who may later be attracted to these higher standards. Standards are the path to the future world we desire. Her standards are right for what she wants, yours for you.

 

I like to say it is important to set sail with people who are interested in catching the same winds.

[Clementine orange]

great distinction, but I have known one woman who told me specifically she "gives out" for free dinner, drinks, and other monetary benefits of dating - as if this is the expectation of the process. She did not think sex was a big deal. She liked getting out and being treated well in exchange for percursory sex.

 

Others of us think sex is a big deal.

 

relational styles differ, for sure.

 

I know someone like this too. I don't consider her a prostitute either. She's good company, fun to be with and great for if one hasn't "got it" in a while.

[cantexplain]

These prostitution analogies are really irritating me. I guess all females are some form of a prostitute then...if I am, I suppose I want CASH...not stupid dinners or movies !!! And heck, I want a tip for really good service !

You are right that it is wrong to compare any woman in any situation to a prostitute where the contract is so clear. I appreciated the point that a woman can walk away after dinner is a great distinction from the prostitute arrangement. I just wanted to add that I knew one woman who said she did accept some process of being sexual in order to have men treat her well through an evening. I'd like to see her have the strength to walk away if this is what she would rather do. If not, more power to her - so long as the guy knows it is not love.

[hosswhispra]

I know someone like this too. I don't consider her a prostitute either. She's good company, fun to be with and great for if one hasn't "got it" in a while.

 

Oh Clementine

 

I thought you were the romantic sort---after the lily story and the girl in the lobby

[Clementine orange]

Oh Clementine

 

I thought you were the romantic sort---after the lily story and the girl in the lobby

 

 

Sorry to disappoint. I'm afraid my romantic side has taken rather a beating this past year. The whole unrequited love thing can wear on one after a while (sniff, sniff).

[hosswhispra]

Sorry to disappoint. I'm afraid my romantic side has taken rather a beating this past year. The whole unrequited love thing can wear on one after a while (sniff, sniff).

 

Aww...don't 'give-up' so easily Clementine

 

I loved that story in the lobby--it made me hopeful....deep down I am a romantic magical thinker--it's nice to know that I am not alone...

[CanadianGirl]

Ok, first of all.....since when does SEX=LOVE anyways?

 

"LOVE ISN'T SOMETHING THAT CAN BE MADE"....colette

 

Sex is an act fueled by stimulation, and passion & that's it. To assume that love equates to sex is immature, and dilusional at best.

 

Women have this underlying issue where sex CREATES an emotional connection which they FEEL is love, although most men do not feel the same. Yes, it would be all grand and perfect if we all only had sex with those we LOVE, but come on now PASSION is more of a pre-cursor to SEX than LOVE is.

 

This is a fundimental problem in girls....probably why virginity is lost so early and almost always to someone we REGRET. be honest.

 

It all boils down to values/morals. Prostitution is, the oldest profession. It's nothing new, and guess what? It's actually a legal and legitimate profession in SOME COUNTRIES. Untalented, uneducated and usually addicts who have no other options use what they have to get what they WANT/NEED. It doesn't make them any less human than us....they are in a vicious cycle and are using men the way men use women in an equal exchange for service and money. So what?

 

The main argument here is that he had one encounter with a PROFESIONAL SEX EXCHANGER before he met her. So, at least he didn't go and have LOVELESS SEX with a girl who thinks SEX IS AN ACT OF LOVE when he didn't love her.

 

Think of it that way, he's not being decietful or hurtful or unfaithful or dishonest.........which I think one night stands are, essentially.

[Clementine orange]

The main argument here is that he had one encounter with a PROFESIONAL SEX EXCHANGER before he met her. So, at least he didn't go and have LOVELESS SEX with a girl who thinks SEX IS AN ACT OF LOVE when he didn't love her.

 

Think of it that way, he's not being decietful or hurtful or unfaithful or dishonest.........which I think one night stands are, essentially.

 

Interesting and thought provoking. Well said.

[cantexplain]

Excellent post.

 

As long as you are not being unfaithful or dishonest - what could be more honest than paying for sex?

 

I believe that the most men do not feel love in sex part of your post may be arguable. I think that men who are sexually active with multiple partners, as a matter of course, are creating this image that most all men are this way.

 

And it is these most men who are frequently sexually active with multiple women that are the ones women would prefer to have short-term relations with - these men won't fall in love and cause problems when the fling is over. And for the more serious women who haven't clued in on these types of guys yet - it is these more sexually promiscuous men who manytimes carry themselves "alpha" and may attract certain preferences among these unwitting women who choose to choose them. These are the guys who don't feel love. That's why they can move on so easily.

 

After 30 years of fraternizing with men my guess is about 80% really do fall in love like you say women do. We may just not be able to talk about it as well. Love is part of the female conversation, culturally. Sexual conquest is part of the male conversation, culturally.

 

In a recent book entitled The Post-Truth Era by Keyes, there are several social-psych studies around the issue of honesty about sexual encounters - the differences between men and women.

 

Please I am not making any judgements here about the reasons for this - according to this book men are more likely to be honest about their sexual encounters - yes and they may likely even exaggerate them. In fact, in a sample of people from age 18 - 25, the numbers of sexual partners for men was slightly higher than for women. But when adjusted for "honesty" it was shown in the same study that women actually had even more sexual partners, on average, than did men.

 

I'm thinking it is these sexually more promiscuous and more alpha males and the women who choose them which account for this difference in numbers: women having on average more sexual partners than men in reality.

[MacGyverRI]

To the OP, it was before you, not during, just let it drop.

 

 

prostitute;

* a woman who engages in sexual intercourse/favors for money

 

Now for the really serious question. "what girl would go out w/ a guy who never bought them anything?"

 

 

Heck, I lost $250k+ in my divorce (no kids either), it would have been cheaper and less aggravation to get a prostitute if I divided the lovemaking sessions by $350? hr.. lol

[rocio]

Heck, I lost $250k+ in my divorce (no kids either), it would have been cheaper and less aggravation to get a prostitute if I divided the lovemaking sessions by $350? hr.. lol

 

I'm sure your wife earned that through her love and support. I'm also quite sure that she did important domestic work around the house. To compare her to a prostitute is really sad. Do you have respect for yourself? Just curious..

[MacGyverRI]

These prostitution analogies are really irritating me. I guess all females are some form of a prostitute then...if I am, I suppose I want CASH...not stupid dinners or movies !!! And heck, I want a tip for really good service !

 

Hmm, a tip? are you really that good??

[MacGyverRI]

I'm sure your wife earned that through her love and support.

 

I'm also quite sure that she did important domestic work around the house.

 

To compare her to a prostitute is really sad. Do you have respect for yourself? Just curious..

 

My ex wife didn't support anyone or do much domestic work, she had serious psych. problems that she hid and didn't say anything before the marriage which is illegal. I should have booted her out but I tried to make it work, so much for being a nice guy.

 

 

She came into the marriage w/ nothing, I already owned everything and there was a prenup. She was entitled to nothing under the law but her mother was a powerful state official and had the judge throw the prenup out.

 

 

I didn't compare her to a prostitute, I said it would have been cheaper.

 

I have lots of respect for myself, none for her or the crooked state officials.

 

p.s.

I forgot to add, there were no children either...