I feel as if he has said me or the dogs

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

"Dosen't make sense."

 

Actually, looking from the outside in, it makes perfect sense. By you staying and putting up with this atrotious behavior, you have shown your boyfriend you will tolerate being disrespected in this manner. With that in mind, he has no insentive to you show you respect nor fight for the respect you deserve from his friends. You put up with his dogs, the filth, his crummy friends...yikes girl, you need a break!

 

I am glad you have decided to get your things and hopefully never look back. I am so sorry things have been this way for you. You deserve better and a good night's sleep for a change!

 

Hang in there.

[BellaDonna]

I agree. You deserve so much better. Not only do you deserve a good night sleep, but also some love and respect, and also the little dog that YOU want for a pet.

 

I think you will be much better off in the long run, but it will be hard since it was a long relationship. Come and talk to us whenever you need support.

 

Where will you be moving/staying after you get your stuff?

 

 

BellaDonna

[mlchildr]

BellaDonna

Thanks for the advice. Fortunely I have a house of my own also. I would stay with him usually during the week b/c it was so convienent to work and plus so we could see each other. My house is about 30 min from him so home sweet home I go.

[BellaDonna]

Fortunely I have a house of my own also

 

I'm so glad to hear it. (Sorry if you already mentioned that and I missed it somewhere)

 

Thank goodness you have that to fall back on and you did not invest your finances in a shared home where you were not respected.

 

BellaDonna

[Hope75]

Hey There,

 

Even though I am sure that you are sad about this- I too think that you are better off. Living in a house like that is unsanitary, and he isn't taking good care of the dogs, keeping them locked up all day. He sounds like he has his priorities all mixed up and I am happy that you are getting out of this now.

 

How are you feeling about it? Are you ok?

[annie24]

Here is another vote for "YOU ARE BETTER OFF!!!!" yeah, he doesn't sound like a good partner. I think kellbell was right, you tolerated his bad behavior for years, so he just got used to emotionally abusing you. forget him, fast. woohoo! no more dogs sleeping in your bed, and that is great. look forward to the future, you are better off without this man.

[mlchildr]

Update...so i got my stuff that Friday. Unfortunetly he was there when i got there. I was hoping he wouldn't be home yet. We talked and basically he said his dogs are like his children and no one was going to tell him that they couldn't sleep in the bed and no one was going to disrespect his dogs. I realized these dogs mean more to him than me. No wonder he treats me the way he does. I left he called and proceeded to hang the phone up on me I tried to call back a few times but he wouldn't answer. I realized I don't deserve the way he has been treating me and he has major issues to be worked out.

[BellaDonna]

Hi there. I am glad that you stood your ground. You don't deserve to be treated worse than an animal.

 

I think many people regard animals as their children (I love my cat like a baby)- but they should do so within reason. To treat a loved one badly and make them feel like they mean far less than a pet is just plain disrespectful.

 

Honestly, if that's indeed the way he would treat his "children"- then I worry..... It does not seem like he takes good care of the dogs- having them locked in cages all day long. He also does not provide them with the structure and interactions they need to be healthy, happy pets.

 

All that aside, he certainly isn't treating you in a way that makes you feel healthy and happy either. You made the right decision to leave him.

 

You had stated you had wanted a small dog. If things are ok financially, why not take a trip to the local shelter and get yourself a new little friend. It might be just what you need to cheer you up during this difficult time. You no longer have to worry about him or his dogs preventing you from having the pet you want. .

 

BellaDonna

[mlchildr]

Major update. I received an emial from his Mom very concerned about how he had been treating me and what had been going on. I guess she thought that him and I were going to get engaged since he had a ring designed for me. Him and i talked.....he was so rude.....told me that he treated me bad b/c i let him, that he disrespected me b/c i let him and walked all over me for the same reason. He told me that he didn't specifally design the ring for me...how come it was fitted to my ring finger perfectly and that he would give to any woman he wanted. That he was buying his time with me until he found someone else. That he wanted a woman who did not nag or complain (the only time i ever did that was whe i was being treated with disrespect and horible) a woman that he did not answer to and a woman that would let him do whatever he wanted. I can't believe after 7 years together and him buying a ring 4 months ago it comes to this. Also of course the dog situation as once again no one will ever come between him and his dog. I honsetly never thought someone could or would treat me this way. Come on girls can't you complain in a relationship if you are being treated that way but to him he doesn't want to be with me b/c i complian and nag but i wouldn't do it if i wasn't treated the way I was. Well I guess it is going to take some time for me to get over this. Please send advice...thanks

[annie24]

he sounds like a jerk. what did his mother say to you? that she also though he was treating you poorly? it sounds like he sees the slightest disagreement as "nagging" and that's bad. I think you had a good point about the dogs, you weren't even suggesting he get rid of him and he had a really bad response. I think he would have made a crappy husband and father.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Wow, what a JERK!! I am so sorry things have come down to this. You are so much better off. It sounds like he wants a MAID instead of a wife.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have a magic wand to speed up time or make the pain go away. You will hurt and this will take some time to get pass. But you have us on eNotAlone to turn to and support you. Don't be a stranger.

 

(((BIG HUGS)))

[Siriana]

He told me that he didn't specifally design the ring for me...That he was buying his time with me until he found someone else.

 

Little boy having his ego hurt.

He's angry because someone took his toy in the kindergarten.

 

He's immature - he is not willing to admit you left him because of his actions - to him it's easier to think you are the one to blame.

 

And now he's hurt? What a guy...now when you don't give him an opportunity to walk all over you...he is angry.

 

Enjoy it...that's your victory - all the things he said - his anger and frustration talking.

Oh, and why not celebrating - this was the proof you were right when you left him.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

ummm... there are dog people who are really into dogs, and then there are crazy people who happen to own dogs, and the dogs are just ways for them to act out their own craziness... guess which one he is?? (ding, ding, ding: the crazy one!!!)

 

he is being very abusive towards you, and has been for a while, and is just using the dogs as the stick to beat you with... he's ignoring your feelings, treating you badly, and basically telling you he's top dog in that house, and everyone else just has to live by his rules (or lack of them)...

 

i LOVE dogs and have 3 of them, but they do not sleep in my bed at night (and are happy in their own beds), nor do they get locked up in cages for hours on end. and yes i love them like children but would not treat them the way he does, like a pack of wild animals, ruthlessly caged all day, and letting them go crazy at night...

 

so these dogs are just his way of acting out his own aggressions and need to control you and do anything he wants... he is also identifying with these wild dogs who are untrained and tear up the house... he wants to (and does) the same thing by telling you very clearly he's going to do anything he wants, tear up your life and the house, and you just have to live with it, or else...

 

so really, this isn't a dog problem, this is an undisciplined, spoiled, self centered guy problem... he's treating those dogs like his homies and best buddies, and treating you like dirt.

 

run away, don't look back, and don't hate dogs or other *normal* dog owners because this guy is whacked...

[Northalius]

Well, we all know this guy has problems; but, what is more important, is what is inside of you? It's good you finally left, but you should've left a loooooooooong time ago.

 

Like I said in my previous posts to others, when you lack self-respect, when you lack a foundation within yourself, you're just screaming out to jerks like the one: "TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME! WALK ALL OVER ME! THIS IS YOUR INVITATION!"

 

You must stand up for yourself. Put your foot down as soon as someone disrespects you!

 

You give an inch, they're going to eventually take a mile.

 

Some have commented on how letting the dogs on the bed is a bad thing to do, and shows the dogs they're either equal or even higher than the humans in the household. They do not look at you like "the pack leader(s)" now, and thus some of the reason why they act so badly; obviously locking them up in cages all day has a lot to do with it, as well.

 

By this, I see some here watch The Dog Whisperer on The National Geographic channel. Very good show, and I strongly suggest you watch it to get some extremely good tips on how to keep a dog.

 

Anyway, it's of similar principle: The dogs did only what their owner let them do. The same as what this jerk did only what you let him do.

 

Talk to a counselor about this, I'd suggest.