HELP! CONFUSED!! EX asked me to marry her?

[malibu76]

My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago (together 3 years, Me - 30, She - 34). She broke up with me because she's been wanting to get engaged for a 1 1/2 years and I have not come through. There are other things I didn't come through on also. So I was the root cause of the b-up.

 

Last week we were talking about getting back together. I said I would love to and then last night I come home and she has a banner in the living room saying "WILL YOU MARRY ME" and she got on one knee and proposed. I was stunned and didn't know what to say, so I said yes.

 

However, during the breakup I asked and she told me she was "seeing" someone else. I brought this up and she said it was nothing serious and I have no reason to worry about it. However, I don't know if I can get back together with her if she slept with him.

 

Am I being inmature? Should I ask? Should I care? I do love her, but I know that it would just eat me up if I knew she slept with someone else in the short time that we were broken up.

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

[TijuanaJones]

I think whatever she did in her time apart to make her realize she loves you that much should remain unknown for you.

She is yours only, you are engaged to her! She told you it was not serious, so I would say you trust her and dont make a big deal out of it.

Be happy, dont sabotage your happiness... well, its my honest opinion...

[ebsmith1]

You were broken up, no matter who wanted it, so it's not really your business if she slept with someone else during that time. I think a marriage should start with honesty and if you need to know that, then ask, but then work through it. If you love her and really do want to marry her, then that shouldn't be a deal breaker if it happened while you were apart. Clearly it made her realize that she wants you.

[DN]

I agree - what she did while you were broken up is not your business. Try to let it go and don't allow it to wreck what should be the best thing that ever happened to you.

 

Unless:

 

you are, sub-consciously or otherwise, using that as an excuse because you really don't want to marry her anyway. Make sure you know your motivation and what you really want.

[Northalius]

Any feelings you have within you, it's important to get them out... especially before you marry someone. So, in my opinion, let her know about your feelings. Ask away. Discuss to your hearts content.

 

If anything, seek a counselor together to speak with about issues you might have. Best to get the big issues straightened out before the big day comes.

[Heretic]

Hey Malibu76 welcome to eNotalone!

 

I disagree with everyone here. In this day and age it is important to know the sexual history of your partner. I say this with a warning. If you think about the people she's been with it could rip you two apart. You have to be very mature about this. You aren't interested in what they did, or how many times, simply whether or not you might be at risk of an STD. STD's are a seirious problem these days and you don't want to start a family only to find out your and your wife (and your children thereafter) have some incurable disease.

 

What you have to understand is not to probe as the devil is in the details and those details are none of your business. How many partners someone has had shouldn't be the deciding factor. People make mistakes. That said you still have to protect yourself.

 

I hope this helps.

[Follow Me]

Of course it's your business. Why would she bang someone else if she loves you? Granted, you were broken up, but to have sex with someone right after the breakup, then change their mind and propose? There's quite a gap in her thinking process. Find out about it. Another reason why it's your business is, if she slept with this guy in the small amount of time you weren't together, there's a good chance she didn't know him that long, or that well. Ever think of diseases? Get her tested. Then test yourself.

[xmrth]

I'd get it all out in the open now and not years from now in the middle of your marriage. You're going to want to know. Ask now while you have more of a reason to and not later when she might refuse to tell you. SHE might even feel better telling you as soon as possible just in case.

What happened when you two split up I think shouldn't be taken too seriously, but it depends. In any case, it did the best thing for you two and made her realize what she had enough to ask you to marry her. I would forgive and forget, but actually find out. It really depends.

[Siriana]

I was stunned and didn't know what to say, so I said yes.

Are you shure you want to marry her?

[Dako]

If you really want to marry her, nothing anyone else says should matter.

I've seen threads here in which someone is asking if they should marry, and I always think ifthey have to ask strangers online, they aren't ready.

 

Realizing you aren't asking that question here, I have to say I refused to marry someone once. When it all unraveled and she left, I proposed and was turned down. In retrospect, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to ask, and she did me a favor by refusing.

 

Emotions must've been amped up for you. Be careful, since marriage is a big step for you both. Better to level with each other now.