was it all lies?

[elithepi]

Does anybody else feel like everything the ex said during the relationship was a lie?

I'm feeling that now.

It's been six weeks since I was dumped over the phone and I'm going over everything said up to the break up and it all seems like lies.

"You are my sweetheart", upon the last time I was leaving her house to go home 4 hours away, "I hate this part the most" as she hugged me goodbye.

"I love you, too", "I trust you", on and on...all lies.

I would have never done any one like that.

I've even been "bannished" from her home...why?

I was great to her, absolutely no drama, ever.

I can't even see her face to face for some personal closure on my behalf.

Over the phone, people.

Lies. It was all a big lie.

[ebsmith1]

I know exactly how you feel! I was with my ex for three years, he proposed to me and then broke up with me a month later. Since I've learned that he was probably with a new girl (that he's now living with) weeks before we broke up. He was sealing the deal with her before he dumped me. He cheated on me at least one other time. He told me he loved my kids and I found an e-mail that said he couldn't stand children. Yeah, I know how you feel and it sucks. To think we spent this precious time on someone who didn't have the guts to admit the truth and realize that we only have one shot at life, it's too important to lie through it!

[elithepi]

I heard all about her ex's and how it was her that let them all go.

I did have an uneasy feeling when I realized how easy it was for her to just walk away from those relationships.

I should have never expected to be treated differently.

I don't think she's ever had her heart broken...I wonder if she had if she would have done things differently.

She doesn't want to see me cause it would be "hard" on her....too in convenient for her...

Gee....none of this was convenient for me..

Anger stage, people...

Yeah I want to call her and tell her how it feels and make her feel as bad as I.

But I know I MUST take the high road and save some dignity....

[comfyshoes]

i understand evrything that you are saying.

it's slowly occurring to me as i work through the last four years with her that she only ever talked fondly of the relationshios she had where the other person had treated her badly. her ex husband- an abusive alcoholic, her first ever girlfriend- wouldn't leave her 'wife' for her, the bisexual girlfriend who was married and had a girlfriend.

me and all the others who went through what i'm going through now, we treated her to well and we're the ones who got dumped.

it's hard to wonder if she really meant anything that she told once you filter out all the lies. only a matter of days before she dumped me, she told me that she didn't want to live without me and would never love anyone else. i found out to day that she was in a chatroom trying to pick up women only hours after she told me "goodbye forever"

 

stay strong. we're worth better!

 

shoes

[BeStrongBeHappy]

some people are so self centered, they just need someone in the role of 'boyfriend', and it's just a revolving door where she rolls one person out, and the next person in, and all that matters is that she has a warm body in that role, and when attracted to a new one, out with the old, in with the new...

 

basically a shallow person, who plays at being in a relationship, but isn't attached to anyone but herself... so she goes through the motions and says the pretty words, but they are hollow... sorry to hear you found such a person, because you i am sure formed a normal attachment, but she sounds like she just plays at it. if someone is truly self centered, they can't form real attachments to other people...

 

just be glad you didn't marry someone who has so little consideration for someone else's feelings and is just a shell...

 

i'm sorry that you don't get closure on this, but her behavior should be enough to tell you you are better off with someone who is so shallow and not honest with you....

[A_Friend]

lies...lies...lies..

 

We all have gone through it ,my ex lied 99% of the time and I had no idea as i was totally involved in our relationship ...I understand it hurts a lot but I agree with comfyshoes ...we should stay strong. we're worth better!

 

 

Best of Luck

[elithepi]

I want to call her and get this off my chest so bad....I want her to feel one tenth of what I feel...

I want to throw it in her face...

I want to put her down so hard...

She totally ripped me apart and doesn't think twice about it.

[betrayedgirl]

Yes I know how that goes. I was dumped by my ex in Sept. via email. I was so mad and hurt because for the month he always said he loved me, done stuff for me, etc. and would email me several times a day saying he loves me, etc... then all of sudden with no warning, he dumped me via email. It was like getting punched in my stomach and face.

 

I'm sorry.

[A_Friend]

Very good description,it reminds me of my ex ...but can anyone give an idea ,how to recognise these kinda people at the beginning of a relationship so that the other person doesn't get hurt .....

 

Thanks

[A_Friend]

I heard all about her ex's and how it was her that let them all go.

I did have an uneasy feeling when I realized how easy it was for her to just walk away from those relationships.

I should have never expected to be treated differently.

I don't think she's ever had her heart broken...I wonder if she had if she would have done things differently.

She doesn't want to see me cause it would be "hard" on her....too in convenient for her...

Gee....none of this was convenient for me..

Anger stage, people...

Yeah I want to call her and tell her how it feels and make her feel as bad as I.

But I know I MUST take the high road and save some dignity....

 

 

She will never get hurt as she knows when to have a break up with a guy and she would be ready with the new one as back up ,This way she'll always have someone who could support her emotionally and she would never go through the pain and agony .

 

She is the intiator and we'll always be at the receiving end ..

[elithepi]

It's pretty mean stuff....

I can understand younger people being aloof to how they may hurt another but that's what makes us grow, reflecting on what you've done in life and whether or not you like it. Then you mature and change the things you didn't like.

I know I'm guilty of breaking another's heart in my past and I hated the feeling of guilt.

That is why I do not get heavily involved with someone until I know the person.

I use to have sex on first and second dates....it sucked because that was all there was to it six months down the line....just sex.

I grew older matured and I do not do that and didn't do that. It's almost unheard of and I'm not religious either but we waited 10 months before sex and it was great. We got to know each other, became great "friends" (now the real side shows).

 

It's just devestating that I'm almost 33 and she's 33 and she would play me like we were in high school again, or at least how I remember some high school infatuations.

 

Giving it all you got only to be dumped out of the blue without warning or any attempt to work things out.

 

Commiting and getting absolutely no commitment in return, just sugar coated words only to further decieve your heart and later undermine your trust for any future relationship you may have.

 

I could meet the best girl in the world who is 100% sincere and wants to be with me forever and I wouldn't believe her.

 

Poor girl.

 

See, so much scar tissue the heart may no longer grow.

 

Love is so great and it hurts so much.

I'm beginning to think this is the place to meet some one..lol

We all know and relate to each others feelings...I'm getting more from you guys than this damn ex I'm still in love with, despite all red flags.

 

Funny how a SO can squash our hearts so terribly and yet we still hang on begging and hoping they will stay or return while they continue walking on with pieces of our hearts dangling from the soles of their shoes as they dance with someone else.

 

And every call, message, what have you, their response is..."what's this on my shoe? Is that doggie poop?"

 

Love does stink most of the time.

 

I've learned I can never love someone who does not know what it is like to have love and lost. Otherwise, I'll get doggie poop in my house.

[Parsley]

It hurts so much to think that everything was lies. My ex was always the one that said things that I wasn't ready to say back or that I just didn't reply to because it was so weird to hear. How can you go from saying "I want to marry you" and "You should move in with me" to "There's no point saying I want to be in a relationship with you, when I clearly don't" within 2 months?

 

You just have to learn to forget those things. You're better off without this person...either they were lying the whole time, or are incredibly fickle and didn't consider the momentum those words held.

[ebsmith1]

It hurts so much to think that everything was lies. My ex was always the one that said things that I wasn't ready to say back or that I just didn't reply to because it was so weird to hear. How can you go from saying "I want to marry you" and "You should move in with me" to "There's no point saying I want to be in a relationship with you, when I clearly don't" within 2 months?

 

You just have to learn to forget those things. You're better off without this person...either they were lying the whole time, or are incredibly fickle and didn't consider the momentum those words held.

 

 

No kidding! I got the ring....then dumped for another woman within a month. Amazing how these things happen!

[elithepi]

It's total disregard.

They are there.

They see that you are serious.

They are giving off the same vibes.

Then they are like, "oh well....crap on you."

It's a very evil thing to do.

Freaking emotional murder.

You give and give and what you thought you were getting in return turns out to be hollow shells that's just garbage.

 

Do people get off on this?

Everything was so sweet and wonderful.

I'm I suppose to forget what was said and accept these stupid lies?

 

Infuriating!

I WAS so happy that I could cry....it was that good.

Then this.

Everything you believed was nothing and it can drive you crazy.

What is reality?

I'm so digusted I can't even think straight.

[A_Friend]

I have also gone through it and that too very recently ...I understand what you are going through ...I am sure your ex will definitly get it back some day ..

[Neverland]

i was with my ex for 4 months, i went over to his house every weekend, and he came to mine as well. we both lived about 40 mins away, he always told me he loved me, and now weve split all i can think about is it all lies!!!? i know how you feel totally!! and i just cant get over, how i feel so used, and disgusting! =[

 

im sorry you were dumped over the phone, thats harsh =[ me and my bf split over txt, apprently it was me, but he drove me to dump him, he was horrible to me sometimes, and during the end of our relationship, he stopped saying "i love you" saying it was "too femine"

 

the worst thing you can do is call her, i did that with my ex, and he slammed the phone down on me, i just cant accept that hes getting back to his life, without me, so easliy. Its so hard for me, and i just want him to see the pain im going through (like you)

 

but i DID ring him, and he had a go at me, saying i was trying to make him feel worse, which has drove us futher apart and weve not spoken since we split.

 

remember YOUR the better person here, shes decided to split? so what? yes it hurts, I KNOW =[ im having councelling because of all the let down in my life (im 17)

 

just keep reminding yourself that YOUR the better one, which YOU are =]

 

remember dont call. To be honest. Dont get in contact at all, even if she does with you. I know its hard, but SHE broke it up with YOU. Shes not worth your time, you will soon find some 1 extremely better, and worth much much more...and worth the love you give =]

 

hope i helped? seriously i split from my bf a week today =[

 

if you need help, im here =] im going through same thing =]

[elithepi]

Cool.

Thanks Neverland.

I guess we all feel betrayed and let down.

I'm just starting to get over the grief and denial and now I'm getting into anger.

Which is good because it's a sign of recovery.

Damn thing about it, I just had a 15 minute nap and for a moment, I felt I was still with her. Like nothing had happened. An in between dream state as I was falling asleep.

Those things happen.

Thanks for you empathy. It is greatly appreciated.

[Neverland]

its alright =] dont worry we all go through it. im hurting at the moment, i just dont understand how some one can go from "i love you" to "i only see you as a friend" in the space of 2 days!!! its impossible isnt it??

 

i have that feeling all the time, i always dream im still with him, but then i wake up, and im not =[

 

i think im still in the denial stage...but im starting to get even more angrier at the thought of the things he used to say to me. I feel so used, knowing he never felt the same way back! i just feel so disgusting..

 

if you still feel really bad about this, i recomend a book, its writtien by Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn and its called "how to mend your broken heart" when my next door neighbour gave me it, i just put it to oen side thinking "im not THAT pathetic" seriously its the best book ever, and its making me slowly feel so much better about myself...=]

 

link removed

 

x X x remember we're all going through it, and you have friends and family around you to help. you have to forget her now, (which im doing as well) shes not apart of your life now. AND THATS HER PROBLEM AND LOSS!!

 

x

[elithepi]

Cheers!

I just distracted myself by taking a muffler off a car for a friend.

I've never done that much auto work but lately I have and it's really theraputic.

Thanks for the great words there, Neverland.

[puppeteer]

it is rough...

 

my wife and i were together for five years, married for one of those....and basically now that the affair and her behavior have come to light...it's clear that EVERYTHING she was with me was a complete fabrication.

 

something she wanted to present to the public until she found the next better thing...once she found it i was thrown away like i was nothing.

 

but i am not nothing. neither are you. we are strong. we are loving. we are honest. we are all of the things they wish they could be.

 

in the end, it's their loss. they may never feel remorse or regret for what they have done to you, but honestly, what kind of life can you have where so much of it is a lie?

 

live an honest life. even if that honesty is painful sometimes...you will be happier and better off in the long run. and it will make you a much stronger and whole person.

[mcnani]

 

Funny how a SO can squash our hearts so terribly and yet we still hang on begging and hoping they will stay or return while they continue walking on with pieces of our hearts dangling from the soles of their shoes as they dance with someone else.

 

And every call, message, what have you, their response is..."what's this on my shoe? Is that doggie poop?"

 

Love does stink most of the time.

 

I've learned I can never love someone who does not know what it is like to have love and lost. Otherwise, I'll get doggie poop in my house.

 

wow that is so true... and so poetic... "pieces of our hearts dangling from teh soles of their shoes" i can't understand how someone can treat someone else like this!!! especially having gone through it themselves.... i know for myself if i ever get involved with someone and at some point know i dont want to be with them, i would only treat them with dignity if they respected mine....

[ladydi3]

I am sorry for your pain. I think that no one should be allowed to lie, we should all have those collars they make for dogs and when there's a lie being told we should get zapped! I am still trying to figure out what were lies and what was the truth. I guess my first clue should have been that he was married 4 times and left each and every one of them. I was gullible and believed that he was waiting for me and had to go through what he went through in order for us to find each other. All fairy tales, if it sounds too good to be true, it is!!!

[elithepi]

Things went really bad today.....

I have to gaher my thoughts and make some sense of what had just happened.

I know I shouldn't care and part of me doesn't but I need to reflect.

I'm going to a friends house to talk.

 

 

I got a real crappy call, people.

I've done all the wrong things as far as contact goes.

Last night I had a a bit of a tail spin and left a message about all the lies I felt.

Got a call today and was told to not call anymore and if I left a message, it would be deleted without listening.

I'm part way ok with that, seeing as I am going through the anger stage.

I'm sorry guys, I never practiced NC at all and only dug a deep hole for my emotions.

I must go and think. Talk to a friend.

I'm so sorry that I'm not any better than I am right now.

Got the call about an hour ago.

"I don't see us as ever being friends." she said.

"I'm really disenchanted with the whole situation." she said.

So hope is all gone and maybe I pushed to that point seeing as I never got personal closure on the situation.

 

I have acted all obsessive for the past few weeks and I'm am actually a normal guy.

 

There's no more choice in the matter.

 

I thought I was getting better but I could never accept this was happening and always called.

 

So the end has been decided.

 

My input here doesn't mean anything. I can't practice what I preach.

 

Self sabotage is what I know best.

 

I'm going to take a shower now.

[fadedocean]

i feel just the same as you guys, you would think that knowing someone 7 years and actually being their partner for 3 years would hold some value, as my situation went.

 

she used all the lines even weeks until she split. lines like "i still see me marrying only you"

 

and now she is 'happy' with someone else who she met a week before we split last month.

 

was it all lies?

 

i just cant be bothered to find out anymore, regardless of how much it hurts i just feel she isnt worth the effort.

 

just tell yourself this "i never wouldve had anything i wanted with her, because i wouldve always been walking on egg shells"

 

these kinds of people care about one person and thats themselves, if they honestly cared about US, they wouldnt be able to tell you 'i love you' one day then 'im not sure what i want' the next.

 

its hard, but we just have to be angry inside, and cool outside.

[elithepi]

OK, mylast post on this thread.

 

 

 

 

 

So, I got a shower and was kind of a wreck last night.

Today, I really don't care.

I feel I shouldn't feel guilty.

I keep forgetting that she initiated the hurt.

Didn't follow through on what she said in the relationship.

 

OK, OK, I AM guilty of not NCing and taking a higher road.

 

But I don't care anymore.

 

I guess I needed to have all ties cut completely.

I don't care.