Isn't Dating Supposed to Be FUN?????

[hosswhispra]

Well, if a woman asked a man to shoot pool, it might come accross wrong to some men, esp. if you intended to do it in a bar. If you are already in the bar, ask. If a woman seemed to be very prim or proper and asked about pool, you might find it create cognitive dissonance, which is an awesome thing for a date to have in their head about you. If she runs the risk of seeming like she hangs out in dive bars too much, then I would suggest she avoid it. Location in this instance might matter.

 

With a guy going to the driving range, make sure he plays golf or has tried or at least is not the type that would think it was snobbish. Mini golf and pitch and putt are good things to do on a date too.

 

I found it interesting how going to a driving range may come accross as snobbish. I don't play golf..but I enjoy going to the driving range in the spring, summer and fall. Going to the driving range is a lot of fun because you get to hit the balls out into some vast yonder of a field. Sometimes it gets really funny when you aim for the ball but don't hit it or when you hit the ball it richochets behind you. That has happened to me many times where I had to laugh at myself.

 

I understand about the pool/bar thing. Everytime I think of a bar with a pool table, the Jody Foster movie comes into my mind.....so I wouldn't suggest that as an action date until I really knew the person and felt comfortable with them.

 

Oh yeah, ice skating is a great winter action date. Another one would be ice-shoeing, or skiing/snow boarding. You could always take a lesson together and go on from there.

[Beec]

I found it interesting how going to a driving range may come accross as snobbish.

 

It's not the driving range that is snobbish, it can be golf. Also, some may think golf is boring.

[charley]

Come to think about it, I've had lots of fun on many occasions when out with platonic women friends. In fact, we've mutually had fun every time I went out with a woman friend, or a group of them.

 

So why is my (limited) dating record not as good? i.e. - why have I had less fun on most dates? I've had a few fun ones, but not many. Most sucked. Why?

 

Well, I'm going to guess. I think that when out with friends, there's no pressure. Also, friends are probably compatible with me as far as spending time together. After all, that's why were friends.

 

With dates there is, or can be, pressure. Also, some of the women I asked out, I asked because I was visually attracted to them. That does not mean our personalities will be compatible.

 

The best dates I ever had were with my friend who asked me out. That makes sense because we were compatible. I know some people say not to date friends, but for me it was the best and only good dating experiences I've had.

[charley]

Put put golf isn't boring.

 

You know, I think it'd be great fun to take a date to the local gun club shooting range. Not for a first date, I suppose. Some people might be averse to guns.

 

However, I brought two of my platonic women friends to the gun club and they had a ball. They also surprised me with their natural talent.

[Juha]

Hoss, I don't want to go on coffee dates but it seems most of the women I meet like to do that or similar...

 

It is the women I am meeting... They don't like sports or alot of activities or

don't like the cold so they want to be inside...

 

Come to think of it I have been meeting boring women...

 

Need to start finding some more active fun women...

 

 

[charley]

Hoss, I don't want to go on coffee dates but it seems most of the women I meet like to do that or similar...

 

It is the women I am meeting... They don't like sports or alot of activities or

don't like the cold so they want to be inside...

 

Come to think of it I have been meeting boring women...

 

Need to start finding some more active fun women...

 

 

 

How about this? Join some clubs that do the exciting activities you like doing. Then see what women you meet there. Even if you don't meet someone right away, you'll still be doing an activity you like.

 

If you meet women in coffee shops, then it's likely they like to spend time in coffee shops. If that isn't your thing, then that isn't the place to meet them.

 

If you want a woman who likes to ski, then a ski club or whatever the closest thing to it is might be a good place to meet such a woman.

 

If you want a woman who likes sports cars, go to car shows and join a sports car club.

 

Personally, I'd like a woman who likes off roading, Jeeps, etc. So for me, an offroad club might be the ticket. I'd also like a woman who likes recreational target shooting, but I've never seen any women at the gun club, except the ones I brought with me. They had a good time too.

[Beec]

You know, I think it'd be great fun to take a date to the local gun club shooting range. Not for a first date, I suppose. Some people might be averse to guns.

 

However, I brought two of my platonic women friends to the gun club and they had a ball. They also surprised me with their natural talent.

 

Simply an awesome idea. It would really set a similar tone as ice skating would, especially for a guy who knew how to do it.

 

And if shooting is important to you, and she is all for gun control, then at least you know right away that you have a difference in values, and can move forward.

 

And charley, those women who are platonic friends, and esp. the one who asked you out, are you simply not interested? Or should you have been busting a move?

[violingirl]

Like Batya, I also go on dates with the goal of finding someone to marry and have a family with. Flings are just not my thing, even though I've had a few to get over prior relationships or to fulfill my sexual needs when I'm not in a relationship.

 

I've gone on about 30 first dates (and about 3 second dates and 2 third dates) in the past 2 years, and I can tell you that it's not fun anymore. I'm tired of repeating my life story and asking the same questions over and over. It's like having 30 job interviews. I feel stuck at the basement level of dating. It's fun when you really get to know someone and have a level of comfort with them already established, but that doesn't happen when you are stuck on only first dates.

 

It's just not fun for me.

[CaliGirl77]

Like Batya, I also go on dates with the goal of finding someone to marry and have a family with. Flings are just not my thing, even though I've had a few to get over prior relationships or to fulfill my sexual needs when I'm not in a relationship.

 

I've gone on about 30 first dates (and about 3 second dates and 2 third dates) in the past 2 years, and I can tell you that it's not fun anymore. I'm tired of repeating my life story and asking the same questions over and over. It's like having 30 job interviews. I feel stuck at the basement level of dating. It's fun when you really get to know someone and have a level of comfort with them already established, but that doesn't happen when you are stuck on only first dates.

 

It's just not fun for me.

 

Perhaps, the other person feels your apprehension/vibe about dating and that is why you never get to Date #2????

 

There's nothing wrong with taking a break.

 

I have noticed that when I am carefree and having a good time on a date without a care in the world, I not only get more dates from the person, but other guys notice me too.

 

But, when I am getting over someone and my heart is trying to heal, everyone NOTICES and I feel like people are avoiding me.

[Batya33]

I think that sure your vibes and energy affect whether there will be - or whether you want - a date number two or three but I also think that mainly, it's a crap shoot and to try to analyze what works, why and when is mostly a waste of time unless there is a specific behavior that you can see turns people off and there is that kind of specific pattern.

 

For example - and this has happened several times - I've been on dates where the guy was highly critical of me and everything I said throughout the date - and called again, saying he had a really good time and wanted to see me again. And I believe he was being sincere - he probably liked the way I reacted to his constant stream of criticism and found it fun and challenging. There are so many factors that are unknown as to why two strangers click or otherwise in person that it is mostly unproductive to analyze if you're doing anything wrong.

[renaissancewoman101]

I wish we could hide our vibes and energy and go out and date without people "sensing" that we are trying to heal from a breakup.

 

Because when we are healing from a breakup is when we seek a relationship the most, and yet we give off vibes of being broken, and everybody runs away from us.

 

And we are left lonely AND broken.

 

Life can be a pain.

[Budman]

Personally I will make the claim, everyone who just dates for fun and lets it lead wherever will be 10x more successful then anyone that puts "expectations" or needs to dating.

 

Once I learned to only expect fun I was 10x more successful, and I hate to say it I would date 10x the people. Just because I wouldn't see a relationship in them, that doesn't mean I couldn't have fun with them, and ALSO I was surprised by those people as they turned out to be more compatible then I originally thought.

 

90% of failed dates in my opinion was created by one person or either person having alterior motives. Dating should not be serious, once it becomes a long term dating thats another topic all together =D.

 

Imo you're just wasting your precious time if you go into every date with the idea for a love romance when you should be enjoying yourself with every date.

 

I'd much rather have 500 dates where I have stories and adventures to tell. (such as breaking into a hot tub on one) instead of having 50 dates where they were dull and boring.

[violingirl]

Perhaps, the other person feels your apprehension/vibe about dating and that is why you never get to Date #2????

 

There's nothing wrong with taking a break.

 

I have noticed that when I am carefree and having a good time on a date without a care in the world, I not only get more dates from the person, but other guys notice me too.

 

But, when I am getting over someone and my heart is trying to heal, everyone NOTICES and I feel like people are avoiding me.

 

I've said this a few times before on prior posts, but I do act pretty (but not overly) enthusiastic on my dates. I show interest in my date, ask him questions, listen and respond. I make sure to smile a lot and laugh, too, without overdoing it. I think that I am rather friendly to everyone I meet. I should also mention that I never talk about my prior relationships. I have good manners and am intelligent, have a sense of humor, have a good career, nice apartment, etc. So, I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

[violingirl]

I should also note that I recently took a 6 1/2 month break from dating.

[CaliGirl77]

I've said this a few times before on prior posts, but I do act pretty (but not overly) enthusiastic on my dates. I show interest in my date, ask him questions, listen and respond. I make sure to smile a lot and laugh, too, without overdoing it. I think that I am rather friendly to everyone I meet. I should also mention that I never talk about my prior relationships. I have good manners and am intelligent, have a sense of humor, have a good career, nice apartment, etc. So, I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

Sounds like a perfectly planned date...........but maybe you should try the "let's see what happens" approach? You might already be doing that though, am i right?

[charley]

Simply an awesome idea. It would really set a similar tone as ice skating would, especially for a guy who knew how to do it.

 

And if shooting is important to you, and she is all for gun control, then at least you know right away that you have a difference in values, and can move forward.

 

And charley, those women who are platonic friends, and esp. the one who asked you out, are you simply not interested? Or should you have been busting a move?

 

The one who asked me out was awesome, but that was 15 years ago. We dated for a year and it was great, but college ended and we each went back to our own separate home towns and lost track of each other.

 

Now as for my current platonic friends, each of them fall into 1 of 4 categories:

 

1) Neither of us has any sexual attraction to the other

 

2) I feel sexual attraction to her, but she's not interested, or she's to habituated to viewing me as a friend.

 

3) I feel sexual attraction to her, but she's taken/unavailable (BF or married). In the past, one of these became a nun. Truly. There's different kinds of unavailable.

 

4) She has sexual attraction to me, but I'm not attracted to her.

 

Now I admit, I'm working on the number 2s. I flirt with them and they either tolerate it, or like it. Some clearly like it, but still cling to the friends designation. I'm working on it. Oh, who am I kidding? I probably flirt and tease a little with all of them, but it's the number 2s who I do that with the most. It's only the 2s where my flirting has any intent behind it.

 

Actually, I'm not working on anything right now since I'm sick, but I will be working on it again later.

[Batya33]

Many of my friends who are married went on dates with the goal of trying to see if there was potential down the road for something serious. Sometimes they met through on line sites, sometimes at parties, sometimes through friends. That "it will happen when you least expect it" makes for some excellent stories - I have heard them, too, but is only one of many ways to meet someone.

 

One of my friends said "I was 37, I realized I was running out of time and I needed to be more serious and more open minded about my "list." 6 months later she was engaged. Another friend, 38, who had maybe gone on three dates in the past 15 years took a less stressful job and decided it was time to find a husband. She joined eharmony and two months later met her husband (they were engaged 8 months later). All of these seem to be love matches.

 

When my sister was 23 she decided she wanted to be married soon. She answered personal ads for about 6 months, met her husband and they married 7 months later. She had dates with men she had a lot of fun with but they wouldn't have made suitable husbands because of their stage in life, etc. so she didn't see them again.

 

I have many more examples like that.

 

I agree - you have to keep the first few dates light and casual despite being goal oriented and not bring up heavy relationship talk, etc. Many of the men I met however through on line dating and set ups brought up the relationship talk very early on. I've been asked on first dates what kind of engagement ring I would like eventually, on second dates what kind of house I would want to live in with a family, on fourth dates whether I am ready to be exclusive, etc. Believe me it's not just women - far from it!

[Beec]

I found that not trying to be serious about dates worked for me. I had a set of ground rules that some may not agree with, but which I found to be acceptable, and I abided by them.

 

My first rule was that if we were having sex, neither of us was having sex with anyone else.

Second rule, was that if I was having sex with anyone, besides myself, then either, that person was the only person I would be dating or that we both knew that the dating portion of the relationship was not exclusive, although the sex was.

Third rule, was that if there was no agreement otherwise, any sex meant it was a relationship.

Four, never promise there would be another date unless you (I) really wanted it.

Five, five date limit or you were (I was) in a relationship and all others had to be forsaken, unless there was an agreement otherwise. In other words, things had to either become a relationship or end within a short while. In most cases, they ended within two dates or less. In only one I can recall, I let it go to four or five and then fizzle, but I knew I was going to let it fizzle. You may want to draw your limits lower, and even as low as saying nothing beyond a second date without something more than an occasional date, but that's your call.

 

And I did this dating a lot. I would be juggling four women in various states of progress, and sometimes I was avoiding them.

[hosswhispra]

I have many platonic male friends. We all go out once a week for dinner. It's strictly platonic and we all pay our own way and split the bill...me and sis will be in a group of 4-5 guys and it almost feels like we're one of the guys. I find that when I go out to dinner with my male friends that they are less gossipy than my girlfriends. Interesting......

[charley]

I have many platonic male friends. We all go out once a week for dinner. It's strictly platonic and we all pay our own way and split the bill...me and sis will be in a group of 4-5 guys and it almost feels like we're one of the guys. I find that when I go out to dinner with my male friends that they are less gossipy than my girlfriends. Interesting......

 

So you're one of the guys? Cool. Well, I'm one of the girls, almost. I try to make sure they remember I'm a guy though. I don't want them thinking of me to much as one of girls. They do like to gossip a bit too, but I kind of enjoy it, as long as it isn't mean gossip. I don't like mean gossip.

[laboheme]

The dates themselves can be loads of fun - whether because of the activities, shared laughter, chemistry, etc.

 

If I were not goal-oriented about dating, then yes it would be more fun. I am glad I am goal-oriented because otherwise I would be self-deceptive about what I truly want.

 

If I want to have carefree fun I hang out with my friends or with me.

 

I agree with this...If I'm just looking for good conversation and a fun activity, I've got friends to go to for that. I'm definitely not a fan of casual dating...I just don't see the point if one or both of the parties involved aren't going into it hoping to start a serious relationship. I know some people say that even if there's no chemistry, you can get a new friend...but realistically, I don't think many people decide to become good friends with the person that they just went on a date on but didn't like enough to consider as a potential mate. But then again, I'm not a fan of going on dates with strangers either...I'd rather have it be a classmate or a coworker, or a friend...

[Beec]

I agree with this...If I'm just looking for good conversation and a fun activity, I've got friends to go to for that. I'm definitely not a fan of casual dating...I just don't see the point if one or both of the parties involved aren't going into it hoping to start a serious relationship. I know some people say that even if there's no chemistry, you can get a new friend...but realistically, I don't think many people decide to become good friends with the person that they just went on a date on but didn't like enough to consider as a potential mate. But then again, I'm not a fan of going on dates with strangers either...I'd rather have it be a classmate or a coworker, or a friend...

 

While you may agree with it, can you tell me that it is really working for you?

 

It may work for women, but I find that with most men, it just does not work.