I can't believe I am actually posting this :S

[Weary]

Alright...so I am trying to find a way to put this delicately...and I really hope I don't offend anyone...or make them feel bad.

 

This thread is regarding penis size. I wrote a thread the other day...briefly mentioning this issue, although it wasn't the main issue. So to start off...I don't expect a bf to rip off his pants and have 10, 9, 8, 7 inches there. At this point I am dying for them to just be at least average. (Average = 5.5-6 inches). If I had that I would be one happy girl.

 

Over the past few years, the men I have encountered have literally been 3-4 inches erect (and girth isn't their friend either ). I know this not to be the case of 'it's like throwing a wiener down a hallway' (ie not me). I say it's not me based on what they have said...both in and out of the bedroom...just during sexual discussions.

 

Sex is important to me in a relationship...and I am getting to the point where when me and a guy I am dating...and first get sexual...I dread what I am going to find. I don't say anything...as I don't want to make them feel bad about something they cannot help...but I would actually like to feel something when I have sex. I have no idea what to do...short of asking them their size and looking like a total shallow pig. Any thoughts or advice?

[pip]

That sounds unusual to always encounter guys of that length. Are they all of a particular height/ethnic group (I don't know if that means anything but it would be interesting to know!)

 

Anyway, if you want to have a meaningful relationship with someone, I don't think penis size is an issue because there is PLENTY he can do to please you without having a large member! It's all about the effort a man is willing to put in (there are some well-endowed guys who are bad lovers, trust me).

 

On the other hand, if you're not into a meaningful relationship and just want sex, then it's okay to want to sleep with guys who are well (or average) endowed. It's not being 'shallow', because if you're only into sex and that's what does it for you, so be it. Just make sure you don't hurt anyone's feelings by telling them they have a small you-know-what.

[dontknowwhattodo]

My friend once told me that if a guy had big feet, he would have big accessory too. She said she tested the theory and (according to her, she said) it was true. May be that is a hint when you meet someone new?

[Weary]

Well...that is part of the other problem too....

 

They are either terrible at Oral...or talk a big game about how wonderful they are at it...then don't do it. Have some misconceptions about women and orgasms...like..."Did you 'go'"...after a whole 5 thrusts. There is that old joke about men not being able to find the clitoris...which I thought was the funniest thing in the world...as I had never known anyone who DIDN'T know where it was....until the last guy :S Or my personal favorite...men who reach down and rub like they are trying to remove a wine stain from the carpet :S

 

I realize that just cause a guy is endowed...doesn't mean he is some super hero in bed. Yes I do believe 'it's how you use it' (among other things), but with these last few...it's like asking a painter to paint...with no paint. The other thing I am finding extremely weird...is that the last few keep wanting me to get on top. If baffles me...because if I were to do that...the moment I shifted (not even move) they would come out.

 

 

I am the point where I am starting to feel old...cause I keep thinking about the good 'ole days...lol. This hasn't been every guy I have ever dated...just the last few.

 

I would love to believe the shoe theory...but one guy wore size 13 shoes :S

[DizzyDoris]

I used to believe the big feet myth myself lol then a couple of years ago i met a man who was a size 12 and he was tiny, so that threw that myth out the window! Also i have been with a man with size 8 feet and he was huge!

 

Theres no way of telling his size before hand, and it would be pretty rude to ask, but if you really like the guy it shouldnt matter to you. If your not getting the pleasure you need, maybe introduce some toys to the bedroom?

[honeyspur]

Yeah, me too - met a guy who was 5'2 and 98 lbs. He was enormous - LOL.

[Budman]

uhm, wow I so feel like I read the wrong thread (awkward).

 

Uhm, I've never directly measured but its as long as the bottom of my palm, to the top of my hand. Which that goes halfway up my foot (the hand/finger) and I wear a size 12.

 

Anyway, suggestions (woot) Advise him, be like hey honey try this... or it would feel great if you do this... Or my personal FAVORITE when I was rubbing my wifey (like a wine stain) my wifey took my hand and guided it. That was not only very attractive, but VERY much a turn on for me.

 

About oral, there are countless guides you can find on the net, personally I did the tongue exercises before I even tried oral. (I think it helped cause I KNOW that my tongue would have been tired by the first few minutes had I not done that).

 

JUST PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE never make a guy go down over 40 minutes worth I fell asleep after 40 minutes (at once) down there. I'm sorry its hot, but gosh darnit we need some lovin too...

 

Personally, I would say the hands should have some factor to it. Describing me: I am Tall, Bulky build (as in big boned my wrist is the size of my wifey's elbow and its all bone), fairly big ears, large head (to store me large brain), and as my grandma tells me I have a pianists hands. From the top of my finger to my palm is around 6.5/7 inches, and I'm over 6'3.

 

Since there is symmetry to the body I would assume there would be a way to tell, but alas it may be difficult to.

 

(ps. self disclosure, because I have big hands, I always thought I was really small and not at least average. Ever think about that!)

[SquareWheel]

Do they still make penis extenders? When I was a youngster back in the 70s, they used to make a kind of slip-on oversze penis the guy could wear sort of like a condom. It'd take all the fun out of it for him, but you could always have two events, one with the extender for you followed by a second extender-free for him. Maybe you could ask about them at a nearby adult novelty store.

[Budman]

Do they still make penis extenders? When I was a youngster back in the 70s, they used to make a kind of slip-on oversze penis the guy could wear sort of like a condom. It'd take all the fun out of it for him, but you could always have two events, one with the extender for you followed by a second extender-free for him. Maybe you could ask about them at a nearby adult novelty store.

 

Ya they still got em, I saw them the other day... I've always wondered how do they stay on?

[Batya33]

I think you should focus on men who are as focused on sex as you are- and in the way you are - (and I disagree that size matters, but it does to you, so . .. ) sex is important to me too but I don't focus on size, etc as you do possibly because I don't have sex until we are serious and exclusive so that what is more important to both of us is how much we care about each other as opposed to "technique." That you can't feel anything I am sure is not all about size or what he does with it - it might be because you are having sex and not making love. Just consider it.

 

And - consider this - if a man asked to see you naked so he could see if your breasts were large enough (or too large, or shaped properly, the right color, etc) or to inspect your cellulite, or whether your tongue was long enough to give the kind of oral he wanted, you would be offended that he would treat you like a piece of meat.

 

A man I didn't know well once commented that he liked that I had long legs to wrap around him. Ick. Next. What you are doing is in the same category. You can dish it out - but if you can't take it then I suggest you reconsider whether you are being fair.

 

I realize that you don't plan to dish it out directly - but if you think about your thought process and pattern, you are focusing so much on the "package" that it probably is harming your ability to see a man as a person (to me sex is just as much about the mind as about the body - what about you?)

 

But, again, if it is that important to you make sure you inspect very early n so that if his size is not to your liking you won't waste his valuable time, you can let him go and find a woman who appreciates and wants him.

 

For the record, I know from experience that height and size do not correlate.

[Beec]

I cannot tell you how to pick out a guy who's well-endowed based on anything before you date him. However, if you can get the man in a passionate clink and something pops up, check it out. I've been felt up by women in public areas, etc., and no one else was wiser.

[zerohalo]

I'm going to go in a waaaay different direction than everyone else here. Just a suggestion, but if these guys are that small, and you're not feeling it all vaginally... have you tried anal sex? I guarantee you'll feel something there and since these gents are apparently not even average sized I'm thinking you might not have too hard a time of it. If you decide to go that route, read up on the subject first and get some advice.

 

This, of course, doesn't answer the root of your question. How can you know ahead of time? I would 'think' it would be kinda easy to find out. Just make out with him long before you actually have sex. Chances are he'll get hard and you can cop a feel outside his clothing (don't let the size of a bulge be your indicator, actually feel it to find out... bulges can be misleading).

[Weary]

Alright...looks like I have some clarifying to do...lol.

 

It is not *just* the size of their package. The last few, like I have mentioned...have been absolutely terrible in the other areas as well. In the past I have 'guided' them, I have discussed various things with them (in a positive way...you know stuff like 'When you do this it feels good...when you do _____ it feels amazing!"). I have liked them....and the fact that they were terrible in bed (and terrible does not just = penis size) I have thrust to the back of my mind and ignored it. I did like them, so I never mentioned it (except various forms of encouragement), and continued to have 'relations' with them because I liked who they are. So, I have never dumped anyone because of this...however, when other situations/problems came up and it wasn't going to work out...these issues have come to the forebrain.

 

I think honestly...the last few...have been vastly inexperienced, and have derived what little they do know from Porn. I could care less if they like porn and watch it....but if they are getting their ideas from this medium as opposed to say some educational books/internet/experience...whatever. then that is a huge part of the problem.

 

I do very much realize that every woman is different, and do believe in communicating various things in and out of the bedroom...but in addition to the 'package' they seem to not know even the basics. And despite..in the past my effort to explain, problem solve, encourage etc they don't seem to get it. I am 27 years old....and the men I have dated have been 28-36. Personally I don't think at either of our ages I need or should have to explain the birds and the bees...or 'teach them' the basics. Yes...2 people can learn and experiment together...but I am not about to write a novel entitled "Weary's guide to lasting longer than a minute, then not asking stupid questions after like 'Did you go...even though I did nothing to stimulate you whatsoever'"

 

I also think...in addition when I say inexperienced in the bedroom..they have also been inexperienced in relationships as well (Could be wrong, but I would think there is a correlation there).

[Budman]

Personally there is no real way to tell sadly, I was very inexperienced (just read and learned a lot before hand) when I got to my first real relationship and she was VERY satisfied with how I performed soo. Inexperienced people can be good, its the same as experienced people can be bad too. So ya...

[Batya33]

I waited until I was 24 to have sex. So, at 26 or so I had only been with one person. Same for 27, and same for 28. I was however experienced at serious long term relationships.

 

It sounds like you are focused on technique - which is fine - and that you believe practice makes perfect - I agree that practice with the same person is relevant but I've been with experienced men who I felt were kind of arrogant in bed and inexperienced men who were awesome. That's just me. I've never been focused on technique - it's sort of part of the whole not easy to define package of emotions, communication, chemistry, passion, etc. My guess - but, what do I know! - is that the technique was that bad because the chemistry and passion were lacking. When I have felt true chemistry and passion with someone I could not have told you what exactly we did, and that was really besides the point - it is not what drove the chemistry and passion.

 

I realize we are all individuals with individual needs when it comes to romantic relationships. I would advise to have sex very early on and figure out whether their technique is acceptable to you or whether they do not even know the basics, since technique seems to be very important to you.

[lizziebee]

My friend once told me that if a guy had big feet' date=' he would have big accessory too. She said she tested the theory and (according to her, she said) it was true. May be that is a hint when you meet someone new?[/quote']

 

Big gloves and big shoes!

[Beec]

I think overall you are really asking, other than how to find a big unit, how to improve your love life.

 

You can talk to him and try to raise the topic, or you mgiht jsut consider grabbing a few books on different aspects of sex and reading them together. If you buy two books one each on how to perform fellatio and cunnilingus, then you can get him to improve without insulting or making him feel insecure.

[zerohalo]

Alright...looks like I have some clarifying to do...lol.

 

It is not *just* the size of their package. The last few, like I have mentioned...have been absolutely terrible in the other areas as well.

Oh. Well ok that's different. I don't know what to tell you there- if they aren't arrogant and genuinely want to please you I would think this wouldn't be an issue.

 

Some guys can't take the hit to their egos, that they're doing something wrong. I know had some issues like that, but it was made worse because my ex couldn't tell me what she wanted. Kinda sucks knowing you're not doing something right and the person's who's judging can't tell you what is right.

 

If you're giving these guys straightforward suggestions without berating them or making them feel dumb, then I don't know why they're having issues. It could just be that they think they're good and you're nuts for not getting off on their technique. Who knows.

 

Ok, I wasn't all that helpful. It's a strange situation. I think there's a disconnect somewhere in your communication and their ego. Tracking it down and fixing it, that's the trick.

[SarahRose]

With technique, the only solution I can think of is to just show them what you like and then they'll know to do it the next time.

 

As for size, if you prefer larger then try to find out before.

[TiredMan]

I have no idea what to do...short of asking them their size and looking like a total shallow pig. Any thoughts or advice?

 

It's what you get when dating. When I have met women, I have no idea of many sexual things:

 

a) you can get a gauge of boob size but NOT boob shape. I have found breasts that were very banana like (very big turn off for me).

 

b) vagina size, smell, hair or no hair, wetness, takes too long etc..

 

Point being, as a guy, I don't know these things either. Should I ask people about them lol? Unless it's a one night stand, sex is more than these things though.

[Northalius]

The size of the key only matters depending upon the size of the keyhole.

 

So, yes, size matters, but only depending. Many only focus on size of penis, but hardly anyone ever brings up size of vagina! Many are different, and have been in different situations.

 

I'd look at it like personalities: If someone is loud, because they're used to being in loud places, but you're quiet, since you're used to being in quiet places, does that make either of you "bad people"? No. It just makes you different people, that need to find the person that matches your personality more so.

 

Look at the penis size / vagina size in the same light. There're women that have been with bigger boys and toys, that'll like a bigger boy to then be with; then there're women that haven't been with bigger boys or toys, that don't mind the smaller boy to be with.

 

It all depends!

 

So, if you're a small sized guy, don't feel down about it! Just find someone that'll like you for you, and your size.

 

If you're a wide / deep sized gal, don't feel down about it! Just find someone that'll like you for you, and will fit snug inside of you!