THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[fiffy]

Day 5 and messed up!!!!!

 

Can't believe it!

 

I was doing so well! I can't believe I gave in and contacted him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I am so mad and disappointed!

 

I came home from work and was so sad and in fits of tears about missing my ex.

 

I thought he would have at least tried to contact me in that time- but no!

 

I am just hurting that he doesn't care that he doesn't feel pain. Why is my life in such a mess and he is so happy?

 

It was so good just to talk but I didn't feel satisfied after knowing I broke my own no contact rule and that I let myself down!!!!!!!

 

In short it wasn't worth it!

[cas]

fiffy, that happens. Do NOT beat yourself up!!

 

What did you say to your ex?

[atlanticstar]

I am just hurting that he doesn't care that he doesn't feel pain. Why is my life in such a mess and he is so happy?

 

Try not to think of your life as a mess. Ok, it's not perfect right now, just needs a little tidying up after someone has recklessly tipped your box of life onto the floor.

 

Well, he might be happy right now but it doesn't mean it won't come crashing down round his ears. Just wait until it's his turn. It will come!

 

It's ok to cry and you've proved he doesn't care so you can cut off that channel now. Let the tears out and try to occupy yourself with something, maybe even crawling this site, there is PLENTY to read and learn (I know this because I've spent days reading some of the stuff on here).

 

Stay strong. Post on here if you need support or some reassurance. There’s plenty of us in sinking (or sunk) love boats.

[franfran]

fiffy, it's okay. I'm dying right now without contacting mine. The only reason I don't is for the very fear that he won't feel pain, and I'm a mess, JUST like you. Sometimes we just can't control what we do. Just don't beat yourself up about it anymore okay?

 

I'm at day three of the challenge, but day 10 overall of NC.

 

Every single day is getting harder. It's almost like with each day that passes, my chances of being a part of his life again are dwindling away. I was fine, didn't cry for 5 days on end during the first week and a half it was over. Now I'm a freaking wreck. I don't want to call him because I can't stand the thought of hearing the indifference in his voice on the phone (since he "doesn't love me anymore") but I'm throwing the idea around of writing him a letter. I have no idea what I'd even say. Maybe I'll just write it to him then rip it up and throw it in the trash. Nothing I say will matter to him anyway so why even bother.

 

I've been reading around that going complete NC is not the way to get an ex back. In my case, mine doesn't love me anymore so I thought maybe once I'm completely erased from his life for awhile he'll realize what he doesn't have anymore. Yet I can't help but think I'm sending the wrong message. I don't want him to think I don't care about him anymore. I know it's hopeless. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[enchanted771]

I am sorry...how long have you guys been broken up? well at least he talked to you. Mine wouldnt even answer a text message, much less a phone call at this point. It might have made me feel better if he could have explained some things. But I am sure he figures what is the point. He knows I am too attached and being friends wouldnt work.

 

Day 5 and messed up!!!!!

 

Can't believe it!

 

I was doing so well! I can't believe I gave in and contacted him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I am so mad and disappointed!

 

I came home from work and was so sad and in fits of tears about missing my ex.

 

I thought he would have at least tried to contact me in that time- but no!

 

I am just hurting that he doesn't care that he doesn't feel pain. Why is my life in such a mess and he is so happy?

 

It was so good just to talk but I didn't feel satisfied after knowing I broke my own no contact rule and that I let myself down!!!!!!!

 

In short it wasn't worth it!

[kevin456]

Day 15

 

More tears recently, as much as it pains me to admit. I thought the crying and deep sadness was over, but I was mistaken. It is getting much harder for me to keep no contact, but somehow I keep on going. My goal is 39 days, and I am determined to reach it.

[digitaldiva]

Back to Day 1

 

Today is my ex's birthday and our 1 year anniversary. We haven't seen each other since the break (2 weeks). We've been in LC. I didn't plan on seeing him today. I was just going to send a little "happy b.day" text and keep it moving. He called today and asked if he could come and pick me up for lunch. He also said that he had something for me! I couldn't say no. I wanted to see him so bad. I wore something nice and agreed to join him. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. All of that tension that we used to have when we were together, wasn't really there. We talked, laughed and had a nice time. He was much more sad than I thought he would be. He hadn't really told any of his friends about the breakup. He said overall, he was having a hard time. I didn't talk about the relationship and kept things nice and cheery. He made future plans for us as well. He gave me a shell bracelet that he picked up while he was out of town. He purchased it after the breakup.

 

Back to LC.

[digitaldiva]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Virtual Hug! Sending a letter is the same as calling him and talking to him about the relationship. It's too much for him right now. It's not that he just doesn't care. He can't deal with the stresses of the relationship right now. He'll call sooner or later. And when he does make yourself be cheery and sound happy if you want to take the call.

[Thalor]

 

 

My ex and I just had a huge fight. Normally I drop our son off when my ex gets out of work at 10pm. I have to be up very early on Mondays so we decided it would be better for all parties involved to drop him off at night. Tonight she calls me to tell me that they are forcing her to stay and work a double shift. If she doesn't do it she will get written up and if she gets written up one more time she is fired. I wasn't exactly thrilled with this because I have to drive 18 miles to my ex's house. My tone of voice reflected my less than pleased nature yet I wasn't mad.

 

Well she calls me on her break to let me know that she was sorry that this happened. I told her that I wasn't mad at her, I was mad at the situation. She said that I sounded mad. She then pointed out that I apparently had been acting angry over the past week and was giving her weird looks. This past week would of course be the NC challenge for me. I didn't feel like I was coming accross negatively. I felt I was being neutral to her.

 

Well then we started getting into it. The situation from day 5 came up again. We argued about the court papers and the child support. I'm just asking her to give me back a little bit of the money because I have him 40% of the time. The court bases the child support based on custody. She has sole physical custody. In the eyes of the court she has him 100% of the time and thereforee gets 100% child support. Yet my ex didn't seem to understand this point.

 

We then argued about me not picking our son up from her parent's house. She said that her thought process was as follows: "Since I'm not feeling well I wont be able to pick up our son until later. If he wants to see his son early then he can meet my parent's half way and pick him up." I told her that this wasn't about our son. She decided to go out partying and drinking. She didn't come home until late. The fact that she is tired and hungover is a consequence of her choice. I'm not taking responsibility for her actions by picking up our son from the babysitter she arranged.

 

She then threw out the jealousy card. I didn't do it because I'm jealous of her going out and possibly meeting up with guys. While I can say it doesn't exactly delight me to think about the prospect, as part of my new outlook on life I don't care what she did.

 

I told her I had a new outlook on life. She doesn't love me so I can't wait around for her. I can't make her love me, she can only make that decision. I'm reducing my contact with her for me to heal. We can't be friends as long as I want more. I don't want to be enemies or cruel to each other. I want to be friendly. Maybe some day we can be friends again.

 

She apologized for being spiteful to me. She said she got caught up in the moment.

 

All of the above made me angry but it is what followed that has me going crazy and ruined the progress I made. She wanted to know if I was seeing anybody. I told her no. I can't give my all to anyone right now while I'm still hung up on our relationship. It wouldn't be fair to the other person. She then wanted to know if we were still doing our agreement.

 

After we broke up and she started seeing another guy I told her I didn't want her to hide these things from me. She had hid the relationship for several weeks. We agreed that if we started to form serious relationships we would be open about it to each other.

 

I said it shouldn't really matter in either case. She said that she wants to know if there is someone new in her son's life. I said okay, we will tell each other if it gets to a point where it involves our son. Maybe its me being paranoid but my "spider sense" started tingling. I asked her why she wanted to know. She said no reason.

 

This whole thing has set me back. I know everyone is just going to say restart NC and keep going. I will but I want to know first why she even brought that up. Why did she want to know if I was seeing somebody? It surprised me because it came out of the blue for me. Now I'm wondering if she's seeing somebody and wanted to know if the agreement had changed so she could figure out when to tell me. Seriously, I said absolutely nothing about other people and she brings it up. What is she doing?

 

I've decided to give her the letter I wrote. I'll be honest. I hoped she would read it and realize she had made a mistake even though it does not ask to get back together. I've got nothing more to lose at this point. She is happy I decided to move on. Every word and action she takes screams to me that she is completely over me and has absolutely no interest in getting back with me. It is killing me. If it weren't for my son I would cut myself off from the world. ](*,)

[cb663]

stay NC!! be strong. if you call him, write him a letter or anything it says "i still care about you" and thats a green light for him to not worry about the situation. if he has any feelings towards you, he will start to wonder why you havent contacted him. if he doesnt have feelings for you and doesnt contact you, well having NC with him works out to your benefit as well as it gave you time to start healing. contacting him will only delay your healing time.

[funkymonkey3]

It's already been a couple of days since I sent my last e-mail to her. I screwed everything up so bad. It's been almost three months. I did alot of searching in the beginning and had all the right info to get her back but I just wasn't ready with all of the post break-up emotions running through my head. Wish I could have known more about no contact. Could have saved alot of embarrassment and possibly my relationship with a girl that I have been head over heals for, for along time now. The only chance I have left is this but I have to admit it is kind of funny now in hindsight. She thinks I'm nuts!

[babes23]

Day 1 again for me (anyone want to know about my setback can read my thread in the "breaking up" section).

 

I have my closure now, no contact is the way forward, onwards and upwards.

[Robert013]

Back to day 3

 

She called me on Saturday morning and left a message that threatened me and also said she was coming over. I go outside and there she is in her car right next to my jeep. She didn't want me to be able to go to a Halloween party out of town if she couldn't go. She said she was going to make sure I could not go. She saw me walking torward my car and then proceeds to come at me with her car. I had to jump out of the way or she would have hit me. She then stops rolls down her window and starts screaming like a crazy person. I said that I had to leave for the party now and that was it. This really made her even more mad. I thought she was going to try to destroy my vehicle so that I could not go. I need to stay NC before she tries to hurt my son or I. She is out of control, and has threatened my life. She also made an aggressive action with her vehicle that makes me believe she is not kidding.

[hulk7280]

day 15..

 

ugh.. i thought about her this morning and last night.. i am getting to the point were I have days were I feel like my old self and days were I feel like crap and cant stop thinkin about her..

 

I hope I see that girl at the gym today.. ugh and I hope I get her number that will make my week! haha

 

my birthday is in a week...

[franfran]

stay NC!! be strong. if you call him, write him a letter or anything it says "i still care about you" and thats a green light for him to not worry about the situation. if he has any feelings towards you, he will start to wonder why you havent contacted him. if he doesnt have feelings for you and doesnt contact you, well having NC with him works out to your benefit as well as it gave you time to start healing. contacting him will only delay your healing time.

 

I wish I would have seen this before I broke NC and emailed him last night. Of course, no response, I don't know what I expected. I AM DONE now, never speaking to him again. Thanks cb

[franfran]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Virtual Hug! Sending a letter is the same as calling him and talking to him about the relationship. It's too much for him right now. It's not that he just doesn't care. He can't deal with the stresses of the relationship right now. He'll call sooner or later. And when he does make yourself be cheery and sound happy if you want to take the call.

 

Thank you digitadiva, I really think you're right when you say he can't deal with the stresses of a relationship right now. That's pretty much what he told me I just don't believe him. Thanks.

[cb663]

I wish I would have seen this before I broke NC and emailed him last night. Of course, no response, I don't know what I expected. I AM DONE now, never speaking to him again. Thanks cb

its ok dont sweat it! take the time you need, if he response i wouldnt send anything back until at least a couple months or however long it takes you to heal. i bet if he emails back he'll call you or something eventually wondering why you didnt reply. if he doesnt respond, oh well he wasnt worth it. see what im saying? you got put out there right now, if he doesnt do anything, then at least you didnt go over the top and freak out about trying to work it out.

what did the email say?? you can pm me it if you dont wanna post it here.

[digitaldiva]

Thank you digitadiva, I really think you're right when you say he can't deal with the stresses of a relationship right now. That's pretty much what he told me I just don't believe him. Thanks.

 

 

Why don't you believe him? Everyone retreats when they're emotionally flooded.

[digitaldiva]

Why are you allowing her to do this to you? Call the cops or a friend to intervene...

90% of the way people treat you is how you allow them to treat you. She's doing it to you, because you let her do it to you.

[cb663]

what the!? talk about the ex from hell. maybe try to just be on good terms with her for sake of your son and your well being? and then slowly back away?

[Robert013]

I agree I need to get away from her and quickly. I have sent her drunken texts early on after the breakup. Asking about the new "rebound" she hooked up with less than a week after we split from our 7 years together. I have never threatened him or her although revenge has crossed my mind but it was never violent. She has taken this to whole new level and I will back waaaay off and disapear. I know she wouldn't hurt my son, but she has destroyed my stuff before, and has been violent torwards me before. This whole thing is makiing it much easier on my behalf to look at the relationship as a whole. She has always been detructive torwards me and I would just let that crap go. Well now it will be easier to let her go after this crazy act of selfishness and voilence. I will not let her caotic way's affect me any more her new "rebound" gets to deal with that s*** good luck.

[jimjim1122]

this is great challenge and Im totallu accepting it. ive been broken up for little over two months, and during this time its been nothing but talking as friends here and there, her always being snotty and angry, and her playing mind games. the most time we have had with no contact is almost 2 weeks where she actually started 2 talk me out of the blue. i need some real time away.

[digitaldiva]

Day 1

 

We just had dinner yesterday. It was his b.day and anniversary. I didn't expect to see him at all. It was the first time in 2weeks we'd seen each other. Seeing him made me feel great. I wonder if it provided closure or if I will want to see him again in a week or so...

 

[unsurescot]

Back to work today, was dreading it because my ex works for the same company and the chances of us running into each other or having to speak are pretty high! Luckily I had just one email from her this morning, completely work related and polite. That was it. Got home, was supposed to meet a friend but she couldn't make it.....thought that would have really bothered me (have been feeling a bit lonely at the minute) but it was fine.

 

Spent the night, creating a 'Get Over it' playlist for my iPod ;-) and chatting to a friend on the phone.

 

Feel ok, hope it lasts ;-)

[challenge]

Feeling empty. Just trying to find things to fill the hole she left behind. Really feel bad. I know she will contact me, but sometimes I doubt if this is the best thing for us. I feel like I should be at least checking in with her, to let her know I still care about us. I know I won't heal if I stay in contact, but might I ruin any chance for reconciliation by acting like I don't want to contact her? Maybe I'm just not ready for this. I think I'm hurting her, and coming off apathetic.

I wonder if I should just try at least once to really get her back, just so she knows I'm not a pansy quitter(or don't care to fight for her). The last thing I said was "I miss you", and some other needy rubbish.

I want us to work out more than anything in my life, so I just want to make absolute certain I don't make a mistake. I'm serious about healing, improving myself, AND reconciling.

I'll hopefully make it to 30 days, then reflect, if she doesn't break contact first (which I suspect will occur).