THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[smickey]

celebros - I think the key is not to place too much emphasis on the significance of the day - it is just another day after all. You might just need to put a little more effort in than usual that's all.

 

CrapatNC - I can't wait to read your post on day 30! I think you are doing wonderfully. Your last post was really positive.

 

CP4life - I don't know your story, but I don't see how NC can backfire really. Why do you say the breakup was uncalled for? It must have happened for a reason? My advice would be to use this time to spend a bit of time on yourself. If you are seeing her on 24 July then you might have a clearer idea of where you want things to go by then.

 

As of yesterday I am now a homeowner and have my own little place! I won't move in for a couple of months though but I'm really looking forward to living by myself and setting myself up! The irony is that mine was one of two identical offers and mine was accepted because the vendor was a single girl like me! (She had to choose somehow I guess!) So if I'd been with my ex then I might not have got it! See - there are positives to breakups!

 

No word from the ex about our 'date' next week, but I don't expect to hear from him until the weekend so that's fine. Trying not to get my hopes up as many things could go wrong but I'd be lying if a little bit of me wasn't hoping just a bit...hope for the best but prepare for the worst is my motto...

 

Good luck everyone...you are all doing great.

[Benjyh]

Day 2, After failing after 1 day before;

 

didnt sleep to well last night, and had a bad feeling this morning that it was gonna be a hard day, i get to work on time as usual, sign onto msn at work and guess who contacts me....my ex ive just set my status as busy and not answered, but its really tempting. i dont want her to think im ignoring her, but i know if i talk it will just set me back again. i just need to know shes sorry for cheating on me

 

im guessing the only reason she is talking to me is because she is bored at home and needs someone to talk too. its only been a week since the breakup so i doubt she wants me back yet...so hard not to talk

[CP4Life]

Day 7

 

I really have to ask her a serious important question. I don't know when to ask...the next time I see her which is her birthday unless she talks to me before that or I ask her now?

 

I have to ask her if she is pregnant or not. She was supposed to tell me when she started her period and she hasn't told me yet. It usually starts in the beginning of the month so yeah, I kind of what to know. And I guess this is an excuse to talk to her again. What should I do?

[CrapAtNC]

It's an excuse ... let it go.

[CP4Life]

It's an excuse ... let it go.

 

Yeah your right, this NC is new for her so I want it to last and she how she reacts to not hearing from me anymore. But I do want to know if she is pregnant so I'll wait for her birthday. We were really close after the break up and thats how I gotta know if she is pregnant because of what happen on my birthday.

 

As much as this is making me stronger, hope its helping the relationship and her thinking. Making her wonder more about me...

[CrapAtNC]

I think if she is pregnant, you'll know about it soon enough!

[CP4Life]

Yeah, but she is kind of young like me and couldn't tell her parents. She can't ask for a pregnancy test so yea. I'm not really worried about that though, I'm just wishful thinking if this NC is going to make our relationship better. Because the first thing about NC is for me/myself and its making me stronger for the future. Making me the person I should be which I'm getting good progress each day. So I'm very happy with that. I think I can handle anything that happens next. Second is if its making the relationship better and making her think or wonder about me more. I hope it does and believe with faith it is.

[rosie76]

Day 4 - still no contact. Dealing with a newly-diagnosed life-long possibly dibilitating illness and a choice about where to live / whether to switch careers in the next six weeks as well as the break up so am feeling overwhelmed. Have good support from friends once I get up and out, but mornings are very hard waking up way to early and missing the comfort of having him next to me.

 

For me, it's helped to remember that he was no good at providing support while we were together, as he was too focused on his own issues and not as caring toward me as he should have been. What I'm missing so badly this mornings is the boyfriend he should have been and not actually him.

 

Out to dinner with a friend last night and the restaurant played the entirety of an obscure early 80s album which was the soundtrack of our relationship. It was bizarre. What are the chances? Was very glad I'd deleted all his messages and contact info from my phone, as I would have cracked to mention that to him.

[Iarra]

It's Day 2 and I'm doing ok. He still goes online, using the particular IM that we use (he uses different ones for his friends). It probably doesn't mean anything, but somehow, it's a source of comfort for me. I know it shouldn't be, but it is. I don't have the urge to send him a message, so I'm ok with the way things are. The real test would be when he stops going online.

 

Hey rosie,

 

I know it can be overwhelming, but try to focus on your career for now. You're doing ok. We can get through this

[Coyote9]

90 Days out now, and I wish I could report I'm doing great and have moved on. It is what it is. I am so frustrated with myself of late. I feel like I've lost some traction in this relationship recovery business, as the initial shock has worn off and now it's not about her at all but it's just about me.

 

I found out this morning that my dad has cancer in his kidneys. Very tough. While I didn't call my ex, I wished I could. I wish that I had a loving and supportive relationship that I knew would be there for me. I wished she would have been the sort of person she told me she was the first year of our relationship, someone who I could always rely on. Obviously, people change and she ran far away emotionally. She's the last person on the planet now that I would call. So NC is a success....I don't struggle to not call her at all really. But life goes on and now I have to somehow pick up the pieces. Wherever you go, there you are.

[celebros]

celebros - I think the key is not to place too much emphasis on the significance of the day - it is just another day after all. You might just need to put a little more effort in than usual that's all.

 

Day 28

 

Thanks smickey! I'm doing pretty well today. The most amazing thing happened today--I walked outside and the world was still turning! Really, it is important to remember it's just another day! Thanks!

[CrapAtNC]

Bugger, bugger, bugger!

 

6 Days, but back to Day 1?

 

I live in a foreign country and don't speak the lingo very well. My ex has always been my translator for tricky stuff. I saw an old guy sitting in the pouring rain yesterday, and when I passed the same spot two hours later, he was still there, clutching his heart and looking in pain. So, I stopped to help him. I have one other friend I could have called to help me translate, but my ex would understand the situation better (an excuse?).

 

I called her and asked her to speak to the guy for me. She helped me a lot. He had nowhere to live and wanted me to take him to a bridge so he could sleep under it. She told him there's a typhoon coming and we weren't going to do that. She helped me persuade him to let me take him to the train station and give him money for food and a ticket to the town where he's from.

 

I texted her to thank her, and we had a flurry of friendly and funny messages to and fro. I liked it. It made me feel good. Nothing needy; nothing heavy in any way at all. I was angry at myself for breaking NC. I think I did it for two reasons: (1) Because I miss her and do enjoy our chats and jokes, and (2) because I probably wanted to show her what a hero and great guy I am ).

 

I'm a bit annoyed at myself, but I'm also happy we had a short, fun, upbeat conversation, and that I was the one to end it. So, not a complete * * * *-up, but I must be careful not to do it again.

[smickey]

CrapatNC,

 

Well done you for helping someone who was in a bad situation. Don't be so hard on yourself - you did a good deed for someone else. So you broke NC - already you realise that you don't want to do it again, and you handled it really well by keeping things light and ending it first as well as doing it for a really good cause!

 

Don't stress - I still think you're doing great.

[Muzatsu]

Day 6 of NC, but day 3 since I had to see him in a group.

 

Haven't cried as much. Still down though. Haven't called/texted him since the initiation of NC on the phone/email/IM. Only 24 days left to go lol.

 

It's been a week of voluntary NC and although I am still sad, I am starting to make it through. I wonder after the thirty days, I can ring him up, but not about our relationship, just to know how everything is going.

[heynowwww]

I am still no contact, I stopped counting the days but it has been about a week. I decided I just want to forget about her so I figure not counting the days and getting out there and doing stuff will be best for me. I have a few dates lined up in the next few days which is nice. I still do think about her but I only think about the bad. I do get annoyed that she is in a supposedly happy relationship but hey what can I do. I figure what goes around comes around and by the time it does I wont care anyway. Focusing on myself has been the best medicine so far. I am still having trouble sleeping but thats cuz im insane anyways haha. Cheers everyone.

[Coyote9]

90 Days today! Although my ex started NC when she broke up with me in April, so I've had no choice about this...although it feels good to not have contacted her, chased, begged, or otherwise given her any information about me since our last breakup.

[Benjyh]

Day 3!

 

well suffered a little set back last night when readin my ex's msn name, i know i should ahve deleted from msn, but i cant bring myself to do it. but shes changed it now, so things are getting back on track. went out with friends again last night, was nice catching up again with everyone, and off out tonight and tomorrow, so lots planned to keep my head busy. im thinking about contacting her at the weekend, because im buying a bicycle, and i wanted to put a happy memory of us cycling drunk home from her friends house, id keep it short, but im not sure about it. i do miss her, but i do feel stable enough to be able to talk to her...few days to make up my mind.

[Benjyh]

o crap....i really need to delete my ex from my msn, i just clicked on her name by mistake and sent her a message without realising it not good, but im still feeling ok, i think if she did talk to me as if i could handle it all cool and calmly. lets see if she replies

[rosie76]

day 6, i guess. really struggling with the combination of being ill, having to make job decisions, and missing being with him. know logically it's for the best he's gone, but somehow all the emotion of being ill and having to make big decisions gets played out in my mind in terms of the lost relationship.

 

i'm not feeling the urge to contact him, but can't keep this out of my head for long and find myself playing through scenarios where he'll try to be in touch with me - which he won't - or where i'll bump into him - which i almost certainly will sooner or later. that he's still ruling my thoughts makes the lack of contact seem pointless. i know it's early days, but i want to be able to wake up without thinking of this - it's been two weeks and the break was for the best.

 

want to feel strong and cope with this well, but feel overwhelmed. know i should really direct the energy i do have to staying positive and active with my disease and making job decisions / applications. knowing this and still not managing to put this well-ended ex-relationship out of my mind is really frustrating. know that in a year what i do and don't do w.r.t jobs and illness will matter to me and this boy will not, but i can't make myself settle down.

 

could be the jobs / illness bits are just scarier, so the break up's 'easier' to dwell on. more likely feelings of impotence about being ill and being forced to chose between a familiar career and a familiar city just compounds the usual confidence hit of a broken relationship and makes it harder to stay strong.

 

at any rate, if anyone's come accross any good ways of ridding the mind of unwanted ruminations, please let me know.

[CrapAtNC]

Try reminding yourself that it's almost always when we have completely moved on that they get in touch.

[MissIndigo]

110 days. Got some news today that is going to completely change my life and get me back on track, something that never would have happened had the relationship continued.

 

I feel more like myself again. And things will be better than I ever imagined they could.

[CrapAtNC]

8 Days! (not including my minor relaspse)

 

Well, the last two days have been strange. I still miss her. I still like her a lot. I still love her. But I only just came to the realisation what NC is really for (took me a while considering it's plastered all over the forums here!). I have been too focused on her the last week or so. I've been checking out her Facebook and also whether she's on MSN and what her little message is.

 

Well, this morning I decided to block her on Facebook, which means I also can't view her page. It's OK. I feel alright about it. To be honest, knowing too much will only make things worse, whichever way they turn out, so I'm happy with this move.

 

I also blocked her and her best friend on MSN and deleted them from my contacts. That was a brave move, as there's no going back now. I'd need to add them as contacts, and they would be alerted to me doing that. So, from here on, it's all about me.

 

It's not easy, but it gets easier every day. I'm a good man. I deserve someone who can give me love properly, and if it's not her, then so be it.

 

So, week two, here we go!

[Milk You]

Sign me up. =)

 

Today is Friday, July 13th at 3:32PM where I am.

 

I blocked my ex on MSN and deleted him, and I used a blocker to filter out his and his girlfriend's MySpace. I hit random keys on the keyboard for a password, so I couldn't change it even if I wanted to. I also deleted my old Messenger accounts so I can't "appear offline" on them just to see if he's on and what his name is.

 

I deleted his phone info, sent back his stuff, deleted pictures and etc of him, and plan on blocking him from Hotmail when I get the chance.

 

I still miss him like crazy.

[TMinCali]

Sign me up. =)

 

Today is Friday, July 13th at 3:32PM where I am.

 

I blocked my ex on MSN and deleted him, and I used a blocker to filter out his and his girlfriend's MySpace. I hit random keys on the keyboard for a password, so I couldn't change it even if I wanted to. I also deleted my old Messenger accounts so I can't "appear offline" on them just to see if he's on and what his name is.

 

I deleted his phone info, sent back his stuff, deleted pictures and etc of him, and plan on blocking him from Hotmail when I get the chance.

 

I still miss him like crazy.

 

Wow! That's awesome. If only I could do the same. I got as far as deleting him from myspace (friends), deleting his phone #/text message and putting away all of his pictures/cards. I still find myself checking his link removed profile just to see if he's still searching. I think the day that it shows "activing in 1 week", I'll start to worry because that probably means he found someone (sigh)

[Muzatsu]

It's been a week of voluntary NC and although I am still sad, I am starting to make it through. I wonder after the thirty days, I can ring him up, but not about our relationship, just to know how everything is going.

 

I feel weird that everyone is trying to completely forget their ex and move on from what I have read from other people. I just want to sort myself out but I don't want to see other people. Is that alright Oh well, I gotta keep moving forward.