Shaker Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Pisces: I'm so very proud of your strength during the challenge. You have very good intuition about what's right for you, and how to get to the place you need to be. I hope that's something you take away from this! I really appreciated your postings, and watching you transform from seeming fragile to being gentle with all of us here. Congrats, and best of everything to you. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Starting day 5... ...at work now and really it's not helping. I feel like I want him to IM me and tell me that he is going to pursue this girl he went on a date with so I can move on faster, but it will just be more torture. Try and take it as read that he is going to persue this girl. He is back on the market now. You are building yourself for an almighty fall here. Even if this one didnt work out...you will probably be elated...until next time when he does the same thing again... Im sorry but you need to break the cycle. I dont know the exact situation or what he is like but he may have taken great "joy" in telling you because he knows you are "waiting"... Link to comment
Shaker Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Update: I finished the challenge a couple of weeks ago. I've since heard from my ex a few times, and didn't respond until I received his most recent email this morning. He has remorse about leaving me. Funny. I didn't reply to any of that business. Just said that 'yes, this week works for a chat.' He needs a friend to talk with about some big changes he's facing, he has a monstrous case of the blues, and although I wish he turned to someone else (like the other woman), I suspect it's hard for him to ask me for anything now. I know what that feels like. So, I agreed to see him this week to talk and be there for him as I'd hope he'd be for me if the tables were turned. (When they were, he was reasonably fair to me). [i also didn't ask for much because it was inappropriate]. What it really feels like, though, (and I'm writing this with those of you in mind who may want to hear from your exes): because I was dumped, even though he's coming to me for help, I feel like he'll be sitting in a place of judgment. I feel as though seeing me and talking with me is a way for him to check and prove to himself that he made the right choice when he singlehandedly dealt our lovenest and life together a deathblow! It's an awful 'room' to enter into (knowing/feeling like I'm still being judged), and I guess I'm willing to extend to him because what I could lose is some faith in my generosity (which I'd like to believe has room even for him!) and strength of being. Yuck. So I'll write y'all an update on my post-traumatic ex disorder once I see him and be a friend. Which I don't want to be. Hmmm. Link to comment
ASHAN4U Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Thanks papa.... but.... I blew it - I'm back to day 1 again. Yup I IMed him to find out about the date. As I had hoped it didn't go well at all but like you said it's bound to happen again. Stupid me!](*,) Link to comment
annalise23 Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 you need to be strong ashan4u, you will be ok. Really try and keep nc as hard as it is. Having nc so far has not worked. It is harder to move on if you are still holding on to the past But I know it can be difficult. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Day 3 Still struggling with thoughts of the ex. This would be day 20 if I wouldn't have talked to her, and I am sure I would be in a much better place today if I wouldn't have. I'm filled with anxiety and fits of rage with I think of my ex with someone else. I let this go once before, but forgot how I did it. I need to recapture those thoughts. Today I feel: Sad, Depressed, Angry, Anxious, and My head hurts. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 HONEYSPUR, can you help me out. You betcha The reason not dating after a break up is this: how can there be room for another in your heart when there are still thoughts of the ex? The ex has taken up so much space until now - how can it be ready for another? EVEN if the thoughts are about how great it is to be out of the relationship or thoughts about how evil the ex was and all the awful things they did. You're still focused on the ex technically even if you are coming to your senses. Admit openly how NOT ready for commitment you are in your heart and you will be able to be honest with your new friend. You don't need to go into it unless she crosses some boundaries - meaning if things get physical and exclusive and you are both enjoying yourselves, don't sweat it. Realize you may be projecting things onto the new person and someday, you will be in this spot again anyway, so it may not be something to worry about. But if you feel yourself dreading a get together with the new date - avoiding calls or making excuses to get out of things, you should put on the brakes. Just going cold turkey might be the biggest fear you have - which means you must face it. However, I have a lot of faith in you - so it should work out either way. Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 You betcha Admit openly how NOT ready for commitment you are in your heart and you will be able to be honest with your new friend. You don't need to go into it unless she crosses some boundaries - meaning if things get physical and exclusive and you are both enjoying yourselves, don't sweat it. However, I have a lot of faith in you - so it should work out either way. Thanks for the advice Honeyspur. I know I need to have a talk with the girl I am seeing. We have been trying to take it slow, and I know now that I really need to. I have been going back and forth between just taking a break from it and taking it slow, and if she is ok with going slow, I think that is the best thing. I've been making it clear that I don't want to be exclusive and I want her to continue to date other guys, so hopefully this will help keep things slow. Thanks again for your help and support. I know things will work out someway. They always do!!! Link to comment
Scrembledeggs Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Day 19 NC (Broken up for one month and a day now)...I know I don't really interact with the other posters as much as many of you do, so I won't expect y'all to be following my story too closely, but I was basically feeling better, A LOT BETTER, most of last week. I was playing guitar like crazy (and really putting a lot of feeling into it/getting a lot out of it), the weather was nice, I had a great weekend to look forward to, and it just seemed like the whole breakup was becoming less and less significant to me. I didn't cry once; I didn't stop short and lose my train of thought or motivation because of a mental block about her and what used to be...I felt....genuinely happy and over this. Well the weekend came and went, and it was great...among other things, I saw a lot of people from college that I hadn't hung out with in a long time, and generally just had a lot of fun. Today, however, I feel like I've taken a step or two backward...I'm nowhere near as upset as I was the first two weeks after this happened, but I'm definitely not happy. I think a part of me was looking at yesterday (one month after break/breakup/whatever happened) as a milestone, maybe as a goal that she was setting for herself just to say that she COULD do this...that she was strong enough not to cave right away before proving her point or whatever, and I guess what it really comes down to is that in the back of my mind I thought that she would recognize this one month mark and try to contact me. She did not. She continued to respect my wishes by staying out of my life. So, I can't even really be annoyed, here because I TOLD her not to get ahold of me unless she had something 'real', something significant to say about the former relationship. I guess, even though it didn't feel that way, I guess I was still holding out some hope underneath my new found happiness that she was still coming back. This could all be just because I'm exhausted from the weekend and it's back to being cold and windy...I don't know. I guess I'm just a little disappointed, both in the fact that she truly has (to the best of my knowledge, which is extremely limited thank god) moved on, and in myself for still believing that maybe she hadn't. The pang that I'm feeling right now isn't serious enough for me to do anything foolish like contact her, it was just unexpected. Hopefully this will fade into the background again (and eventually just go away completely!) so I can be happier again... Link to comment
Semid Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 15 days of no contact. Today I'm particularly sad. But full of resolution. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 If you get an email and respond, does that count as breaking NC? I was on 93 days of NC when she emailed me last Wednesday and responded. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 If you get an email and respond, does that count as breaking NC? I was on 93 days of NC when she emailed me last Wednesday and responded. Yes - that is breaking NC. If it has been 93 days, it might be safe to respond - at this point you are sane and level headed enough to handle it, I would think. If you still feel anxious - do not respond. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I didn't react when she didn't respond; not that my response really solicited anything in return. I guess I came so far that I don't want to start back at day one all over again Link to comment
houdini Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Well if responding to an email in a neutral way without expecting a response qualifies as breaking NC...Then I'm in the same boat as you WS!!!!!! My ex emailed me today to say thank you for sending my son money and her 2daughters some money for a toy or movies. She emailed a short thank you and how it means alot to her that I'm kind to our son and her daughters and that she wanted me to know that "she appreciates me"...I emailed her back saying you're welcome and to let the kids know that miss them... (short and sweet). Do I get a pass since the technicalities of our breakup prevent us from going full NC????? LOL....I was on 15days today, I can't just ignore her when it comes to my son and I have not contacted her at all during the 15days but kept contact with her mother who babysits our son..... Cross your fingers WS, hopefully we get a break from our friends her at ENA.... Houdini Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Hahaha... How are you doing? It's good to hear that you're able to hold onto NC for so long with children in the picture. That's good, slowly but surely you'll find your "sea legs." Good to hear. I guess for me it's now day four of NC I'm much more better this time around, my first fourth day of NC I was like a crack addict looking for a fix... Link to comment
kate111 Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I am very interested in knowing what happens with this. Please spare no detail! My situation has been a bit like yours (except you have been more polite and loving than me). Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 day 58...nothing really much. gym worked out with a buddy of mine from my Pre-Calc class from last semester. then went home and had lunch. deleted my myspace again, cause i seriously find it pointless, more or less to my friends from College who tell me, "well keep in contact" but in reality we really don't. so they got my cell number and if they bother to call cool! if not, oh well. then pretty much worked on the car find come to find out i got to get some warranty done. pretty much i feel great, deleting myspace again felt great again, like the first time i deleted it when my ex broke up with me. HA! i love the single life, yet i love the attention i get from girls. the flirtactious look. i love it! well off to go hore on another forum. hope everything is going well with everyone. edit thanks ahhh2jz!!! Link to comment
broken7 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 My situation: Just a couple hours ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. Everything seemed great between us, but here lately I was kinda suspicious that something was goin gon. He just started acting weird, like he was hiding something. Well tonight my suspicions were confirmed, and I found out the girl hes been seeing behind my back is at his house tonight. I called and confronted him, and he said she was just a friend. I asked if he had kissed her or done anything, and he just said Id be lying if I said no. I ended it then, and said I wanted to never speak to him again. I know this is for the best, but Im so heartbroken right now. He has another girl over, and hes doing great, yet here I am upset and crushed, wondering why I deserved this. Tomorrow will be Day 1. Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Day 22 I was so busy at work, I've had little time to think of anything of a personal nature. Did I mention that before I started seeing Rex, I was working very hard on addressing my workaholic issues? Rex used to "forbid" me from even checking my blackberry / e-mail when I was at his house. It was a great way to help me from doing work in the evenings or on weekends. So how wants to vote that the number of hours I spend working in the evening / on weekends is creeping back up again? I have such a hard time maintaining balance ... BUT ... as soon as my asthmatic bronchitis is under control, I vow to make and adhere to a schedule of going to the gym. Rex has been in my thoughts all day, but I still seem to be mostly detached from this thoughts or memories. -Rosie Link to comment
Rosie007 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Pisces (Rebecca), Loved what you wrote for your Day 32 overview. It was really great. One thing that really leaped out at me was: I had projected all of my hopes and dreams for the future on my relationship, that I felt like I had lost everything and that there was nothing left for me. But I have come through this. What Pisces wrote reminds me of a song by the Pogues, which is covered by Christie Moore (neither of whom is terribly popular here in America), called, "Fairy Tale of New York." The part of the song I've always identified with, which reminds me of what Pisces wrote, is: I could have been someone. Well so could anyone. You took my dreams from me, When I first found you. I kept them with me babe; I put them with my own. Can't make it all alone ... I've built my dreams around you. (I do so love this song!) What's new for me ... since this is my first true relationship ... is that I'd never allowed myself to dream about the possibilities before. With Rex, I could envision our children (three), our wedding, where it was held, who'd be in attendance, how my friends' children would play during the outdoor wedding ceremony (not have to stand rigid and be bored during the boys). I loved the idea of children's laughter as music during our vows. Perhaps one of the reasons I hung in there as long as I did is because I'd never entertained such fantasies before. I wanted to believe that the clarity of these visions was a sign that they'd come true. Perhaps this will be a common occurrence when (it's sooo hard not to write "if") I'm in a relationship with someone new; the visions of a life together. I also heard something interesting at dinner the other night: sex makes one stupid. How many times did I say to Rex: "You don't understand. This is not the way I am!!" Oh well, I'm tired. My bed is calling me. I love my bed. Even if it's empty. -Rosie p.s. Pisces, hope you have a great birthday on Friday. One of my dear friends shares your birthday, and my mom is turning 70 on March 8, the day before you. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 your ex sounds like mine broken7; heres a You did the right thing. It is messed up what he did. Hang in there alright? We're all here for you. If you feel yourself getting weak, come here first. Take the time to grieve, and then you can move on. I hope you feel better, and I wish you the best Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 rsx I thikn your on day 58! lol just in case you forgot. Day 60 NC - Two months completed of NC; it's getting kind of hard to count the days now, I just look back at my previous posts to find out where I'm at. I have been doing better. I can go a few hours without thinking of her; but on the other hand there are days where I think about her constantly non-stop. Luckily, I have not taken any action on these impulses. I'm staying strong, and as time goes by things are getting better. Link to comment
MasterT Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Day 12... I continue to be fascinated by what God provides me... I was feeling a bit down for the last few hours thinking to myself that I really want someone to talk to right now... Lone and behold, one of my buddies that I rarely get to see or talk to IMs me. I'm feeling better now, but this is really hard for me... I just want to run to her and embrace her and tell her how much I love her, but I know that that will only serve to make things worse. I can only pray that I will be able to show her that love and affection someday soon. For now, I'll just take that energy and work on myself I guess.... *is sad* Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Start of my third time and 5th day of NC. First time: Three weeks and a day Second time: Three months and two days Third time: Three years and three days? (Guessing from prior experience) Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Day 3 Spoke with the exs mom to let her know the cell phone had been settled. Vented a little and decided that will probably be the last time I talk to her. My ex still has all of my photos up, which is weird because she is in a serious relationship already. Crazy coward. I spoke with the girl I am seeing but kept it light. No talk of me freaking out. I spoke with a old friend for over an hour. She knew my ex and I, and thinks it is unreal how crazy my ex has gotten. No one saw this in her. In all yesterday wasn't too bad. I'm still struggling with anger, and sadness but it's been worse. Today I feel: Disappointed, Upset, Sad, Kinda-Confident, and Insecure. Link to comment
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