littlebylittle Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 I try and force myself to sleep on such decisions. You're in England so it's 00:30 - not the best time to be making rational decisions and most definitely not when you've had the last few days of emotional torment to get through. You are torn, that's pretty obvious. All you can do is take this one day at a time, think back to how you felt when doing NC. You want to feel like that again, not how you are feeling now. Be strong. As an absolute minimum sleep on it!!! Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Don't text him. Give yourself a break!! Remember how great you were doing, and realize that you can get back to that place again! The fact that you feel so conflicted about all of this means that you are trying to tell yourself to slow down and figure it all out. As for me....I realized that it's only NC day 11 for me (for some reason I thought it was 15). I feel like 4 days were taken away from me, and it's a little disheartening. Also, I have a quiz tomorrow and I feel like one of the reasons that I'm harping on my ex tonight is because I'm just procrastinating. And I am being really stupid right now...thinking about things that haven't bothered me before, even when I was completed devestated. About my ex and his new gf, etc. Ugh, I should just study to keep my mind off of this stupid stuff. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Seriously...someone shoot me or something. I think my 'needy ex' side is coming out a lot later than most people's. What the hell am I doing to myself?! I've spent the last 5 minutes slapping my forehead and calling myself a fool. All my willpower seems to have dissipated!! Link to comment
karvala Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Seriously...someone shoot me or something. I think my 'needy ex' side is coming out a lot later than most people's. What the hell am I doing to myself?! I've spent the last 5 minutes slapping my forehead and calling myself a fool. All my willpower seems to have dissipated!! *bang*. There, now you're not allowed to text him. Or I'll make you sing in public. Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Well here is an update to my situation.... Well if u can call it an update, its more like one hell of a wall............ I have my ex's daughter at my house, I went and picked her up last night...dont worry I havent broken my NC so Im staying strong and really should I ever even go back....I think I would have to be an absolute idiot to even consider...now thats my head talking...why my heart still loves him I dont know....i do miss him so much... He punched his daughter in the head for not going to school...no not slapped PUNCHED.... omg how can he do that...I can even write anymore I dont know what to say............... Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Parsley, Maybe get away from your computer for a bit. Remove the temptation by removing the necessary equipment? Just a thought. Stay strong. It won't get you anywhere good to break contact again. Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Hi shadow-- Sorry to hear about the situation!! It's great that she has you to help her out, even though it is such a horrible thing to have happened. He obviously needs to get help for himself and it's a good thing that you two are no longer together. Just stay strong! A cyber hug to you and to his daughter!! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Day ??? NC I talked to my ex several days ago and she got mad because I congratulated her on her new boyfriend... I asked her directly but she refused to confirm the rumour, telling me it was none of my business and the last person she wanted to talk about it was me... She was so incredibly mad! There was no reason for her to treat me like that, I was calm and really congratulated her, because I no longer feel hurt... She said that it didnt matter to her what people thought about it, that everything was going perfectly in her life and she didnt have to talk to anybody. She said I was immature because I congratulated her... * * *??? I think she has a guilty conscience... Anyway, she told me that she didnt want to talk to me anymore, so I said bye... I wrote her a letter and sent it to her, telling her that I really enjoyed the time we spent together but it was all over for us as a couple, that her decision was hard on me but I accepted it and wanted the best for both of us. I told her that I could truly be her friend when she thinks its the right time... And I really meant it, because after more than a month, everything kind of sinked in in my mind and I know now that she is not right for me and I deserve better treatment. Oh, and the news about her new BF made it easier for me... her new BF is her platonic love from high school... So now they write each other REALLY sappy and corny comments on their myspaces (she said I was sappy haha) but I dont think its going to last... its clearly a rebound, because they are too fond of each other and they have just been dating for two weeks... anyway, her problem... I met a girl at the gym, she is very nice and cute, also MY platonic love just broke up with her boyfriend and she is going to travel to my city to stay with me for the weekend... well, she is not so platonic, something happened between us but we never hit it off... we never stopped talking to each other... Im going out a lot now, last night me and my friend went to a bar with two cute flight attendants and had lots of fun... im kind of liking being single again... there are so many options out there! hehehe well, I feel at ease right now, and altough I still feel something for my ex, I entered a state of acceptance and I know she is not good for me right now... she will be 19 in a couple of weeks, so I should have expected her to act immature... Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 day 26..the end of it. lol. im so tired, but feeling over all good. tomorrow is finally friday WOOHOO!...hopefully i do something usefull this weekend considering i will be in study mode pretty soon. anyways, im looking forward to this semester minus seeing the ex around campus.... but oh well i think of it as nothing. well day 27 is tomorrow. i'll post updates tomorrow after school! Link to comment
shadow34 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 well his daughter was here and blah blah was my last post........ Ive gone and done it, Ive broken no contact and I called him, I was so so upset because of what he did to his daughter.......... OMG how can someone be so self absorbed and selfsh, how can cheating on me be all my fault, seriously the guy thinks everything is everyone elses problems......infuriates me that he can be so cocky like that........and at the expense of his kids.... But I know what you will all say, but before you do just think of how it makes me feel. I love him so much and I know his behaviour is wrong...................... the conversation was awful and he said he doesnt want to even talk to me at all...its over her said........ Could this be anger talking, should I try no contact for 30 days again.... I feel so alone right now and so hurt....I did everything for him why me Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 I still think this NC challenge is turning into "OH NOES I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY EX, AND I WANT TO WRITE THE PERSON SO MUCH, AND I THINK I'M DOING IT"... Of course this is a period of nc, but when people keep talking about it and making updates, it will not go away, because of the attention from other people they get the lust to write more, which perhaps (of c not always) forces them into thinking of their ex. I still think this is the situation.... The way I use the nc is that everytime I think of her, then I just quickly change my thoughts to something else... It's hard to do in the start but now it's like "Oh she has new bf, What should I wear for training today?".... I don't even get to think more before I change subject and it's an awesome idea.. plus a great way to maintain nc is to keep busy and social.. eg. I train everyday and lift weights... and listen to good (not sad) music evyertime I want to... My progress? Had 1 relationship since her and currently dating someone new... Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Day 12: Beautiful big blue sky today. A great thing to wake up to... It's funny: I had dreaded weekends not so long ago because I often heard from my ex then, and it was more possible that we'd bump into each other. Now, I'm pretty glad it's the end of the week because I'm seeing some friends, and I'm looking forward to my date! I've been keeping up with exercise, eating well, and sleeping. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 The way I use the nc is that everytime I think of her, then I just quickly change my thoughts to something else... It's hard to do in the start but now it's like "Oh she has new bf, What should I wear for training today?".... I don't even get to think more before I change subject and it's an awesome idea.. plus a great way to maintain nc is to keep busy and social.. eg. I train everyday and lift weights... and listen to good (not sad) music evyertime I want to... My progress? Had 1 relationship since her and currently dating someone new... This is really true....I think some folks here keep losing focus and don't realize that they aren't embracing it. I think it's more important to be honest and say whether or not now is the time for NC. If it's not - just accept it. You might be working your way to it. But it's true that the key to NC is drastic change of habit/environment/companions. Remember here is the place to list your new goals and what step you took today towards them. Describe how you feel when you're doing something new. It would also be nice to hear about some backgrounds from all of you. Who were you before the ex? What was life like in your early days? Sometimes, in finding ourselves, we have to look back to a younger time. Everyone had dreams that didn't include the ex at one point in their life....what was that time for you? Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 The changes in my life have been of different characters.. But I think the things we need to learn from isn't our past, because then you have to focus on negative aspects as well. On the other hand I think it's the experiences we should use in order to attain the goal. With this I mean by using the experience to act in other ways in sitautions. For instance if you know that a certain way of acting towards a girl will lead to her pushing you away, then you need to act differently. For instance, if you're the type who likes online dating, then you know each person is different, but if you get contact to the girl it's a good idea to learn how to react towards her. This can be done by looking at her actions and see if she is a silent or direct girl... then you will also, according to earlier experiences, learn whether or not if its good to show her feelings or not etc. Other kinds og experiences could be to say: "Okay i'm standing here where I am today, how do I move on from now. What have I learned from the past, which makes me happy, and how can I use this to carry on with my life without falling into earlier habits of missing a person?" The experiences and actions which you have done as a person to keep missing someone needs to be ended.. And by ending I mean, you need to get these things in the background. If you know that if you're listening to sad music then you will get moody and miss your ex, then you need to stop hearing that kind of music. If you know that you hate everytime your friends, family or even a third person mentions your ex. then ask them not to, in order for you to succed. If you know you use every minute of your sparetime to think of what went wrong and to blame yourself, then this needs to end as well. Take the negative aspects in your life, and search you experiences for what might trigger a given situation in order not to make it happen. When you're past this phase and know you're ready to move on, then you can start preventing things from happening... For instance, I broke up with my ex girlfriend because I cheated on her (I kissed another person), but still I sometimes dream of her or think of her.. each time I do this then I cut my thoughts of and instantly think of something else or make an action which requires my focus... This could be if I'm dreaming, and I wake up, then I tell myself: "OKay this is not good, I need to wake up and not sleep again, don't go back to dreaming..." or if i'm listening to sad music and it reminds me of her: "This is just a good number of feelings, and there isn't any reason why this can't be me with a new girl.." or just simply change to a good positive number... If you're the moody type, then just start slow... and remember.. the biggest change in your life, has to be done by yourself. I would seriously advice workout, football, seeing a lot of friends, evenings out drinking occasionaly, try to smile of the good things happening, watch extreme housemakeover (lol this sounds corny, but I get so touchy in the good way and often shed a happy tear on the behalfes of others...)... things that make you happy, and when you reach a certain point, you're ready to make other persons smile because of your unique individual happiness... Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 So here I am starting again, and it feels like it was only a week ago that the break up happened, rather than 5. I managed 33 days NC, before it all crumbled down around me. I didn't realise how quickly my resolve could be eroded. Now most of what is driving me is the fear of looking like the desperate ex that I never was the first time around. Day 1. Feel rubbish, have written 3 page letter to my ex about how horrible it feels to be completely ignored and to know that he must have no respect for me whatsoever. Of course he won't receive it. I toyed with the idea of emailing something saying that I just don't want to hear from him, but I'm not sure I should. What do you think? Should I tell him I'm doing NC or just let it happen like it did the first time around? Thank you all for your support over the last couple of days. It's been horrible. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have cracked so easily if you'd been here to reply to me instantly! (As in...here with me, rather than on the thread, I can hardly expect that! Good luck with your date Shaker! Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Don't tell him your doing NC, Nc should be to get yourself back on track, and he doesn't need to know that... Just let it happen and try not to contact him.. that's essential Always here to support when needed... And good you don't tell him how you feel, because oftenly the receiver of such letters doesn't care about it, and he can't use the info for anything, wouldn't be beneficial for you Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Day 29 NC: Almost there, I do feel the vast improvements over the course of the few weeks. Surrounding myself with totally different people and improving myself constantly by hitting the gym. I find myself more worried about school than worrying about the ex which is good. NC is really easy; with the occasional moments of thinking about her; but other than that, there are no urges to contact her or drive by her place to see if she's there. (no im not a stalker.... anymore hahahaha jk!) I've learned to quickly replace the negative thoughts with something else or something even positive. Since I got my number changed, I don't have to worry about any text or call from her, which is great. So the only options she has are email or coming to my house. Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Parsley, I would not announce NC....unless your ex contacts you very frequently and fails to get the hint when you do not respond. Cheer up, chum! You are doing really well...probably better than you realize. Writing out your feelings sounds therapeutic. I also found going out with friends for pints to be therapeutic....but the beer certainly weakened my resolve. Just a caution now that the weekend is here! Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Parsley-You already sound like you're getting back on track! I agree, don't tell him about NC, you're doing this for you, and he doesn't need to know. And don't be hard on yourself about having those feelings come back, it takes time to have them go away completely. I've been feeling 200,000x better since I made the decision to not pursue a career as a doctor. I thought for the past 3 years that once I got into med school I would have this weight lifted off my shoulders, but now I realize that the weight was there because I was forcing myself into something that I didn't really want to do. For the past 2 nights I have had good dreams!! I dream quite often, and I probably haven't had a good dream in about 4 years. (I usually have dreams with people getting killed, kidnapped, etc). But last night I dreamt that I was flying!! Such a huge difference to wake up after that!! I do think that I would've never gotten to this point without having gone through the break up, and I'm actually very happy that we did break up not only because he was a bad boyfriend, but because I could have never gone through this personal growth that I hadn't been ready to go through before. The one thing that I do need to remind myself now is that I am strong and that I obviously can live my life very successfully without him. I agree with others, it's easy to fall into bad habits with this stuff. I think I am ready to move on and completely stop thinking/worrying about my ex, and I just need to be more disciplined with myself. It is hard, but I have other things to focus on and my life feels like it's finally on the right path (not that I know where that path is going, but it does feel right!) Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Ok I won't tell him. I was just worried that if he didn't know I didn't want to speak to him he would try again? But if i'm right about it being drunk-dialling (and I'm fairly certain I am) it took him a month to do it, so it will probably be longer until he tries again...right? Thank you all, so glad you're all here! Shaker, I am going to London for some therapeutic window shopping on Monday. Unfortunately I don't have the spondulics for actual retail therapy, but nevermind. Might be able to squeeze in a quick green lawoowoo at lunchtime! (Green lawoowoo...fantastic discovery of me and my friend's. Woo Woo cocktail, mixed with Green Lagoon cocktail. A-Mazing.) I guess most people have at least one ex that treated them badly. Let's hope he's mine! I'm so jealous of my sister, she married the guy she met in upper 6th and they have a baby now. Been together...7 years I think? Everytime you see them you just 'know' that they love each other so much. Proper fairytale romance that I aspire to you know? One day.=; Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted February 2, 2007 Author Share Posted February 2, 2007 NEVER NEVER NEVER...announce NC. Let your actions speak louder than your words. TRUST me...it has a MUCH MORE POWERFUL IMPACT.... You guys hang in there!! KEEP THOSE CHINS UP!!! Your friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
number5 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Initiated NC without announcement: February 1st 2007 It's been 24 hours so far, and I've started to move on mentally. I'm no longer sad to sleep alone, and I'm starting to look forward to my last semester at college and graduating Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 You have now begun the thousand mile journey with the first step. Congratulations and good luck. Link to comment
tribecagirl Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Hi All! I promised to post everyday since I took Super Dave's challenge, but I decided to stay off of enotalone for a while to work on some other things I got going. But I had to come back and post that tomorrow will be three months since I've had any contact with the ex and guess what? I'M HAPPY AS A PIG IN SLOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trust me when I tell you that I'd never thought I'd be here. Everything that anyone is going through now regarding NC, I was in the same position. But know that it really does get easier, especially when you make up your mind to do NC for good! One thing that I'm working on is not thinking about the ex at all. Although he pops into my mind at some point in the day, it's not as frequently as I'm learning to turn my attention to more important things and activities. I'm just praying for the day when I don't think of him at all, but although it seems like a lifetime, three months is not a long time. But then again, I never thought I'd feel like my old self again, either. I just wanted to let those who are having trouble with NC and who are struggling to get over a breakup to know that you can do it. If I can, I KNOW you can and I've broken NC plenty of times. Take heed...IT GETS EASIER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take care all!! Tribecagirl Link to comment
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