TijuanaJones Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 TJ- Good luck my man. You should not worry about gaining her trust back. It is she who needs to gain yours. If you both are truly into getting back together than you can never hurt each other like this again. But since it was her that broke up with you (right?) whos to say that she wont run when she sees things going back to how they were before? So be careful and make her show you that she is indeed in love with you, and truly wants you in her life. Make her gain YOUR trust back!!! You are right krnelson... She has to gain my trust as well, I dont want to rush into the relationship right now. I dont even know if we are going to be back again... I just think of it as a new beginning and Im going to take it way sloooow. I need her to convince me she loves me and wants to be with me... For me live goes on... today I am going out with a new girl a friend introduced me to last week... I want to see what comes out of it. I dont want to start a new relationship, I cant handle it right now, but its always good to meet nice people who appreciate you and make new friends... thanks for the support! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Tijuana, I am so scared for you. 19 days...19 days of what? 19 days is two weeks and 5 days which breaks down to: 456 hours.. What have you learned? To communicate? What was the issue? Why didn't you guys just talk before? Hi SD! In those 19 days I went through a series of emotions and thoughts that made me grow and made me analize how I have always handled my past relationships. That time apart made me aware of some behaviors, flaws and insecurities I was projecting to my GFs that in turn made them develop some insecurities of their own. Like they say "why do you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results?" The most important thing for me is what I learned to better my life, the strenght I discovered within me. Yes, I love her and want her back, but I know this is not going to happen overnight, or maybe it won't happen at all. NC helped me gain knowledge about myself, and about human relationships, motivations, feelings. But I feel at peace because I know Im in the path to become a better person, with or without her. You see? I lover her but Im doing this for ME, for my sake, for my beliefs. I want the best for her as well, and if after getting to know each other better I find out we are best appart, I will walk away. We didnt talk before because she was not confident enough to say things to me that may hurt. I tried to resolve the issues I detected, but we didnt resolve the ones she detected and didnt tell me about. We skipped phases in our relationship and became too serious, too soon. She felt that we needed to change in order to stay together and that was a great burden. We both agreed on this and we are going to work on it. She also learned valuable things about what happened... so, im going to make time an ally... slow is the way to go. I sincerely thank you SD for your advice... I have taken advice from here and there and yours feels like it comes from a true friend... Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 Thank you soo much TJ, I wish you the best....if you take ANYTHING away from all of this... Take the knowledge you learned and pass it on to someone else that needs it... Take care my friend, SuperDave71 Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 day14... gettin better and better each and everyday...its weird how out of no where my family and friends are always there for me..im a very lucky person...had my best friend call me just to chat about life. he's very pleased that im handling myself very well..im even proud of myself.. he told me, he hasn't heard me be this genuwine happy in a while...it was really nice to hear that lol... well today was very pleasant..suns out, weather is great, work out at the gym. im just feelin great..i'll update this later!~ Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 day14... gettin better and better each and everyday...its weird how out of no where my family and friends are always there for me..im a very lucky person...had my best friend call me just to chat about life. he's very pleased that im handling myself very well..im even proud of myself.. he told me, he hasn't heard me be this genuwine happy in a while...it was really nice to hear that lol... well today was very pleasant..suns out, weather is great, work out at the gym. im just feelin great..i'll update this later!~ Im happy for you guy! Keep it up, im glad you are doing positive things for yourself. Keep looking for your friends, in fact, I recommend you start calling your friends and ask them how have they been. You can return the favor hehe. I learned this in my dark days... everyone was looking out for me, but I never did it for them! It hit me like a ton of bricks... I hope it helps... keep on keeping it on hehe Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Im happy for you guy! Keep it up, im glad you are doing positive things for yourself. Keep looking for your friends, in fact, I recommend you start calling your friends and ask them how have they been. You can return the favor hehe. I learned this in my dark days... everyone was looking out for me, but I never did it for them! It hit me like a ton of bricks... I hope it helps... keep on keeping it on hehe Definitely thanks for the reply...oh hell yes i will start callin my friends & family out of the blue! its like the best feeling in the world..i lose my ex, but i had so much more to gain- happyness, and the people that care for you! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Hey hey Nearly three weeks of NC I had a great two days yesterday and today - I visited some friends in Portsmouth, we cooked a big meal together, went out for a really fantastic girly night out (I may have had the odd one or two....*ahem*) and I feel great. Ok, I did have a little bit of a rant..actually, I wouldn't say it was a rant so much...I just talked about what happened with them, and I did make sure that a sober friend had hold of my phone all night, to ensure no drunken phone calls took place. Coming back felt weird, every time I've made the journey back from Portsmouth I was on my way to see my ex. I realised that I do miss him...but I've been missing him longer than the time we've been apart, because he wasn't *him* for a long long time before that. So it's all good, I feel fantastic (no hangover either BRILLIANT), and cannot wait until I can go back to Pompey in September and be living there again. Tijuana, I'm glad that you're happy. Just make sure that you stay that way, ok? I do NOT want to see you starting this challenge over. xx Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 its like the best feeling in the world..i lose my ex, but i had so much more to gain- happyness, and the people that care for you! You are so right, I feel the same way too... Sounds weird, but I wouldn't trade all the pain, fear and sadness I went through when I lost my ex for anything in the world! In return I found a renewed appreciation for life, friendship and family, and because of that I think we have more to offer to our exes or to any other girl... Oh, and congrats on becoming a Member to ENA! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I realised that I do miss him...but I've been missing him longer than the time we've been apart, because he wasn't *him* for a long long time before that. So it's all good, I feel fantastic (no hangover either BRILLIANT), and cannot wait until I can go back to Pompey in September and be living there again. Tijuana, I'm glad that you're happy. Just make sure that you stay that way, ok? I do NOT want to see you starting this challenge over. xx Hi Parsley! I noticed that you are looking at your ex in a different light now... looks as if you are starting to realize that change in him was not overnight, he was not himself for some time, before the breakup... I realized that about my ex too... its so bad that my feelings for her didnt let me be more perceptive before she broke up with me. Thats good, I think that now you are going to have an easier time recognizing the lessons to be learned from all this, and that will ultimately make you a better person... Thank you for wishing me well! I also hope I find happiness, no matter if I reconcile or not... I think thats what this is all about... being happy with yourself. I'll keep posting about my progress on getting my ex back... Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 im feeling so down now.. story ends here. Link to comment
DonMiguel Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 I'm in more of a limited contact mode (which is made easier by the fact that we live several hours away from each other). The reason is, while we were together, I sort of damaged the trust she had for me over and over again by lashing out, judging, being hypercritical, etc. We had a lot of fights and I wasn't very nice. I decided to work on my anger. We split 18 months ago and for the first few months, it looked like she wanted to believe we'd have a future. But during that time, although I was holding back a lot of the resentment, I occasionally erupted. Whatever trust she still had, I probably crushed. So, I went deeper this time and resolved a lot of issues with myself. We decided to be friends and haven't had any kind of fight in almost a year now. There have been several times when we tried to stop contact, mainly her choice, but she always came back. The past 6 months I've noticed that if I get too close emotionally or contact her often, she runs away. But if I back off, I'll usually get a call within a few days. If I don't call back, I'll get another one. That continues until I call her. Honestly, I'm fine with us being just friends. At one point I craved more, but I'm at peace now with the way things are. The thing is, about a year ago she said she wanted to start dating. I said I was fine with it, but when she told me about a guy she was with, I kind of lashed out. In the middle of the year, I told her that I wanted to be friends and that I wouldn't lash out again. I promised. A few weeks back, she told me she was going to meet a guy she'd met online. It was around this time that I'd decided to back away a little, but once she told me this, I just knew she was going to think I was reacting to her dating, which a) I wasn't b) I don't want her to think that because although right now is not a good time for us to be together, there may come a time in the future that IS right. I don't want to damage whatever trust is being rebuilt by being seen to have broken my word. So, since Christmas, I've basically been responsive, but not actively contacting her. If she writes to me, I'll wait a day or two and then write back. If she calls to chat, I never answer the phone, and I'll usually write a few hours later and say that I'm busy with such and such, but I'll call her in a couple of days. I find this very peaceful. I no longer expect her to contact me, so I'm never disappointed anymore. But ignoring all her calls and e-mails for 30 days just wouldn't work for me. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 whats up everyone! TJ just read ur post bro, good luck with ur plan buddy, I'm rooting for u, just please be careful alright man? day 14 - for me It's definitely getting easier and easier, but its weird because there are times when waves of the past just hit me and i find breathing a little difficult, but then I try my best to replace those thoughts with something more positive... its becoming a habit now; as for tomorrow, im taking a few chicas to hang out tomorrow, followed by a barbecue after with a few friends! It's a good feeling that we can call some of those old friends up that we haven't really talked to while we were in a relationship; i truly appreciate those friends.! Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 start of day 12 for me. i am proud of myself for getting through day 11. yesterday i had a really hard time. i was very tempted to break NC. these were the things that helped me NOT break NC: 1. i reminded myself that i can just take one minute a time. if i can manage NOW, i will be ok 2. i don't want the past 10 days to go to waste 3. my competitive nature just won't allow myself to post here and say i'm back to zero 4. i asked myself why i felt the need to talk to him. do i want to be with him again? no. so it's clear that calling him will accomplish nothing 5. i tried to focus my energy elsewhere. although i didn't get to do anything (i wanted to read but couldn't concentrate, went out with a friend but my mind was elsewhere), it helped that i at least tried i know it will get easier in time....and this forum is a great venue for me to really express the pain i'm going through. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 I am finishing off DAY 3 right now!!! Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 great job both of you; a big part of it for me is that i dont want to have to restart back from 0 ; it would be a major setback! Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 great job both of you; a big part of it for me is that i dont want to have to restart back from 0 ; it would be a major setback! right on!!! Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Congrats to you guys. I needed to read those kinds of posts right now. I still can't get over that's over sometimes, and this is one of those times. It was just so abrupt. I'm trying not to think about her home and not thinking about me, or worse, with someone else. I'm trying to squash the hope that she'll change her mind. I'm trying to remind myself that this loneliness and heartache won't last. SuperDave is right. We're healing, not pitying ourselves or each other. But it takes all my strength sometimes to focus on that... Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 End of Day 7 Without getting into the details, something happened tonight that would have set me back a week ago. Instead, I realized I've let go of my ex. I had a fantastic day. Lots of fun. I feel great. I'm excited about things I'm doing and have planned. Sure, I'm cautious because I know that I may feel glum again. But as far as steps go, I took a bunch today and am very happy. Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 TonyMar75, i know it's not easy...but we're all here in the same dilemma....and we'll get through this together too. I understand the abruptness....it really is difficult to let go. we are not just letting go of a person, but a whole idea of our imagined futures, our routine, our habits, our comfort zone, our dramas, even our victimhood. but it can happen! it will happen! Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 TonyMar75, i know it's not easy...but we're all here in the same dilemma....and we'll get through this together too. I understand the abruptness....it really is difficult to let go. we are not just letting go of a person, but a whole idea of our imagined futures, our routine, our habits, our comfort zone, our dramas, even our victimhood. but it can happen! it will happen! Thanks, Audrey. Thank you, thank you. And Shaker, I'm so glad to hear of your progress. It's inspiring. Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 shaker sounds good!!! congrats! - tonymar75 hang in there bro; i kno exactly what you feel; it sucks i know; we can all get through this ! Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Day14..ending it early cause good stuff keeps happenings..anyways..for most of the day i just sat around at home watching Little Miss Sunshine.. lol...then my brother came home from school, and we chilled till dinner. then we went off to get some dinner and i meet this cute Filipina Chick that works at the L&L Hawaiin bbq..the amazing part is, she made all the moves to saying hi, what's you name, where you live, etc. and i was just the one replying..i swear to you! its like God is being so gracious to me. haha. then on the ride home i asked my brother's opinion about her. he told me she fairly good looking plus nice.. i was like compared to the ex..he told me 10000000000 X better.hahahhaa! that got me going. then he brought up the discusion about her myspace. again it was watever to me. he told me she deleted him finally. and i just looked at him and told him not to worry about it, she's nothing! (brother and ex were fairly close)...then he told me she posted pic of her b-day with the new guy. seems like the ex's parents aren't to please with him. he told me they took a pic althoghter and the ex's parents had more of a pissed off look than a smile for their daughters b-day!? oh well.. can't do anything about it...don't look at me. thats what she wants, well thats what she'll get. anyways. i felt pretty good talking to my brother about it, cause now its really nothing to me. really! anyways i felt pretty good talking to that girl at the place were we bought dinner. Lol major eye contact is the best..well i just got home and turned on the tv when what do you know it, spongebob is on..so i thought about superdave and decided to post the end of day 14..hahha..man i feel so good...anyways day15 is coming. im getting closer to school. very excited. the only not so excited part is my ex goes to the same university..oh well...theres about thousands of people there, the chance in bumpin to her is fairly slim...thats why you gotta love cal-states!~ Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 shaker sounds good!!! congrats! - tonymar75 hang in there bro; i kno exactly what you feel; it sucks i know; we can all get through this ! Thanks, Ahhh. Actually, I look forward to the moment when I realize that I've let go. I'll say, "Ahhhhh...." Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 rsx, man that's awesome to hear! god works in mysterious ways ay? hahah, go back to l & l and follow up on that! Link to comment
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