SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 I have faith in you Zombian!! You can get thru this man!! Hang in there.... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 hey SD! day 12 for me today! ive been doing great! I made plans this friday with a group of old friends and supposedly theres gonna be 5 girls there, so I'll see if i can score a few numbers and make a few friends ; I actually do feel the healing coming over me.. No urges whatsoever to call or text, well i mean i changed my number so that it definitely helps, i dont see the mixed signals coming anymore so thats good right? I figured if she really wants to work this out, i live so close to her; she can make a 10 minute drive. so I'm no longer waiting by the phone and trying to decipher who "restricted" number is ! Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 If I dont answer what will she think though? Will she continue to miss me or forget about me and move on? Gosh I feel like I am back at square one it just confuses me so much when she contacts me like this. Heres what I would most likely say if I wrote her: ****, I want you to know that I am not mad at you. Thats not why I am doing this. I am doing this because I am moving on and talking to you hurts me so bad and fills me with false hope. And right now I need to continue healing myself. The truth is, you are with someone. After only two months of being apart you have already replaced me. I told you that if there was someone else that I cant be around for that. So I am sorry but being friends right now is not an option If you want to try and be together again (as more than friends) then please contact me and let me know. But until then you need to live your life and I need to live mine. But I cant keep going in this cycle of you wanting to be friends and then thinking its not such a good idea. That confuses me so much. I'm sorry it has to be this way I really am, but remember this was not my decision. Something along those lines. I want to try and be nice, but right now I cant help feeling that she needs to feel the pain i have been through. I havent really told her that she shouldnt contact me, but i feel that it would help me heal even better. And by saying that she shouldnt contact me until she wants to get back together will give her a very clear message of what it is I want. and Maybe make her realize that I am actually gone. I don think that has set in yet. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 krnelson, Tell her how you feel only....I wouldn't mention the other guy at all. This is about how you guys feel about one another...NOT the other guy. Does THAT make sense? -SuperDave71 Link to comment
krnelson2 Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I just want her to know that I am seriuous about moving on if she is actually with someone. I dont think she has allowed that sink in. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 I understand... You know your situation best... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Right, well it's nearly 3 weeks since we broke up, so that would make it...day 18 of NC. One of the better days by far! I had a job interview, so most of my day was occupied with getting ready for that - the shower, the subtle make-up, the last 10 minutes spent panicking over whether I looked too formal blah blah blah. Felt quite sad when I got there though...the shop is in this really small outlet centre, and is the same place I first met my ex face to face - I had time to kill and suddenly realised I was sitting in the exact same seat I'd been in when we met. It was a horrible thing to realise, and I felt my insides drop. I obviously got up instantly and just wandered around instead. Was surprised while I was on the bus - most of the time these days that I have anytime really to myself - like being on the bus - my mind reverts to him. This time I noticed just as I was walking up my road that I hadn't thought of him. Got home, and it wasn't long before I went to singing with my mum and sister, then came home and my nephew was there and he completely fills my mind whenever I see him so that's ok. It feels so good not to have him on my mind. Obviously, he still intrudes a lot when I don't want him to. But oh well! Going to visit my friends in Portsmouth tomorrow, staying the night then coming home, and I simply *cannot* wait. It means another day or two without much chance to think of him, and it's going to be fantastic. How is everyone here today? Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Hey, all. I hope this finds everyone doing well. On the downstroke of Day 2 of the challenge. I actually feel a little ahead of the game because except for a couple brief, polite conversations at work (yes, I'm one of those guys who works with their ex), I haven't contacted her since Jan. 4. But I decided to officially start over to force myself to stay with NC even longer than the required month. Today was fine because she was off from work -- but then she stopped by for something. Man, you all know the feeling. Your heart rises into your throat and then crashes down into the pit of your stomach. I did get some eye contact this time and a "Hello," but it comes with this sad smile now. I can't tell if she feels sorry for me because she hurt me, or feels regret and longing to reconcile. That's what's driving me crazy. I know I have to assume that she just feels guilty that she hurt me but has officially moved on, and so I should do the same. But so often during the day I find myself hoping, and especially in that moment like today when I see her. But she hasn't tried to contact me or initiate any conversation since the 4th, and so I know that's the sign -- if she really wanted to give it a second chance, she would engage me, right? That's such the shocker in these situations. You know how you're feeling, and you wonder how in the HELL they're not feeling the same way, and how they could just walk away? I do have to say I'm proud of myself for something today, and want to share this to remind people of this important NC lesson--don't ask mutual friends or coworkers what's going on in your ex's world. I was SO tempted to ask a mutual friend who works with us about not just what's happening with my ex, but if she's talked about me at all or indicated any second thoughts or desire to reconcile. It was so very difficult, but I pressed on and left tonight without doing it. It would have been cheating and grounds to start over with the NC challenge. You can do it, too. Much love to all... Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Hey, Parsley. Just wanted to give you kudos and tell you you're an inspiration and an example -- stay busy, stay busy, stay busy, and surround yourself with family and friends. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Thank you - I'm not sure I'd consider myself an example - just following the advice everyone here gives! Including yourself! It's so hard not to try and find out about your ex. It's a horrible part of me that wants to know that he's sad, and I don't know why. It's not like knowing that would make me feel better. It's quite easy for me not to ask mutual friends...the ex argued with one of the two we had (who are great friends) so now he doesn't talk to those at all anymore, where I still do, one being one of my best friends! There's no one I can ask about him, we don't live near each other. To find out about him, I'd have to ask him and I'm NOT going to do that. Link to comment
pinkbunnie Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 i guess im starting all over NC again can i really get through this? i ask myself that many times, yet i give in and talk to my ex boyfriend.. well, tonight is the last time i'll talk to him. im not sure how long im gonna go NC but I hope I'll make it at least a week with no contact...When i get the urge i'll come here and post. Maybe that'll help me through this time Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 i guess im starting all over NC again can i really get through this? i ask myself that many times, yet i give in and talk to my ex boyfriend.. well, tonight is the last time i'll talk to him. im not sure how long im gonna go NC but I hope I'll make it at least a week with no contact...When i get the urge i'll come here and post. Maybe that'll help me through this time Yes, you can get through it, because if you can't, then I can't. But we can. And we will. Much of my heart feels I'll never find someone as good as my ex, or that she was my last true chance at love. But that's natural. That, I think, is what makes us ache so much. If the person can walk away, they're not right for you. If they know how you feel about wanting to be back with them, and yet still do not contact you during your NC, then that's all the answer you need. That's the other tough part -- letting the hope fade to the realization that it's over, and then being ok with that. I can feel that happening within me as I type right now. It's painful, and it's not a constant process. It's ebb and flow, progress and setbacks. Sharing those setbacks here and with your family and friends is how you -- how WE -- will make it. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I just competed my 1st day of NC (24 hours). She left me 6 days ago. Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 I just competed my 1st day of NC (24 hours). She left me 6 days ago. Congrats, Going. I'm not a helluva lot farther along you, but farther enough along to tell you that each day makes a difference, even with setbacks that make you feel like that's not the case. It is. And with a name like GoingForIt, you're already ahead! Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 it's day 10 for me. yesterday was hard. today is also hard. i don't know why it's getting harder and harder.... i go out every night so i can avoid situations when i'm alone and i could pick up the phone easily.... i just feel so unhappy right now....i know that a lot of my attachment is the routine itself....not just the ex....but still.....it is so damn hard!!!! anyway...to stop myself, i just think of the bad times that we had. i figured i will never forget the good times...and i'm thankful to my ex for those....but there's a reason why we broke up....and i have to remember it. the relationship was destructive. we both deserve a better life. i deserve better treatment!!!!! please help me!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Shaker Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 End of day 5, take two I feel pretty good, but I had to cut myself some slack tonight for missing a friend's party tonight. I did go out this evening with some familiar pals I haven't seen for over a month, and I had planned to go to the party as well, but I was tired...so self-preservation kicked in. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and to 2 dates I have set up for the weekend. I also joined another fitness group today, so that'll be good motivation to get back to racing. Going to kick some butt! audrey28: it sounds like you're distracting yourself from your ex, rather than doing things that'll make you uber happy. Sounds like you have some splurging to do. Do something that really excites you! Not just stuff to pass the time! You go, grrrrrl. Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 it's day 10 for me. yesterday was hard. today is also hard. i don't know why it's getting harder and harder.... i go out every night so i can avoid situations when i'm alone and i could pick up the phone easily.... i just feel so unhappy right now....i know that a lot of my attachment is the routine itself....not just the ex....but still.....it is so damn hard!!!! anyway...to stop myself, i just think of the bad times that we had. i figured i will never forget the good times...and i'm thankful to my ex for those....but there's a reason why we broke up....and i have to remember it. the relationship was destructive. we both deserve a better life. i deserve better treatment!!!!! please help me!!!!!!!!!! Hey, Audrey. I've found that this thread is best for helping us help ourselves. SuperDave is the master at it, but I'm finding that I'm also helping myself by helping others. I'm officially at day 2 of the challenge, but actually have had no real contact since Jan. 4 (except polite, brief exchanges at work). It IS hard. But it gets easier, not harder, though some harder days will somtimes follow easier days for a while. If you feel the relationship was destructive, then you need to remember that when you find yourself mourning its loss. You're doing the right thing by getting out there with other people. When you feel the urge to call the ex, call a friend, or post here. So many of us are in the same situation, and sometimes I have to take NC one minute at a time. Don't think too far ahead, ok? And if you do think about the future, think of a future that includes a better version of you, because in the end, that is the beauty of breakups. You inevitably come out a better person. Keep that chin up... Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 thanks shaker. trust me, i am putting in a lot of work to this moving on thing.... i got a makeover, i bought myself a plane ticket for a 2-week vacation, i've been reconnecting with old acquaintances..... there's still this nagging thought at the back of my mind...to call him. i know i shouldn't and i know i won't.....but it is just not easy. it's driving me crazy! Link to comment
luciand Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Day 5: Eh... not really in the mood to post much. Doing decent, bored, tired, large headache. Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Thank you TonyMar75....the encouragement helps a lot. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 update of Day 12.. just kept myself busy the whole day. took time out for a bit to post the first part of my day. but over keeping myself busy has kept me from feeling any limbos or anything of that matter. life is definitely getting easier and i can see the changes along with it, which is great. Day 13 tomorrow...ready for the challenge! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Feeling a little better today...yesterday was just terrible. I felt really down and was so so close to breaking NC. I was really missing him and just wanted to hear the sound of his voice. But out of the blue the ex contacted me. About 7.15 last night he sent a text saying "I am feeling really sad today and I miss you. I am really wanting to be your friend, when do you think you will be ready to be my friend? xx" I am SOOOO glad that I didn't break NC!!! Of course I didn't answer it but it has put me back on track...x Link to comment
audrey28 Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 day 10 is almost over..... but it is just so hard....i am SO tempted. i really have to take it one second at a time.... i'm off now....i'm going swimming, then yoga....so i can sleep well later..... Link to comment
LLammas Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Day 7. I can't believe it's been a week, and I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps about it...wishing I could fast forward through this part of my life. Link to comment
AllTornUp Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 Accidently saw the ex naked this morning.. I was mortified. So was she. *sigh* Just one more day until I may never see her again. Link to comment
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