THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[redreine]

OH MY GOODNESS AM I LIVID.

 

I get home from work yesterday, and my ex has been trying to contact me all day. His best friend's fiancee is having her baby. So, I call him, and we talk awhile since he's in the waiting room alone. I have to go babysit my best friend who is on bedrest and 8 months pregnant, so she and I txt him from her phone, and he txts us back.

 

I get home late, between 1 and 1:30, and call him, and we talk while he's driving home. He says he's home, he'll talk to me online.

 

So we're talking online, and at some point we land smack dab in the middle of a conversation that lands him the opportunity to tell me he still wants to father my children.

 

I've realized that I am still in love with my ex, but this was enough to push me over the edge. I broke up with my new boyfriend, telling him I'm still in love with my ex. Then a few hours later, my ex tells me he just said that out of horniness. I bursted into tears. At one time, he and I were trying to start a family. How could he outright lie about something like that?

 

Then he tells me that maybe I was right, and we shouldn't talk at all, because obviously every conversation we have turns into something beyond friendly, and it's affecting my dating life, and that I deserve to make some guy happy and I deserve to be made happy, blah blah blah.

 

What in the hell, ena, was THAT all about? Anyone have a clue.

[BrokenheartUK]

redreine - it sounds to me like your ex is really confused, he's building your hopes up one minute and dashing them the next so perhaps reinforce NC until you both have a chance to calm down and figure out what you want. In the meantime, I wouldn't date anyone new, especially if you're still in love with your ex like you say.

[Sunkist09]

How long does it take a guy to realize he made a mistake? Usually, if at first he feels relieved... what if he never realizes it? If a guy is completely over a girl...does he just want her out of his life completely? Would he unblock her on msn if he's on it 24/7 and so am i? Would he still have pictures of us together?

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 2

 

Up and down constantly now. 5 weeks broken up as of today, I can safely say looking back they have been the most horrible 5 weeks of my life. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I was at the local sports centre with a friend for a game of badminton earlier, that took my mind off her for an hour or so but apart from that she's just constantly there.

 

This girl really did love me, and it tore her apart to break up with me. She just seems to be enjoying single life too much to miss me as I miss her. I'm happy for her, but I just wish that she could enjoy her life AND be with me. We were always pretty casual with each other, I gave her lots of space. But the point was we were always there at the end of a day, to chat, share our concerns and worries.

[JohnGalt]

Terrible what your ex said, but good thing he said it. You were leading that new guy on and he deserved to get out.

[JohnGalt]

How long does it take a guy to realize he made a mistake? Usually, if at first he feels relieved... what if he never realizes it? If a guy is completely over a girl...does he just want her out of his life completely? Would he unblock her on msn if he's on it 24/7 and so am i? Would he still have pictures of us together?

 

1. Varies. I never knew I made a mistake in math until my teacher corrected my test. Sometimes I make a mistake and never think to correct it. I regretted dumping one of my high school sweethearts and she was torn. Instead of going back to her or taking her back, I chalked it up to experience and decided that my mistake would make her resent me and it wasn't worth saving. I was quite fond of her too.

 

2. You'll never get back together if he never realizes his mistake. Ignorance is bliss.

 

3. No. A guy who is completely over a girl is indifferent whether she's in his life or out. That's what being over truly means. I want my fiance back, but I have cut her out of my life to make that happen. Ironic, no?

 

4. depends. If he's over you, it may not cross his mind to unblock. If he's not, he might not unblock you because it'll set him back. If he's over you, he might unblock you for that reason. If he's not over you, he might unblock you in hopes of starting fresh.

 

5. depends. If he's over you, he might be indifferent to the pictures. If he's not, he might be nostalgic.

[Ixtapa]

My ex and I have friends in common back in his home country (where we both do not live at the moment). I am "friends" with a couple of them on FB. This one guy posted a picture of my ex, himself and 2 other guys I know and I made a comment about it yesterday. Other people commented....and then tonight my ex also added something. I saw it and couldnt resist .....and I made a new comment that was obviously for him (it was something about hoping that life is treating him right

 

Aaaaaah........I can't believe I BROKE NC. It was just a stupid comment I made on FB but he is not supposed to KNOW I even CARE about what he writes .....

 

Tomorrow will be day 1 again. 30 days are definitely not enough time to heal (today was day 29 for me). Back in the challenge.....

[and again]

Ixtapa, 30 days was no where near enough for me, i broke it on 29 so join the club ](*,)

[rayah]

im a girl, my ex dumped me. hes now talking to a new girl but hes not committed to her. when we talk or hang out he acts all mean, like not mean, but like he's trying to put up a wall. like its a bad thing for him to smile or enjoy himself. i catch him gazing sometimes and he'll always be like, let me tell you something then is like nvrmind. im not worried about whether he still has feelings or not, i wanna no, does he really wanna be my friend? like im friends w/ guys and i talk to them like every day and its no biggie, but when i try to talk to him hes like 'you pressed' but then is like he's jus playing. it irritates me and he knows it, maybe thas why he does it, who knows? he still asks about my menstrual cycle, weird right. im such a nice person and i dont know if im picking up on the signs or not of if he actually wants to be my friend...hes the one that wanted to be friends and hes the one who said like 2 wks ago that he told his boys that we have a 'genuine friendship' so iono why he acts so weird in the beginning of every interaction. please help!

[redreine]

I know, John. I've tried to explain to the new guy what was going on, but he won't have it.

 

I don't know what else to do, at this point. This is two major blows in a row from my ex. If I don't get over him on my own soon, he's going to make sure I'm over him. Acting like this, anyway.

[JohnGalt]

No worries, Red.

 

Update on me:

 

Back to Day 1. My fiance called today. My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't take it. I answered. We talked about nothing really. She said she had a good time in Trinidad. She asked me if I was seeing anyone. I asked her and she said she intends on staying single for a long time. I ended the conversation prematurely because I couldn't handle it. I didn't cry or anything, but she didn't mention anything about reconciliation. She sounded bubbly and happy to hear from me and sounded like she wanted to meet up...but I didn't even push that when she gave me an opening.

 

I'm set back a little, but not too much. Next time, I will not answer my phone hopefully. We'll see.

[Xplode]

Im taking the challenge today is the day i start! no contact no facebook! woohoo. let the new life start!

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 3

 

This is my longest consecutive block of 'down days', and getting worse each day. I just feel like I'm completely defenceless in this: nothing I can do to get her back, nothing I can do to get over her.

 

I've realised all the 'healing' I thought I was doing was merely distractions from how I really still feel.

[philove]

Day 19

 

Wow I can't believe it's been 19 days already! I have toyed with the idea of contacting her but what would I achieve? I don't want her back but I want that feeling back that she gave me. I'm feeling a little better this week than last but it's still a long road ahead for me.

 

To sum up my emotions I would say I feel lost.

[Viper55666]

Day 5

 

Feeling a bit less crappy today as well as a bit stronger. Logged into facebook today and saw a few pictures of my ex's holiday had been commented on by my friends so It came up on my feed, managed not to look! GO ME! Ended up going to the gym last night so im upping my weekly sessions from 3 to 4 from now on, at least if I cant feel good I can look good eh! Shouldn't be any reason for her to contact me anytime soon, Im still really close with her family especially her mum so after a chat we had the other day where I said that I needed space and time to heal I think she may of said something to my ex as i've heard nothing from her since she got back yesterday. But maybe shes just been busy, or doesn't care but to be honest im done worrying about it and letting it rule my life...

[Anon21]

Day 7

 

Back to step one... I got a call from my insurance agent today telling me they were going to have to place blame on me because of the bull****story the other guy told the insurance company. That's $1200 I don't have... When you're doing so well with trying to move on from one thing, anything can set you back.

 

Now not only do I have to worry about the insurance, but now I'm back missing her like crazy! I keep telling myself she'll eventually realize she made a mistake and come back to me. I'm starting to hate the girl she's become, moving on from me to some other guy so fast. It makes me sick thinking about them together and how she basically threw me out of her mind all together.

 

I'm starting to see my life crumbling. I'm losing the will to do anything, and I'm seeing my future as grim and unsuccessful. Without her I don't have the push to go to my classes, and without them I have no future. Not to mention I'm alone. I can't believe it's only been 7 days. Not to mention it's only been less than a month since we were happy together. I feel like I've been without her forever...

 

I just wish I had someone to really talk to about any of this. My head is gonna explode I swear!

[Viper55666]

Its never easy buddy, losing someone who you share such a close bond with is never going to pass without any pain! I've been through the same thing, my wife left me 3 months ago after 5 years together and theres not an hour that goes past that I dont think about her, what shes doing, who shes with etc.... Now the following advice was given to me and it is hard but once you get your head round it, it does make sense and help alot!

 

1. Go to classes, dont put your life on hold, although you may not have the motivation to do anything... keeping busy will help to keep you mind off things even for a minute!

2. Find some new hobbies that get you out of the house, sitting at home listening to sad music, and drinking was all i wanted to do and i went to some very dark places because of it! KEEP BUSY!!! the less time you spend on your own the less you will think about her

3. Keep NC up!!!! it helps in one of two ways.... either she misses you and comes back, or it gives you the chance to start to heal and get your head round the breakup.

4. If you do see her keep your chin up, dont play the depressive, DO NOT TRY TO MAKE HER FEEL SORRY FOR YOU! it doesn't work and will only make her think less of you... after all would she want to come back to someone who is lifeless and no fun? Make her think (even if its not true) that you are ok, getting on with your life and not letting it effect you!!!

 

Chin up mate, it will get easier!

 

Hope this helps

[Anon21]

It does help thank you. I read your day 5 post, and I've been wanting to start up at the gym here as well. But my lazy ass is too stubborn to go down and sign up.

 

I can't explain it, but the little push from reading your post is making me want to go tomorrow and sign up. Or at least go by and get information. I'll post my day 8 up tomorrow, and you can give me grief and shame if I say I ended up not going.

 

I know you've had trouble keeping NC, and it was a good idea telling her mom to tell her you needed time. Even if she does call you, what you can at least do is miss the first phone call. As a test, and decided from there whether you want to answer the next one. If it's really important, she'll leave a message, which you can also decide to listen to or not.

 

Rather than talking to her and answering the phone, just absorb that feeling that she cares enough to actually call to check on you. It's something that you don't always get from an ex. My ex who I had been with for 2 1/2 years likely doesn't even have me cross her mind anymore. She's a fast mover, and falls in love quickly. Knowing that she cared enough to call would make it feel a lot easier (Not saying I have it rougher or easier than you).

[Viper55666]

The only advice I can give you with the gym is get a couple personal training sessions, you usually get a couple thrown in with the induction package but it will make all the difference! When you go and do your own thing its takes an age to start seeing results and you will get frustrated and give up. Working initially with a PT will give you confidence in your routine and you will see results much sooner which will then give you the motivation to keep going and eventually you will catch the bug and will have to be torn away. But its very worth it, when you start to see results and go out on the town or down the pub and start getting chatted up and looked at more your self confidence will go through the roof and you will start thinking of the breakup as her loss and not yours!!!

 

Do it for yourself, go and sign up, it will get you out of the house, you'll meet new people and you will be much more confident and happy!

 

 

[Ixtapa]

Ixtapa, 30 days was no where near enough for me, i broke it on 29 so join the club ](*,)

 

Yep, back to square 1 for me .....but someone told me today it might actually not be so bad that I broke contact as my comment was very casual and basically wishing him well, nothing very personal.

 

So he could think I want to be back in touch....but also that I have really moved on as I am not asking anything about his new situation (I dont know where he lives and dont have his phone number either).

 

The thing is that I am still in touch with some of his closest friends and it would be good if we could all be friends sometime in the far future. It is annoying to have to avoid talking about him when I am in touch with his friends.

 

Still....Im back to complete NC....for another 30 days at least

[BrokenheartUK]

Feeling okay today, still sad she didn't send me a text on my birthday. I'm thinking about her less but would love to see her, I miss her loads.

 

My parents are coming down on Saturday which means that we'll spend pretty much all day in town going around the shops, which makes me nervous as it increases the chances of me bumping into my ex and her new boyfriend. It's been almost 40 days NC and I'm still not ready to see that, it would kill me. I hope to God I don't see them at the weekend, I've been avoiding the city on Saturdays for that very reason

[lauramed]

5 days....starting all over again. Saw him last Thursday. I'm asking myself today how an intelligient woman can be so stupid when it comes to this man. Haven't cried for a few weeks and then last night couldn't stop the tears. I know he'll be calling again and I need to find the courage to tell him to leave me alone unless he wants a relationship with me again. I'm so tired today....tired of feeling like this, tired of wondering what the future is going to hold and if he's going to be in it, tired of missing him....the list just goes on.

[JohnGalt]

Day 1

 

I don't know what to say. I did well over 30 days of NC and it didn't make me feel that much better. I still had the dreams of my ex and I still woke up thinking about her. Taking this challenge has made me realize that I have the resolve not to contact her, but it doesn't take away the hurt or pain or loneliness.

 

Perhaps NC was a success because my ex contacted me first. She had to initiate. Then again, when here number popped up on my phone, my heart sunk. I didn't want to answer, but I couldn't resist. This was the moment of truth. Was she calling to tell me how much she loved me and missed me? How she wanted to spend her life with me?

 

Unfortunately no. She was friendly and talkative. She wanted to catch up. I must've sounded like a moron. My heart was jumping so it made it hard for me to say anything without it sounding choppy. She gave me multiple openings to try to meet, but I ignored each one (Stupid me!!!). She told me she wasn't going to date anyone anytime soon, but that also meant me I suppose. She asked me if I was seeing anyone and I wanted to tell her how silly she was for even suggesting that, but all I could get out was a "no."

 

I ended the conversation abruptly and she said she wanted to talk more. I told her we'd talk later. I have no intention of ever calling her again, but I know she'll make contact soon.

[JohnGalt]

5 days....starting all over again. Saw him last Thursday. I'm asking myself today how an intelligient woman can be so stupid when it comes to this man. Haven't cried for a few weeks and then last night couldn't stop the tears. I know he'll be calling again and I need to find the courage to tell him to leave me alone unless he wants a relationship with me again. I'm so tired today....tired of feeling like this, tired of wondering what the future is going to hold and if he's going to be in it, tired of missing him....the list just goes on.

 

I've stopped my full out crying. I haven't cried full out in a couple of weeks. But in weak moments, I have shed a tear.

 

I feel the same overall as you. I want this ordeal to pass, but I am savoring every moment because I want to look back at this and know I can make it through anything.

[lauramed]

Well John...I had stopped the crying until I saw him. Like you when I saw it was him that was calling I knew that I shouldn't have answered, but I was so shocked to see his number that I couldn't help myself.

 

If we can make through this we can make it through anything. I guess we're finding out that we're much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.