THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 3.5 (can I do that?)

 

So far I'd managed a good 5 days or so not feeling depressed (I had angry streaks but those I can deal with) but something's hit me in the last hour or so. I'm just lost again. NC is wearing my resistances down, not being with her is too hard.

[DeeDee1234]

I have gone 3 whole days without checking myspace or AIM or anything else! Oh my goodness I am really surprised I could do this. Sunday was the "anniversary that never happened" (what would have been our 1 year anniversary if we had stayed together). And I told myself, you just really start need to let go by this date otherwise it will be a repeat of past heartbreaks - depression, sadness, hoping hoping hoping that will come back to you. I really didn't think it would work, but I've really started to let go. First I stop talking to him very easily and now this. Perhaps getting over him will not be as bad as other break-ups. It is so liberating!! Devoting so much emotional energy to someone who basically does not care about you is such a waste.

[redreine]

I broke NC. lol

 

It was really lame. I have a personal issue that quite honestly, I feel like the only person I can talk to about it is my ex. He completely ignored me.

 

Had it been some random stupid thing, I wouldn't have cared. But it's something very serious involving my health and safety. I have never lied to him before, not even so much as a little white lie. I don't lie...everyone knows that just isn't my style.

 

I don't know what to think...I'm pretty disturbed at his lack of a reaction.

 

**EDIT**

My ex just IM'd me saying he'd be online later, and he would talk to me then. *sigh*

[brazilgirl21]

I'm going through SEVERE health issues, well not severe really, just some serious-ish depression/anxiety that I have to take meds for, and the LAST thing I want to do is contact my ex about this. Seriously, they left us, screw them for now.

 

I want my ex to believe I am doing great. Seriously, I'm done being honest. I'm playing games now. Since I still want him back.

 

However, after all this drama and really not being able to rely on him I think when I'm over this, which I am recovering, I might not even want him back. It made me realize he really does not care about me because I mean, he saw how sad I was the last time we talked and 16 days have passed and he haven't contacted me at all.

 

So yeah, NC and he doesn't deserve to know I am suffering.

[redreine]

It's not so much a health issue, as a safety issue, and as much as I hate to say it, he is really still my rock.

 

I 100% don't feel comfortable confiding in anybody else about the entire situation. I'm thinking more along the lines of, he would be able to take care of said situation for me, should the need arise...I need a man in this situation. It's hard to explain without divulging...and I don't want to jump to any serious conclusions about the situation just yet.

[rayah]

 

I want my ex to believe I am doing great.

 

 

 

Yep! But dont make him believe it actually FEEL that way...for a long time i tried to make him ''believe'' i was fine but you can sense if a person really is fine or not. anyways, im genuinely feeling great and i broke NC awhile back lol, i dont really need it, just LC...but yea and he told me he felt my strength and it 'intimidated him.' GIRL POWER!

[rayah]

It's not so much a health issue, as a safety issue, and as much as I hate to say it, he is really still my rock.

 

I 100% don't feel comfortable confiding in anybody else about the entire situation. I'm thinking more along the lines of, he would be able to take care of said situation for me, should the need arise...I need a man in this situation. It's hard to explain without divulging...and I don't want to jump to any serious conclusions about the situation just yet.

 

I DEFINITELY felt like that...but you HAVE to find someone else to talk to! You HAVE to!

[rayah]

It's really hard to believe this, John. I think by nature I'm a paranoid person and in my head I already have her in love with this new guy. They've only been dating for about 6 weeks, I know nothing of the severity of the relationship or if she is even looking for anything serious, yet I have this intense feeling in my gut that they'll go the distance. Completely irrational but it's the way my head seems to work...even if they did break up she would never come back to me as she has successfully buried any feelings of love she ever felt for me.

 

Does anyone else have this kind of paranoia and fear about their ex's new relationships? Is it natural to feel this way? It would help me if I knew there were others out there who felt as I do

 

YESS! My ex started talking to this girl probably a month after we had broke up and they are still talking [its been 6 months now] and he's still 'single' but they spend time together and they had sex vday wkend for the 1st time. i keep thinking in my head that they are going to get married. i have to tell myself over and over to slow it down, they arent even dating lol. but i mean really he isnt committed to her...i mean hes faithful but they dont go together...like but hes like 'boyfriend/girlfriend' is just a term. it is but it isnt. if you really wanted to be with someone you would want to be their man. anyways, i dont care about him, her or them. shes barely legal and shes egyptian [yes! i am holding a grudge towards egyptians lol]. i will, in due time, move on to BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS!!

[redreine]

I DEFINITELY felt like that...but you HAVE to find someone else to talk to! You HAVE to!

 

He hasn't gotten back online yet, so I'm thinking of just telling him thanks but no thanks. In a very polite way, of course.

[Anon21]

Day 2 1/2 NC.

 

Wow it feels like it's been so much longer than it has. I want to talk to her, but not the her that she is now. I want to talk to the her that would normally take it easy with me, not be so uncaring. It doesn't make sense, even as her ex she isn't the type of person who would treat an ex like this.

 

I begged and pleaded at first. I feel like I've screwed up any chance of getting back together. I get scared she tells her new boyfriend how much of a loser I was being.

 

I continue to hope every phone call i hear is going to be her and it's not. I want to say that if she called I would continue the NC rule, but I don't know if I could.

 

I look forward to posting these little entries. I feel like I'm releasing some of the pain.

 

I read the article on breaking up with a borderline personality disordered girl. I feel like that is what has been going on in my life, I hate to call her borderline disordered, but I can at least say I think she's somewhat.

 

I was the one who broke up with her afterall. Because our life was tough. When we were happy, we were amazing, but when we weren't we were a mess. She wanted a lot out of me, and it tired me out. She would go through phases of joy, and phases of complication when she was joyous we were both happy, but her complications tired me out as well. When I would ask for a break in the relationship, she would become the amazing girl again, trying to win me back. And I would take her back.

 

I keep thinking about how amazing she could be. I know there's an amazing person inside of her that could be permanent.

[Anon21]

He hasn't gotten back online yet, so I'm thinking of just telling him thanks but no thanks. In a very polite way, of course.

That sounds good. But also don't hold your feelings and problems inside. Find someone to talk to. We all need someone to talk to, or we'll drive ourselves crazy.

[TLguy]

Im on day 10 I think now...havnt posted here in a while...that must be good right?

 

Am starting to stop thinking about her now =] 2 months later and I feel deep down Im starting to feel. I really feel having ZERO contact from her within that time apart from the very odd snippit of text communication I wouldnt have healed so quickly.

 

NC is gewwwd people.

[ToodlePip]

Day 15. Haven't heard from her since her last text in reply to mine, but then again I didn't reply as there wasn't anything obvious to reply to. Don't think about her 24/7 anymore but I still get the whole morning sadness. Plus I've been having the weirdest and slightly unpleasant dreams the last few nights as well.

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 15. Haven't heard from her since her last text in reply to mine, but then again I didn't reply as there wasn't anything obvious to reply to. Don't think about her 24/7 anymore but I still get the whole morning sadness. Plus I've been having the weirdest and slightly unpleasant dreams the last few nights as well.

 

I hate the dreams. They're the reason I lost a good 2 weeks sleep, only just starting to recover it now! They weren't necessarily depressing, just unnerving.

 

Day 4

 

Still in anger mode, but it's fine cos I've got a metal gig tonight I've been pretty excited about, I'll vent there. Will be good to get out with people and have a few drinks etc. Funny that I've really gotten back into my metal since the breakup...

[philove]

Day 14 - After reading Sparkie's post it made me reflect on my own relationship with my ex, like his ex at the end of the day we were just not right for each other. It made me feel a bit sad but I guess I'm still grieving. I am slowly crawling out of this black hole but I can feel myself slip at times.

[ToodlePip]

I hate the dreams. They're the reason I lost a good 2 weeks sleep, only just starting to recover it now! They weren't necessarily depressing, just unnerving.

 

Day 4

 

Still in anger mode, but it's fine cos I've got a metal gig tonight I've been pretty excited about, I'll vent there. Will be good to get out with people and have a few drinks etc. Funny that I've really gotten back into my metal since the breakup...

 

Know what you mean.Mine don't have her in them really - latest one was a crazy parrot trying to peck my eyes out. Absolutely bizarre.

 

I went to a metalish gig last night! went to see F*cuked up, was brilliant. I've noticed that because I'm saying yes to everything right now, I'm doing things I used to and never did do as I would invariably turn things dow to spend time with my ex.

[LemonCheesecak]

Know what you mean.Mine don't have her in them really - latest one was a crazy parrot trying to peck my eyes out. Absolutely bizarre.

 

I went to a metalish gig last night! went to see F*cuked up, was brilliant. I've noticed that because I'm saying yes to everything right now, I'm doing things I used to and never did do as I would invariably turn things dow to spend time with my ex.

 

Good choice!

 

But back to the topic at hand, I've noticed I'm the same. And its good, even in the last few months of our relationship I never really had anything to be excited about, any events to look forward to or anything (mostly due to coursework stress). I think this could be a learning curve for whatever the future holds relationship wise. Next time, I'm sticking to the things I love to do!

[longdist]

Well I made contact with my ex on Sunday after a month w/o conctact to tell her about something that caused me to act cold to my ex before the breakup. It is described here:

 

 

I felt like it was something that needed to be said and that I needed to keep honesty with her if I am to hope of any sort of relationship with my ex in the future, even as friends. I got a response, one that I was pretty much expecting. Unfortunately, now I feel like I've regressed in my healing immensly. I kept waking up from dreams about my ex last night. It really sucks. I do think that these renewed feelings of sadness will pass more quickly now. I am still happy I sent the message. I just didn't think a response was going to affect me like this. I thought I was prepared.

[BrokenheartUK]

Day 31

 

I have gone through a strange 24 hours - last night in the middle of watching a film at the cinema I had something of an epiphany. It came out of nowhere and since it happened I've been thinking of her less and can actually feel myself coming to terms with never being with her again. It's a weird feeling, all the more because it just came suddenly and with no warning!

 

I'm in such a good mood today and that is something I haven't had for so long that I'm waiting for the inevitable crash...and so far it hasn't come. I have a meal out tonight, then a day off work tomorrow that I am going to make completely self-indulgent, drinks in the evening and then recording all weekend with my band. It's going to be a good one, I really hope my mood stays like this

[brazilgirl21]

Day 17 - I am feeling better from my anxiety/depression, which means I focus less on my irrational fears and more on my ex... weird cycle. I miss him. I just wonder if he misses me? Or think about me? The thing is, I know we are kind of "inevitable" and the moment this NC is broken, we will probably get back on the emotional roller coaster. I'm not sure I want that. However, it's weird not to know if he's dead or alive. We were SO close and connected.

Oh well, I'm keeping NC at least until March 21rst when I know I might have to see him on a friend's graduation.

 

Part of me thinks he *MIGHT* miss me. However, part of me thinks he's happy with his new girl and just forgetting me more and more and that maybe if we talk he won't be confused at all, he will be certain we are over for good.

 

Oh well, I guess at least with NC I know I can live without him. Slowly but surely I will be able to do so.

[JohnGalt]

When this happens to me, it lasts about three days. And then I go back to missing her for a week or so. LOL.

 

I read that this is normal during the healing process. You have a couple good days, then more bad days....eventually you'll have more good than bad and then finally, you'll rarely think of your ex at all (as soon as you reach this final stage, this is when they decide to come back, haha!)

[LittleLost]

Day 10. Yesterday I was feeling like * * * * .

[BrokenheartUK]

When this happens to me, it lasts about three days. And then I go back to missing her for a week or so. LOL.

 

I read that this is normal during the healing process. You have a couple good days, then more bad days....eventually you'll have more good than bad and then finally, you'll rarely think of your ex at all (as soon as you reach this final stage, this is when they decide to come back, haha!)

 

Yeah I know, I've experienced this before which is why I'm wary and expecting the inevitable fall back into the abyss at any moment...I guess all we can do is to ride the wave while we're 'up' as long as we can!

 

How are you doing today, John?

[JohnGalt]

keep strong, lost. It's like being on a drug and weening yourself off of it. It is really tough.

[JohnGalt]

Yeah I know, I've experienced this before which is why I'm wary and expecting the inevitable fall back into the abyss at any moment...I guess all we can do is to ride the wave while we're 'up' as long as we can!

 

How are you doing today, John?

 

I'm doing alright, buddy. You know the mornings are the toughest for me. I wake up thinking about her and instead of texting or calling, I come here in the mornings. It is almost therapeutic.

 

Honestly, last weekend, I went a couple of mornings where I woke up feeling AMAZING and not thinking of her...first time that's happened. Now the thoughts are back.

 

Anyways, I can see the process that I've made in my own healing. I'm much better than I was a month ago...but no where near completely healed. I'm still holding out hope for reconciliation *crosses fingers* but I'm also equally interested in living my life and moving on. Win, Win I suppose.