THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Steve 7745]

Day 5.

 

Another day of working out and work. Going to be a long morning though. Decided not to contact the ex. Somehow, I made up my mind that she's being manipulative, her guilt making her want to talk to me to see if she can hold onto something.

 

I finished The Beautiful and Damned and the ending was not quite what I expected. Not at all.

[The Mad Pagan]

I'm going to go crazy. Sometimes I don't think about it at all, and sometimes it's ALL I think about. Dang it, I don't want to think about it anymore!

 

It's freaking ridiculous.

[StillSmiling]

Day 16

 

I am also going crazy. Except I don't have ANY days, or even hours that I don't think of him.

 

No matter how hard I try to stop, my crazy brain keeps on making up evil little ideas of how to run into him or a reason to contact him. I don't know how to get unstuck from this place.

 

I do know that phone call 2 weeks ago really set me back. I have to remind myself of that and KNOW that I will only cause myself more pain if I stop NC.

 

I've never felt this way before in my 53 years. Why is this man so tough to get over? I guess I am still processing it and getting over the shock that it even ended. Much tougher to be the dumpee ...

 

Heads up all. We will make it through this.

[Marus]

A little more then a month.

 

Had a dream last night about the ex, about her missing a get together we set up several months back. Can't remember much more then that. There is no sign of her missing me, and I hardly think about her with butterflies anymore. Most of the time it is "Hey, look at that, old stuff." Recently though I found some old letters written to me and a letter written by me in my important documents file. Hit me as a surprise and only the slightest twinge of sadness. I'm definitely getting better. Another month and I think I will be good.

[GoldenHillGuy]

DAY 6

 

Doing better. Realized she's looking for something I cannot provide. Her daddy. I hope she finds her daddy and a lover. But I can't be both to her. I'd be surprised if anybody could fill both roles. Oh well, its out of my hands. Doing much better today than yesterday. I'm in control, not her. I took that power away from her when I refused friendship. Good luck everybody.

[mattysfun]

so im realizing my deepest fear.

he doesnt want to talk to me.

he doesnt care.

and he doesnt need me in his life.

 

god save me.

 

this is all i get to talk about it today.

time to flirt with other boys.

 

seems to fill the gap.

 

that sounds healthy LOL

[Nearwater]

been a week since some angry texts from her and a final voice mail.

Still catch myself obsessing most of the day and into the night.

only been since may 1.........

[mattysfun]

saw him online.

it hurts.

he's happy.

im not.

 

i hate him for it.

and he doesnt care.

 

tomorrow will be better.

[DavidWRosario]

Day 13 - Exhausted, Started moving out of my friend's place. Took at least two weeks to move in. Rented lower half of house from a friend of 12 years. Had a huge fight, day after i got back from WVA. So I am packing most of my crap and putting in in storage. Had a funny thought when I was at storage facility. If I lived here. I could definitely be alone. Rent's cheap enough 60 per month. Ha Ha.

 

You know everyone here is walking a tough road. Sometimes I cant believe what we are all walking through. I was going over my losses yesterday, God is Great cause if I was walking this alone, I'd a taken my own life by now. May 8th - Wife of 20 yrs through me out. June 1 - Best friend from Army days, stayed friend after army (19 year friendship) died of a stroke, he was 56. August 5th - had huge fight with best friend, asked to move on, 12 year friendship gone.

 

If i dwell on this stuff, I am going to loose my mind. I just cant stop. God grant me peace again. It is in your presense i need to walk. Lord you know my heart, please make it stop hurting. Men dont cry this much, make this stop.

 

Dave

[KaylaJoy]

so im realizing my deepest fear.

he doesnt want to talk to me.

he doesnt care.

and he doesnt need me in his life.

 

 

yep, that's about where I'm at too....sucks, don't it?

[StillSmiling]

Day 17

 

I am not surprised that he has not contacted me at this point. It was over 3 weeks when I was stupid enough to make contact with him last time when I saw him online.

 

I've erased his name from my buddy list and put it back on so many times I can't remember. It's stupid. It only hurts when I see him online and know he can see me. At times I left my computer on for hours hoping for an IM. Of coarse, none comes and I just feel crappier.

 

I have to get to the point of accepting how final this is and stop dreaming about being able to solve it. I'm not sure why I am even posting in the "Getting Back Together" section anymore because it's not going to happen. I guess I just stay here because it's where I started my count.

 

I need to accept that with his personality, his decision to toss us away is final.

 

I need to accept that even if any type of reconciliation happened, it wouldn't last. He is not the right one for me and I know in my heart that is true.

 

He was SO obsessive in his love for me, so attentive and romantic. But still obsessive, and while that felt great for a time, it is what made him walk away. When I could not be 24/7 for him and he needed me to turn to him with problems rather than solve them on my own. It made him feel "banished" and "left out in the cold".

 

It screams insecurity, and yet I never saw that, as he is a very talented and successful musician as well as a music teacher. Front stage is his life ... how odd to see some of the inside.

 

Writing all of this helps me get closer to the acceptance I need to find and reminds me of how to get through another day and closer to my healing.

 

Thank you all for there being a place to put all of the noise in my head.

[killingjoke]

You know, when first thinking about it, it seems like if you go NC the ex will forget about you and move on completely and things would be 'worse off' then before. BUT, based on all of the personal experiences of those on this board who've went through things like this, would you say that getting out of the picture will only help in the long run, in that if the ex truly truly does love you then time apart will make them miss you and eventually--if they truly do love you--then they'll come back.

 

I know the main point of NC is to aid the one who has been dumped. It allows them to get over the pain, the anger, and the anguish. But, if your not around it gives the ex a chance to miss what is not there. Right?

[bfla]

You know, when first thinking about it, it seems like if you go NC the ex will forget about you and move on completely and things would be 'worse off' then before. BUT, based on all of the personal experiences of those on this board who've went through things like this, would you say that getting out of the picture will only help in the long run, in that if the ex truly truly does love you then time apart will make them miss you and eventually--if they truly do love you--then they'll come back.

 

I know the main point of NC is to aid the one who has been dumped. It allows them to get over the pain, the anger, and the anguish. But, if your not around it gives the ex a chance to miss what is not there. Right?

 

 

Yeah, the secret subtext around here being that they usually don't.

Party on.

[The Mad Pagan]

Time is going by faster now. Keeping busy is my friend. I just don't want to think about it anymore, so every time I start, I occupy myself with something else.

[Steve 7745]

Day 6.

 

Feeling meh. Got up to work out but passed right out again. Wearing a stale undershirt that needs washing when I get home. Can't wait to go home.

 

Occasionally I daydream about what it would be like to get back together with C. But then I slap myself. Daydreams suck you in, give you false hope. They warp your reality.

[Steve 7745]

Day 6.5

 

I got home after work and just needed to lie down in bed. I struggled but couldn't sleep. And somehow in the darkness, my memories of being with C came flooding back to me. And I saw us in those moments of radiant intensity being together in bed, holding one another. Those moments where you connect with someone on a level that is beyond just the physical.

 

Maybe I didn't realize just how depressed I was until that moment when it finally just boiled over and I let myself cry. I didn't give a damn. No one was around to judge me. I asked myself if the person who leaves you feels all these emotions as well. If they're heart broken and don't even realize it.

 

Still, no contact between us. I just want to heal and get on with my life.

[KaylaJoy]

day 8...tonight was hard. I fought hard not to call, text or something. Instead I called a girlfriend and had her talk me down from the ledge. I missed him alot tonight, but not anymore than any other night. I just see so many missed opportunities for us to be together, spend time together gazing at the stars from my front porch swing, watching movies, hanging out on the porch talking til 5am like we used to, fishing at a friend's pond, watching Craig Ferguson like we love to do on late night TV....all these moments pass by, and I sit and wonder where he is, and why isn't he here with me at moments like this, and then the shocking realization hits me once again - HE ISN'T HERE WITH ME BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE HERE WITH ME!!

I realize that he has given me two choices....be his friend from afar or not be his friend at all. I don't like either one of those choices. I'm not comfortable being his friend from afar (aka only hanging out once ever 3 or 4 months or so - when he can "squeeze" me in"), but I hate the thought of not being able to be friends with him at all. I also realize this is a very familiar scene - the dumper, not wanting to be the bad guy, or the cold hearted shrew, says "oh but we can still be friends", but what they really mean is "I don't want you to be mad at me or think I'm a total fraud so I'll say we're friends but that doesn't mean we're going to act on it"!

I'm confused and have spent more than a little time in prayer, seeking God's Will in all this. I believe God can make my heart come under subjection to His will, and that's what I pray for. Because between me and ya'll, God knows I ain't likin' either one of the choices Mark has left me with. And if this is as good as it gets, then God help me to find the "good" in the getting!

[mattysfun]

he2etic

is working out helping?

im thinking thats my new plan

workout until i break.

[istillluvu06]

screwed up NC .....just wanna die.

[Steve 7745]

he2etic

is working out helping?

im thinking thats my new plan

workout until i break.

 

Working out just gives me something to do in the mornings. It also releases endorphins which help you get through depression with less sadness and makes things seem less severe. Usually we stop working out in the face of depression, which is sad because that's when we could use it the most.

 

Day 7.

 

Avoided breaking NC unintentionally. I'm going to a party tonight for a friend's birthday. Friend didn't think and invited EVERYONE on her Facebook's friend list, including C. Thankfully, friend got a message from C that, "Things would be too awkward if she came", so I'll drop by for a few hours after all.

 

Feeling okay now I guess..

[mattysfun]

keep it up mad.

keep it up.

you keep me going.

keep my hope going

thank you.

[StillSmiling]

Day 6.5

 

I got home after work and just needed to lie down in bed. I struggled but couldn't sleep. And somehow in the darkness, my memories of being with C came flooding back to me. And I saw us in those moments of radiant intensity being together in bed, holding one another. Those moments where you connect with someone on a level that is beyond just the physical.

 

Maybe I didn't realize just how depressed I was until that moment when it finally just boiled over and I let myself cry. I didn't give a damn. No one was around to judge me. I asked myself if the person who leaves you feels all these emotions as well. If they're heart broken and don't even realize it.

 

Still, no contact between us. I just want to heal and get on with my life.

 

Nothing like a good cry or two, or one hundred.

 

I think the dumper often feels all of the same pain. I know my guy did/does (?). It just wasn't right for him and he was not willing to compromise and try to make it work ... so the relationship itself became painful to him.

 

I know we both still love each other very much, but are simply not meant for each other.

 

Know in your heart there will be another that you have that special connection with. I am hoping I will as well.

 

Hangin there. And wash that dirty shirt =)

[StillSmiling]

Kayla, there will be more memories made with someone new on down the road. You have to trust in that and stop looking back. I am guilty of the same thing, but it only makes it hurt more.

 

The friends thing is a very slippery slope when it is so new. I truly believe ex-lovers can become great friends, as I have a number in my past. But it took great amounts of time after the breakup to be able to get to that point. It can't be forced by either side. When the pain of the memories dies and the tiny voice that still hopes for reconcilliation shuts up is when a true friendship may be possible. But you can't rush it ...

 

Hugs kiddo. Know you are not alone.

[StillSmiling]

Day 18

 

Something is starting to change as of yesterday afternoon. The pain is far from gone and he is still on my mind every hour and I still feel stalled in trying to get things done.

 

But I think I am moving a bit closer to acceptance. And that is where I need to get to.

 

In the almost three months since he walked out, I still remained on his "buddy list" on our computers and I could see him online. I erased him and than put him back on. I guess I was hoping for that IM that never came and to make him see me and think about me and hope he was hurting as badly as me.

 

He is online with work at pretty regular hours so I know when he will be there. Yesterday he went poof. So he has finally taken me off of his list so he can no longer see me online. New romance he is busy with? It hurts him too much to keep seeing my name? Who knows ... it doesn't matter. But it was one step in the direction of closure.

 

Got brave enough to do the same and erased him. A tiny step in letting it all go, but a step none the less.

 

Had the opportunity to speak on the phone with another on this forum for a few hours last night. It was great to be able to talk about it all to each other. I think great therapy for both of us and I am grateful for it. So thank you. I would encourage others here to do the same thing. Cell phone numbers keep names and addresses private so it's safe to reach out.

 

So I am still far from turning the corner, but at least I am faced a bit more towards it. My expectations are starting to fade just a touch and the very best thing I can do is remain NC. Very tough but I am determined to not slip back again and for now, and perhaps forever, give up the idea of being friends.

 

888 Party tonight for the start of Olympics. All new people at a "Meet-Up" group in my area, over 100. There MUST be some interesting people and it is time to get back out there and meet them.

 

Praying for the day I will no longer need to type here and the memories of him do not wash over me as I open my eyes in the morning.

 

I can do this.

[The Mad Pagan]

There are good days and there are bad days. Yesterday was a good day because I was too busy to think about anything but the work that needed to be done.