THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[DavidWRosario]

The days are seeming to fly by since I started working 45 hours a week. I also have my editing project, and a short story I'm working on. The ex barely has time to squeeze into my thoughts except in the lonely moments. I allow that; at least I can look at them with fondness rather than regret now.

 

Even better, I have a date planned for today with someone new. I'm not saying I expect it to go anywhere, but at least I feel attractive enough to give it a try.

 

Stay strong, everyone!

 

Mp

 

I am so happy you seem to have moved on. The rest of us are counting on you. No pressure So how did things go. Did you have a nice date? I think it works out that you can take a step forward. I will be uncontrollably happy the day I get up the nerve to ask a nice lady to dinner with no strings attached.

 

Good going man

 

keep strong

 

Dave

[meinreallife]

Ugh was 9 weeks, now 1 day

 

I tried. She showed up at work to see common friends. We've talked and emailed the last two weeks. I have to try again. I can't do this. Full life is not for the weak. I want NOTHING more than to see and talk to her. The last thing that is good for me is to see and talk to her. I will try again.....

[The Mad Pagan]

The date did not go that well, since we really didn't share a connection. Hey, though, it was a date, and it will be the first of many!

 

I don't plan on meeting someone special immediately. It took me a long time to meet my last ex, and a lot of goobers in between. I'm not giving up, even though every person I meet who doesn't live up to my standards makes me think about him more.

 

Yes, it made me sad today when the date was done, and I'm still a bit sad (and lonely) here at work. No, it won't last forever. I'm gonna keep on truckin'. I have no choice, 'cause the ex doesn't talk to me anymore

[AhoyConcept]

Day 1

I broke NC last night, it's clear that phone calls are not wanted right now. It's been eating away at me, I just wanted to hear her voice even if for just a moment. We agreed to emails but she rarely writes me. I'm torn between feeling broken and abandoned, but also frustrated and insulted.

 

I want to just erase myself from her life, but for the wrong reasons. She knows that I'm here for her, but she obviously does not need me right now and I cannot and will not force myself into her life or continue chasing after her. She chased after her ex-boyfriend in the past who was a complete bastard to her, yet she pushes me away, someone who showed her that men can truly love without lying, cheating, or violence. I want to be as understanding as possible for what she is going through also but I feel like I'm being tossed a side.

 

Do I have to become what I've always done my best not to be? a a-hole who doesn't care what women think or feel? the tolerance for these types always seems so much higher and accepted than those of us who go against the grain of typical male stereotypes.

 

From this day forward I will not write, call, email, or chat with her. If she contacts me I won't answer or reply. How can I be there for her if she doesn't want me to be? how am I supposed to "not give up" when she pushes me away? The only option I see now is to become a ghost.

 

I know it sounds like I'm upset, and truth is yes I am..but it's because I'm frustrated, confused, afraid, and still hurting..which I'm sure she feels also. I miss her. I want to respect her space and her choice to take time to "fix herself" but I don't want to hang around only to be told to go away later. It's just so hard at times, I have no one to talk to, she was my best friend..we could always depend on each other to be there when we needed someone to listen and now that can't be. All my other friends are too busy with work and their own lives. It seems that whenever someone else needs someone I'm there, but as soon as I really need someone there's no one there.

[The Mad Pagan]

I am really feeling lonely right now, and I don't know why. I don't want to get back with my ex, but I don't want to feel like this.

 

Even in the presense of my friends, I am really experiencing some bitter pangs of sadness. I want them to stop, but I know that only time is going to help that.

 

Gah! Why right now, when things are just getting back on track?

[DavidWRosario]

I am really feeling lonely right now, and I don't know why. I don't want to get back with my ex, but I don't want to feel like this.

 

Even in the presense of my friends, I am really experiencing some bitter pangs of sadness. I want them to stop, but I know that only time is going to help that.

 

Gah! Why right now, when things are just getting back on track?

 

MP,

 

Sorry you're feeling blue, This whole break up n/c thing seems to be a roller coaster from he#l. You can read it in many post. It doesn't make any sense. I guess that those of us that are here are either the sensitive ones of the relationship or the foolish ones. In my case I was the foolish one. Keep strong, the feeling blue will pass in a while for a while. I think I am numb for a while. I sit and ponder what could have been done differently and the only thing I can see working was to completely lose myself in the relationship.

 

Stay strong,

 

dave

[DavidWRosario]

Day 3

 

Had a great weekend with the kids, when I dropped them off to her. We had a civil conversation regarding kid affairs. Upcoming school year stuff. No Ugly comments, no dirty looks. I was kinda numb to her. I wonder if this is the final stage of acceptance. I never thought I could get here. I feel a little lonely, but I can handle it. I have friends, here online, and here in North Carolina. Need to find my Bucket list notes and get started again. Have a great Monday everyone.

 

Dave

[KaylaJoy]

Ugh was 9 weeks, now 1 day

 

I tried. I want NOTHING more than to see and talk to her. The last thing that is good for me is to see and talk to her.

 

I sure understand this one! It's like you are danged if you do, and danged if you don't, and you can't seem to find a happy medium!

[KaylaJoy]

Hi Kaylajoy,

 

Sounds like you are in a mess. So is he telling you he wants to be friends only ? Or is he interested in something more ? Please make sure you dont fall for FWB, that is such a crock. If you can be friends and shut down the emotion, then take it slow. If you cant be his friend and can only be his Lover or nothing, then you have got to shut yourself down.

 

 

No, I don't think it's a mess really. It actually is better than it's been for a long time because I have given it to the Lord for safekeeping. Remember the song "I know Whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day!"

I think Mark only wants to be friends at this point, and if that's all we're supposed to be, than I'm OK with that.Of course I want more, but it's in God's Hands. No FWB, we've been there, done that, and we ain't going back, I've already told him that. No, I can't shut down the emotion, and I told him that too.

I think we've come along way since our summer fling of two years ago. We have both matured and grown, and he says he thinks about us getting back together, but thinks it is not a good idea. I know he thinks he is doing the right thing. Maybe he is, time will tell. Only the Lord knows.

I'm OK. I miss him, was wishing last night he would call up just to talk, but he didn't, and I was OK. I sent him an email over the weekend, just a chitchatty one, and he read it but did not respond. That's OK. I wish he would have, but I'm not going to roll over and die since he didn't.

I want him in my life. I know now I can make it if he's not there.

 

Happy Monday, all!

[ghostgirl116]

i am such a dummy sometimes. ever since i came accross his ex wife's page, i popped on it again twice. i don't know why i do these things.

 

anyway, a few days ago, i saw that she had put in the area of how she was feeling that she was in love with ****. i really didn't look beyond that, but despite how he seemed to feel about her when we dated, i wonered if perhaps they were reconciling. it seemed pretty clear by some of the ways she acted when we dated that she really wanted him. once she called him when she knew he was with me to come and fix their son's tv... it was midnight, and i could hear her arguing with him as to why he wouldn't come and do this thing for their son (he is three, by the way, so he was sleeping). then around the time that things started to fall apart for him, and he needed some space and time (he later told me that he was a complete @****** to everyone but his kids at this time), i would send him emails (even before that, too) and messages on myspace, and she knew his passwords to both and went in and erased all of my messages to him. some of my emails were very personal. he didn't confront her on it, he just changed his password.

 

anyway, i figured with the way that she was with him (that i witnessed firsthand) that she likely still had strong feelings for him.

 

well yesterday, i do it again. i get on her page, i don't know why. i see that she has moved him from the friend status that was maybe fifth or sixth or so before to third now. and the nasty little blog that she wrote about how he was such a jerk (i'm cleaning up the language) was gone.

 

and what did i do? i sent him a text. the gist of it was "i was thinking of you and i hope you're well. i miss talking to you." i did this around eleven last night, and i was as sober as a judge, too. i'm and idiot.](*,)

 

so i'm back to square one.

 

please don't say i told you so... i already know i shouldn't have.

 

i have a question... can a person tell if i looked at their myspace page?

 

he is the one who wanted to divorce her, too, so i can see where she would want him still, maybe. he was never adamant, or never ever put her down or anything, but it would seem that reconciling with her would be the last thing he'd do. not that it matters, really. i'm just really sad and feeling dumb.

 

gg

[DavidWRosario]

Sounds like your gonna be ok. God is good. . . . all the time. BTW it's

 

Have a good Monday . . Y'all

 

 

 

Dave

[DavidWRosario]

Sorry gg,

 

would never judge you or tell you i told you so. You have been supportive to the rest of us here. I really feel bad that you are so down. I bet when your happy you fly with the clouds. The bad feelings will pass. Remember what I told you about smiling and saying something nice. Encourage someone else and you will be encouraged. Hug your daughter, it will help. I know when I hug my kids, the problems of the world go away. . . for a while.

 

As far as the myspace stuff. . . I have heard there is tracking software, I doubt most people even use the stuff.

 

Here for you

 

Dave

[ghostgirl116]

Sorry gg,

 

would never judge you or tell you i told you so. You have been supportive to the rest of us here. I really feel bad that you are so down. I bet when your happy you fly with the clouds. The bad feelings will pass. Remember what I told you about smiling and saying something nice. Encourage someone else and you will be encouraged. Hug your daughter, it will help. I know when I hug my kids, the problems of the world go away. . . for a while.

 

As far as the myspace stuff. . . I have heard there is tracking software, I doubt most people even use the stuff.

 

Here for you

 

Dave

 

 

hi dave... i keep thinking that most folks would give me up as a hopeless cause!! thank you for the kind words.

 

the weird thing is, i'd sort of like a response like... "look, i'm with someone else" or "leave me alone". not that that is really what i WANT to hear, but that i'd feel then that the avenues have been exhausted, and feel like i really tried, and could let it all go. no fantasies about seeing him, etc. i guess in some ways, given how crappy things have gone for him, and i can imagine that its esp. hard given that he's 40 and starting all over again, i worried that maybe i'd been too harsh, wanted too much when i wanted it, and not been understanding enough. the last we saw each other, (over a month ago), it was so pleasant, and we had such a lovely talk. and the next day, when i didn't hear from him, i freaked, and called that evening and gave him a hard time. i apologized the next day, but never got a response or heard from him until three weeks later, after i sent him the email telling him he was a cad. i kind of wish i'd read his response now, because it could have given some closure then. not to mention, i have a very personal part of myself that i have been struggling with for well over a year... and i know that i would not be good in a relationship, and these fantasy "meetings" and conversations have just been killing me. so, although it would hurt like hell, i guess i need him to help me close the door.

 

thanks for everything.

[suzie q]

wow, it seems like so much longer. i got my "closure" on thursday and was great friday and saturday. i was ready to move on, even though it hurt, i was ready to allow myself to at least talk to other guys and see what else there is. yesterday hit me bad. it came out of no where, i was really upset, cried a few times--i mostly felt like i was cheating on him any time i tried to have fun talking to/hanging out with another guy over the weekend. i have no intentions of moving too quickly--emotionally or physically--so i really have done nothing but talk and get to know other guys.

 

i still want to move on, but i just think about him too much. he has a little bit of a drinking problem, but i was the balance he needed when we were together, so it got 100x better. now that we're broken up, i hear all of these stories about him pretty much staying drunk and it worries the crap out of me. i know there is nothing i can do about it, but i wish i could.

 

anyways...i won't contact him, i don't want to...but i can't say i don't miss him today. i didn't miss him that much on friday or saturday, but i have been missing him a lot this morning and yesterday.

 

maybe tomorrow will be a better day...

[beentheredonetha]

Day 4.

 

logic takes over, why the heck should i wait for someone to call me who does not care about me the way i thought he did? I am done with that chapter of my life. I am worth a heck of a lot more than scraps.

[bepositive]

Hi, folks!

 

Well, I'm back on the NC wagon. Did some limited contact, and the ex seemed to be really eager to e-mail me. Can't read anything into it, maybe the shine is coming off of her new relationship, maybe she wants to be friends (which I'm not interested in or ready for), but I'm letting it go. Nice to know she still thinks of me often, which certainly bodes well for reconciliation some time in the future. I don't really feel the need to contact her, but I do still miss her dearly and hope that we work things out in the future. I've been tracking the thread for a while, and I'm glad to see that people have been making progress. Hang in there, all!

 

BP

[amya]

NC Day 25

 

Ok so, the fact i had to try and work out how many days it was must be a good thing right? Because before it was almost as if i was crossing off each day like a tally chart, counting each day thinking "ok he MUST miss me by now"...

 

but no, he doesn't. Heard nothing! The longest i've gone without seeing/speaking to the boy in 2 whole years, i'd like to say it's getting easier only today i had a little cry on the train home from work, not because i was sad but because i was angry at how cold he has been throughout all this and how i've had to spend every day trying to get through to the next when he's out making the most of life without me.

 

I dunno. All i can say is, day 25, it's better than day 1! Just looking forwards to day 255 really.

[ladyachika]

Day 14

 

I remember seeing the Wong-Baker pain scale in the hospital, and I thought it would be a neat way to rate the way my NC day is going, alongside the scale:

 

image removed

 

Today, I'd say I'm a 3. Had several instances of some pretty intense pangs of heartache... you know, where your chest feels heavy and it's hard to breathe.

 

I don't miss him...I saw a picture of him and I can't even say I recognize him anymore. He's beginning to look like a stranger now.

 

I just can't shake off the feeling of being hurt after the way he treated me during the break up. That's what's been killing me the most. No one has ever treated me so badly in my entire life. That's why it's so puzzling to me, and that's why I can't stop thinking about it. I just don't understand it.

[KaylaJoy]

 

i have a question... can a person tell if i looked at their myspace page?

 

 

gg

 

Hey GG, yep, if they have Trakzor installed on their MySpace page they can. You'll know if it's installed because it's a green and white box that says "you've been tracked" Trakzor 2.0 on it. It doesn't get real specific, I had it for awhile on mine, it will show the time, date, and town they are from, but rarely shows the profile itself. If you get a comment from someone at 2:45 pm and you go to Trakzor and see that Blue 73489 was on your page at 2:45pm, then you can figure out that Blue 73489 is really your friend Susie who sent you a comment, and you can plug in her name so that everytime she visits, it will show us as her, but usually it's pretty vague.

I had it when I was dating my ex, and he was one of only 2 people that I knew in the town he lived in, so I usually knew it was him by the town ID, even though it didn't always say it was him.

 

And don't beat yourself up, I still check out John's page, his exwife, and his current wife's page, just out of curiosity, to see what the whole crazy family is bickering about these days. It's like watching a train wreck, you try not to watch, but sometimes you just can't help but look.

[meinreallife]

Really????

 

The second time of NC is much harder. The LC after 9 weeks made it seem like there is something worth having, even if it is LC. I almost texted, called and emailed her. All aborted, stopped and deleted. It is so frickin hard. During the LC, she was so sweet with the emails. How can I be such a * * * * * ? But I know it won't work. All I want is her and I am the one that has to say no. God I hate myself today....

[Oedi]

hmm came back to post after breaking my nc cuz my ex got hurt and asked her what happened on facebook then wished her well. I think it was like day 60 something. Iunno so imma start the counter again. I think its been 8 days. I'm not really sure but i really dont care that much now.

[insecurefool]

Work with my ex (her boss technically) but will refrain from contacting her, looking her up. I have blocked her on MSN and AIM, so she'll never see me online. She is going on vacation starting Wed, but I'll have to take her to the airport. I consider this purely business, plus the time she is gone will be great for me. I will not contact her for anything not work related (although I know she will try to contact me, even invite me over because we live so close.) I will try to dodge it.

 

Wish me luck

[The Mad Pagan]

Well, I am almost to day 9 again, which is my record. It's been a little over two months since we've been broken up, and the only correspondence I had from him was the long email he sent me eight days ago.

 

Yesterday was pretty good; I went to the river with my friends and we got stranded because our raft popped. We spent the day just lounging in the grass and having fun. I didn't think about the ex much, which is good.

 

The sadness that I had the day before crested and faded. I don't know if it'll be back. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

 

In the meanwhile, I do wonder what he's been up to, but not enough to break NC. We are broken up, after all, so it's none of my business.

[DavidWRosario]

Day 4 -

 

I feel ok, talked with her about kid issues last night, taking my son camping this weekend to West Virginia. Should be a lot of fun, we both enjoy guns and planning on killing some paper targets. I have counciling this morning, not to sure what we are going to talk about. I think i have made it through the five stages. I probably have some issues to work on. The loneliness seems to be subsiding. I am ok by myself with plutonic friends. I believe all that right, yeah, I do. I use to worry about my future, not so concerned anymore.

 

So Giddy Up Day 4. I hope I feel this good or better at Day 30.

 

Dave

 

A good morning and hello to Kaylajoy, MP, and gg Thanks to you guys for getting my focus off of me and my problems. Hope your day goes well.

[KaylaJoy]

Day 4 -

 

 

A good morning and hello to Kaylajoy, MP, and gg Thanks to you guys for getting my focus off of me and my problems. Hope your day goes well.

 

G'mornin' Dave...hope all goes well at counselling. I myself had a lot of therapy during my relationship with Mark and post Mark and it was very instrumental, I don't know what I would have done without it! It can be a very good thing, depending on the therapist.