THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[bramage]

Day 7.. I thought of something she said a week before we broke up, which really made me crazy. I know its stupid, and a head game, I just don't know why she said it.. It went like this, out of the blue.. We were getting along really good that day too, if that matters...

 

 

 

Her: You know I've never had an orgasm with you

Me: WHAT?? You have an orgasm almost every single time we have sex

Her: I fake it

Me: Have you ever had an Orgasm with me

Her: Once

Her: So what are you gonna do about it?

Me: Wait, you can fake the moaning, but there are other things you cant fake (Ya know)

Her: Im a good faker

Me: Whatever(Now Im pissed off)

Her: Im just kidding, jezzzz (Followed by a big smile)

 

We had talked about this before, and she had said she liked the fact that she almost always has an orgasm, and usually very quickly. Since we have been on and off for so many years, there have been a lot of times we put this into practice.

 

It did get me thinking.. What the F was the point of this conversation????

[feelinblu]

Wow! That's pretty mean whether she was be honest or not. With how she asked you what you were gonna do about it, she may have feeling a little frisky, and thought telling you that would make you think she was a challenge so you would get naughty with her and prove her wrong. I don't know though, she could have been doing it to try and mak feel bad too, and then realized how wrong it is to say something like that, so she assured you she was kidding. I wouldn't worry about it too much. If she was always faking it, it makes her look dumb that she would even do that (especially admit it!) And if she didn't fake them, then that's just downright mean!

[feelinblu]

I actually have to look at my previous post to know what day it is. I think that's a good thing. Well, it seems my couple days of being on the verge of an emotional breakdown have passed...... thank you Jesus! This day has always been my favorite holiday, and I'm bummed I don't get to spend it with him. Fireworks are so romantic........ aww Well, what can you do, right? I'm gonna stay busy today.

[bramage]

She was frisky that day, and I think just wanted something, but that was a real bad way of asking...

[feelinblu]

She was frisky that day, and I think just wanted something, but that was a real bad way of asking...

 

No kidding!

[knightingale]

I'm going to give this a shot. I don't think it will go over very successfully, since I told him we could be friends and we just spoke today on AIM. But it was a painful conversation, however casual it was, so I know I'm not even close to ready now to just be his friend.

 

He says, and I hope, that one day we can be together again. It's just going to take space and time right now. I want him to miss me, so that's why I'm giving this a shot.

 

I'm reluctant but mildly willing. Here goes everything! Consider this Day 1.

[Mustang]

Day 3

 

We spoke (via text as usual) on Tuesday. We spoke about Glastonbury, who we saw, etc. Then it goes back to nothing.

 

I've given up. I do miss her and I do think of her a lot but when I think about it, she has done NOTHING for me since we split. To use an example, I used to email her mp3s every now and then of music she'd like and not once has she said thanks. Not once has she emailed me anything. I've always been to one to ask how she is. She only replies. She never contacts me herself.

 

She will reply all the time mind you but usually it's a day later and she'll apologise and make up some reason why. I'm bored of having a one sided friendship.

 

Also, I didn't know for certain whether or not she dumped me for someone else. She never gave me any answers. She always used to hide it. Then the day I told her I was fine, she started putting pictures up from the previous eight months of her and him looking all couple-y. It was as if she was hiding it from me so she didn't look like a * * * * * for dumping me for him. Now that I'm fine with everything she has no need to hide anything because I have no reason to be upset or angry anymore.

 

I have NO idea how she just turned off the light the way she did. If I dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow she wouldn't care. It's as if I don't exist. She's cold and heartless. She runs away from things and brushes things under the carpet. She has a new guy and I am pretty sure she had him lined up before she dumped me (if she wasn't with him already). She won't ever sit down and analyse "us" or think for ten seconds about how much she hurt me. She'll ignore it and hope it goes away.

 

Her new guy lives 300 miles away and they aren't back at uni until September. She works Mon-Fri so I'm guessing they won't see each other as often. Which will no doubt make them stronger. It made us stronger when we had an LDR. Although, I will be honest, part of me wants it to fail. If it does or doesn't, I won't know about it. I'm never going to see her. She's made her point clear that she wants nothing to do with me other than a text reply. She wants me there as a back up or just for attention. I'm sick of it.

 

I met loads of nice girls at Glastonbury last weekend and it gave me faith in myself that my ex is not worth any of the attention I've given her. She's not worth all the hours I've spent on here looking for advice. I'm ashamed and embarrassed for thinking she was worth it. In the past eight months while I've been trying to win her back she's been with this new guy all along laughing about how pathetic I am.

 

I know hate is a strong word and I am still very emotional about the whole thing when I think about her but I am slowly but surely getting to the stage where I want to be. NC will give me the final push I need.

 

I doubt it very much but if my ex comes back one day just to apologise I will not accept it. She has really damaged my confidence. All because she was too cowardly and selfish to tell me the truth. She's happy with somebody else now and has had me being nice to her all this time. She's lost nothing. Me walking away won't mean anything to her now.

 

What bugs me is that she was the nicest and most genuine girl in the world. I NEVER thought she would be like this and it really doesn't fill me with confidence because every girl I've met since hasn't seemed as nice or as genuine as my ex. I hate my ex for not only dumping me for someone else but also for ruining my trust. She's moved on but she's left me in a state where I can't move on because I'm so damaged.

 

Karma will get her back I am sure. I just hope to be on the front row when the new guy dumps her.

[Marus]

I'm taking up the No Contact challenge to try and salvage a relationship that may be lost forever. My hope is that I will grow comfortable enough without my ex that I can see her and be myself.

 

Not needy, no whining, no pity. Just a good time to help raise that first, small initial spark. Short 30 minute meeting for tea and cookies with a brand new outfit.

 

First I need to get through the 30 days and that is why I am here. It will be much easier once I'm back at school (In a month) but in the meantime I need to try and occupy myself.

 

Last time I talked with my ex was at 4:30. In the hour and a half I watched one film, started another and have been some stuff to make sure I didn't screw it up completely (Which I'm still not sure of). My head is not stable enough to read and I do not have friends in the area. I plan to exercise a whole lot more. I would try to learn a language, but the one I have started reminds me of the ex-girlfriend.

[WlknCntrdiction]

Does it specifically have to be upto 30 days? Because it just feels good to post how I'm feeling each day, well at least until I'm completely over my ex, which I think I am to a certain point but am not sure.

 

Day 34: Met friend I hadn't seen in a long time, reassures me the "honeymoon" period for my ex and my "friend" is almost certainly over by now, or if not at least by the end of the month. Puts a smile on my face but I tell him it's not my problem anymore and that I'm "improving" myself. I would be lying if I said I didn't still miss her but right now I'm just rolling with the punches, strictly NC.

Though I think about how we left things, we left them so badly and I'm afraid that will affect her coming back but then I reassure myself that she will, she needs me, I don't need her. I can move on without her even if she doesn't come back, and that's what I have to do now. Be strong Mat, you've lasted this long, you can go even further

[Mustang]

Day 4

 

I miss her still. I really shouldn't. I should hate her for not only how she's treated me in the past eight months but also that she dumped me for someone else and made it out to be all my fault.

 

I've been blaming myself so much over the past eight months and trying to make things up to her. All this while she's sleeping with someone else and moving on. So she's getting the new relationship that she dumped me for and has me giving her an ego boost. How very selfish. Had she told me the truth I would've walked away right away. She is manipulative and selfish. She wanted the attention from me. She probably used it to get more attention from the new guy.

 

I've been through hell since the break up all because she was too much of a coward to be honest with me. Eight months on, she's with somebody new - probably telling each other they love each other now - and I am sitting here still trying to work out what is so bad about me that my ex decided to walk all over me like that without any guilt or remorse.

 

Even now, she wouldn't admit anything. I am certain of it. It's not so much the fact that she's with someone else that bothers me - he's welcome to her. I'm more angry and upset that she's been with him all along and she's only advertising it now because she feels enough time has past for me to call her out on it. I feel like an idiot for being nice to her all this time. She blamed everything on me to take the attention away from what she was doing.

 

I know they say you should let your ex move on and be happy but I can't. I won't. Why should I? Maybe it's childish of me, but I want her to go through what she put me through. I want her to hurt the way I have been hurting. But, knowing her, she'll get away with everything.

 

I honestly don't know what I'm feeling right now. I miss her but then I don't know who the hell she is anymore. The girl I was with would NEVER have lied and cheated the way she has. Maybe that's part of the problem, I still have feelings for someone that doesn't exist. I just wish she could open her eyes for once and see how harsh she's been. But no. She can do no wrong.

[...John...]

Ok I'm In!!! I need to find healing for myself, and I strongly believe that NC is the way to do it... I this point I don't care about reconciliation that doesn't matter to me anymore. However, I would be lying if I said I didn't care about her... but a big part of me believe that NC will help the healing process and allow me to move on a little, and if by any means she starts to miss me and realize maybe we were good together, I don't plan on getting back with her unless she changes herself, because looking back on everything I wasn't the one who was always at fault, I did do some very bad things to hurt her, but I know It was not all me. so it is 11:26 on the 5th of July, 2008 and It is Day 1...

[feelinblu]

I'm not doing well today (again) yesterday morning I woke up feeling pretty good, but it started to go downhill last night. I thought getting some good sleep would help, but I had a dream about him. A very vivid one. I really want to talk to him.

[knightingale]

It's been a week since I've seen him. It's day two of actual NC, since we talked online for a little bit yesterday. It feel likes it's been longer since we said anything to one another.

 

I'm not doing well today. I keep remembering that this month my parents were going to meet him and I was going to meet his grandfather, which was really important to him. I keep remembering a lot of things we had planned . . . It hurts not to have those things to look forward to now, but I'm trying to stay strong. It's taking everything in me not to go to his house and ask him to just hold me, like he used to. He always made me feel safe in those arms.

 

I'm both really sad and kind of angry today. Those are an awful mix of feelings to have inside of you.

 

I haven't been able to keep myself from looking at his Facebook and Myspace, so I think I'm breaking a rule there but it's close to impossible to not do, especially since I am not willing to unfriend him. In all other respects I am doing okay. This is torture.

[KaylaJoy]

Well, this is the third time I've started NC...I have yet to make it a whole month with absolutely no contact on either part. My therapist says I need 6-8 months of NC, but this is looking harder than I thought!

 

So yesterday was the big picnic, and I had a blast. Mark was there and he was subdued and a little reserved at first - I said Hi and acted like everything was positively normal. Then later, he came over to where I was and played volleyball with a bunch of us that was already playing, and he was friendly enough. I didn't mention the email from last week. He even let me take a couple of pictures of him and seemed fine with it. Then later on about 9pm he was getting ready to leave and I told him I wanted to talk to him, so he said OK and seemed happy enough, and I told him that in regards to his email last week, I had never despised him, didn't despise him now, and didn't ever plan on despising him in the future. He kinda smiled and said OK. I told him I thought he sounded angry, and he said no, he was being "tongue in cheek", saying that now I could think of something else, and I said no, that I wouldn't be thinking of anything else because I didn't despise him period. There was more but long to post here, will post on my journal, but anyway, it was a good day, and I loved being able to see him again, and it sucks because it just reinforces how much I love him, and how much he is not in love with me. At least we are on friendly terms again, but it's still hard. So I'm back to really realizing how much I need NC, because every time I'm around him, I just fall in love again. Lord help me, but I love that man.

So we're back to Day 1 all over again. Let's see how long it goes this time...I don't know of any more picnics that I have to work around, so I might actually make it 30 days. But I'll tell you one thing, it got harder, not easier...by time yesterday rolled around, I missed him so much it hurt.

[sine]

alright. i'm in. have been in NC since wednesday the 25th.

 

you can peep my thread:

 

 

[Down4TN]

Broke up two months ago after two and half years. I have been horrible about NC. Just keep putting myself out there and getting hurt.

 

I realize she needs time and I need to focus on myself.

 

Trying NC it is going to be hard. But it is what I need to do.

 

Thanks for all the great posts.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

This would be my second day of NC.

I decided to do it, because I am definitely not ready to be friends, and only then will I be able to talk to him again.

Hopefully i can last thirty days.. these two days seem soo long! (it doesn't help that i'm on summer break and have nothing better to do!!, i already applied for jobs to keep me occupied, and im just waiting for callbacks..

hopefully they do call me.... that way i can just be busy and not be thinking about him the whole day)

[knightingale]

Ugh. I accidently pressed the invite for audio chat for my ex boyfriend tonight on iChat. I tried to cancel it before he saw, but a couple of minutes later he IMed me, "Did you do that on purpose?" and I said, "No, it was an accident, sorry," and hoped he would just leave it at that but he said, "No worries, how was your fourth?" And from there we started talking again, not a lot, just a little.

 

I didn't even make it two days! I tried, I didn't mean to break the rule. I feel like I should tell him I can't do this right now, that I'd like to not talk for a little while, but I don't know if I can...

 

Back to square one. I guess tomorrow is Day 1 of NC all over again.

[Marus]

Day 2

Completely removed any form of contact and had some bad feelings at the beginning of the day. Just simple thoughts wondering if I would see her again, meet her again and how I can improve myself during the time. I went out for a while with my Father and watched a few movies. Being all alone does not help in this situation and I find that I need to regain independence, being happy on my own, and then contact other people.

[donescobar2000]

DAY 15 -

 

Yeap...she still pops into my head. Not so much because I have been so busy. Ah!

[Down4TN]

Couldn't even last a day. She texted me asking me how my 4th was and I responded. Why is this so hard?

[Oedi]

hmmm day 44. worse then i thought lOL

[donescobar2000]

Day 16 -

 

Will I ever hear from her again after ignorning her IM a week and half ago? Probably not.

[KaylaJoy]

It's sad, but good to know that I am not the only sitting in the "I miss, I want, I hate this" boat...I feel it's getting harder, not easier, and I find I'm not alone...

I believe God has a plan for me. Don't know if Mark is a part of that plan, and I'm good with whatever His plan is. But I sure do miss me some Mark!

[DavidWRosario]

Sign me up Dave,

 

I started N/C about a week ago. But for the Challenge lets call this Day 1, I do have to speak with her once in a while since we have kids and there is visitation, however I think, with a little help I can keep it just kids. I have more problems with the alone time. A mind and Heart kind of thing. They argue alot and I sit on the side and watch.

 

So Day 1:

 

The kids are asleep downstairs, I need to get them up in 20 minutes for church. Today David is getting Baptisted, That is so awesome, For a 9 year old to make this choice is amazing. I didnt make that choice for almost 30 years. Grace is being difficult, I think this break up is harder on her that most people thing, She has downs and not to verbal. Debbi is going to be at the Baptism today and she is going to be uncomfortable, I cant help that this is a choice she made. She must be tired. I wish I could be there for her, but she wont let me. I feel sometimes if we keep our distance maybe it can work out, I feel at other times, she will forget me and go on. God..I am waiting on your plan you know how weak I am. Please let me know your there. I know this isn't your doing, however, I am so lost and so hurt.

 

Time to get on with Day 1

 

"ranger on"

 

Dave