Privacy

[fnlyfrei]

Hi Kids...

 

Last weekend my bf came over to spend the night. All fine, all good...it was a nice evening. (I am divorced with three teen sons) I decided to take a hot bath because I was feeling "oogie"...(plus fat, bloated and ugly with pms..) So I locked the bathroom door because I wanted to be ALONE. Minutes after I sank into the water with relief...someone knocks...yeah...it was my guy...I say distinctly "I am IN THE TUB!"...he tries the knob...and finds it locked. (Which should say loud and clear that I do not want company...right?) So he PICKS THE LOCK and walks in !! Disrobes and climbs into the water with me. My body language was pretty much me in the fetal position sitting in the water...wanting to disappear...not wanting him there..but I did not want to hurt his feelings...(I must be a wimp...) So after a few breif minutes I excuse myself from MY bath and leave...and gosh he seems suprized I did.

I guess my question would be...would any of YOU pick the lock and invite yourself into someones private time? I would NEVER do that...also I would not snoop around in someones computer claiming to organize their files and such...(not the first bf who has done that...) What is with these people??? Should I reverse the behavior on them and burst in the bath when they are taking a wizz, or perhaps just log onto their computers when I visit and make sure they have defragged just to be "nice?" Is this behavior a territorial thing? When I am a guest in someone's home, I don't even open a card sitting out to read it, much less sift through their computer. Perhaps I am so afraid of hurting their feelings by standing up for myself that I let people walk all over me....but where are THEIR dang manners???? How do I tactfully handle this? I have nothing to hide....I just think they should respect my personal space as much as I do thiers...

[ZZZ]

I think that if you even have too explain this to someone, you have a problem ...or should I say they have a problem.

Lay down the law....just once.

[Mythical_Suicide]

as PP said.. lay down the law and quick! My bf of 3 years doesnt even invite himself into the bathroom with me if the door is locked its obvious i dont want company and that should be respected,.

[caro33]

Sounds DEEPLY annoying, and I totally sympathise. I also have very clear boundaries around my person and a strong sense of propriety re what's polite with others' possessions. But some people just don't seem to have a concept of personal space, and they also think that because they feel warm and fuzzy, you must too. Maybe it's upbringing, maybe it's a cluelessness, I think it varies. Picking the lock is a bit much, but hormones can make people do these things.

 

I agree that all you can do is educate him, as stridently as you like. If he refuses the education I guess you have the bigger problem of compromising some of your space and being okay with it, or getting rid of his if this is too much to bear. I think that sometimes the personal space invaders are okay with being told, and then they 'get' that your needs are different; I hope that your boyfriend is one of these.

[Psylocke]

Argh anyone that picks a lock to get into MY bathroom would never come back in my house. That is completely uncalled for. If you can't be alone for 10 minutes then he's just not worth it.

 

Anyone that wants to use my pc will be monitored by me while they use it or they just won't use it. Secure your pc with a login name and password and log in and out when you use YOUR pc. Every Windows OS has one and I'm sure Mac's do too. I think this would piss me off more than the lockpick. I consider my pc my second 'private mind'.

[doyathink]

Dang girl! I probably would have come undone! I NEVER walk into the bathroom when someone is in there...ewww!

 

This may very well be a good time to set your boundary.

[J6hn]

I'd recommend you tell him before you do that again or similar that you want to be alone. He shoudl respect that.

That was pretty disrespectful of him to pick the lock.

Make your message clear, if he tries it again say "Don't come in" or something similar.

Make sure he understands what you want and what you need so he develops a better understanding of right and wrong through your eyes.

[Relationship Coach]

He does those things because you allow him. Put him in his place and let him know that he needs to respect your private time and your privacy in general. Stop worrying about hurting his feelings, he needs some grounding.

 

RC

[arwen]

I agree, I think you should find a good moment to address this. A 'I need privacy and these are my boundaries' talk. Also organizing your files in your pc is totally uncalled for. Maybe it will help if you mention the next time you want to be in the tub and disappear, to make it explicit before you go to the bathroom. I have found in the course of years that some men need a literal message instead of a locked door. But I agree that that should in fact have been clear enough. Picking a lock? I think he misjudged the situation and thought you'd be up for a nice romantic and passionate evening in the tub while you were having PMS and wanted to hide

 

Arwen

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think his picking the lock is over the top... really, like breaking in because HE was feeling sexy, and he didn't care whether you weren't interested right then... shows disrespect and a lot of nerve i think... would make me very nervous, becuase he obviously feels he is entitled to TAKE what he wants, rather than respect you enough to ask what you want first...

 

i'd see it as a red flag, and watch to see if there are other ways that he just bulldozes himself into whatever he wants, regardless of what you want... if he thought it was a funny joke it would be different, but he sounds like he is seriously selfish, and i would take my time before committing to someone who doesn't respect your needs.