Anyway to recapture a guys interest?

[BrokenHeart82]

FOr the men out there, ladies opinions welcome as always too

 

Man very involved in work, recently (legitimately) more busy with end of year things. Attempted to show your interest by admitting you feel like a nag to spend time together. He says hes busy and also he doesnt know how to make you happy with the relationships pace.

After 3 days, contact is reinitiated and hes flirty and teasingly says he missed you ohh a little bit during the not talking thing.

 

So in this case i have now made my own new years plans since he never mentioned anything. His birthday is early January...

 

SO my question is..has he completely lost interest or is there anyway to bring it back up to par for after his busy season.

[BrokenHeart82]

Oh yeah, i was going to call him on his birthday to say hello...or should i just let him be the one to contact me?

[amtjrtcet]

I'd back off. If he's busy let him handle his business. Let him come to you, that way you will KNOW. Don't call him, let him call you. Be patient

[amtjrtcet]

Oh yeah, i was going to call him on his birthday to say hello...or should i just let him be the one to contact me?

 

OH, hum, maybe a simple "Happy Birthday" text.

[BrokenHeart82]

Yeah definitely...i dont want to crowd him when hes just trying to make sure things are successful for him. I wouldnt want someone clinging to me if I was trying to be ambitious.

I just wasnt sure if it would be rude not to just say happy birthday.

[Beec]

michelleth is right in that you should back off a bit.

 

In concept, who we go for is simple. We go for the people that give us emotional fulfillment (make us feel special, appreciate us, etc.) AND who do so while remaining aloof and independent, so they are not needy or clingy. When you ask for or demand his attention, you are telling him about your wants and needs, so, you are getting toward being needy and clingy. When you did not talk to him for a couple days, that was aloof. So backing off a bit is good. At the same time, you should make a little contact, do something that makes him feel good, and then back right off again. Soon, you will probably find that he is contacting you and is like he was when flirty, etc.

[amtjrtcet]

I'd send the text. Its simple, and if he's busy it won't "bother" him.

[Day_Walker]

you have made your play and he fed you the busy line and he also told that you he doesnt know how to meet your expectations with the pace of the relationship. I think all you can do is back off this one and realize that you probably came on too strong and next time you should remember to be patient because patience is confidence.

[Scout]

Hi, Brokenheart! Is this the guy you met from eHarmony a few months back? If so, I don't think you should send him any more texts, emails, calls, nada, and for a few reasons:

 

1) He completely blew you off over the holidays, didn't contact you even to say a Merry Christmas.

 

2) He has been sketchy since almost the second week you two were hanging out, by canceling a date at the last minute, and basically just completely changing his initial interest level. It's not supposed to be this anxious and uncertain when two people really, truly click with each other.

 

3) You are still trying to heal your heart after the break up with your ex. Is pursuing someone who is so hot and cold really conducive to your healing? Personally, I don't think so.

 

As 2007 is almost upon us, why don't you make it the year where you're really good to yourself, starting with what you will and won't put up with in the dating world? You're a good gal, a LIKEABLE gal, and if someone can't make up their mind about that, it's not your job to help. There are plenty of fish in the sea - an old cliche, and one that's TRUE. Again, it's not supposed to be this hard!! If someone really likes you, they wouldn't be disappearing like this on a regular basis. You'd hear from them, often, and regularly, and you'd be spending good quality time together.

 

I think you can do better for yourself. I really do.

[amtjrtcet]

oh, in that case, definitely do NOT contact him. Not even text.

[Altruist]

Brokenheart, I think you should arrange for a date with this guy and have a serious talk with him. Be honest about your feelings towards him and ask him where the relationship is going and where you stand with him. If he does not give you a straight answer about his commitment towards the relationship, then in my opinion, you should move on. It will save you a lot of heartache and time and it will make 2007 a year to look forward to.

[BrokenHeart82]

Thank you everyone,

 

I have decided to completely back off and take my goods elsewhere ALthough he didnt get sketchy until probably a month in, he got sick and was himming and hawing about our date, he did come out though.

In any case, if it were anything to him he would make time, even if it was just a how are you text or a quick check in phone call. The Christmas thing DOES bother me because we may have had a tussle, but it wasnt a fight, and certainly not a big enough thing to blow off someone for several days over a huge holiday.

 

I wont be texting or calling or emailing.

[amtjrtcet]

Thank you everyone,

 

I have decided to completely back off and take my goods elsewhere ALthough he didnt get sketchy until probably a month in, he got sick and was himming and hawing about our date, he did come out though.

In any case, if it were anything to him he would make time, even if it was just a how are you text or a quick check in phone call. The Christmas thing DOES bother me because we may have had a tussle, but it wasnt a fight, and certainly not a big enough thing to blow off someone for several days over a huge holiday.

 

I wont be texting or calling or emailing.

 

That a girl!!

[BrokenHeart82]

SOme weird things though is he made it a priority to talk to me, even when his cell broke, he went out of his way to talk to me. He made sure to always email me, text me, etc

Up until last week is the only time he actually cancelled a date and he offered to come later but i said thats ok cause he was busy.

[Scout]

Oh, for some reason I thought he canceled the date sooner than a month. But, if your instinct is telling you he's too undependable in general, listen to that instinct.

[BrokenHeart82]

Well my instinct tells me that I had a normal reaction in that I simply asked him if we could see eachother. I wasnt nasty about it in any way.

Maybe he didnt contact me because he thought i was angry..but now I HAVE spoken to him and made it clear that we are cool.

 

Sooooo if he wants to persue something, he can but I have stated my case and im moving right along.

[SexySadie7]

Wow, brokenhearted, this guy sounds a bit like the guy I've been dating too.

He totally blew me off during Christmas also (and he knew I'd be alone on Christmas too! ), even though I left a voice mail on his phone wishing him a Merry Christmas. It was a very upbeat and positive message too, not whining at him why he didn't call me. He never got together with me for my birthday like he promised me the night before, nor did he even bother to cancel the date so i could make other plans. And I did ask him to call if he couldn't make it! So he never even bothered to call me to wish me a happy birthday.

I don't think it's too much if you are dating someone so expect them to call when they say they will within a reasonable period of time. I don't mean to the minute.. or even hour.. but when you have to wait days & days for a call back, i find that unexcusably inconsiderate.

I have not contacted him since my birthday except for the Merry Christmas message. I would like to, in my ways, if just to express my disappointment at the shobby way he's acted... but I'm almost at the point where I'd like to keep the higher ground. If he's going to be a snob, and rude on top of it.. maybe i'm better just to keep my distance and try to meet someone else instead.

I cannot stand this up and down stuff either. If the guy doesn't like you, I wish they would just tell you so you could move on.. not this wishy washy yellow-tailed nonsense.

Be a man. Let the girl know you are too not interested if that is the case so she can move on.

I wonder if these guys keep up this dance just to have someone in the wings sometimes, don't you?

[blender]

Brokenheart, I'm so happy to hear that you will NOT be contacting him, and do NOT text him on his birthday either, leave the guy alone.

 

If he's worthy of you, then he must make an intentional effort to be in your life, and when a man doesn't acknowledge you in a special way over the holidays, well, that's a very clear sign that he's just not "ready" for anything "real".

 

So please save yourself some heartache, and let this go, if you want to be "really attractive" then set a standard and value for yourself with respect, and know that if he wants to see you, he's got to make a clear intentional effort to call you, ask you out, and show up on time. So far he might have had "moments' of "seeming like he's interested", but that's NOT enough, so until he SHOWS that he really wants to pursue you, well it's best that you do NOT contact him at all, especially on his birthday..ugh..

 

he's not your boyfriend, he's just some

"busy" guy who is clearly NOT ready to be authentically in your life right now, so he doesn't get honored with any birthday message from you.. okay?

 

I know you might have put some "hope" and "dreams" attached to this guy, but YOU attached them, so take a moment and separate your feelings from the facts, and remember you might "feel" things for him, but the FACT is, he's not making an intentionally clear loving respectful effort to be in your life, so now you can take your "hopes" and "dreams" and keep them allive in your heart, for the RIGHT man...

[BrokenHeart82]

Thanks!

 

Sexysadie...I think you should really get away from this guy. I dont know how long youve been seeing him but not even letting you know hes cancelling plans is middleschool BS if you ask me. You deserve much better!!

 

My guy never didnt follow through..if he said he'd call he did, if he said we'd get together, we did...but he was very foot dragging in the getting together part. If i ask you out i would like a guy to either say yes, or if he cant just say "you know what im really busy this week, but id love to get together next week"

 

What he did was drag his feet, then had to cancel anyway..but he did give me advance notice..he wasnt rude about it. Im not making excuses for him..but im not going to badmouth a guy for things he didnt do

 

So hes had more then moments of giving me hope...but in the end, his focus right now is on work and im going to step back and respect that and refocus myself.

 

If he does come back around, i think he'll respect the fact that i knew when to back off and let him focus on his job.

[mudpie]

You guys are totally bang on. I am in this situation with a "fling" right now. I am doing NO CONTACT. My heart hurts, but he doesnt know that...only my friends do.