very hard to move on

[Benson]

hey all thanks for reading this post..

 

its been close to 35 days of no contact for me and it seems im feeling worse...

 

All the thoughts run through my head all day, I even dream about her.. I keep wondering what I did wrong, why she never spoke up to me about her not being happy..

 

and how someone could just leave love without warning, it just kills me...

 

I hate this, every minute I think about this girl that I gave up so much for, I think about how much trust I had in her that got broken because she couldnt speak to me about her emotions.... I want to email her so badly but I know thats a bad idea... someone help me lol

 

She relied so much on me and now she wont even call me, just walks off and thats it???? Its very hard to come to grips with, no matter how young she was when I met her...

[Prober]

I know it hurts. My finace left me three months before our wedding after 5.5 years together and now I learn she has a new guy. It's been six months since she split and she's been with him for most of that.

 

My ex never spoke to me about any feelings, except she did question money six weeks before she left and we had a dumb argument and she moved out the next day.

 

The longest I have gone in six months with NC is about 40 days. Compared to me, you are doing great. The one thing I can tell you is what almsost everyone around here will say, and that is it never has a positive result when you break NC.

 

I was told not to contact her, and I didn't listen. I felt after several weeks, she would miss me, but that was not the case. In fact, she was much more distant, especially because she has a new relationship. She was vicious during the breakup and would never discuss her true feelings with me and that just made me more frustrated and depressed.

 

The best thing I have learned now that I am back in NC (six days) is that I must never ever call or contact her ever again. Take it a day at a time and if anyone will ever make contact again in this lifetime, it will not be me. Time to say goodbye and know that I am a good person who she constantly raved about and one fight and not enough money (for her) will ever change that!

 

Wish her luck on her journey and move on. It does get harder even when the days pile up but from what I'm told, one day we'll eventually be released from the obsession and someone else will come into our lives that is better for us and we'll be scratching our heads about why we were ever with someone who would leave in such a manner.

 

Lastly, knowing how she left and how mine left and blamed everything on me, I understand the cowardly nature of the beast and I deserved a much better dumping. That being said, se la vie.

[kickedin]

hang in there bud...at least you dont have mixed signals.....i read between lines....alomst had her in front of me but i nixxed it.....

 

just try to do something i want to hang myself lol but i know there was life beofre her and after her.......

[Benson]

thanks guys, I truly hope this gets better, soon.. but time is the only thing that can cure it.

 

its funny you should say 'wish her happiness on her journey'

 

Those were the last words I spoke to her friend more than a month ago.

"no matter what happened, i wish her the best''

 

and that was it. how she could be so immature and hateful.... I just wont know...

 

 

kickedin: I know you've had a very rough time too, I guess everyones situation is a bit different but we all have the same hurt in the end... It just amazes me that 6 months ago when I spoke to her about a break, she broke down crying and I vowed to give it my all.. And it worked....... It makes me so sad that she wasnt strong enough to try for me.. the way I did for her.

[kickedin]

thanks guys, I truly hope this gets better, soon.. but time is the only thing that can cure it.

 

its funny you should say 'wish her happiness on her journey'

 

Those were the last words I spoke to her friend more than a month ago.

"no matter what happened, i wish her the best''

 

and that was it. how she could be so immature and hateful.... I just wont know...

 

 

kickedin: I know you've had a very rough time too, I guess everyones situation is a bit different but we all have the same hurt in the end... It just amazes me that 6 months ago when I spoke to her about a break, she broke down crying and I vowed to give it my all.. And it worked....... It makes me so sad that she wasnt strong enough to try for me.. the way I did for her.

 

dude the last time i saw my girl was tgiving night hugging her and we talked about a june wedding......then bam 2 days later done

[Benson]

wow.. how stupid is this.. I guess this really opened up our eyes eh?

[pacopaco]

It makes me so sad that she wasnt strong enough to try for me.. the way I did for her.

 

sometimes that's the saddest thing, but keep in mind that you are strong, all you need do now is be strong for you. Some people aren't even strong enough for themselves.

[ruby19]

It is hard to accept the person who you thought loved you and would be strong with you through everything can so easily throw in the towel and walk away, right off to someone new like you never existed. But still tell you they think you are wonderful and they respect and care about you. Give me a break.

 

Be strong for yourself, just get through each day or moment as best you can. You will get through this and come out on the other side and find "yourself" again.

[Benson]

yeah i definitely agree ruby.. crazy weather here in canada hehe

 

in regards to pacos post: she was very insecure and unsure.. but one the she was 'sure' of is that she loved me.

 

ruby: thats exactly all that ive lost, myself.

[isidore]

Hey Benson,

Posting here 'cause I've not seen my ex for about the same amount of time you have not seen yours. I know what it's like to dream about the person and then wake up alone. I think my ex was unhappy and she also didn't talk about it in the end. I wanted to post this and say something to try and help you feel better, but all I can say is that day by day is all we can do.

 

I'm sure you both loved each other and were a good experience for the other. No one can take your memories (or hers) away from you. You're better for having shared the time you had with her. She's better for having known you. That you're not still together doesn't factor into this at all.

 

I myself am just starting to realize that my expectations are what cause me pain at times. I fell in love and felt secure, and kind of lost track of the fact that it could all end any time, that each day could have been the last. It is so hard to stay in the moment.

 

Sorry for the babbling, buddy. Just want you to know that there's someone else dealing with similar emotions. vale

[wayner427]

It is hard to accept the person who you thought loved you and would be strong with you through everything can so easily throw in the towel and walk away, right off to someone new like you never existed. But still tell you they think you are wonderful and they respect and care about you. Give me a break.

 

That's exactly how I feel right now.. It's all very tough for me to understand.

[Benson]

yeah hehe... we wont ever understand i dont think... but how do you take this and learn from it?

 

I may be pessemistic here but think of it this way:

 

To learn from this, would be to become almost paranoid that your relationship is going to end at any time... I dont think theres a way to explain this experience.. in any words, it just happens and we have to deal with it...

when dealing with the unknown its always harder to accept it, cause well... you just dont know, and will never know.... it screws the mind up pretty good.

 

 

Im almost positive I know why it happened to me. But we will never for know for sure why it happens to us. So it kind of messes you up... thinking that youll always make the same mistakes, miss the signs, cause you dont know what they were (if any)...

 

In my case I put aside my doubts of her not being emotionally open, and continued on. She was just too young emotionally and I knew that, thinking that she'd mature when i was with her. I put it aside for her, loved her anyways with all my heart.. cause thats what lovers do.. They realize what their partner doesnt have, and respect it.. And I got totally screwed.

 

I suppose I learned a lesson... But at the end of the day it still hurts and its still going to take alot of time, so the reasons why dont matter... I mean unless you were an abuser or something of the like..

[kasmusse]

You're pretty strong for actually going forth with the NC for even just over a month.

I don't know if I can even make 24 hours not contacting my ex!

AH!

[wayner427]

For me, I was paranoid of liking a girl a lot because I've been burned in the past.. I got to that point, where I knew I didn't want to lose her. Then that stage passed, and I became really comfortable and entrusted all my feelings with her... then bam... that's when it all of a sudden ended.. then I realize again why I was so paranoid before all over again. *sigh*

[Benson]

exact same problem here wayner. i guess its the luck of the draw.

[terk2021]

I had a very similar situation. You think NC will make them forget about you. You fight harder to keep them, or to get them to come back, and it pushes them away further.

 

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON... We just need to keep moving forward and trust in it. The only thing we truly have control over is ourselves...

[Benson]

The no contact thing isnt easy, but if you realize its the best thing for you, then you also realize that it must be done.

 

Believe me, I've wanted to call her every day for the past month... I realize it will get me nowhere. The more and more I think about it, the more I realize that she didnt know how to have a relationship in the first place.. Nor how to handle someones heart very well... Or even knew how to give support cause she was so shaky herself.

 

but once its over, its over. none of this matters....

[Benson]

Well I was at work today, speaking to a very nice looking coworker and friend... She mentioned that she saw my ex on the weekend but didnt talk to her.... Said she looked exactly the same... Told me that she was a very beautiful girl... My heart skipped a hundred beats and i got all tingly... Then I got really sad... I was about to cry when I was working... She was so beautiful.... This is crap. I know I shouldnt even worry about it considering that she did next to no work for our relationship, but i miss her so much... would give anything in the world to sleep beside her..

 

Why is it, that when I was so ready to make her happy and work everything out...and she was willing to do nothing, I still loved her more than life itself??

[elithepi]

Benson,

I feel like I'm reading my posts....New years eve is, was, a special night for me....it's when I first kissed my ex 2 years ago...damn.

 

Hang in there and keep posting with us. Don't call her. I'm having the same urges.

I set a goal for myself. It's obvious that I need to better know myself since I so identified with the relationship rather than myself.

 

I'm setting a quick goal of travel. Going to see the country while I have a chance. Rediscover myself.

 

Maybe you could set a goal of doing something you've never done. The money you would have spent with her, spend on achieving your goal. Your very own special goal to share with only yourself.

 

I know the paranoia you speak of. If we are to ever love again, we MUST be able to trust OURSELVES enough to accept them walking out the door at the drop of the hat.

Good luck brother.

[Benson]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

elithepi thank you...

 

I need to keep hearing these words to get through this...

 

This is such bullcrap, I cant ever get attached to someone like this again...

 

I cant even put into words how I feel. Disgusting might be one of them.....

 

thanks all for your kind words... ill post an update if anything changes...

[ruby19]

Hey Benson, that was me too and a common dilemma we all face. How to learn lessons and not get burned again, but at the same time we have to be open to letting a new relationship into our lives when we are ready and take the chance without punishing the new person or ourselves for the mistakes of someone in our past.

 

I felt the exact same way you did, I was so worried about rushing in too quickly that I took my time, and when I finally did feel loved and secure enough to let my guard down...whammo

 

Keep up the NC, and don't beat yourself up for putting your heart out there. That's the only way you will find the person who will put their's out there for you.

[Benson]

Ruby I hear you... I just wish that I find someone that can be honest with me.. you know... It wouldnt have hurt as much if she had told me she was having doubts about us, earlier on .. and we could have tried to deal with it..but she didnt! Even when I brought everything to her first hand, was loving and caring about her...

 

One girl I've been talking to said 'maybe you were too nice'.. Well.. all I can be is myself right?

[jusified]

there is been nice and been nice to her. I guess some of us were just nice to her. But we need to let people work problems out for themselves and move on, thats been nice.

[Benson]

It is jusified. Unfortunately for us, we have to suffer because they arent ready/want to explore new things/etc.... The most painful thing in my case, is she couldnt come to me with her feelings ever... I should have gotten out of there as fast as I could but I stayed..

 

 

sooooo the pain continues

[MightyBoosh]

Benson, my ex ended it with me saying that the differences between us and our circumstances had become so great they couldnt be fixed...Since then, Ive asked him why he didnt tell me about it...All he could come up with was "What was I supposed to say?!?" He LITERALLY couldnt think up what he was supposed to say to me to give me some sort of heads up that things werent working until it was too late....

I think thats part of what Im finding so hard about our break up...because I didnt see it coming, I knew things were a bit difficult, but I put that down to a rocky patch due to the changes in our lives at the same time...I thought we would ride it out...but to me it feels as if our relationship wasnt important enough to him to fight for it....