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MightyBoosh

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  1. this happened with me, we split up after a year and a half in october 2005, got back together 6 weeks later, then he ended it again in october 2006...ive found that ive cried about it a lot less and for a shorter length of time.....but, the length of there being so much ambiguity between us is ridiculous....4 months down the line and its still happening....I would rather we be together still, despite what people around me are saying...But when it comes down to it, im too scared to tell him to make his mind up. I dont think that the way he is behaving is because he wants to be friends...i dont see how we can go from 2 and 1/2 years together, to phoning each other up just because we fancied a chat with someone....
  2. oh my gooood i find myself in this situation on a weekly basis.....I pull away for a bit, because the ex is sending too many confusing signals, or, like you, im completely over analysing everything said and it starts to drive me up the wall. then, I get a text asking how i am, that hes bored, and do i fancy a chat....so, despite the urge to reply, i dont. That feeling of knowing that you didnt text back is so immense, im guessing it must be how you feel when youre completely over someone..... I have that continuous feeling that he might be seeing someone else too (and, from recent experience, have decided that things like facebook, myspace and bebo are the spawn of the devil!!!!!! Id guess that shes not seeing someone, like someone else said, she wouldnt be telling you about being at the cinema to make you think "who is she with?" she was doing it as a way of checking how things are between you... What i thing is slightly out of order is that, if you have asked her to not get in touch because you need space, then why is she texting you? texting is contact....end of..i know youve hoped she would get in touch, but if youve asked her not to, then i think its slightly out of order that she did....
  3. I think this is where I went wrong...my ex started behaving very strange for a number of weeks before ending it....he was a real nightmare at keeing in touch with me, and when youre 100 miles apart, communicating through phones or texts or I.M. is pretty much all you have. I asked him one day what was going on, and he said he had a load of questions hanging over him about us that he needed to sort through on his own...so I figured id give him some space. But, when I hadnt heard from him in 2 days-at the time it felt like a lifetime (who goes 2 days without speaking to their partner?!?) i tried texting him to tell him how I was feeling about the situation....now, I wish Id just given him the space he needed and disappeared for a few days, letting him know I was there if he needed me....just dont badger him...its not been long since you split up so I guess its reversible...just dont bug him with how youre feeling....vent on here, or to your friends, or even write it down-trust me it helps! hes trying to deal with his own stuff and doesnt need to have to deal with how you feel as well-in a normal situation, he could deal with how you feel aswell, but this isnt a usual situation, and he probably just wants to be able to be selfish and not have to worry about your feelings too.
  4. RoboWarrior thats a bit of a bad generalistion....not all women change their minds like they change their knickers!!!
  5. ok, so people are trying to protect him by telling you hes seeing someone else, which, to me, shows hes really hurt by the break up... From someone who was dumped, getting a text message saying "i just want you to be happy2 is like a kick in the stomach...it comes accross as "i dont want you, I want you to find someone else who can make you happy"...but what you want is for YOU to be the one whos with him making him happy...but you dumped him...so hes probably getting just as many mixed signals from you as you are from him....hope that makes sense
  6. His own survivial instinct has kicked in, and hes keeping you out, not only because his pride has been hurt, but because he doesnt want to risk getting hurt again. You were the one who ended it, not him...Im really not trying to sound harsh, but he didnt choose to feel the way he does...I know you didnt either, but he REALLY didnt have a choice..he probably feels like hes just getting back on his feet, starting to see someone else, and you turn up on the scene again......maybe he thinks its the classic "I dont want you, but I dont want anyone else to have you" I really hope I dont sound nasty because Im really not trying to be, just wanted to try and give it to you from the perspective of the other side...particularly from someone whos getting mixed messages from the dumper
  7. ultimately, i want him back...i just find it hard to completely ignore him and get on with it when theres all these different things flying round...i cant help but think the usual "if i stop talking to him, hell forget about me and move on". I just feel that by being there in his life he cant forget about me! I just get frustrated when i hear from him constantly for a few days and then get nothing back...i feel this physical frustration building inside of me and just want to keep texting or sending I.M. messages until I get replys....which, being reasonable, i know is possibly the worst thing I could do. Sorry feel like Im hijacking this thread here...trying not to, just helps to get some responses from others who have/are going through the same thing.
  8. i doubt very much he has someone else...but theres always the possibility...ive had conversations with friends over the last few days who say hes not seeing anyone, and hasnt gone near anyone since we split...but theres always that irrational thought there that takes over sometimes....and were both 22, and got together when he was 19 and i was 18...and when you say chasing, what do you mean?ive never asked him to reconsider, or asked him why were not together or anythign like that if thats what you mean...
  9. would be reeeeeeeaaaaally good to get some peoples opinions, as Ive seen a lot of people reading this thread in last few hours but had no replies....running out of steam now knowing what to do!
  10. Last week, I was visiting my old University, the one the ex is at still with a group of friends (one of the decided thats where she wanted to go for the weekend for her birthday, so thats what we did.) He'd found out a couple of weeks before that I was going, and asked me to meet him for lunch in a place we'd always go to when he visited me when we were together still-struck me as a bit strange!After having to meet up with him on the Friday night -we've got the same group of friends so was inevitable id have to meet him at some point- and after a few drinks. we went our serparate ways, only for him to text me ten minutes later asking if he could come meet me at my room, to which I said no, but Id meet him in the reception lodge. we sat and atalked for a while, during which-yes, in know ti was stupid before anyone tells me!!- I agreed to let him come up.He initiated the kissing, but then said to me that he didnt want to do anything more, just wanted to sleep in the same bed, then telling me that, on the night he ended it, when hed told me that he didnt love me anymore, he was lying, and only said it as it was the only thing he could think of saying so that I wouldnt try and argue and convince him to change his mind....Now, I can almost hear all you men screaming at me that he was only saying it to get something more from me, but, typical female here...I cant help but think theres somethign more, because hes really not that type of person. He's not gotten together with anyone else in any way since we split up, which I have to admit is a comfort to me. The next night, one of his housemates, who used to be my closest friend at uni, but I lost him in the "divorce" to the ex, told me that all the boys still at uni with the ex who know us both are convinced hes in love with me still, and that its just a case of bad timing, that the ex is so focussed on becoming the next big comedian that he's just not got the time for a relationship. This friend also said that he'll put money on the ex finishing uni, going home for the summer, and realising what hes done. Meawhile, the ex has asked that I dont tell anyone about the weekend, as he's not told any of the boys eh lives with, who are all boyfriends of my best friends. Now I'm having to try REALLY hard to stop my heart ruling my head here...its almost impossible though. Now the ex has almost disappeared this week, barely talking to me. It was his birthday yesterday and just finding it a bit difficult not speaking to him as much as I want, trying not to text him and push him away, especially as Ive spent the last 4 birthdays with him. Im just finding it a bit hard working out why hes freaking out, and why he does disappearing acts on me whenever we start to get a bit closer
  11. I love some of the analogies you use SuperDave...they really help to put things into perspective, and in those short sentences make the whole post make sense!! Ive tried so many times to start and maintain NC. but Im just so elated when the ex gets in touch that I just have to reply....the other night, he told me that the night he ended it, when he told me that he didnt love me anymore, he didnt mean it...he tried to explain that the only reason he said it was because it was the only thing he could think of syaing so that I wouldnt try to convince him to work things out....now, hes doing his usual trick of disappearing for a few days....ive gotten used to him doing it when hes revealed too much to me about how hes feeling...Im just so frustrated that he freaks out on me so much...Im the one getting messed about, yet hes the one messed up! I just dont know what Im supposed to do when its him doing all the initiating, telling me he misses me, still loves me etc...
  12. well Ive deleted him of my IM...I just figured it was less painful to not have to see him online and see that were not talking to each other..does this make sense? If were not texting each other, then thats fine because I dont have to see him holding his phone, not texting me...but whilst hes online, I can see hes there, sitting at his computer, not talking to me...and thats worse!! The temptation to talk to him when I see him there is too great, so think this is the best way...I also feel a lot better for having done it...a bit happier that Im a bit more in control of it..if he wants to talk, he knows where I am....knowing that hes there, but hes not, is some sort of comfort...I hope that makes sense and doesnt sound too much like psycho babble.. I was sitting thinking before, and I was thinking about how, towards the end of the relationship, wed always end up falling out when we were out for a meal together...and it got me quite wound up!! I remember one specific occasion where, meaning to or not, hed actually made me cry with a comment hed made about how I eat..I now remember him saying as he ended it the only thing we had in common any more was an interest in food, and yet even towards the end that had become tainted due to the rows!! I think I just found it a shock that he found it so much of an issue that we didnt have exactly the same interests anymore...to begin with, we liked similar things...I guess I never realised just how different he thought wed become..
  13. Benson, my ex ended it with me saying that the differences between us and our circumstances had become so great they couldnt be fixed...Since then, Ive asked him why he didnt tell me about it...All he could come up with was "What was I supposed to say?!?" He LITERALLY couldnt think up what he was supposed to say to me to give me some sort of heads up that things werent working until it was too late.... I think thats part of what Im finding so hard about our break up...because I didnt see it coming, I knew things were a bit difficult, but I put that down to a rocky patch due to the changes in our lives at the same time...I thought we would ride it out...but to me it feels as if our relationship wasnt important enough to him to fight for it....
  14. Something inside of me has given me a sudden urge to delete his email address from my IM account...it was only a fleeting urge..but at least I had one.... When hes at uni its how we speak to each other, but seeing as hes been at home for the past few weeks its been through text messages..not so easy to delete his number as I know it... I think the thing I need to work on the most is the frustration and pretty much sheer desperation when Ive not spoken to him for a while....Im ok at the moment as I had a New Year text from him....had pretty much forgotten that New Years day is the day Id have been with him and his family...think I got all my hysterics out yesterday, but still...no tears today which is a good sign (trying not to call myself pathetic again here Reluctant!!) I think that if I can get over that feeling of frustration when we dont speak for a while, itll make everything a lot easier....I always cave in when that feeling gets too much, and get in touch with him somehow..again, its a willpower thing not texting him back, or not texting him when I dont hear from him in a while...I know tis part and parcel of a break up to not speak to each other every day...but its still not nice..
  15. I'm not going to say "its easy for you to say"....I'll just say I dont find it as easy as others might to break away from it...through my choice or not Worst that will happen is just that-I wont ever speak to him or have him in my life again......I guess ultimately Im hanging on in hope of some sort of light bulb moment from one of us....him wanting me back, or me not wanting him any more..... I'm just not very good with the will power....lame and feeble excuse I know....but Im just not....the slightest inkling that he wants me or misses me and I go running.... i admit that hand on heart... Im coming accross as incredibly pathetic and weak here...but I guess I just dont want to move on whilst I see this glimmer of hope....even though with this glimmer of hope all I can see is mind games...but Id like to think that after knowing him for 4 years I know certain things about him...and hes not someone to say something unless he means it...which I guess works both in my favour and against it...
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