At what point can you reasonably expect someone to be in love with you?

[n83]

Say you've been seeing someone for 6 months, but you're having doubts about the relationship because they haven't told you they love you. Is it reasonable to leave them and move on at this point? What if it's been a 3 months? A year, or a year and a half or more?? After how long should you reasonably expect your significant other to be in love with you?

[Hope75]

Some people are just not as vocal about the "I love you's" as others.

 

I think 6 months is still a bit early, and I would certainly not want someone to say it for the sake of saying it, if they did not mean it.

 

If it were my I'd look at the bigger picture- how does he treat you? How do you feel when you are with him? Do you feel loved? Appreciated? Respected?

 

I'd be more worried about that than the actual words.

[n83]

That's a good point Hope, but I should clarify:

 

I am asking, regardless of how the person acts, at what point should they know they love you? (i.e., If they can't say it because they aren't sure at that point)...

[rocio]

I don't think you can schedule that kind of thing. I would say if you've been dating for a couple of years and it hasn't been said, then there might be a problem. 6 months seems a bit early for me, but then everyone is different.

[Hope75]

That's a good point Hope, but I should clarify:

 

I am asking, regardless of how the person acts, at what point should they know they love you? (i.e., If they can't say it because they aren't sure at that point)...

 

I don't think there is a 'set time' for anyone. It's subjective, and every person is different. Some people believe in love at first site, others aren't sure what love really feels like, even when they are feeling it.

 

I'm not saying a person should go on for years and years wondering if their partner loves them, but it's fair to give that person time to develop those feelings and understand them for what they are.

 

Have you been with someone for a long time who does not think they love you?

[cc2006]

There is no answer to that question. Everyone is different. Everyone's idea of what love is may be different as well.

 

You're looking for a rational concrete answer to a completely irrational freeflowing emotional issue.

[confused25]

Hmmmm I went out with my ex-bf for about two years and we have never said I love you to each other. But then again, I was never in love with him . . . I liked him and cared for him a lot, but I was just not in love with him . . .

 

Maybe your man is just not that vocal about saying these kind of things. I know I would never say it until the other person says it first . . . but that's just me.

[Mermaid]

There's not really a time limit for something so incredibly subjective, although I would say that there's period when it would be too soon.

 

Six months, though, is probably enough time for someone to begin recognizing in themselves the signs that they're in love -- or falling in love. However, it's too soon to begin planning for a future with the person, and it's definitely too soon to propose. I think it's also a good time to establish where exactly you stand with each other in terms of developing feelings. Perhaps your partner won't know whether or not he's "in love" yet, at that point, but he should have some idea of the direction in which his feelings are progressing.

 

 

By a year, both partners should already have a clear picture of where the relationship is heading and how they feel about one another. For me, personally, if I were with a guy for a year and he still didn't know how he felt about me, I'd be out of there in a flash. Life is too short to waste on wishy-washy people. (Incidentally, I've been with someone almost four years, and he said "I love you" first -- but we were best friends at the time, not yet a couple.)

[Beec]

If I had dated someone for six months and they did not know, I think I would have felt that they would never feel that way. I don't know that I would expect to hear it within six months, but I always have heard it within that time.

[Scout]

It's hard to say, n83. Every time I've decided on some general "rule" or expectation when it comes to relationships and love, I either read about some situation on eNotalone or see it in real life that smashes that belief out of the water.

 

So, I don't know if there's some kind of timeline on when someone should fall in love or not. It does seem to me that after six months and you still haven't heard these words, they may not be forthcoming. But I don't know, I'm just speaking from my own experience. I've dated people for longer than that who never said it, but we weren't very serious. Anyone I ever seriously dated said it within a month, or around about there.

 

Do you feel loved by him, other than not hearing those words?

[Day_Walker]

I dont believe in being "in love", I believe in "love" and if that person did not show that they loved me only then would I be concerned about them not saying it.

[n83]

hey everyone

I just wanted to let you know that I'm not asking because of a personal thing, I just wanted to hear your answers.

 

I find it interesting that some of you feel it's subjective and individual, but others responded that within a certain time they'd want to hear it.. Personally, I think if I'd give it a year max and if I hadn't heard it by then, I'd be gone.. especially if I loved the person.

 

Either way, I know that for each person it's individual, and that's why I'm asking individuals what they think, rather than what they think others' answers would be

[Dominique130]

I'm in this situation currently and just ended our relationship over it last night. About two months into our relationship (which was serious from day one) I knew I loved him, and I let it slip out one night by accident. I later clarified that I meant what I said and wanted to know where he stood. He "really cared about me and really liked me" and we agreed to take things day by day and see where things lead. Now 6 months in, nothing has changed for him, nor have his feelings evolved. Its painful to be with someone who doesn't return your feelings and made me doubt myself. I don't know if I made the right decision, but for me, its always been a very rapid revelation.

[Beec]

I'm in this situation currently and just ended our relationship over it last night. About two months into our relationship (which was serious from day one) I knew I loved him, and I let it slip out one night by accident. I later clarified that I meant what I said and wanted to know where he stood. He "really cared about me and really liked me" and we agreed to take things day by day and see where things lead. Now 6 months in, nothing has changed for him, nor have his feelings evolved. Its painful to be with someone who doesn't return your feelings and made me doubt myself. I don't know if I made the right decision, but for me, its always been a very rapid revelation.

 

Well how did he react to this? That should be telling.

[Kalika]

If I was in love with someone and told them so, and they didn't feel the same way back, I think I'd end it right then and there.. because it takes a lot (and a long time) for me to fall in love in the first place, so if they weren't feeling it by then, it's probably been long enough that they should know whether or not they are in love with me.

[Dominique130]

He was very surprised that I actually ended things right then and there, and honestly, I was as well, I certainly hadn't planned it. We were both very sad that we would miss out on spending time together and having the type of partnership we both enjoyed but it eventually came out that in the long run, we were saving ourselves a lot of pain. We've become nearly best friends (and he said as much) and want to try to move into the friendship arena if we can make it work. That way we each get to still have someone who cares and supports us and we won't be "throwing away" a whole person who is wonderful.

[Kalika]

Dominique -

How are you handling being just his friend?

[spikespiegel]

I'd say 6 months is a reasonable amount of time. By that point, you should have a pretty good grasp on what kind of person your significant other is, and what they stand for, and if you haven't fallen for them by then, I don't think you will. Personally though, I tend to dump my entire soul into my relationships, and because of that tend to fall rather quickly, usually within a few months at most.