strawberries789 Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 You guys have TRULY saved my LIFE...and are continuing to do so... As some of you may have already read some of my posts regarding my relationship: I ended a 5 year relationship with my ex 19 days ago (not b/c I didn't love him, but b/c of the dishonesty/immaturity/insensitivity my now 'ex' showed towards me. Anyhow, throughout the 5 years, him and I have broken up over the SAME issues but only I was left returning back to him within a few days and asking him for my forgiveness (even though it may have been him who caused the incident). This past weekend, I was almost at that point until I came accross eNotAlone and you guys have truly saved my life/future/sanity. Because of your continued support, kindness and friendship, I am now able to see that I CAN MOVE ON, that I am NOT crazy, that things will get better, and the importance of continuing NC. So, although I know I will be back to you guys for continued support, I want to thank YOU ALL so much for helping me get my life back!I really don't know where I would be without you guys Link to comment
CharlesF Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 We are just glad to help. Link to comment
Boughs Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 When you hit the restart button on your computer it doesn't solve ALL the problems... but it does seem to clear the hickups. Make sure you are still prepared for the hickups. And I'm glad the NC has been helping. it really does help a lot. Link to comment
Benson Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Im glad to hear it. I cant wait till the day I'm finally over my situation as well. Of course we're going to have our ups and downs and such, but this is normal... It will only get better!! And this board does help, alot. Link to comment
strawberries789 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Omg...one Minute I Am Totally Fine...the Next I Am Thinking Of Breaking Nc... I Have No Idea What Is Wrong With Me? What The Heck Is Wrong With Me? I Have Exams To Study For...what Have I Done? Link to comment
Weeblie Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Why would you want to go back to him? I don't want you to feel bad, but please remember why you started NC. Remember that he's not worthy of you. Try to focus on making yourself happy. Isn't there anything you've always wanted to do, but never could make time for it? Maybe you should try to do it. Or maybe you could try to spoil yourself for a bit. Get a manicure and a pedicure. Get a new haircut. Do whatever you can to distract yourself from wanting him. Even if it means that you have push out the good memories and focus on the bad...please do it. Link to comment
Vynde Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 strawberries789, The emotions your feeling normal, please know that. There is NOTHING wrong with you. That’s how this process works; there will be many highs and lows. Trying to stay focused on YOU may seem very challenging at times, but it’s not impossible. Take a few deep breaths; realize that what you’re feeling is only temporary and that it WILL pass. Loosing someone you shared an emotional/physical attachment to is never easy, regardless of what the situation might have been. Allow yourself to feel the pain, keep in mind that crying is normal and may even help you feel better at times - get support from whoever you can - and don’t forget that its NORMAL to feel what your feeling. Do I sound like a broken record yet?? Its true. Nothing is wrong with you. Your human – and a dam good one at that. Please hang in. Ill be thinking of you. Keep posting. You will be OK. John 1 Link to comment
strawberries789 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 thank you Vynde...I really needed someone to say something to me... I am breathing deeply now after reading your post...resisting the urge to call my ex and break my now 20 days of NC (the longest I have ever gone without talking to my ex...the person whom I will never call 'baby', 'boo' again)... im going to go back and "try" to study again for my exams...feel like a LOSER Link to comment
strawberries789 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 i'm driving myself crazy by thinking: could my ex have had a girl on the side and is that why he didn't care when we ended things? is that why he never contacted me again? is that why he's "ok" now and I'm NOT? Link to comment
Benson Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 hehe strawberries..... i was thinking the same thing, playing ever scenario out in my mind. but be STRONG GIRL. dont get me wrong, its KILLING me too!! but dont do it... he is NOT worth it, seriously. dont call him. it will just make u feel worse... Link to comment
Vynde Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 i'm driving myself crazy by thinking: could my ex have had a girl on the side and is that why he didn't care when we ended things? is that why he never contacted me again? is that why he's "ok" now and I'm NOT? straw, You’re feeling one of those "lows", try to keep that in mind dear. There might be 2 billion reasons why he isn’t calling you. The one you mentioned is one. Try not to let your mind go through every scenario. That’s why keeping busy is so important. I know the feeling (or at least the thoughts) of thinking the "ex" is "OK" while we are left behind to mull over and try figuring out what went wrong. Its something I have been dealing with myself and can tell you that those thoughts will fade and will not be there forever (I know that’s hard to imagine right now). Keep the NC. 20 days is a good start. You’re doing well. Keep it up. John Link to comment
lizziebee Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Hi Straw- We always look at someone on their 'outside' and think wow, they really have it together...or not....We have no idea what is under their bed, or in the closets of their 'perfect' looking lives. Sometimes out of cowardice or fear of confrontation, we just leave and hope the person we care about will somehow understand....we don't so what we do is re-live and interject all kinds of crazy scenarios into the mix...Don't forget where those stories in our heads come from....US. Take it easy on yourself and try to be "ok" yourself. Great luck to you. Link to comment
standingby Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 You have so many positive aspects going on for you at this very moment. Push the negative out of your mind and focus on what is the best thing for you to do to accomplish your goals. You are in medschool because of your accomplishments and you are there for you-not him! So don't allow yourself to think it is HIM that makes you happy, determimes your future and gives you self worth - come on straw...be sharp, focus, honed. You are the instrument of your future, prove it to yourself. Go study fiendishly! Link to comment
strawberries789 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 luv all of you guys and thank you for your encouraging posts... I am going to study today like I have never studied before and get a lot done! I think the important thing is that I completely block my ex out of my mind so I can do well on my exams.....I will try and do that...but just know that after my exams I will be crashing down and will need your support more than ever! ~hugs~ Link to comment
Vynde Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Know we will be here to catch you! Good luck on your exams! John Link to comment
standingby Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Now your talking good things, make it happen! For after your exams, I've got the hot chocolate with butterscotch schnapps, tissues and the movie Beeches ready...then will play Dixie Chicks "Earl". Link to comment
strawberries789 Posted December 16, 2006 Author Share Posted December 16, 2006 PLEASE HELP! my aunt and I got into a terrible car accident today...just came home from the hospital...at the hospital I broke 21 days of NC and called my ex... please help me...i feel so guilty about breaking NC...i feel confused about my ex... i really need u guys badly right now Link to comment
nilli Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Hiya Straw, first off, I hope you and your aunt are ok and unhurt! Secondly, DON'T beat yourself up. Why do you feel guilty for breaking NC? Do you not think it's ok give into an impulse in a traumatic situation? Did he answer? How are you feeling right now? Hugs to you! Link to comment
selfi Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Today I was on the finest edge of breaking NC too. Today I cried for hours on end and even held the phone in my hand ready to make that call. Instead I decided to roll with the pain and lie on my comfortable bed until the tears dried up. I understand exactly whats going through in your head, the main thing is not to focus too much on what you did. This doesnt mean youre giving him some sort of power just because you broke NC "first". You will pick up where you left off, and be okay. Please dont dwindle on this or feel guilty. 1 Link to comment
strawberries789 Posted December 16, 2006 Author Share Posted December 16, 2006 thank you nilli and selfi (and john and sjv)...i just woke up...my body aches all over and i have a terrible pounding headache...my aunt can barely move and is in serious pain... we got hit by an 18wheeler truck yesterday...ppl on the scene said we were lucky to be alive and able to semi-walk/talk etc...i believe them... my ex called me later yesterday when i got home from the hospital...we ended up talking about the accident...i was in total shock...i needed someone to talk to...someone who understood me...someone who i felt loved me... i was basically screwed up last night...looking back, i probably shouldn't have broken NC...now i realize how much better it was going NC...how much strength it actually gave me (so for those of you who are thinking of breaking NC...although of course I am not judging and would never judge...i myself broke NC yesterday...but please remember that by going NC you are in fact STRONG ...not weak like I had been thinking...) it did feel good to talk to my ex though...i was crying a lot last night about the accident...i was really upset...i think he gave me some comfort...i told him that i probably shouldn't have called him despite the accident but he said he understood... i am going to the doctors now with my aunt...we need to get medication...the hospital we were at yesterday was absolutely crazy/insane...i felt like an animal there... i'll be back later to post to you guys... i have so many emotions mixed inside... luv, strawberries Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Strawberries, I am so very sorry to hear about your accident and am so relieved to hear that you're doing okay. S, forget about breaking NC and your ex for now; this is a time for you to focus on getting better and regaining your mental, physical, and emotional equilibrium. Sending a great big hug your way, Ellie Link to comment
standingby Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Straw...you are ALIVE! You are here and you are still you- and we are here for you through your HEALING process...breaking-up or breaking bones. Your pain is real. Your emotions are valid. Your need to communicate with your former boyfriend was what you desired at that moment. You found comfort and that is all that matters. Well, you at least convinced me that he is not a "heartless pr***" He feels compassion for you, he cares about your well-being and if he is all that you say he is regardless of the break-up circumstances...he loves you still. Several people on ENA see NC as a guideline and not as a rule (L.J pointed this out to me.) So don't chastise yorself for contacting him. Do what is needed for your physical needs (and your Aunt's). You and your Aunt have each other, too- you both survived with each other. Go back to NC for your health and mental strength. He may still call to check on your physical state. Keep it light, short and thank him for his thoughtfulness in "checking-in" but leave it at that and don't expect that his communication with you is anything beyond "being concerned". Give everything time... give yourself time, Strawberry. From your near-death experience you will grow stronger. Perhaps, one day when you have your medical degree you will be the only person who truly understands how that patient sitting in the ER feels being stuck in the animal house for 6 hours; lonely, confused, in pain and he/she does not have someone to call who loves them. Empathy: is a learned characteristic. Reflection: a gift to mirror goodness, strength, and wisdom from absorbing all life experiences- love, pain, gaining, losing, silliness, and laughter, etc. Chuck your near-death moment up to a higher reason needing you here on Earth-Gaia, Providence, God...maybe every beam of universal energy was giving you a reality check that people take for granted the time we have on this planet. You are making the most of your time right now by investing in you. Spend it with family, friends, yourself and let each person who you really love know that you love them...and you did. Link to comment
strawberries789 Posted December 17, 2006 Author Share Posted December 17, 2006 Ellie, Standingby...thank you both so much! My aunt and I are really lucky to be alive. I know that we were being watched over for sure. Although I am in a lot of physical pain and I am starting physiotherapy next week...today I have felt sick all day, not only in physical pain but my head hurts and have been dizzy all day... i spoke with my ex today...we ended up talking about some things in our relationship (or some of the problems)...we ended up arguing like we always did... i told him that I think we love or loved each other but we just didn't get along anymore and we had different outlooks/point of view on things, but that I didn't blame him or myself, it was just that we are 2 different ppl who just can't get along/communicate properly... Well, this didn't sit well with him...he is extremely upset with me...doesn't want to talk to me unless we get back together...I of course understand where he is coming from...and despite my emotional/physical state from this traumatic car accident I told him that I have to be honest/true to myself and him...that the relationship is done... i also apologized profusely for contact him...looking back I shouldn't have broken NC...but I realize the IMPORTANCE of NC now...and i realize how strong we ALL are for going NC...we are sooo STRONG! guys...im feeling so sick now...going to go to bed...didn't sleep well last night (had nightmares)... thank you all for your well wishes and support...i would be so lost without you guys Link to comment
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