To Announce NC Or Not ?? !!??

[BONO]

That is the question.

 

Do you announce NC and let them know not to contact you as you will not be contacting them.

 

Or

 

Just drop of the face of the earth and ignore calls etc ?

 

 

Scruff

[kalshane]

Just tell them the next time they call or visit. If they never call or vistit,to contact someone to tell them not to contact you would be sorta weird.

[papalazarou]

I suppose as always it depends on circumstances.

 

Personally I would just disappear with no announcement.

 

A couple of times birds have said but we can still be friends and I have said yes sure and then gone into strict NC.

 

By thats just my opinion.

[kadvati79]

scruff mate, how are ya?

 

As this is posted in the "getting back together" section, I'm going to assume the person initiating NC wants to get back with their ex, and is thereforeeee initiating NC from that perspective. Unfortunately, I think that method is ultimately flawed. NC is about moving on with you life.

 

But anyway, lets ask what exactly would we be achieving by announcing it? I see three general outcomes:

 

1. The looming NC causes them to rethink their decision, and get back with you.

2. The threat of NC causes an argument, which quickly decends into the usual "I hate you, you hate me" method of bickering.

3. Your ex says "great" and means it.

 

I would argue none of those bode a good outcome for you. The first one may seem attractive, but is HIGHLY unlikely and also - what sort of relationship can be built on emotional blackmail? Didn't they realise that breakup up with you meant no contact? If they didn't, what kind of mad-crazy view of the world do they have... and do you want to be part of that?

 

I don't believe NC is something that you can choose to do. Its what happens when you get to a place of emotional turmoil where you say "thats it, I've had enough, I can't stand this any longer" and no matter how much you love the person, how deeply you want them back, you literally can't stand the pain of it all any longer. When you reach that point, you have only one choice and that is no-contact. All bets are off at that point, its no longer about getting back together its about getting away.

[jessicake]

i think that it depends.

 

if you NC your ex because you feel like you need to heal yourself, then it would not cause any harm to let him or her know. if they care about your friendship then they would respect your decision.

 

if you are doing it to heal yourself to potentially get back togehter, then perhaps not letting them know, but have limited contact with only answering briefly/politely to their contact is the go.

 

icemoto boy has some good points!!

[BONO]

I think announcing NC is the way forward.

 

Not announcing is a bit vague and open to interpretation.

 

By announcing and then showing,sort of tells them to change there ways or get lost.

 

 

Scruff

[SuperDave71]

Scruff,

 

 

YOU NEVER TELL THEM....Just DO IT!

 

 

Why you ask? Because how many imes has a friend that used to call you suddendly stop and weeks later you realize..."Hey, i haven't heard from ??? " I wonder if they are ok?

 

 

 

Curiosity Killed the cat...( sorry cat lovers )

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[BONO]

Just saying that in certain circumstances it is right to tell them so it is clear and your your intentions open to fully move on. Sort of black and white.

 

Then fully back it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scruff,

 

 

YOU NEVER TELL THEM....Just DO IT!

 

 

Why you ask? Because how many imes has a friend that used to call you suddendly stop and weeks later you realize..."Hey, i haven't heard from ??? " I wonder if they are ok?

 

 

 

Curiosity Killed the cat...( sorry cat lovers )

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[ImThatGirl]

I've decided for me, if "dropping off the face of the earth" works best.

 

By telling them, it initiates the possibility of them giving all the reasons no contact shouldn't be done. Then you risk feeling bad and not doing it. Or believing them when they state their case...

[SuperDave71]

Scruff,

 

 

Hey Buddy....

 

 

 

By telling someone your intensions.....in my opinion, its talk.

 

 

By DOING what your intensions are and talking about it later is something completely different.

 

 

 

Actions speak louder than words

 

 

 

 

-Your friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[futychick]

Hi Scruff...

Im the worst at NC...but if you going to do it then the best way I think is not to announce it..it kinda spoils the surprise !!!!!

Believe me..she's a woman...we catch on quick to been ignored...quicker than men !!!! She will work it out in no time that you have initaited no contact...I know I would...!!!!

Listen to Superdave !! He full of fantastic advice..should have his own TV show !!!!!! LOL

 

 

love and hugs

 

futychick xx

[SuperDave71]

Futychick,

 

You are so silly!

 

 

ya nut!

 

 

 

Your friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[futychick]

Ha Ha !!!

Not joking though...you'd be a hit over here in England...!! We need an English Oprah !!!!!!

 

xx

[Lady Bugg]

Announcing No Contact is like showing your hand in poker. Why would you?

In essense you are basically saying "I'm too weak to talk to you, I can;t handle it". Not doing ANYTHING takes MUCH more strength in MY opinion. It's easy to sit there and talk about how you feel. Especially if you are ALREADY the one who is emotional or hurt. Not doing anything or reacting is HARD........probably one of the hardest...but MOST rewarding things you can do for yourself. There is a reason for the saying "Silence is Golden"......and remember...Duct tape is silver

[SuperDave71]

I am secretly in love with Lady Bugg...BUT DON'T TELL HER (shhhhhhhhhhhhh...mums the word)

 

 

HA HA HA

 

 

 

and Futychick...I look NOTHING like OPRAH!!! ha ha ha ha

 

 

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[Lady Bugg]

LOL Dave.....oh dear...........wanna have a drink?

 

Wow ...you mean you AREN'T a powerful black woman with

big bucks??? I am SHOCKED!!!!!

[SuperDave71]

Lady Bugg,

 

I am not only buyin...we are going to laugh all night long about our "War Stories" on ENA after we dine.

 

 

After that..

 

We share dessert with a bottle of Cristal c hampagne by Louis Roederer and toast to a new year and everyone here at eNotAlone!

 

 

Good enough?

 

 

sorry to say...I am not a powerful blackwoman with big bucks......*sigh* as disappointing as it is. HA HA HA

 

 

 

Your friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[keefy1972]

I have to agree with Lady bugg and Stupor Dave on this one Scruff. I think it's not a good idea to announce your intentions simply because once you say it, you're bound to it. It may sound good, like now I HAVE to and that can maybe motivate you, but that rarely happens. I believe that, in order to follow through with NC, you have to reach a certain point that says "NO MORE!".

 

If you're going to stop contacting someone you love, then it's best to just "fall off the face of the earth".

[SuperDave71]

To me..

 

Announcing NC is like Annoucing you have a big surprise.

 

 

What is more surprising...Announcing you have one...or

 

BOOM...SURPRISE!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

I rest my case. I do like Lady's analogy of "Showing your poker hand"

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[BONO]

Clearly NC is NC whether stipulated or not and after a good amount of time will have the same effect for you and your ex ????

 

I understand the surprise aspect totally and on hindsight thats the best way to do it.

 

Yet are we all saying that announcing NC and sticking to it has less medium to long term results than dropping off the face of the earth ??

 

Picking at straws I know - but would love clarification and insights

 

Scruff

[SuperDave71]

Scruff...

 

 

Are you reading? or are you trying to get us to tell you what YOU wanna hear?

 

 

I stand by my post.

 

 

 

Your friend,

 

SuperDave71

[BONO]

OK ! :splat:

 

 

Scruff

[Biffy]

Well I pretty much to announce NC in my case. I work with my ex and thus I have to speak to her everyday at work which she always uses as a gateway for chating to me. I had to tell her relationship or nothing and if nothing that means no contact. So it's purely business between us, why she finds that so difficult is beyond me.

[Firedancer03]

In my case, I had no choice but to tell my ex I needed to do NC because at first I just stopped contacting him at all (without telling him) and we had no contact for about 2 weeks until he started contacting me. He contacted me 3 or 4 different times in 2 days! And I didnt want him to think that I was mad at him, so I explained what I had do to (blender's posts really helped me). I simply didnt want him to think that I was basically beign immature, a "well fine then, see if I ever talk to you again" type of thing. I wanted to be mature about, I'm not all into playing games and "making them wonder".

[rockon83]

When she said we were just friends, she said she knows some guys like to do NC, but she'd rather remain friends... I agreed. After a week I realized I had to go NC. I ignored her text one day. The next day I ignored her call, but then called her back just to say I couldn't remain in touch. I just felt it was polite, instead of just ignoring her.

 

was i wrong?