How do you break up with someone? HOW DO I BREAK UP WITH HER?

[Massari]

Hey all

 

Ppl are probably tired from me posting here, here we go. I am NOT happy with my gf at all. Yes I am needy sometimes and overprotective, and I know I can’t change that about me, but there are probably other girls out there who are like me ( enjoy spending time with me as much as I like to spend time with them, don’t care about their friends so much, would rather see me for an hour then go out to shopping with her gfs)

 

I mean I know I feel insecure about myself at times but she doesn’t do anything to help me about that. Maybe someone else would be able to make me happier simply because she’ll be more like me. I have tried to break up with her ( in my mind) but I just can’t I am not strong enough to do it because I love her yes I care about her too much but she is not making me happy, I feel so down and miserable most of times. We don’t even hang out that much. Like tonight she said she is going to the mall shopping so I am like why don’t I drop by and we go for coffee, she said no I like shopping alone and then I have to be at home to baby sit my brother ( he is 14) now she is out with her friend in wallmart shopping for an hour.

 

She asked me if it’s ok. I said yeah its fine go. But deep down I would rather see her and we could do something for an hour.

 

She says she loves me and all but many times her actions do not match up with what she actually says. But this stuff, makes me feel like I am only the one who’s doing all the work in this relationship, I just had it up to here.. like I can’t take this anymore but I don’t know how to break up with her either. I know I would miss her a lot and I don’t want to be alone and be depressed again after I break up with her.

 

Any help how one might do that ?

Thank you all so much

any help appreciated.

[Aurian]

It sounds like you two aren't really compatible. If I recall right, you two have been on-again and off-again for quite some time.

 

I'm afraid breaking up is never easy. Just a few tips though... do it in person, not over the phone or email. It is harder for you in the short run, but easier in the long run because you know you have broken up in a better way and maybe made things easier for her as well with a more respectful breaking up. Don't blame the other person on and on. If she asks why, then say that you're not compatible and the relationship isn't really making you feel good. Don't try blame her or make it her fault.

 

Once done, you should try avoid contact with her for awhile, especially given your history. You know that a relationship with her doesn't work, so try not to let yourself be tempted to try yet again. You can try be friends with her, but not right away.

 

That's all I got. Good luck!

[Mythical_Suicide]

Do you know where I can find a guy like you ? LOL, all joking aside .. From what I have gotten by reading your other posts it;s a one sided relationship. Maybe instead of just coming out and breaking off try having a talk with her and tell her, it's not you being too needy or anything but to have a good relationship there has to be something put in by both parties and it just seems like she wants a relaitonship when it's convenient or she doesn't have anything else to do. If she doesn't understand or isn't willing to give more time and effort to the relationship just tell her up front you can't go on like that. It's too much pain and heartache for you. You need someone who is going to give as much as they take and while it's nice to get out with friends every now and then put more effort to your relationship before you go "shopping".

 

And definitely once all is said or done you two need to keep away from each other as far as contact..

[Massari]

Thank you very much for your respons.. I KNOW FOR SURE once I do it. She'll message me again, saying she misses me and all and when I see her like that I'll say ok lets try again and again the same cylcle will start , I know she won't change and i know I won't change! so yeah... that feeling sucks..

[Massari]

All I want is someone who would WANT To see me everyday.. yes everyday.. I have been with her for almost 7 months now and yet every time I see her it feels like the first day we met. Am I too stupid to be wanting to see your significant other everyday? if I am maybe breaking up with her won't change anything.. but if i am not.. maybe there are other women who would like that in a bf?? I call her all the time and she says it gets annoying but I read so many posts here of women/girls complaining that theire bfs never call them...

 

why do I go through this?

[Layword]

Tough. Your the male here, you need to tell her it's not working out like I planned. I still care about you, but there's just things I don't enjoy about our relationship.

 

Now I can sit here and tell you what to say, but I know that it's alot harder when your face to face with a person you don't want to see hurt.

 

All i'm going to say is if your so hellbent on breaking this relationship because it's not working out, then do it. If not for you, then for her. You don't deserve to be put in a situation like this.

 

If you've tried talking with her about this and all else fails, I see no reason to break her heart. Time goes on, so will she. Cheers~

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Most people WANT to see the person they love every day... not smother each other all the time, but at least touch base every day and share some moments... that's why people live together and get married, to form a partnership and spend time together...

 

so if she is always doing the shopping thing and putting you off and not seeing you except when SHE feels like it, either she is very selfish/independent, or she just the type who wants a boyfriend on tap for whenever she feels like getting together, regardless of what you want...

 

so i think the best thing to do is to tell her exactly what you want... that you want to see her every day, not feel second best etc. that is just what you want in a girlfriend, and if that is too much for her, then you are better off seeing other people. and if she tries to protest or worm her way back in, then say, so you'll be seeing me every day? and hold her to it... then if she doesn't see you often enough, you can really break up, and say, look, we've already discussed this and tried it and you just don't want to spend enough time with me to be my girlfriend...

 

so you could try to negotiate with her first, but hold her to it, don't take any excuses... if she's giving you excuses, then you can point to those excuses and say, been there, done that, not happy, this is not working...

[Massari]

Thank you very much for your resopns.. this will HELP me alot...to make a good logical decision. but you see sometimes she say that I smother her and pressure her and she is just very busy and stresses, aren't we all stressed and all??? I mean its not just her!

[Aurian]

Some people like being closer than others do. Even in a relationship, some people like a degree of independance and being separate and doing their own thing regularly. Other people like staying close to their others and touching base every day. Just a matter of how you're wired and you two are incompatible in this way.

 

Personally I like attention and affection on a daily basis - I would feel slighted if I did not touch base in some way. Don't go too far though, being controlling isn't good either - leave the other the option of going out once in awhile! My ex had temper tantrums if I visited my parents when he wasn't around anyways!

[shikashika]

it sounds like you don't have the same views on a relationship.. or what you want in a relationship... tell her this.

 

although in the examples you give... I couldn't imagine it being a healthy relationship if you NEED to see your girlfriend EVERY day... that might just be my choice however..

 

good luck!

[Massari]

I am gonna do it tomorrow.. we have talked about this before and yes somedays she wants to be alone.. but I don't.. I need someone who do and this is the buttom line. I kinda talked now to her.. after her frined left her house so we can finallt talk. but she was tired. I said so there are days when you need to be alone right? she siad I guess.. then I am like so these days that you want to be alone you want to spend it with your frirends.. am I right? then she says I am tired and we can talk about this tomorrow.

 

she knows we always fight about this stuff.,so she knows I will get mad again aand talk.. thats why she wanted to go to sleep and talk about it tomorrow.

 

btw some info about this friend of hers. She is her best friend. I usually get bothered when she choose to spend time with her. once she was invited to this bday party of one of her friend's boyfriend. She didn't want me to come there and I really wanted to be there with my gf. So it turned out the reason was because THIS STUPID FRIEND wanted her not to take me with her cause if I came she would be with me and not with her so she would be alone. how do you think that made me feel when she said that and today she spend time with her and IT JUST BOTHERS me.

[Mythical_Suicide]

IMO I would love to be in a relationship where the guy wanted to see me often and would call every day.. my bf now I see him one day a week ( when he comes to seee our son) and thats it. He doesn't call, nothing! during the week.

[candy604]

if u can't break up..just take a break and tell her to put the relationship on hold so you can think about what is going on.

[Massari]

ahhhhhhh maaaan

I couldn't do it today... NO I CAN'T...she is very stressed now about exams and everything and I dun want to mess it up for her... maybe I should wait after rhe xams.. this is soo hard. whe she is talking to me on the phone she is so different then when she is actually with me... thats what makes this soo damn difficult.. its easier on the phone.. for me. but its gonna me more effective when I am talking to her in person.

[Batya33]

Think about whether you want to work on you so that you are not so needy and insecure. She probably feels smothered, not loved and any woman who is secure and has friends, activities, a life, will run the other way when she feels smothered. Be prepared for the huge downside if you go out with a woman who likes that you are insecure - you will end up most likely as a doormat.

 

You can change - you just choose not to. Why is that?

[lolz]

I'm not really sure what you are talking about break up, taking a break, or just talking on what you want from this relationship. But, nevertheless, leave it after exams since situation might get messy and both of you will end up doing bad on exams (I assume you have some exams as well). But just make sure you won't be posponding it for ages by finding more and more excuses on how she is good for you and hoping she'll change.

[lolz]

She probably feels smothered, not loved and any woman who is secure and has friends, activities, a life, will run the other way when she feels smothered.

 

I guess you should read more posts by Massari. He might be a bit insecure but he does many things to make his girlfriend feel loved. She is just not appreciative...

[candy604]

yeah i agree, after exams or else u'll do bad in school = marks can't change and they are stuck on ur transcript forever!

[Massari]

I'm not really sure what you are talking about break up, taking a break, or just talking on what you want from this relationship. But, nevertheless, leave it after exams since situation might get messy and both of you will end up doing bad on exams (I assume you have some exams as well). But just make sure you won't be posponding it for ages by finding more and more excuses on how she is good for you and hoping she'll change.

 

now I know we have different views on a relationship I am more serious then she is and this is simply due to her age. I just wish I would have done this a loong time ago. when she cheated on me the 3rd week we wre going out... she is gonna cry back on me.. I KNOW it.. I can't take the crying, when she cries I just hug her and kiss her....

 

I think a break would be good.. but here is what I don't understand. how do breaks work? are we still exclusive? or no ppl will date when they're on the break. because this is something I like to know.

[lolz]

I was never on the break but some of my friends were and the cases were different. Some people just took a break and focused on studies, work, etc., while rethinking if they should be together. Others(mostly guys) actually started dating and many did it secretly from their partners because they weren't sure if they wanted to get back or not and that could make things complicated, if you know what I mean.

 

Taking a break from each other doesn't work for me though because it's usually clear if relationship is working or not and break just makes the torture longer.

[Massari]

I was never on the break but some of my friends were and the cases were different. Some people just took a break and focused on studies, work, etc., while rethinking if they should be together. Others(mostly guys) actually started dating and many did it secretly from their partners because they weren't sure if they wanted to get back or not and that could make things complicated, if you know what I mean.

 

Taking a break from each other doesn't work for me though because it's usually clear if relationship is working or not and break just makes the torture longer.

thanks a lot lolz

 

well you see I am not sure if I have mentioned this before to you .. but deep down the reason I want to take a break is for a hope that maybe she will change and be the more like the girl who she was in the first 3 months of our relationship. so I wanna do this so she would realize the she might actually lose me and she will not take me for granted..Like its not like that I don't like her or not that I am not physically and sexually satisfied. though we havn't had sex for a while and I am wondering why she is not showing any interest( I am worried she doesn't find me attractive anymore and she might cheat on me). the other day in the car she was asking me whether or not I am with her because of sex.. no its not but when she does initiate it I like it and I guess that how she take it as I am only with her because of sex...

 

I think there are a lot of issues

[Massari]

yeah i agree, after exams or else u'll do bad in school = marks can't change and they are stuck on ur transcript forever!

thank you candy and yes I think its better if initiate it after the exams.. but she is also leaving for L.A soon on 22nd and till jan 6th. I am thinking SHe will cheat on me when she is there and things wouldn't be the same when she comes back.

[Batya33]

I guess you should read more posts by Massari. He might be a bit insecure but he does many things to make his girlfriend feel loved. She is just not appreciative...[/quote

 

Thanks for your suggestion. I have ended relationships based on this sort of insecurity and it could not be balanced with what he did to show he cared. The insecure behavior tainted/permeated everything.

[lolz]

So basically you are saying that you just want to scare her by showing her that you can leave her? And you really think something like that can change her personality? I really think it's not gonna work out. On top of that I can actually predict what excactly will happen based on your previous posts.

First of all, this break won't last longer than 2 days most likely, just like any other break-ups you had with her. In those two days you will make yourself believe that she changed and now everything will be perfect. And of course those thoughs are gonna be false and we'll see more posts here about new problems with her. If that's what you want then do it! You'll be happy for a while but this is gonna be a short-term happiness.