For Girls:The Death Stare

[GeneralLee]

Why do you do that? That's my only question. The Death Stare was always my biggest obstacle in talking to girls. Something as innoucuous as saying hello would be replied to by her burning two holes through my head with her eyes. I'm not just talking about once or twice, I mean damn near every time. No matter what mood she was in, who she was with, or where she was at if I tried to initiate a conversation, my attempt would be met with a look of impending wrath that could only be described as borderline biblical. My current girlfriend is one of the only girls who didn't Death Stare me, go figure. I just want to know what th e thought process is behind this most evil of acts is.

[Cloud802]

Well, usually the death stares are only used for a reason, but it sounds like this girl is just being a jerkwad. Death stares are met to instill fear in the common man, and usually only when they deserve it, she is abusing the power. o.O

[Night Pumpkin]

How do you know that when these girls stared at you, they saw you in a negative way ?? Maybe they stared at you because they liked you ?? Maybe they stared because they thought it was polite. There maybe many reasons why they stared at you other than the fact they were rejecting you. Maybe the problem is the way you are interpreting thier stare...

[GeneralLee]

Cloud, I'm not talking about one girl, I'm talking about 99.9(repeating) of the girls I tried to talk to. And no, these were not polite stares, they may have been if it weren't for the fact that she was snarling and I could see fire behind her eyes. I still have nightmares *shivers* I'd really like some input from the girls though, because I know they have to know what I'm talking about.

[annie24]

are you creepy? sorry if this is blunt, but if you are experiencing "the death stare" from 99% of women, perhaps there is something about the way you are looking at or talking to them that is putting them off. do you talk to their chest instead of looking at their eyes. do you butt into conversations? do you stare at them for a while before approaching? do you have bad breath?

 

some things to cross off the list....

[Dating Coach]

Why do you do that? That's my only question. The Death Stare was always my biggest obstacle in talking to girls. Something as innoucuous as saying hello would be replied to by her burning two holes through my head with her eyes. I'm not just talking about once or twice, I mean damn near every time. No matter what mood she was in, who she was with, or where she was at if I tried to initiate a conversation, my attempt would be met with a look of impending wrath that could only be described as borderline biblical. My current girlfriend is one of the only girls who didn't Death Stare me, go figure. I just want to know what th e thought process is behind this most evil of acts is.

 

You shouldn't let women intimidate you like this. If I merely said "hi" to a girl and she gave me a death stare then I would laugh to myself and walk away, never to give her a seconds thought again. I'm too much of a prize to be wasting my valuable time on someone so uptight that they cop an attitude over something so trivial. I have a life to live and I want it to be as pleasant as it can be, and to have this I need to surround myself with people who are pleasant and friendly. This should be anyone's goal.

[GeneralLee]

annie, to my knowledge I don't do/have any of those things. Just the way I was raised, but I never inturrupt a conversation or stare at a woman's chest. As for staring, I think it makes me more uncomfortable than it makes them, so I know I don't do that one. I don't think I have bad breath, or that I stink. I take my personal hygiene pretty seriously. Anywho I'm really less concerned about why girls do it to me, and more concerned about why they do it at all.

[Prezkot]

One of my friend's girlfriends does that to me & it creeps me out. That said I'm usally drunk when I see her, so while I've never done anything rude to her, I'm probably getting what I deserve ...

[Cloud802]

Like I said, it's only usually if a man deserves it, but wow, in your case you really don't deserve this at all. If anything you should be getting smiles, you're a nice guy.

[annie24]

well, I'm just saying, that if it really is 99% of women that are reacting this way to you, maybe there is something that you are doing.

 

Is it really 99%, or more like 50%?

[GeneralLee]

99% is pretty realistic for me because I'm a shy guy, and don't talk to many girls. I'll make an attempt once or twice when I'm out and more often than not both girls will shoot me full of holes, so I say 99% since 100% just sounds too absolute. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I'm not a bad looking guy. I'm in good shape, no pot belly, kinda tall, clean shaven, blue/green eyes. I have friends who are girls who have told me I'm good looking. I just don't understand my problem with girls. Most times when I try to talk to them they just start oozing that "What makes you think you're good enough to talk to me?" attitude. I'd show you guys a picture, but I'm a little but shy about putting it up on the net, plus if anyone from my school knew I was on this board I'd never live it down.

[Cloud802]

Well, I'd say you just pick out the wrong ones then, not every girl can possibly be that much of a... never mind, the words I can think of would be censored.

[Night Pumpkin]

GeneralLee,

 

I still think you are exagerating. Why would 99% of girls be angry with you simply because you said "hello" to them ?? Did you say hello to 99 girls, and only one didn't give you a "death stare." Girls aren't as mean as you make them out to be. If you talk to them sincerely, most will be polite. Maybe one or two will be rude. But who cares about them. Lee, you are exagerating.

[EvaGina]

I dont know!

I really cant think of an answer for that one!

 

The only reason I ever stare at someone is if they are evil, I know they are evil and they have done somthing evil to me or someone I care about.

 

Apart from that, if Im not interested in someone who is leering at me or somthing, I just dont look at them.

Maybe the girls in your area are all up themselves?

[GeneralLee]

No, really, I wasn't exaggerating. But I think I have a little more insight into why they act the way they do towards me. I was in Cleveland today and decided to prove something to myself. I made it a mission to smile at every pretty girl I saw and see there responses. The results, not one of them Death Stared me. About half of them even smiled back or waved or something equally friendly. So I'm really suspecting that I have myself a reputation built up around my home town that just doesn't appeal to the girls who live there.

[annie24]

do you live in a small town or something?

 

I am very glad to hear about your positive experience in cleveland!!!

[Don_Eduardo]

I love the death-stare!! I find it super-sexy! That being said however, I don't go out and get girls to do that to me deliberately. I just find it real cool when girls do a mock death-stare, it's such a funny and cute expression to make!

[wexmen]

i think she is just paying her attention to when you are chating with them .

 

have you ever heard a lesson from " how to be polite and get attention from others '' ??

 

the lesson is when you are paying attention to a person when she or he is

talking , you are non-verbally telling that person you are trying to get his or her attention too .but they might did it over that a proper eye contacts result in what you called " death stare ".

 

perhaps , you are so handsome that you make them speechless and end up in overly looking at you .it sound nice ,right ??

 

please think positively like me .you will be happier than ever .

 

have a nice days .

[bitbit]

sometimes girls just want to go out and be with other girls and not have to deal with men hitting on them. as a man, you have to understand that even walking around in sweat pants and a tank top we get bombarded with whistles, lude comments, horn honks, "hey baby's" and come ons. sometimes, at the end of the week, you just want to dress up, look nice, and hang out with friends.

[Cloud802]

Yeah, but Lee is talking about pretty much every girl everywhere. He's a really nice guy though, so I don't see why it's so hard for him to make friends.

[galaxy71]

"Yeah, but Lee is talking about pretty much every girl everywhere. He's a really nice guy though, so I don't see why it's so hard for him to make friends."

 

A lot of people feel uncomfortable talking to strangers. In many big cities, you can make someone uncomfortable if out of the blue you just start talking to them. There seems to be unwritten rules about what strangers can and cannot talk about. It seems fine to ask a stranger for the directions to the nearest mall. Yet things get awkward whenever you ask a stranger about their family or their job.

 

Most people in Southern California meet their friends and their significant others through their friends and acquaintances. It seems like you need a stamp of approval before you can be admitted to a new social circle.

[charley]

Do you have any local women friends? Ask one of them. I don't think there's anyway that people online can know for sure since you aren't standing in front of us.

 

I occasionally get that cold stare too, but not often. Usually women like me, or at least find me non threatening and of good hygene and well dressed with hair, side burns, well trimmed, clean shave, etc. Yet this still happens to me occasionally.

 

I used to feel really bad about it and be hurt and look away from them. I'm not so shy anymore and they can't intimidate me like that anymore. Now I just ignore their stare and pretend like I don't notice them anymore. Throw in a yawn or two to indicate my extreme indifference. If they still are staring me down, then I'll give them my bar face look that is normally only for other men, which clearly exudes very little emotion (cold), but with an annoyed don't mess with me look. It works.

 

I don't usually want to scare women, but if they continue trying to scare me, my bar face generally sends them packing in the other direction. Mind you, these incidents are rare for me.

 

I normally look like a large, friendly teddy bear, but I can look like a large, unfriendly bear if necessary.

 

When you receive that cold look, try to disengage from them by walking away if you can. If you cannot walk way (like you're inline together at the store for example), then ignore her. If none of that works after a minute or longer and she's still staring you down, then I suggest one of two courses of action: either look her right in the eyes and don't smile and continue doing that until she looks away, or just be polite and assertive and ask her, "Is there a problem?".

 

Why does this happen to you so often? I don't know. It might be something about you. Some women are just unpleasant and unfriendly people. However, most are reasonably nice to very nice. So if this happens to you with more than 25% of women, I then wonder what it is about you. If this is happening to you 99% of the time, look at it this way. 25% of those aren't your fault because about 25% of women are unpleasant people who'd treat me or most other guys the same. The other 74% of the time, it probably is something about you because it's just not normal for more than a small percentage of women to behave like that, unless there is a reason they perceive to be a valid reason.

 

Consult a woman friend in your local area. If you don't have one, then consult a local guy friend in your local area. Ideally a guy who women typically like. If you don't have any local friends (then I'm sorry) then I suggest you go talk to a school guidance councelor, if you're in school.

[charley]

Big city? I didn't see that earlier. My personal experiences I was referring to are in regard to a medium size city where there's enough people to be always able to meet someone new, yet it's small enough so that women still feel reasonably safe and are thereforeeee friendlier.

 

In a big city, all bets are off. I would not try to approach a woman on the street in a big city. Maybe I would in a store or library or a restaurant. Maybe.

 

I've lived in a big city for 3 years before (and small and medium size cities and the country too) and I can tell you that receiving cold stares from women in big cities is much more common because they are defensive because they have safety concerns with strangers, which is understandable.

 

There is also a substantial cultural difference from one big city to another. For example, women in Portland, Oregon are very friendly for a city of that size. At least usually they are. They also dress colorful and pretty. In Seattle, the women tend to dress and act like they're on their way to a friends funeral. I currently live in a mid size town geographically between those two larger cities.

 

In Seattle, I'd expect to receive the cold stare 90% of the time, if I try to talk to women. I wouldn't even bother trying in Seattle. In Portland, I receive the cold look about 50% and the friendly the other 50%, which is good for a city that size. In my hometown, I receive the friendly look about 80% of the time, which is excellent. Different cities have different cultures. That's partly from size of city and partly just the unique culture of each city.

 

Small towns on the other hand, have very extreme culture differences from one town to the next. It's like the whole town is one big clique. I used to live in one where the people were really nice to me and I was popular. I lived in another where they were really rotten jerks and I was a social leper.

 

You might try you luck in a different city, or town, or different size city. Also, do consult some local women friends, if you have any. Consult some male friends to, if you have any. As a last resort, go see a school guidance councelor.

[charley]

Well, I just got the death stare in quantity tonight. This from a woman who was totally flirting with me just 30 minutes before. I posted about it here

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Sometimes girls have major problems with being approached by guys. Sometimes, girls (not that I'm annoyed from past experiences here, or anything) get sick of the whole "dating game", or feel so lousy with themselves that they radiate KEEP AWAY vibes.

 

I can believe my own theory, given the epidemic of low self esteem that seems to be erupting everywhere. Either they hate you, or they hate themselves. Its more likely to be the latter. Sad for everyone.