im a crazy ex girlfriend :(

[missmebaby]

ever since my ex broke up with me 3 months ago ive chased him like crazy. especially these past 2 weeks ive been ridiculously annoying. its like i know im doing it and i can tell how annoyed and irritated hes getting but i cant stop. i ask him a million questions about our relationship and he just gets mad and tells me im driving him nuts and im annoying the hell out of him. 2 weeks ago things were going pretty good between us and i thought he might want to get back together. so i mentioned it and ever since then hes been cold towards me and doesnt want anything to do with me. its made me feel crazy and ive acted crazy. always calling him, asking him what hes been doing, asking him if he still cares about me, asking him if he wants to be friends. i just have no self control right now and i cant stand it. i dont want him to remember me for the rest of my life as being like this. as being his crazy annoying ex girlfriend that wouldnt leave him alone. when we first broke up it was like this too but then we hung out one night and he said his feelings for me came back. well that didnt go anywhere so we decided to be friends. and that leads up to now with me being crazy and making him so sick of me. what can i do to get my dignity back? what can i do so he wont have to remember me like this for the rest of his life? im so mad at myself that i ruined everything. i ruined the way he thinks about me. im sure he thinks im a crazy ex and hes glad he got rid of me. i want him to remember me as the great girl that he loved for a year. did i ruin things forever? is this the way hes going to think of me forever? isnt there anything i can do?

[Juliana]

Oh, hon, I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. I know, it's really hard, isn't it. He's been patient up to this point, but you're right, he deserves a break. So treat this as a problem you have to handle before moving onto whatever the next stage of your life is:

 

First, learn to distract yourself: Go for a walk, rent a movie, call a friend -- do anything other than contact him when you feel like it. Posting on these boards can be great distraction.

 

Secondly, learn to comfort yourself: Take a hot bath, wrap up in warm clothes, write down ten positive things about yourself, make yourself something nice to eat, if you have a pet, play with them.

 

Third, educate yourself about your breakup, and why you're having trouble letting go. Having difficulty separating from a lover is very common; there are lots of books out there to help you move through the stages.

 

Take the focus off him, and put it on you and your feelings. You've already gone back to him time after time, and it does nothing to help your feelings, so it's time to try a different approach, and leave him alone for awhile.

 

I'm sure he knows you and knows that deep down you're a good person, just struggling a little with this. Don't worry about what he thinks of you; move on to how you feel and help yourself. I've been through all this embarrassing cr*p, and I can tell you, it's not about the depth of your feelings for them, it's about your confidence level and your faith in yourself and the future. Try to go into NC; it'll do you good just to begin to get control of yourself, won't it?

[silky88]

the first thing you can do is leave him alone for a while. spend time with your friends, organize "girls' nights out" and shopping trips, get involved in a hobby, do something to take your mind off of contacting him.

 

if it would make you feel better about yourself, cut or dye your hair, get an manicure or pedicure, have a "spa day" in a real spa or at home with bubbles, masks, scrubs, and lotions. look up online how to give yourself a facial steam-bath.

 

these things sound silly, but they can really make you feel good and feel like you are treating yourself right (and they can make you look great, too). once you have built your confidence up a little by not calling him or trying to see him, and concentrating on yourself instead, you might find that you don't worry so much about the impression you have left on him.

 

i wouldn't worry about trying to be his friend right now, even if that's what you two agreed on. it sounds to me like you need a little while apart from him to collect your feelings and regain your strength and self-control.

 

and then, after some time passes (think months, not days), if you are still worried about what he thinks and want to be his friend, apologize to him and be honest. say "i'm sorry that i freaked out when we broke up. i understand now that i was being a little weak and immature, and i hope that you can forgive me for being disrespectful of your decision and that we can be friends." but this will ONLY work if you are over him and are not secretly holding out some hope of getting back together and really want to be his FRIEND. you can't try to be friends with an ex when you are secretly hoping for more; that's deceptive and just as disrespectful as knowingly being annoying.

[colors]

You don't like what you're doing. So change it & make it right. Develope self control.

 

Apologize to him for being putting him through that. Tell him you’re sorry for the way you have behaved. You just realized what you've been doing & don't want to do that to him & don't want to be that girl.

 

Be serious about it and than BACK OFF!

This way you’ve than made it right with him. And salvaged your dignity because you’ve recognize your behavior & change it (:

[Honey Pumpkin]

I'm so sorry, I know how you feel. I think we've all been there in some shape or form, because it's SO painful when someone finishes with you, and it's like your evil twin takes over.

 

Silky is right, you have to plan other things to do. Just sit down and write up a plan of what you're going to do all week, and then do it, no matter how awful you feel inside.

 

Don't be hard on yourself, like I say, most people can understand where you're coming from. But you can change it, you can get through the next few days. Don't think about the long-term, just get through not contacting him day by day - if it's too hard, take it hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. It will get easier the longer you leave it and the more you concentrate on you and what you want.

 

Good luck -keep talking, it helps to post here when you think you want to ask him questions. Ask us instead!

[Meow18]

Your not crazy, you just don't control your feelings and urges.

 

There isn't anything you can do to change what you have done. But you can change how you act in the future.

 

STOP CALLING HIM! It's hard, but you have to learn how to control yourself. You don't want to be this way, so make a point to change it.

 

Chances are, once you stop contacting him, he will wonder where you went. He WILL notice you stopped because how could he not? Will he miss you? I don't know, but there's only one way to find out.

 

Even if he doesn't ever want you back, you need to work on moving on. That way you will already be prepared for it if he never comes back to you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think it is very hard to go from a relationship to be just friends, especially if one of the partners didn't want to break up and has hopes of getting back together, while the other partner has no interest in this.

 

so for the partner wanting to break up, it is easy for them mentally switch gears to being friends, but for the one still in love, it can be excruciating.

 

it is like trying to go on a diet while working a bakery! a constant hunger to experience the love you felt you used to have, but now that is off limits. but you have to recognize this behavior you are doing is as harmful as gorging on cakes, pies, etc. you start thinking about how you can't have him anymore, then you panic and think you MUST have him so start the crazy behavior of chasing after him.

 

so you really do need to just remove yourself from promixity to him, stop calling, stop emailing, stop seeing him, etc. if you can stop the behaviors first, your emotions will evenutally catch up.

 

I would send him one last email or phone call and say, 'i know i have been bothering you too much. i have been having a really hard time accepting the breakup, and i am sorry i have been bothering you. but i now need to stop seeing you and communicating with you for a while until i get my feelings under control. so please don't contact me. thanks, and i wish you the best.'

 

then you do exactly that, which is have no contact with him at all... at the same time, you need to find other things to occupy you and your thoughts and break this cycle. i suggest you set aside some time both morning and evening, where you just sit down and think about him all you want, and try to analyze what went wrong etc. but limit this time with a clock or timer, say 10 minutes in the morning and 15 in the evening.

 

then the rest of the day, whenever you catch yourself thinking about him, say to yourself, STOP! and remind yourself you can think about him for your 15 minute period later... then go about your business focusing on work, school, friends, etc. and don't allow yourself to think about him until your official 'think' time.

 

if you have tried this for a while and still cannot leave him alone, i think you need to consider professional counseling, to help you figure out why you are in such a panic over this, to the point you are on the verge of stalking him (if he doesn't already think you are doing that). if you continue, your next embarrassing moment might be from policement telling you he has filed a complaint against you for harassment, and you definitely don't want to go there.

 

if you do leave him alone and regain control, then MAYBE in a long time away, he might be willing to be friends with you, but that is a slippery slope when you've been so obsessed with him. so you do need to move on, and need to remind yourself your behavior will not bring him back, and is only torturing you AND him.

 

the only way he will regain respect for you is if you truly leave him alone, and mean it.

[missmebaby]

thank you for the advice everyone. i already have my first appointment to see a counselor next week. monday me and him already have plans for me to come over and pick up my stuff that is still at his house. i am going to write him a short letter apologizing for the way ive been and im going to smile and act happy so he remembers the side of me that he used to love. after that i will never contact him until i have moved on and am sure i would like to just be friends. his ex girlfriend before me was even worse than me. she called and texted him at least 10 times a day wanting him back, then got my screen name and my phone number and started harassing me and telling me all kinds of bad things about him, then she got angry and started texting him saying hurtful things to him. this went on for 7 months. he called her psycho and said he hated her, but he still wanted to be friends with her and when me and him broke up he started calling her again. i just cant stand the thought of him thinking im psycho and telling his next girlfriend that about me. ive only been like this for 2 weeks though instead of 7 months like her and i didnt take it to such extremes. so im hoping he doesnt think im a psycho b*tch and he'll want to be friends again like he did with her. so monday i will get my things and try to patch things up between us. then i will go no contact. any other thoughts of what i can do? or any more advice?

[kellbell]

Hey there missme,

 

I can certainly understand you wanting to leave things on good terms with your ex, you want him to remember you in a good light. But, you can be the nicest person in the world, write the most heartfelt letters and be most apologetic and so forth. BUT you cannot control what he will say or how he will feel. After all the nice things you plan to do, he can still turn around and say nasty things like he did with his ex.

 

Only YOU can control how you react to situations and matters, but cannot control what others do. By you writing letters and so forth, shows me you are trying to control matters you simply cannot control. Just get your things and try your best to move on.

 

What matters is how you feel about yourself and what you are able to live with. If you feel you done what you could and what felt right at the time, well, then you are going to have to go by that. I can promise, a few months from now, you are not going to give a hoot how he feels about you. Right now you do because all the emotions are raw and all this just happened. This is why NC is so crucial. You cannot go wrong with doing nothing, however many things can go wrong if you do something.

 

I know this has been very hard. We all have been through what you have been going through. Just keeping talking to us and we try to help you the best way we can.

 

(((hugs)))

[Survictor]

Your stalking and obsessive behaviour is extremely damaging. Your self esteem must be very low to keep positioning yourself so that you are bound to be rejected; having become such a pain in the ar*se and a downright nuisance. Sorry, but it is the truth and you know that.

 

Pick up your dignity from the floor, my girl.

 

Leave your EX boyfriend alone immediately. Get a friend to collect your possessions. DON'T do this yourself and use it as an excuse to harass him further. DON'T pretend that you just want to collect your stuff.. apologise...see him one more time.....or whatever.

 

Having been on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour, it can result in the other person never remembering anything good about you ever again and even perhaps, depending on your EX, hating you forever.

 

Send one letter of apology. Make it brief.

 

Do not ever contact this man again.

 

If he ever wants to initiate contact, he will do so but this isn't for you to determine.

 

You need to move on and pronto.

 

I wish you all the best and know that your abominable, pathetic behaviour really isn't you.

[missmebaby]

ok i dont think ive been as bad as you people think. i dont call him a hundred times a day or cry or anything. last week on wednesday i was at his house and things were going good. we were hanging out and cuddling and all that. before i left i asked him if he wanted to maybe get back together. he said no which really really surprised me because for the past couple weeks he had been acting like he regretted breaking up and he had been dropping hints that he might want to get back together. well when i left that night i asked him again if he was sure and he said yes he was sure he didnt want to get back together. i asked him a few more questions like why didnt he want to and stuff like that. but i didnt really push it and he didnt get mad or annoyed or anything. the next day is when it all started.

 

i called him because i thought i might be pregnant because we had continued to sleep together sometimes. i asked him to come with me to take a pregnancy test but he said he was working and tried to blow it off and say it could wait for another day. that made me mad because he was acting like it was nothing. so we got into a fight about it and i hung up on him. he called me back and said he would meet me there in 2 hours. so we get there and he wouldnt even get out of his truck and come in so i stormed in there but he didnt follow me. so i call him from inside and im really mad and i tell him to just go home because theres no point in him being here if hes not going to come in and be there when i find out. so we get into another fight about that. he comes in and im just like go away and leave me alone. you dont even want to be here for me. but he just keeps following me and we're kind of fighting as we're walking through the store. so i buy it and take it and its negative. so we go back out to his truck to talk for a minute and i start asking him again why he doesnt want to be with me and hes getting really mad and saying im annoying the hell out of him and he just wants to go home. but i dont stop and i start to cry a little and ask him why hes being like this. but hes really irritated and being mean so i give him this letter i wrote him and i get in my car and leave. the next night i call him and tell him im sorry for acting like that i was just worried because i thought i was pregnant and i was stressed out. he apologizes too. then i ask him if he still wants to be friends and he says sureee like sarcastically. and i say ok thats fine if you dont want to. and he starts to yell at me and say "i just said yes! why do you keep asking me that? im getting sick of it." and i said "no you said sure sarcastically." and he was like "whatever, i said yes but i have to go." so i said ok bye. i didnt talk to him saturday or sunday.

 

then monday i called him to see if i could come get my stuff. he said it depends on what time because he has a date with a woman 6 years older than him. this made me panic and i started to ask about her but i wasnt really annoying him yet. then he started asking me questions about my weekend. then he said im working so i have to go but just call me if you want to come get your stuff. so we hang up but i call back a couple mins later and im asking him if he still wants to be friends and of course he gets mad because he hates when i ask him that because ive done it so much. and im asking him why his feelings changed and why he led me on and if he still has feelings for me. he says i have to go and hangs up. but i call him back again and he doesnt asnwer. i text him saying why are you ignoring me? then i call him again and he answers. i say why are you ignoring me? and he says im not, i was eating. so i start ask him if he doesnt go out on that date with that older girl will he hang out with me tonight? and he says i dont know. and i say why not? and he says i dont know. and im like you dont want to hang out as friends anymore? and hes like oh my gosh stop asking me that. so i say ok ill let you go and we hang up.

 

i text him like an hour later saying im sorry for annoying the hell out of you but theres just some things i wanted to say to you face to face and theres something i was kind of keeping from you when we were together. so he calls me right away wanting to know what i was keeping from him but i say i cant tell him over the phone i have to do it in person. well he gets furious that i wont tell him and he starts calling me a b*tch and a wh*re and saying he regrets ever being with me. and i say how can you say that? and he says "its the truth if you have lied to me about something while we were together." and i remind him of all the times he lied to me and i kind of made him feel bad i think. so he just says ill call you later if im not going out with that girl and you are gonna come over and tell me. so he calls me later and isnt as mad and tells me to just come over at 730 because hes not going out tonight. so i go over there and hes being decent to me and i tell him what i needed to tell him but it wasnt a big deal and he says it actually makes him feel better. well he lets me sit in the chair with him but after a minute he says im going upstairs to my bed this isnt comfortable. so i say ok bye and start to put on my shoes. and hes like why are you leaving? i didnt say you had to go. so we go upstairs and lay in his bed and watch TV. hes being different than usual but hes still being decent to me and he kisses me back when i kiss him and im rubbing his back for him because he loves it. well i ignore him for a lil bit so he rolls over and starts to pay attention to me now. i say im going to leave but he shakes his head no and says just stay here. so i do.

 

things are going pretty good so when i finally leave im pretty happy about things. the next day i didnt call him or anything. wednesday night i called him to see what he was up to. he didnt answer his cell so i leave a message. i called his house but his mom said he was playing ball with some buddies from work. so i wait 2 hours and call his phone again and he answers. he said he was just laying in bed. i was wondering why he didnt call me back when he got my voicemail but i didnt say anything. our conversation was going ok for a while. i asked him about his new girl and he said she was meeting him at the bar that night. he said "shes a really cool girl, shes smart and has a great job, she likes sports, and she likes getting dirty going riding and stuff." i know he said that just to hurt me because thats all the things he told me he loved about me. alls i said was "she sounds like me." and he just said yea. so i ask him if he ever wants to hang out as friends again and he gets kind of mad and says we'll have to see how things go with me and this girl. so we end our conversation. well theres something nagging at me so i call him back. he answers and sounds irritated and i ask him some questions and hes like im sick of you asking me the same questions. and im like well im sick of the way you are treating me and hes like fine whatever but i have to go. and im like no why are you being like this?? and he says i have to go so i hang up.

 

later that night im drunk at the bar with some friends and i text him because theres this famous football player there and it made me think of him. he says sarcastically "oh my god get his autograph for me." well that hurt my feelings so i didnt say anything back. a few minutes later he text me again saying "where u at?" i waited about 15 mins and answered saying "at the bar." we didnt talk for the rest of the night. the next day was thanksgiving and i called him to tell him happy thanksgiving. he said it back. we actually had a good conversation and he said he had an ok night last night at the bar. i asked him how things were going with that girl and he said pretty good. then he asked me about my night, what i did, if i hooked up with anyone. he asked me if i did anything with that football player. i kept saying no but he just kept asking me and he was making me say i swear i didnt do anything sexually with anyone last night. well we ended our conversation with him saying he didnt want to talk to me anymore if i was doing stuff with other guys. i just said ok whatever, ill just call you to come get my stuff. the next day i called him but he didnt asnwer. he called me back a lil bit later and i asked him if he was going to be home so i could come get it. he said he would only be home between 3 and 4 so i said nevermind i cant be there then. then he asked me to tell him the truth about last night and if i did anything with anyone. i told him i just kissed someone and he acted kind of jealous. i asked him if he did anything and he said no. i said you didnt even kiss that girl you're talking to? and he said he didnt. again i asked him if he ever wanted to hang out as friends again and he said he was getting so sick of me asking him that. he siad he had to go.

 

so i got off the phone but i was feeling sick to my stomach because of the way he was acting towards me so i call him back. he answers what?? so im like you dont care if we're friends? and he says "oh my gosh no i dont care. you have asked me so many times and im getting so sick of it. ive told you i want to be friends so we can be if you want. just stop asking me, its getting so annoying. i have to get in the shower so im going to go, just call me on monday when you want to come get your things." that was the last time ive talked to him. so i dont think ive been a stalker or anything like that. i dont call him 5 times a day. ill call him once and when we hang up ill call him back once or twice because something is bothering me and i want it answered. i also dont call him everyday. ive called him 7 out of the past 10 days. and just on monday which was like 5 days ago we had a pretty decent night together and i thought things were going to be ok.

 

heres what i think im going to do: we have planned for me to get my things on monday. well im not going to call him or show up to come get them. if he calls me wondering if im coming or not im not going to answer and i wont call him back. from now on im in strict no contact for at least a few weeks. that way he can wonder where the heck i went and what happened to me.

[Survictor]

STOP obsessing over this guy. How many times does he have to tell you he doesn't want to be with you. You are manipulating him because deep down he's a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt you but you are leaving him with no alternative!

 

Back off!

[Meow18]

I don't think you are a horrible person/ex girlfriend. I think that you are obsessing over your ex, and you miss him, but it's NORMAL to feel the way you do. You are going through a heartbreak and honestly, most of us acted "crazy" when we were dumped.

 

It's important to realize what you are doing and understand that it's not helping you or your situation. And you need to really believe that, or else you won't control your behavior.

[missmebaby]

survictor....you think deep down hes a nice guy? have you read any of my other posts? this guy cheated on me with his ex girlfriend that he said was a psycho * * * * * because she was like 100 times more crazy than i have been. while he was cheating on me with her he was telling her personal stuff about me and stuff he didnt like about me. he has also cheated on 2 other girlfriends in the past. he lied to me numerous times about who he talked to and who he hung out with. he kept lying to me over and over and didnt even flinch. everything he ever did wrong in our relationship he found a way to turn it around and blame me for it. once he had a party and invited 3 girls that he know i dont like because they tried numerous times to break us up and they always say mean things to me and talk about me behind my back and make fun of him for being with me. he invited them knowing how much it bothers me and when i got mad about it he said i had no right to be mad about it becuase they are his friends. he has never tried to stick up for me whenever they say things about me. also at that same party there was a girl that was hanging all over him and asking him to take her upstairs to his bedroom. he didnt even try to get away from her.

 

like i said he likes the attention and he didnt care how bad it was hurting me or bothering me. when i got mad about it he just got mad at me and said i get mad too easily and i was being stupid. the whole night they hung around together and he ignored me. and yes i took him back after all of this because he swore he would change and he begged me to take him back and said how sorry he was and he would prove hes a good guy. i loved him and thought he deserved a second chance because i know he could ACT like a good guy. also since we broken up hes led me on and told me he still has feelings for me and slept with me saying that he still cares about me and isnt just using me. and hes gotten jealous anytime i mention another guy. but if he was a good guy at all he wouldnt of done any of those things.

 

and he has told me numerous times he doesnt want to be with me??? yes he has recently within the past week....after he has led me on for months telling me he wants to get back together in awhile and that he still has feelings for me and cares about me and gives me every reason to keep holding on to the hope that we would get back together. when we first broke up he told me he didnt want to be with me anymore but then changed his mind 3 weeks later and told me he wanted to try to work things out and see how they go. so yes he has told me he doesnt want to be with me but he changes his mind all the time. he has sent me mixed signals and jerked me around for 3 months and im the one doing the manipulating?? im not trying to manipulate him, i just have so many questions that i feel like i need answered to have some closure and hes the only one that can answer them.

[Survictor]

So he is a cheat, disloyal, uncaring, a liar, a charmer, unsupportive, attention seeker..... What more closure do you need?

 

If you continue to seek answers, then just read your own posting above. Honey, he doesn't care! Get over it and move on.

 

Of course, you could always continue to be jerked around in the hope that he can what..... do it all again!!!!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i don't think i have to go very far out on a limb to tell you that this is going to come to a bad end and get uglier if you keep trying to persist with this relationship.

 

you don't really want to be friends with him, you want to date him and are just using the 'friends' card as a way to stay in his life. you may not even know this yourself, but it is clear with your repeated re-asking of that question, and your thinking it is 'good' to get him into 'cuddles' or any other type of exchange that approaches returning to bf/gf status again. i think wanting to ask him more questions is just another way of trying to keep him involved with you.

 

a friend calls someone up ever few weeks and says, how ya doing? how's things going with your new girlfriend. friends don't call up and say, 'do you miss me? do you want to be my friend? can i come over and cuddle?' BIG difference.

 

you've listed a LONG list of reasons why you shouldn't want to even talk to this guy again, lying, cheating, etc. and he's told you a hundred times in both actions and words that he's tired of your relationship and not interested in you being his girlfriend anymore. if he is having sex with you, it is only because he is taking advantage of the easy opportunity for sexual release, then he goes back to not wanting you again.

 

he is dating other people and telling you about it and telling you to leave him alone. i get the sense that you will keep thinking you need to ask him questions because you are waiting for the answer you want to hear, that he will take you back as a girlfriend, and i really don't see that happening.

 

there is no ultimate closure on a bad relationship, just plenty of opportunities to drag it out ad nauseum until everyone is exhausted and hates each other.

 

so please go back and read your posts as to what he is telling you over and over again, not your own interpretations of what he means. he really isn't interested in any more conversations or trying to work it out, nor explanations etc. if he picks up a little breakup sex when you get together, then whoopee for him, but you're back out the door again and he's back to dating other people and telling you to leave him alone.

 

please spare yourself more heartache. please go to a counselor and talk about this if you feel you need to talk to someone. you keep going to him for understanding, but he is a dry well who just wants to move on. i think a counselor could help you see that this relationship is not healthy for you, and more go rounds with him won't make it better.

 

you've said yourself he's a liar... so why will talking to him more help? any question you ask him, he could just lie for the answer, and will most likely say anything that gets you off his back. so why waste the breath?

 

please save yourself a lot of grief and just move on. asking him a lot of questions isn't going to change the past, or your future.

[missmebaby]

ok heres the thing...he has never once told me to leave him alone. he has never said leave me alone, or dont call me, or dont ever talk to me again. just 2 weeks ago he was saying "i still have feelings for you and i still care about you." even when we were just friends and i did not even mention getting back together he would say things like "everytime i see you my feelings come back." and "i dont know if we should keep hanging out because whats the point? you dont want it to go anywhere." and he has said "i would want to get back together....if you didnt have so many guys in your life." also everytime i went out with my friends he would get mad and jealous because there were guys there and he was afraid i would do something with them or meet someone. and when i asked him why he cared he said because he still has feelings for me. so he was giving me every reason to think he might still want to be with me. then just last week when i asked him to get back together and he said no he said "can we still hang out as friends?" and i said no becuase i didnt want to do anything sexually with him anymore. and he siad "thats fine, you can just come over and watch a movie or TV cant you?" then the next day is when i started to annoy him and he hasnt yet said "leave me alone" or "stop calling me." even within the last 2 days when i talked to him he seemed concerned with what ive been doing and if i did anything sexually with anyone else. he kept asking me and making me swear that i didnt do anything. he has been leading me on for 3 months now, i would hardly call that making it clear that he doesnt want to be with me. yes last week he finally gave me a sure answer that he doesnt want to be with me and that is why i immediately came here to seek help in how to control myself, stop annoying him, and possibly fix the damage ive done.

 

some of you are acting like its been the whole 3 months that i have been acting like this. its only been 10 days which yes i understand is long enough but thats why im here. to get help and support. i dont cry and beg and plead with him. i dont call him a hundred times a day or even call him every day. i dont talk to his friends and ask about him, i dont drive by his house, i dont say hurtful things to him. i dont send him things in the mail, i dont show up at his house unexpectedly. it was only last week that he finally said im sure i dont want to get back together. before that he gave me every reason to think he still might want me. he even told me like 2 months ago that if i really loved him i would wait for him.

[Survictor]

You seem determined to drop to your knees every time this guy says, "Here, girl."

 

You seem to try to excuse his awful, disrespectful behaviour and your own stupid one.

 

You know the truth. It's been pointed out to you here!

 

You are still obsessing!

 

Continue to be used and abused if you wish. It's your perogative.

 

Read a book called link removed by Sandra Horley. I think it might help you in the future.

[missmebaby]

and no i dont want him back. well maybe a part of me does but i know i would never allow myself to take him back unless its a while down the road and he has proven that he has matured and changed. the reason i made this thread is not because i want him back but because i just want him to remember me as a good girlfriend and remember the good things about me. i dont want him to look back and think about me and only think that im his crazy ex girlfriend. that is honestly the only reason i started this thread. ive accepted its over and over the past few days ive realized what an a*s he is and how bad he treated me at times and i know i dont want that again. but we did have an amazing relationship at times and we were crazy about each other for awhile. i want him to remember me like that....not as a crazy person. he was someone that i really cared about and i spent a year of my life with him. maybe its wrong, but i do care how he feels about me now and i want us to be at least on good terms someday and have him look back on our relationship and remember the good things and think that i was a good girlfriend.

[Survictor]

know i would never allow myself to take him back unless its a while down the road and he has proven that he has matured and changed.

 

This relationship should be so OVER!

 

 

ive accepted its over and over the past few days ive realized what an a*s he is and how bad he treated me at times and i know i dont want that again. but we did have an amazing relationship at times

 

I don't think you have accepted it is OVER! Also you describe him as treating you really badly! Lying, cheating, manipulating, disrespecting etc! How can it have been amazing when this was going on! You mean he told you what you wanted to hear at times.

 

i want us to be at least on good terms someday and have him look back on our relationship and remember the good things and think that i was a good girlfriend.

 

Why be on good terms with someone who treated you so badly! Why would you care what he thinks at all?

 

You shouldn't care what he thinks, feels or does. You cannot trust what he says and you cannot trust yourself to stay away from him or obsess over him and so you must STAY AWAY!

 

This is an immature, unhealthy relationship.

[missmebaby]

him treating me horribly was not going on throughout our entire year together. for the first 5 months he was a great boyfriend. then we started fighting and he turned 21 and he changed. then we broke up when he cheated on me, got back together, and for another 4 or 5 months he was a great boyfriend again. very affectionate, put me first over his friends, wanted to see me every day, would do anything i asked, told his mom he wanted to marry me, bought me things, told me how much he loved me and how lucky he was to have me, told his friends how much he loved me, changed his plans to make me happy. during those months he wasnt perfect but he didnt do anything horrible. it was always a few weeks before we broke up that he changed into a jerk. i am not making excuses for him at all, what he did was extremely selfish, insensitive, and heartless. but we did make a ton of amazing memories and i dont want to look back on it and know that he hates me or is disgusted with me. i dont know i guess i just want him to look back, remember that i was a great girl, and feel horrible that he treated me that way. i want him to regret acting the way he did. and hes probly not going to care if he thinks oh well she was crazy anyway she deserved it and im glad i did it because i got rid of her that way.

[Survictor]

A long time ago, I had a b/f just like him! I tried to keep him by being the perfect girlfriend. I swallowed my pride some and tried to make him happy.

 

In the end however, I saw that I was in the main, very unhappy most of the time and the times he made me happy were less than the times he made me miserable!

 

I decided I didn't want him. I felt that if I remained with him as his plaything to do as he pleased then I would lose my sanity as well as my dignity! When I no longer wanted him, he came running, begging, pleading, telling me he loved me, wanted to marry me... blah blah blah. I knew, though that I would not be the only girl for him. He didn't want me, but he didn't want to be rejected either.

 

Anyway, years on and he is still playing the same field! I was married with three children when I bumped into him and I was certainly NOT interested in reestablishing any friendship with him!

 

You keep covering old ground because you want him to be a wonderful boyfriend, to love you etc. You feel disgusted with yourself and want to regain your dignity. You may feel that if he wants you, then you have regained your dignity. Well that may be the case, but you need to be SO OVER HIM!

 

Forget how he feels about you! It doesn't matter. He's a sh*t.

 

If you continue to harp after him, then you really are crazy.

 

Walk away with your head held high.

 

In years to come, you will remember him..... as a loser.

[missmebaby]

well i am doing better. i dont know if its just a phase or what but i havent really thought about him that much today, have not even been slightly tempted to call him, and when i do think about him i just feel angry at him for what hes done. i have been remembering the bad things alot more than the good things. im not going to call him or come over to get my things on monday. i am disappearing from his life for awhile until im totally over him. im not going to lie, every once in awhile today i thought of something we used to do together that i loved doing and it made me break down into tears but it only last like a minute and then i was ok. i am really going to miss the sex, spending every night together, going out with his friends, and going 4 wheeling together, along with about a million other things we used to have a great time doing. im also going to miss his family to death, they were really great to me. but i know that that part of my life is over. and im really starting to accept it thanks to everyone here that has offered me advice and helped me out.

[Survictor]

Wish you well for the future.

[terk2021]

I have read through the entire thread here. First off, you are not pathetic. Your actions are not crazy, and you deserve better. It's easy for everyone to post and tell you what to do. The reality is, most people on this site have been through experiences very similar.

 

It's always easy to look at a situation from the outside when you are not in it, and give rational advice. The reality is when your in love, your heart becomes stronger than your mind. It's like watching a bad movie. You wish you could jump in and change what's about to happen...

 

At some point, you will get that strength back. I still find myself doing the exact opposite of what I should be doing to get over my ex...

 

Just remember that you are still who you were before this relationship, and hopefully you will learn from it going forward. Don't lose site of you. You will find a man who loves you and respects you for who you are. Don't give up.

 

I wish you the best. As for resisting the urge to contact, its just something you have to do. Each time you hear the song, or see a movie you watched together, or just think of him... Keep telling yourself you deserve better, and you will find it...

 

Good luck, and I hope this helps...