Wouldn't You Break Up With Someone If..?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Would you break up with someone if-

 

1. You know they are regularly looking at all kinds of depraved websites/porn in secret.

2. You knew they were having an affair - an online one, but an affair nonetheless.

3. They saw you as a charity case.

4. You were sick of feeling guilty about the pain you know you cause them every day as you constantly haev to deal with depression and suicidal urges, as well as a couple of longterm illnesses.

5. They seem to like you, but you know you're only a stopgap until something better comes along.

6. You used to enjoy having sex with them even when very depressed, but over the past couple of months, almost anything to do with men, women, relationships etc makes you want to vomit. You still HAVE sex with them, but you know it's not the Real Deal.

 

But did I mention I have NO evidence whatsoever for any of the above, my boyfriend of 1 yr 2 months is consistently loving, attentive and considerate, and I'm absolutely insane, hardly even able to distinguish fact from reality?

He knows about all the above, it upset him, we talked about it, it's all kosher.

 

It isn't, but I'm wise enough to know that repeated discussions of that nature simply drive people apart.

 

Dumping him is an option, yet I'd miss him so goddamn much it puts claws into my chest.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Jayar]

If you aren't smiling 90% of the time when you think about your relationship, the relationship isn't for you. And maybe it's you, maybe it's him, but either way you have to fix yourself. Get therapy or something even. But you deserve better than you are giving yourself, and he deserves better than he's getting from you. That should motivate you to figure out what it is that's such a shadow over your life so you can fix it before life passes you by.

[friscodj]

I have a couple of thoughts here:

 

1) A tactic that has helped me maintain some semblance of sanity during emotionally overwhelming times has been to combat such seemingly insane thoughts with logic and reason. Every single time a related thought creeps into your head, catch it and argue it out of your mind with sound logic and reason. Eventually if you keep doing this, you might drive the demons out of your head.

 

2) Another tactic I've used is going to therapy. I think some of the bullet points you listed above, e.g., the guilt, paranoia, depression, suggest some deeper issues that might be better served by discussions with a pro.

[Haven]

1) A tactic that has helped me maintain some semblance of sanity during emotionally overwhelming times has been to combat such seemingly insane thoughts with logic and reason. Every single time a related thought creeps into your head, catch it and argue it out of your mind with sound logic and reason. Eventually if you keep doing this, you might drive the demons out of your head.

One good way to do this is by writing in a journal. If you make your thoughts concrete by setting them down on paper, it's easier to argue rationally with them. Then later, if you're feeling that way again, you can just go back and read what you wrote earlier.

[Daddy Bear]

Would you break up with someone if-

 

1. You know they are regularly looking at all kinds of depraved websites/porn in secret.

 

that would depend on what "depraved" means. if it wasn't severely twisted, illegal stuff, it would then depend on whether or not they lied to me about it... and in that case i would have to have real proof that they were looking at it before i gave them the heave-ho.

 

2. You knew they were having an affair - an online one, but an affair nonetheless.

 

again, only if there was rock-solid proof... oh, yeah. *boot*

 

3. They saw you as a charity case.

 

nah, i'm not proud.

 

4. You were sick of feeling guilty about the pain you know you cause them every day as you constantly haev to deal with depression and suicidal urges, as well as a couple of longterm illnesses.

 

i don't think so. we all need someone to lean on sometimes.

 

5. They seem to like you, but you know you're only a stopgap until something better comes along.

 

definitely, if they TOLD me that.

 

6. You used to enjoy having sex with them even when very depressed, but over the past couple of months, almost anything to do with men, women, relationships etc makes you want to vomit. You still HAVE sex with them, but you know it's not the Real Deal.

 

no, and i'd be happy that they didn't want to leave me.

[MissyJ]

Hunny hunny hunny. Bless ya, you are having a hard time of it arent you?! Well my opinion is that if you really love this guy, let him be there for you and try not to get eaten up by these thought, i know is difficult (going through depression myself) but when a thought like that comes into your head, just think to yourself, 'this is not logical, he is always there for me he is loving and affectionate and he deserves my love in return, this is the depression making me paranoid and im not going to let it take over my life'.

Think about it why would someone put themselves in a fairly difficult position just as a way to pass time, he must care about you an awful lot to be there for you. Most guys dont bother! Trust me on that one!

 

Let me know how you are getting on, and if you ever need to talk its all good. x

[Hope75]

We're listening, Antilove.

 

ps- let your boyfriend make his own decisions, OK? He knows everything. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't.

[missycuk2]

Sounds like you have answered your own questions really, its possibly time to move on here - I am in a somewhat similar position as yours and I find my thoughts are more towards leaving and making a break, the only thing that stops me is worrying how I will feel once I have made that break. Its hard - but sounds like your unhappy - take some time out to think about what you do want.

 

Hugs to you

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Thank you very much for suggestions/compassion.

 

I've been through the mill with therapy, and journals full of rubbish sit in my room. It gets to a point in therpay where they're like *You have some fairly big problems, we suggest medication - there's not a lot else we can do for you, talking -wise*. And that's where it ends, as I refuse to take it.

[DizzyDoris]

Why do you refuse medication? Having depression is nothing to be ashamed of. If you got sick,say had a bad cold, you'd take something for that right? I was in the same kinda boat a few years back, i had post natal depression and im so greatful my mum took me to the doctors. I was on antidepressants for a few months and they really do work. If you feel this bad, just give them a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You deserve to be happy babe. I wish you all the best x

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

LOL I'm not ashamed, the whole world and it's mother knows I'm depressed. My family even make good humoured jokes about it. This morning in conversation I mentioned to a new lecturer we had how I'd had a nervous breakdown.

 

I'm not in the least bit ashamed.

 

I refuse to take meds that may make me fat, basically.

[AwdreeHpburn]

ALS - Don't you think that aneroxia or bulemia is also a condition you have that it may be time to deal with?

 

I'm really not being judgemental - just concerned. If the thought process behind why you won't get helo is in itself clouded in illness, it may be time to start somewhere.

 

Help one thing at a time - maybe your bulemia is a good place to start??

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Yeah...maybe that, or my binge eating, or my anorexic tendenices, or my inferiority complex!

 

It's clear you arn't judging me at all, and I appreciate peoples' concern for me. I'm starting to think that when I want to change, I will. Maybe.