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Haven last won the day on April 18 2008

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About Haven

  • Birthday 05/01/1986

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  1. Ug. This exact thing happened in my last relationship. My ex-boyfriend and I spent a significant amount of time together every day. Then he started distancing himself, because of work and school. This was totally understandable at first, but then it became obvious that I was actually very far down on his list of priorities. He would only hang out with me or go out with me if he had free time. He only ever changed his other plans for me once or twice during the entire three months of the relationship. He never even though of including me. I was always sidelined. Always. All of that made me more clingy than I should have been (according to normal standards, it was not clingy at ALL, but to him it was). It ended up making him more and more distant. I then tried what you mentioned, being more distant myself... it didn't work at all. It was awful. He did not come back. He did not make any effort to get closer. Then again, I'm guessing it works differently with different couples. My boyfriend did not care about me enough to make time for me. He never missed me. Never. However, I'm sure there are couples where the distance makes them realize that they do want to be together for certain. I would suggest, instead of making yourself more distant, just focus on your own life. Meet new people, make more friends, put more effort into work, find new hobbies... it may suck, but you really shouldn't be clingy because that definitely won't work. It also sucks less than just sitting around wondering if he's going to contact you or not.
  2. What if you died before you were a year old, never having the opportunity to experience life? I don't have a boyfriend, and in fact, I've never had a real relationship. Sure, I could be depressed about it. Or, I could realize that I have my entire life ahead of me, and I have all these opportunities that so many other people out there cannot and may never get. Life inherently has value. You don't need a romantic relationship in order for your life to have meaning. The very fact that you are alive right now, that you have the ability to do whatever you want... that's something that millions of people out there don't have.
  3. Two problems with your quote: 1) It's comparing a relationship to a job. 2) It's assuming that you have to have certain characteristics or qualifications to become romantically involved with someone. But chemistry isn't logical or mathematical. You can't quantify it and list it on a resume. The fact is, you can have all the perfect "qualifications" and have absolutely zero chemistry. Deciding who to date is completely different from deciding who to hire.
  4. Uhm.. NASA's trying to stop a killer meteor? I know people who work for NASA, and this is the first I've heard of it... can I get a news link or something?
  5. I believe that all humans inherently have worth. Even if you just sit there and do nothing for the rest of your life, you still are worth something. For example, people in comas? They don't do anything. They just lie there in a bed and use up hospital space. But they're not worthless. Homeless people generally aren't cared for. But if someone was to go out and start killing all the homeless people, we wouldn't just sit back and watch. Everyone has worth. Even if your life is empty, even if your existence seems pointless, you're still worth something, because you're a person with individual thoughts and feelings. As for what you see on TV.. you're intelligent, you should know that the media controls what we see on the television. 24-hour news stations (CNN, etc) need more news stories to fill up their time. They'll report on certain things more, making it seem like a bigger deal than it actually is. For example, one year all the news stations were reporting that it was the "summer of the shark," warning people to beware of sharks in the water. But that year actually had a low number of shark attacks compared to previous years. It just seemed like a bigger deal because the news stations were reporting on it more. There are many more examples of this -- it's well documented in books on statistics and such. Sure, you see people dying on TV, you see people sad and homeless and poor -- but there are so many more people who are living their lives and are normal, who aren't shown on TV. What you see on TV is not representative of the real world, most of the time. Also -- trying to get a musical career in Sacramento? Don't places like New York City and Nashville have more opportunities for musicians?
  6. How much do you practice? I mean.. unless you've been practicing 10 hours a day without any improvement, you can't really say definitively that you suck at guitar. If you seriously want to become a great guitarist, put in the time and practice. Make guitar your life. Becoming great isn't an overnight thing. It takes time, dedication, and effort. You have to really, really want it.
  7. I think it's interesting that, in listing the pros and cons of each girl, you mentioned details about her friends and family rather than details about the girl herself. My question is, which girl do you like being with the most? That's the one you should go for. If the situation has to be easy for you to want the girl, then.. you probably don't want her that much to begin with.
  8. I've experienced lucid dreaming a few times before, where I was able to control my actions or whatever. Or I could have just been dreaming that I was able to control my actions in a dream.. who knows? Actually, you are literally paralyzed.. when you go to sleep, your muscles are paralyzed so that you don't act out your dreams or anything (people who sleepwalk have problems with this). So when you wake up but you can't move, your brain has failed to un-paralyze your muscles. Usually this happens when you haven't been getting a lot of sleep, or if your sleep schedule is very irregular. If it ever happens to you again, try really hard to move a finger or a toe.. usually this breaks the paralysis, and you'll be able to move again.
  9. You definitely have a lot of anxiety. It's why you're having really bad nightmares and feeling paranoid. Since it sounds like this is something that only started fairly recently, do you know the cause? If anything major recently happened (or will happened) in your life, or if you've taken on a new responsibility -- basically anything new or sudden that's causing you to think about it and/or worry about it a lot can cause anxiety, and lead to bad nightmares and feelings of paranoia. I got this off of Wikipedia (in the anxiety article): Laughing definitely helps me. Sometimes at night, if I'm really stressed about something and have a lot of anxiety, I'll start feeling paranoid... I'll imagine horror scenes from movies that I saw months ago happening to me. One thing that really helps is putting a cartoon or comedy dvd into my tv, and leaving that on at a low volume.. it relieves my anxiety and keeps my mind off of other things, which is great for helping me sleep. I really hope at least some of this helps!
  10. Why would you tell people that you're stressed? I'm a little confused about what you're saying. If you're so stressed that it's affecting your appearance and your sense of control, then maybe you should consider lightening the load a little.
  11. Perhaps you could outline the situation that you're in, instead of asking a list of theoretical questions? Don't fall into the trap of liking a friend just because you're pretty sure that friend would not reject you if you wanted something more than friendship. Think about it carefully -- if your friend went on a date with someone else, would you care? Do you like her only because you think you have a chance with her? If you knew that you had zero chance with her.. would you still be questioning your feelings for the new person?
  12. I'm not exactly at the hate point, but I do dislike how everyone seems to be using the "How are you?" line. I know the polite thing to say is, "Fine, how are you?" (which is what everyone says), but it just feels so fake to me. One thing I do hate is people who have "backup" friends. I've known several people who can't do anything alone. So when their friends that they usually hang out with bail on them or are busy, they call up their backup friends to do something. I have no respect for people like that.
  13. I'm actually in a pretty similar situation. Not depressed (usually), but lonely. What I've done is set long-term goals for myself, and focused on those. For example, I'm currently taking classes at a university, and I'm working towards grad school. I'm going to try changing where I live, and I'm also going to put effort into other goals that I've always thought about doing (but never actually did). If you keep doing the same things over and over again, you'll get the same results. Just try changing things a little at a time.. do you have a dream job that you've always wanted? What about taking classes at a university? Do you have any talents or hobbies? If you think about.. if this is your low point.. then you can only go up from here. Everyone has to have a low point at some time in their lives. Yours is just coming sooner than later. Just find something that you want to achieve, and go for it.
  14. There are many possible explanations for what you observed at that meeting. You can't base a conclusion on an entire population group based upon your observations of, say, no more than 100 people. You have to consider that the people you have seen are a very, very small section of the population. There's also a common fallacy -- if you believe that two variables are related, then you will find and remember more of their co-occurrences, even if the two variables are completely random. Thus, you may have seen many adults who act maturely and many teenagers who are disrespectful, but you pay attention only to the times when the adults are immature and the teenagers are respectful. People often try to find relationships between completely unrelated variables. A disrespectful or immature attitude may result from a bad personality or just a bad day - not necessarily from age. I'm not sure why you felt justified in stating that "grown men and some women" have "negative behavior." If you think back to that meeting, how many adults behaved badly? Now how many *didn't* behave badly? Were there as many students as there were adults? Maybe the students who cared enough to show up were the kinds of students who respected adult authority and thus adjusted their normal behavior appropriately. Maybe the adults just had more invested in the problem, or maybe they were under more stress than the students, and thus were more prone to losing their temper. I think I'm starting to ramble, but I'm just pointing out a few of the many factors that could have contributed to what you saw at that meeting.
  15. Maybe you are looking for 'Ms. Right.' If you're automatically considering every female you meet to be a potential 'Ms. Right,' then that could put a lot of pressure on you, keeping you from opening up and being yourself. You could maybe try consciously forcing yourself to see each new female as a potential friend, or just as someone that you're going to meet once and never see again. There are many possibilities out there.. you could try online dating sites, the classifieds, singles events, etc. You may have a fear of putting yourself out there and trying new things -- but you may also have a fear of being alone for the rest of your life. At some point you have to be willing to risk getting hurt in the short run, in order to prevent yourself from the greater hurt of never finding someone. If you want to Ms. Right, you have to put yourself out there and meet people. Think of it as building a network.. any acquaintance you make may known someone who is your Ms. Right. Good luck.
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