He just not that into you...

[hislifesong]

What are some red flaggers here?

 

I haven't heard from a certain guy that i'm interested & dating - - and when i contact him, it feels strange - like i'm stuck doing the chasing - - shouldn't it be the other way around??!

 

I had to ask him if he wanted to join me, and attend an opera-type show - - is this a red flag that he's just not that into me?

 

I've gotten to that point in my life that I DON'T TRUST GUYS - no matter what they say - i always think they're lying to me - i mean some part of me wants to believe them, but the majority of me says to run!

 

So, what are some things that tell me he's just not that into me? Advice pleeeeze!

[Dating Coach]

It sounds like your interest level in him is higher than his is in yours. You're both just dating and are not exclusive so if he's not being the type of date you like you can always end it.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

If it feels "strange", it's probably not gelling as a good relationship should, and is a sign of incompatibility.

 

I personally always took/take a very direct approach to dating. If I wasn't sure where I stood with someone, I'd simply say "I hate harassing people, I'm not sure where I stand with you and think we need to be honest for five minutes...".

 

It's not necessarily a sign that he doesn't like you if you asked him out rather than him asking you, but if he never suggests meeting up, if he never calls you of his own doing, if you are getting intuitive signals (like your post!)...I'd say, watch that you arn't wasting your time.

[DaDancingPsych]

I'm not one who thinks that the guy should do all the chasing. We as women should carry our load of the work, too. So, I personally don't feel that it's a red flag if you do some of the calling and some of the date asking. Guys can be shy, too!

 

However, when you are doing ALL the work, I don't think this is a good sign at all! If asking him to the opera was the only date that you've initiated, don't sweat it. But if he's making no effort, I would agree that "he's just not that into you."

[rocio]

You can usually tell. If a guy is into you, he will usually send clear signals. An exception is if he's shy. And it can be hard to tell if he's shy or just not that into you.

[chai714]

What are some red flaggers here?

 

I haven't heard from a certain guy that i'm interested & dating - - and when i contact him, it feels strange - like i'm stuck doing the chasing - - shouldn't it be the other way around??!

 

I had to ask him if he wanted to join me, and attend an opera-type show - - is this a red flag that he's just not that into me?

 

I've gotten to that point in my life that I DON'T TRUST GUYS - no matter what they say - i always think they're lying to me - i mean some part of me wants to believe them, but the majority of me says to run!

 

So, what are some things that tell me he's just not that into me? Advice pleeeeze!

 

First off, you invited a guy to an opera. Most guys I know don't look forward to going to operas.

 

Second, you "don't trust guys." Do men a favor and don't date until you learn to how to trust someone. Generally speaking, people are good-willed and you must initially give them the benefit of the doubt. At least give them a chance to lie before you lose trust. It's not fair to them or you because you're really are't giving them a fair chance.

[Day_Walker]

I dont see you as putting in much effort to complain about, it does seem that you have obvious issues with trusting men. I would hold off on dating until you can actually trust a man and doesnt think that he is lying to you.

[hislifesong]

Actually, to my surprise...he sounded quite excited to go to the opera with me...

 

And i guess it's not so much that i can't trust ANYONE - - you must'n't have been lied to much...but after awhile, i find it hard to believe what one is saying to be the truth, especially when they sound uneasy in their voice! Maybe it's just me....?

[annie24]

maybe you should focus less on "where is this all going?" and try to enjoy the ride a bit more....

[chigal28]

Maybe it's not so much what he's saying/not saying or doing/not doing, or even his tone of voice....maybe your intuition is telling you something isn't quite right with this situation, and you're uncomfortable. Intuition can be a really powerful tool.

[RayKay]

I would say that if you don't trust guys in such a general sense to degree it also has you second guessing everything in someone you are dating (deserved or not)....it may mean you have to work on that.

 

You cannot hold the mistakes of past partners against current ones...and it will bite you in the butt if you do. There is a difference between being cautious, and being unfair essentially.

 

Now, for this guy...I cannot tell you, but if you feel that he is not giving you any feedback at ALL, then maybe you do need to pay attention to that. If you don't feel comfortable at all, it may be a deeper instinct of yours trying to tell you something.

[Batya33]

In the beginning of the relationship - the first month or so - before we're steadily dating - I let the man do most of the contacting, planning and asking. All of the men I've ever had serious relationships with started out that way and we each felt the most comfortable in those roles in the beginning. I know of no long term happy healthy relationship that started out with the woman doing most of the contacting, planning and asking in the beginning.

[rocio]

In the beginning of the relationship - the first month or so - before we're steadily dating - I let the man do most of the contacting, planning and asking. All of the men I've ever had serious relationships with started out that way and we each felt the most comfortable in those roles in the beginning. I know of no long term happy healthy relationship that started out with the woman doing most of the contacting, planning and asking in the beginning.

 

Me too. It doesn't mean that you can't send clear signals that yoU're totally into him. But I think it's usually best to let him chase you in the beginning. Even if he's shy, he will eventually call if he's really into you.

[Batya33]

Just to clarify - I don't believe in men or women having to "chase" - that to me implies games by the woman as in pretending that she is not receptive or interested. I just think the man should make most of the calls and plans and the woman should show interest by being receptive, friendly, warm and gracious.

[rocio]

Just to clarify - I don't believe in men or women having to "chase" - that to me implies games by the woman as in pretending that she is not receptive or interested. I just think the man should make most of the calls and plans and the woman should show interest by being receptive, friendly, warm and gracious.

 

well, yeah. punching a boy to show our love worked in kindergarten. being friendly probably works a bit better now. Ahhh... the good old days.

[Batya33]

I can top that ;-) I used to move my mat as close as possible to the mat of the boy I liked in kindergarten. ;-) We were FWB before that was popular, lol.

[annie24]

I can top that ;-) I used to move my mat as close as possible to the mat of the boy I liked in kindergarten. ;-) We were FWB before that was popular, lol.

 

hmmm.... I wonder if that would work in yoga class....