OK just found other there's another man...

[hjc]

My ex is stunning (yeah we all say this but really...) and we split up around 3 months ago.

 

I thought there might be another guy at the time and now I know for sure (will spare you the details but rest assured it is from a reliable source and i'm not inferring from semi-truths).

 

So was told this morning and have mixed reactions:

- on the one hand am devastated, gutted, annoyed, upset, hurt and can't get the negatives out of my head. I guess I always thought that for as long as I didn't have it confirmed there was someone else (even if there was) things could work out

 

- on the other am relieved as it releases me and confirms what I thought might be happening...that helps 'cos it explains why she hasn't been contacting me (and when she has why she's reneged on promises to call/meet up..and of course why would you call an ex when you are trying to make things work with a new guy) and also focuses me towards moving on.

 

Problem is I can't reconcile the two emotions. ](*,) The "news" (in speech marks 'cos I think it is just a case of me finding something out that could well have been happening for some time already) has really knocked me sideways....3 months since breakup and pretty much NC the whole way (one phonecall and a few texts; all initiated by her). I feel lousy and also motivated to do something...unforutnately the former overrides the latter and I have spent the whole day trying to stop myself crying....

 

God I hate this...but I also hope that it helps me move on. I still love her more than anything, but I know that whilst she is with him, I can't expect anything from her.

 

I guess I'm secretly hoping that'll all implode and then she'll see what she had...but by then I hope I'll be with someone else...

[BONO]

The only thing to do, right now is going to be very, very hard. One word.

 

 

NOTHING

By doing nothing, nothing can go wrong. Give her the best gift in the world. That of missing you.

 

 

That right. Have No Contact. Dont be friends with a sub conscious pretext of reconcilation. disappear. Period.

 

 

 

Scruff

[majord23]

Sorry to hear this hjc.

Think back to the day that the relationship ended - how much you wanted to get back together and how much pain it caused you not to be able to do so.

 

Today, just like that day, has come down on you like a tonne of bricks. Shock, despair hopelessness...a full gamut of emotions hitting all at once.

 

It's a time when we feel most vulnerable.

 

THAT is when people become irrational and act on emotion rather than logic - THAT is when people beg, plead and take actions that they ultimately regret.

Those who fight those urges are the ones that come out stronger; with their pride intact.

Those who stay strong are the ones who have less issues to work through post break-up - because although they have to deal with the emotions of the break-up, they don't have to build their self-esteem from scratch.

 

Self-respect is the *most* important thing to maintain/get back after the end of a relationship NOT an ex.

 

The reason I am off on this tangeant mate, is because you are in that position now pal - you have been dealt a blow, and one that has you reeling - do not act on your emotions though hjc, do anything you have to resist....but stay strong.

 

Ultimately acting will achieve nothing at the moment. Take some time out, post on the boards as much as you need to until you start to see things through logical, rather than emotional eyes.

 

We're here for you mate.

[ILovePasta]

Agreed with Scruff. Nothing you can do and nothing you should do. You have your closure. People like me want to keep digging... looking for more answers to even more questions that pop up. Why? When? Who? etc....

 

Hopefully you are able to move on with the information you have at present. I'm happy for you that at least now you know why things are they way they are with her. Good luck to you!

[Clementine orange]

Hang in there, you'll get through this. Ultimately it will make you stronger.

[SuperDave71]

Hey there..

 

 

I cannot BELIEVE I am going to sy this but I AGREE WITH SCRUFF ( HA HA HA HA)

 

 

DO NOTHING....absoutely NOTHING.

 

 

 

You can do this !!!!

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[Dako]

I agree with the mob here, especially majord23.

Keeping your self respect is vital, and the sooner you can reject the pain, the better.

[hjc]

Team ENA you are awesome!

 

(as ever) you guys rock and I know what you're saying is right..my plan was to do absolutely nothing. I can't tell her I know ('cos i'm doing NC but also 'cos there's no reason to tell her something that has no purpose and she knows already!) and why would I.

 

So, in short, I can sit there and let things happen. I KNOW he's not me and maybe he's got some positive points I don't have, but I also know he can't beat me in others (and i have no idea who he is or what he does).

 

Bottom line is I'm with you guys 100% and thank you so so so much for your support. I'm low now but I feel so much stronger with this site....

 

And I'm working on finding new people who can get me out of this mess...

 

Thank you all!

[need2bme]

That right. Have No Contact. Dont be friends with a sub conscious pretext of reconcilation.

 

Scruff: I had to read that twice. You are so right. Like you and Frisco say, "Dis-a-frikin-pear"!!

 

I finally realized that by thinking of a reconciliation or of why or what I did wrong, I was prolonging the fact that she sucked too! She had her part in this!!

 

It is all about you! Remember that!