Boyfriend wont come over for Halloween

[xmrth]

I feel like EVERYONE'S seeing their boyfriend tonight but me. He wont come over. I've seen him every Halloween since we started dating. I'm so upset. I don't even think the actual Halloween on a weekday is a big deal but he just doesn't want to and I don't see him weekdays anyway. I feel alone I'm just going to be miserable.

[redrose85]

you still need to give him some time. Sounds like you freaked him out a bit with all the phone calls. Do you have friends you can hang out with?

[blender]

You'll be fine, tomorrow is a new day, the best thing you can do is to say to him, "okay, I hope you have fun, talk to you later"... and go out and have fun for yourself, even if you just sit home, for today, you need to take care of yourself. I know you are disappointed but this might be a good time to think through your relationship with him and to figure out if your in a happy one, or if you are just "needy" to be with someone.

 

You are worthy of a loving, committed, kind, and respectful relationship and if this one is NOT feeling that way, then it's okay for you to take a moment and think it through.. set some standards for yourself and stick to them.

 

Have fun tonight, and tell him tomorrow how much fun you had... I'm sure next time he will make it a point to be with you, especially if you have the class and style to be "okay" with or without him around.. this is an attractive quality and it's one you should have for yourself.. You don't need him to have fun, or to be "happy". You can do this on your own, for yourself. Any guy is going to feel "burndened" if he is put in a situation where he might feel responsible for YOUR happiness... and if he's not respectful enough to respond to your being "disappointed" well then, perhaps he's not the right guy for you in the long run...

 

so if you say anything more to him about it, just say, "I'm disappointed but I"m sure we'll both have a great night anyway"... His head will spin at your confidence, and he will start to rethink his choice of not wanting to be around tonight...

 

go have fun, and let it go for today, it's just Halloween, don't put too much pressure into it, it's just another day, and you will be fine...

[xmrth]

I feel upset about it, and then I feel upset about how I act. It's true I do have a lot of regard for Halloween mostly because all my friends are with their boyfriends, or they're going out doing other things. I don't really have an alternative gameplan; we'd just stay here and it's kind of what I feel like doing. He doesn't want to do -anything- but in situations like this I get paranoid because EVERYONE seems to be doing something and I find it hard to believe he's going to just sit at home when he's probably got all kinds of people calling him to come out tonight. Even though I know him well enough he'd be staying home to get rest for work in the morning. But given the night and circumstance, I get like this.

 

Another thing is I feel like WHY can't he? WHY not for ONE hour? Is it that impossible, why? I don't bother him about the weekdays because I just see him on weekends... I guess I feel like he should come over or have me over at his house this one weekday... and now he probably thinks I'm more crazy because of how upset I am over it...

[Batya33]

I have a boyfriend and he is working tonight. For halloween I am helping throw a party for homeless children who live at a shelter. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself why not find something to do - whether volunteer or with a friend?

[renaissancewoman101]

Xmrth, you are being a bit too clingy. Give the poor guy some space. I have read some of your threads and you seem a bit smothering. You are pretty lucky that your bf has been tolerant of it. Most guys would have split by now. I am in NO way bashing you. I understand that you are wondering why he CANT give you ONE hour of his time. But he sees you already and he already seems to be wanting some space. Let loose your grip on him a bit. He will appreciate you for it.

 

Is there any possible way for you to go out with your friends for Halloween? Else, just curl up on your couch and watch a horror movie or two. I plan on doing that myself, unless something else comes up.

 

It's not the end of the world to be alone for a while.

[arwen]

Sweetie,

 

I think you have been through so many things with this guy. I read parts of the thread about the calling. I could say, of course, the calling has been excessive. But I think that the underlying issue that needs to be addressed here is that what makes YOU do this. I have been very insecure in past relationships. I recognize a lot in most of your posts. But I don't think it's JUST your insecurity. Some of it is part of your personality and behaviour, but not all. Your relationship also triggers this behaviour in some way. I'd like to say that I am more secure nowadays. But the truth is, my insecurity has deep roots. I may have learned not to behave insecure, and also be more secure, but it DOES help that my current bf just doesn't 'feed' that insecurity. My ex did. Not on purpose, I am sure. But the interaction between him and I formed a pattern that really made my insecurity grow and grow. Instead of having a fulfilling relationship, I got dependent. He would make or break my day.

 

As for halloween, i don't know what that is about but here we have sinterklaas (a sort of santa claus but different) in the beginning of december. My ex would plan things with his friends, and not invite me, I remember how terrible I felt.

 

I have read so many threads of you about this relationship. Of course you wouldn't be posting here about the good times- most of us don't open threads for that here. But take a look at the many things that make you feel so bad. They are not his fault per se, or your fault, but I am starting to think that the two of you just 'feed' each others bad sides-- your insecurity and for him, well I don't know him but I think his response to clinginess is to withdraw even more. Maybe this is all part of a bigger thing: you may ask yourself if you are compatible.

 

How do you see the future with him? Do you want to have a relationship in which you worry about all these incidents? I can tell you, it doesn't have to be that way.

 

Hugs,

 

Ilse

[CarnelianButterfly]

Its not that big a deal. Its just Halloween, watch some cheesy movies and enjoy a relaxing night alone.

 

Just because everyone else is doing something doesn't mean you have to. My Mom's favorite saying "If they all jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?"

[iamtheone]

I agree with Ilse.

 

Your bf could spend an hour with you in the week, the reason he doesnt want to is that you constantly smother him! No wonder he pulls away! You even ring him when he's at work, it's incredibly smothering.

 

You have an anxiety problem, for god's sake go to a doctor or a psychologist/psychiatrist/counsellor and do something about it. Maybe you should take a break from your bf til you're sorted out. Then you can have a stable relationship later without being dependant on him.

 

If you won't do anything about your anxiety problem (and believe me it sounds chronic- it does not have to be this way) or leave your bf so he can get some peace then your relationship is just going to continue being like this. Take some responsibility.

[confused25]

I don't get it, what's so special about Halloween? I think I'd get upset if it was our anniversary or something, but def not Halloween. Plus it's a weekday/working day. I didn't get to see my bf tonite either and I don't think it's a big deal.

[xmrth]

Halloween is a big deal to me after all these years... I couldn't stop thinking of all the times we've had these 7 yrs now on this night whether he had work or not, and how he physically could see me tonight. He ended up saying okay come over, but now just knowing I've chipped away at him even more is like the next big issue.

 

This isn't something that's not been dealt with by a professional or anything. I don't know what it is; I wasn't always this way. He's probably not too excited about living together any time soon. He thinks I'll be worse when I swear it these things will no longer bother me and I know it for sure. And like I said, here's another chip at him and at us...

[Momene]

I'm starting to think you're more into him than he is into you. If you're half as pretty as your avatar, I'm sure you can find someone who shares your ideas of togetherness because he doesn't seem to.