hunz Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 um well he goes to bed at 10 wakes up at 5 works till seven LOL oh and drives for half an hour every few days to visit... Link to comment
NJRon Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 I'm surprised he's up for.. well.. being awake... let alone sex. Link to comment
hunz Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 LOL well yea he's always complaining of being tired Link to comment
NJRon Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 I used to have such little sleep and believe me... sex was the furthest thing from my mind. Do you have a job? Link to comment
NJRon Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 Well, then i would give him a break... and not think it is about you. He is working all the time and then drives out to see you.. which further limits the time. Do you guys get to spend whole days/weekends together? And, if/when you do, is the sex there? Link to comment
hunz Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 yeah when he has days off we do that like twice a day lol and when he visits we usually do Link to comment
NJRon Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 ok.. then I fail to see your problem... he doesn't have a mismatched sex drive... he just works very hard. Unless *that* is your issue... Link to comment
jimthzz Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 buy a toy for when he is not there and then make the best of it when hs is around. Link to comment
duncan33 Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 wow...I am so glad that I reading this because it makes me realize that I am not alone (get it haha)...My bf and I have not had consistent sex (we had sex in september ONCE and august ONCE and none since) in I don't even know how long. Every day I ask myself what am I doing in this relationship (artisit 777, I totally understand, I feel that my self esteem is shot, how could we not) I am 24 he is 33...and I can't get him to want me...I have given up. It hurt too bad to be denied. We had a rough summer with lots of arguing, mainly because we aren;t having sex and myself esteem has disappeared. Recently I have tried to forget about the sex and go back to our friendship...it is so hard...I know he enjoys my company buthe doesn't enjoy sex anymore. My bf seems to be very sexual, you kow that energy that some one gives off, and in the beginning our sex was great...we always wanted it at the same time and we just clicked. Now I don't know what to do. I am afraid that we will never have great sex again, or even sex period...I have never craved it so much...it really controls me when I am around him and I have to ignore the feelings and hope that some day we can be intimate again. I am too young to have to be begging for sex, I can only imagine what it will be like later... And I can't play games, I hate games, I can't pretend i don't want it...but that is what i have been doing, and I am going to keep on doing it until I can't handle anymore... Artist 777 I suggest playing hard to get, I think that he is taking advantage of you always wanting sex...games suck!! I don't know why we have to play them, maybe in a perfect world we don't, but I don't think our world is so perfect... sorry for the long post, but thank you very much for the thread... Link to comment
bulletproof Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 Hey Artist. I would revisit the posts here that mentioned it being an intimacy issue. I have been in your position, and I was with a 29-year-old guy! We hit the ground running sexually at first, then after about six months it sort of disappeared. He gave lots of excuses- he felt out of shape, he used to take anti-depressants, etc. But ultimately, he just didn't want to enjoy that intimacy with me. I can't tell you how much I wish I had gotten out of the relationship at the first sign of this, because it was absolutely devestating to my self-esteem. It is very difficult to be female and have the world and the media telling us that guys want sex all the time, period. It's also hard to look into the mirror, know that you look good and that's not the issue, because then it means it's something intangible that you might have no control over. Maybe it's time to move on. Link to comment
badBoy101 Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 did it ever occur to you that actually this guy might just be exhausted by the strains of modern working life and wants nothing more than to rest when he gets home you are so concerned with yourself and your self-centered sex drive that you don't want to understand his point of view stop being so needy and stop trying to over analyse something in order to try to justify why he doesn't want sex - the answer is obvious but you're just too selfish to realise it Link to comment
Siriana Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 did it ever occur to you that actually this guy might just be exhausted by the strains of modern working life and wants nothing more than to rest when he gets home you are so concerned with yourself and your self-centered sex drive that you don't want to understand his point of view stop being so needy and stop trying to over analyse something in order to try to justify why he doesn't want sex - the answer is obvious but you're just too selfish to realise it Or don't feel guilty for wanting sex, because if he wanted it that much and you weren't into it that much it would have the same effects on him as it has on you now. He would probably consider cheating. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted October 28, 2006 Share Posted October 28, 2006 have you considered couples counseling? this is obviously complicated, with control issues and deeper problems than just differing sex drives... and you both seem to have polarized into blaming the other person as the one with the 'defect'... that will only get worse unless you find a way to solve your differences without controlling and blaming each other... counseling might also help you decide whether this relationship is worth trying to hold onto and make compromises for, or whether you are better cutting your losses now rather than when you are 45, or 50, or whatever... Link to comment
real_life_101 Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 ok, this one I can help you with. I am 39 years old and went through exactly what your boyfriend is going through. I have had three very long term relationships, and it happed in all three relationships. I was so confused about what was happening I sought help for it. See what your going through is pretty normal believe it or not. You are thinking or reading a little to much into this it is not a control thing. See it comes accross that way because by you not getting sex you want it more. Probably more then normal because you are trying to gain self esteem. Remember rejection always increases interest when it comes to self esteem. The thing you have to keep in mind is average sex for long term couples and married people even younger then us is once a week, I am not saying all but most. What you have to do is dont bring it up. Unless he comes on to you dont make any effort, I mean still act normal, just when to comes to sex wait for him to come on to you. Dont get frustrated because it's going to take sometime. If you have any question feel free to contact me. I want to help because I lost a girl that I loved very much for the same reason. Believe me it's not about how pretty you are or how good you are at sex. Link to comment
Considerate Empath Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Why don't you try talking to him in bed one night like you usually do, but you do it naked? Just think of it as a normal night when he goes to sleep and leaves you unsatisfied after talking - but you're naked. As long as he notices you are naked, it doesn't matter if it's under the cover or not either. Then you go to sleep when you're done talking saying you're tired or something, then the next night do the same thing. Don't even think about the fact that you don't have any clothes on. After this - see if he'll take the initiative or not. If he doesn't after 2 or 3 tries, I'd say counselling would be the answer. At least this seems like the faster and lesser painful solution to me. Good luck! //C.E. Link to comment
need2bme Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I know...a day late and a dollar short... Something I just don't get... I read post after post about partners with opposite sex drives - have you ever noticed this? Why is it that low sex drive people don't end up with other low sex drive people and vice-versa. Could it be God's way of ensuring procreation accross the masses? (LOL) Too funny. What the hell is this with people not wanting sex? Especially with someone you love AND with someone who wants you and thinks you are sexy. I will NEVER understand it! Link to comment
artist777 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 this is in response to badboy 101's comment about my 'self centered sex drive'. Right. It's a self centered sex drive when a woman has needs. If a man has needs that aren't being taken care of, a woman is a drag. He has no problem sitting in front of the TV watching the game until midnight or playing a playstation game until midnight, or talking my ear off about something w/o giving me a chance to speak until midnight. But when I need personal attention, it's too much to give. I think it's more of a selfish man - you give to me - I give to myself sort of thing. Trust me--you guys are out there. God forbid, a woman needs some care in that dept. We get the cold damn shoulder. But wait until one of you needs your rocks off--then we look good. Link to comment
artist777 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 For clarification. This is a relationship where my head is being played w/ a little. That I why I am coming here for help. When I am home w/ this person, they look through me as I am not there. The minute I step out of our door, I am barraged all day w/ IM messages and email about how much he loves me and wants me. It is heartbreaking.. I love him for trying and I know he is feeling insecure about it, but my head is all screwed up. If you love and want someone, why wouldn't you give them the attention when they are right in front of you? why wait to put it in an IM or email? Link to comment
artist777 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 [KINK IT UP......] I've tried kinking it up. Again, he sits back and watches me stand on my head for booty.. It ends up being me putting out all the FOREPLAY and EFFORT and he just 'shows up for the party'. how nice to sit back and watch a nit wit stand on their head for something that should be a healthy part of a loving relationship. I have tried all that I could possibly do. I end up feeling resentful. Link to comment
Siriana Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Look, I will be honest, so I am saying openly: LEAVE HIM. This was my suggestion between the lines in my first very long post. It looks like you've had enough. And to tell you the truth, you don't need to apologyze for wanting sex. never. Than for the second time, you're not old. He's not a father of your child, he's just a guy you're with - and to tell you the truth I am sure your kid knows how frustrated you are. Some false family picture will do him or her no god. Maybe he or she will learn that love= coldness and rejection and that is a wrong perspective. Why do you think that it's so awfull to be alone. Better to be alone than unhappy. I promised myself that I will rather be an owner of a white franch poodle than a partner of a person who makes me unhappy. I don't believe in manipulation tactics. The only thing you can get that way is a feeling of beeing a liar and unhappyness whenyou get what you wanted in the first place. Because you lured another person into dooing something - sice it hasn't come as a result of their wishes. And how good is it to know that you had to manipulate someone to get sex? Link to comment
artist777 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 thank you, syrix. I know that is what you were getting at w/ your first reply. It's good advice and advice I would myself give to someone. when I try to let go, he comes after me harder and there is sex by the bundles. Then I go back for more, and it slides back to me putting out all the effort again. It breaks my damn heart and confuses the hell out of me. Link to comment
Siriana Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 How about going on the net and dooing the same thing his ex wife has done. LOL. Just kidding. Not a nice thing to do, please other posters don't attack me. Link to comment
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