duncan33

thanks for the advice! It is so hard and I hate not knowing what actually went wrong...time changes everything...thanks

So my boyfriend recently broke up with me three weeks ago and started dating another grirl the next day...convenient...oh but its not cheating having some one lined up...whatever. Anyways I am moving on, dealing with having to see him, and here about him with her...I am ok...But what is killing me inside is that I don't know what went wrong. I don't know what I did or the reason he started pulling away, he just cut me off about six months ago...closed down. We have been friends for 7 years! I feel that I lost my best friend and I have no idea why? I know I won't get answers from him, I can't even bear to think of him ever being my friend again. He has put me through so much and I hate him for it! He doesn't deserve my friendshp. I feel as if I never knew who he really was...I guess I am just wondering how do I just accept things for what they are and move on...I keep trying to understand and make sense of the mess but I just don't think that there is anything to make sense of here. I want to learn and grow from this realtionship but I feel that I was just fooled this whole time...thanks

thank you!! good advise...

Yes he is an alcoholic too...

I can't think of a time recently where he has pulled me out of the hole...in the beginning of our relationship I feel he understood me better and did do this...

I have suggested therapy in the past...he did talk with someone when his mom committed suicide...But now he is resisting it. He had bad experiences as a child where the therapist told his Father what he had been saying and he got beat for it... I did see a therapist a few times this summer but then decided that I didn't need to be there and he did...I didn't feel like it was getting anywhere... We have been taking a break for the last week to clear our heads...the fighting was taking its toll...I will try and mention therapy again to him... I know that he needs to want to get better...he is an alcooholic and has no desire to stop drinking, which is going to make it really hard for him to help his depression, I know this... I do know I can't help him if he doesn't want help...more communicating is the key...but we just seem to argue and he thinks that I am always blaming everything on him...Thanks guys...

I don't know where to start. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and we have been friends for 7 years. For the passed 5-6 months our relationship has been taking a downward spiral. We fight all of the time, we don't have sex and we have forgotten how to have fun together. He has lots of issues that have started to get in the way and I am not perfect either. He drinks alot, to cover the depression and to numb his pain. His mom killed herself 5 years ago. Depression runs in his family. I guess what I am facing now is...Am I strong enough to keep this relationship going and to help him...and is it fair to me to deal with all of the pain? During the summer I lost myself, I got sucked in to the darkside, I became depressed...I had never felt this way before...I cried every day or close to, I lost my drive to move forward, I was caught up so much in his life I forgot about mine. Recently I have come back out and realized that I was sucked in to his depression...is this possible? I want to be good for him and try to keep him out of the dark places he goes, but am I just dreaming? Can I actually help him? Am I strongh enough to do this? I would appreciate any feed back...I love this guy and only want the best for him...I feel like I have a strong boudary up now, but what if I get sucked back in? I don't want to end it but I get so frustarted at times and this doesn't help our relationship. I know I need to look out for myself but I also want to help him and be with him...please help...

wow...I am so glad that I reading this because it makes me realize that I am not alone (get it haha)...My bf and I have not had consistent sex (we had sex in september ONCE and august ONCE and none since) in I don't even know how long. Every day I ask myself what am I doing in this relationship (artisit 777, I totally understand, I feel that my self esteem is shot, how could we not) I am 24 he is 33...and I can't get him to want me...I have given up. It hurt too bad to be denied. We had a rough summer with lots of arguing, mainly because we aren;t having sex and myself esteem has disappeared. Recently I have tried to forget about the sex and go back to our friendship...it is so hard...I know he enjoys my company buthe doesn't enjoy sex anymore. My bf seems to be very sexual, you kow that energy that some one gives off, and in the beginning our sex was great...we always wanted it at the same time and we just clicked. Now I don't know what to do. I am afraid that we will never have great sex again, or even sex period...I have never craved it so much...it really controls me when I am around him and I have to ignore the feelings and hope that some day we can be intimate again. I am too young to have to be begging for sex, I can only imagine what it will be like later... And I can't play games, I hate games, I can't pretend i don't want it...but that is what i have been doing, and I am going to keep on doing it until I can't handle anymore... Artist 777 I suggest playing hard to get, I think that he is taking advantage of you always wanting sex...games suck!! I don't know why we have to play them, maybe in a perfect world we don't, but I don't think our world is so perfect... sorry for the long post, but thank you very much for the thread...

I really thought I was going to end it yesterday...I tried...I guess not hard enough...I don't want to, but the pain that this relationship brings me is unbearable...he says he can't handle the fighting...he has been closing me out because he is afraid of the fighting...it is a vicious circle...I want more quality time rather than just the social, party atmosphere...but he is afraid to make "dates" because of the fighting...Am I just not secure enough? I have always thought of myself as a very strong, secure person. He and the other girl have been friends for along time...he has never been sexually involved with her...I know this...I know that he is not sleeping with anybody else...I sometimes think that how much he drinks affects his sexual drive...I trust that he isn't sleeping around, I just get jealous of the attention he gives his close friends that are female...I want that attention and I know that I am supposed to be getting it...We are going to Hawaii next week for 5 days to visit friends. This has been planned for a few months now. I guess I will keep waiting to see if things might get better but it is driving me insane, another week won't kill me. Everything is usually good until I read his stupid blog and see her commenting on it...I will try not to read it I guess...I don't know...

I haven't had sex with my bf in two months and it is killing me...I have stopped trying because it hurts so bad...now that I read these replies maybe I am focusing on us not having sex too much...but he has so many friends that are girls...what makes me different if we aren't intimate?

She is not a good friend if she treats you like dirt...realtionships are based on friendship and I think alot of us forget that...Treat others how you want to be treated...don't hang out with this chick anymore and have fun on your date! She isn't worth your time...

We have sat down and talked and talked and talked and nothing seems to be changing...I think sex is important, especially when your significant other has alot of the opposite sex friends...what makes me different from his friends that are female? I just can't take it anymore...I am turning into a person that I hate...thanks for the replies...I know what I need to do I just don't feel strong enough to do it...I have never felt so weak...

My bf and I have been dating for 2.5-3 years...We were good friends before that for 6 years. My relationship has gone to ...and yet I love him more than ever...and hate him at the same time...is that possible? He has not wanted to be intimate in three- four months! I stopped trying because it hurts so bad. I write that down and realize how pathetic that is, that is so long! Life is too short to be this sad. All summer I hoped that it will get better...and now it is October. In July I found his blog online through a mutual (now not mutual friend because of what she wrote). It was all about our relationship problems. I asked him to please not write about me online...I didn't want our friends reading it. I didn't read for a month or so after and then one day I started reading it again. The stuff he writes down is not the guy I know or experience, he is a different person, I wouldn't be upset if he communicated with me the same as how he communicates on his blog. He has been pushing me out of his life now for months. Should I just get the hint and end it? Now that I have found this blog I feel he has other secrets that he doesn't tell me. I have never been so obsessed before...I check his blog everyday and read the awful things he writes and then I read her comments "I love you, just thinking about you" That's not ok right? he says that is just the way she is but it makes me uncomfortable and especially since we don't sleep together...I could go on for days on all of our issues...I guess I am giving myself the answer...we aren't going to work out...But I love him that is the hardest part...