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Do you "pretend" to enjoy a date even if you aren't??

Lansing

By Lansing
in Dating Advice

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Lansing Community Regular

Lansing

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Ok... Since I am so confused why after a few dates girls seem to "vanish" I am curious if people tend to pretend they are having a good time/enjoying the date even when they are not?

 

It seems like I am getting all the vibes that things are going well. Sometimes things have gotten physical by date two and three... But, usually, something seems to change and the girl starts distancing herself! I don't know what I am doing wrong but... I am curious if people will just go along with the date and "pretend" everything is cool and laugh at jokes they don't even think are funny, ask you about your life, etc, even if they have no intentions of ever talking to you again??

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Scout Grand Master

Scout

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I am curious if people will just go along with the date and "pretend" everything is cool and laugh at jokes they don't even think are funny, ask you about your life, etc, even if they have no intentions of ever talking to you again??

 

Yes, they will, unless the other person is such an ogre even those efforts are impossible.

 

Because most people want to be pleasant and good-natured when they are with others, even if they're not attracted to them. No one really wants to upset or offend a date they aren't clicking with, so they make the best of the situation. That is, if they have essential good manners and kindness.

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NKP Mentor

NKP

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Sometimes, some people will and some wont. If it was me i would just say i dont think this is working out between us but i love hanging out with you, i would love to be your friend. Then that way i wont hurt the guy and we can still have fun together.

 

But alot of girls will just pertend to have fun and then never ring or talk to the guy again and i really think thats mean and heartless and weak

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bighair Community Regular

bighair

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Sometimes, people end up enjoying being around someone and also recognize that there is no spark or chemistry. I've been in plenty of situations where my date has felt attracted to me and I"m sure they thought I was reciprocating because I was polite and was fully engaged in the evening. I love talking to peope and I have wondered if some men have misread my signals. I've also been on the other end where I've had a great time, the guy acted like he did, kissed me good night, planned a 2nd date right then and there and POOF...he vanishes into thin air.

 

i think people change their minds sometimes....sometimes, people just don't want to reject someone to their faces if they're not feeling chemistry during the date...and afterwards, some people are just too lame and scared to be direct and politely say they can't reciprocate someone's interest.

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Lansing Community Regular

Lansing

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Well, I have been blown off a few times since the last date.... I am leaving it in her hands now.... She said she will call this week to try to arrange something..... I don't really trust or believe her anymore though... I am working on moving on to someone else...

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Lansing Community Regular

Lansing

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I am wondering if I was maybe perceiving chemistry when all she was giving off was "I find you interesting and have fun talking to you, but, I am not attracted to you"... arg, I feel like I totally misread the situation....It seemed like we were totally clicking, joking around,etc....

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Budman Proficient

Budman

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Woot first post in a long long butt time.

 

Well, since I haven't seen a description of whats happening in these dates it makes it hard to guess.

 

First off, I'm a man, there I said it, I don't let dates get boring. I'm sorry, but you control the date, NOT her. Why do I say this, you asked her out, you are on the date with her.

 

You are showing HER a good time. Oh yes, scary isn't it. Really think about that and get it into your mind. You control where you go, what you do, and ta da, how you do it. Personally look at it this way; you should be prepared for everything that could possibly go wrong. Let's say you're going to a restaurant and you're not sure they take visa debit cards(Its happened to me). Take cash instead, before going have your car cleaned, and gas tank full.

 

I won't go into that in more detail, but we'll talk about the communication.

 

I've noticed on all my successful dates. I kept it lite and fun. I always ALWAYS told them at the start of a date, "I have one alterior motive tonight, and thats to have fun!" Now depending on how you meet this person, I've learned that a lot of women (and men) are especially shy on first dates. Usually the person is nowhere near the same the 2nd date (conversation wise). You have to find ways to open up small talk, and keep a conversation going. Since I perform magic (not proffessionally, just a hobby) I always keep a pack of cards on me (or at least used to), anyway, I would play a game of go fish at restaurants with them. Why go fish, isn't that a kids game you ask. It's real simple, its a very simple game, It requires you to talk to the person your playing with, and on top of that it keeps you to occupied (the food gets there supa quick). Personally I recommend learning magic as an ice breaker to people anyway.

 

Jokes are great mind you, but conversation is key. I can joke with people all day long, but sometimes it doesn't work.

 

One point in this particular strategy is that its an original idea, and how many dates has that particular woman been to thats involved dinner and a movie? I mean honestly, it gets old when you continously have the same thing. How were you compared to the 11 other guys that did the exact same thing. Be creative, take her to the landmarks, "play tourist for a day", be a big kid goto something like the zoo or science center (we have that in stl, I assume other places have similar), go for minigolf, on the first few dates you have to do different each time. Each date is another aspect of you that she gets to see.

 

If you goto the bar 3 times, she gets the jist and just assumes bar fly.

 

If you go running 3 times, she thinks your an healthnut

 

If you goto church 3 times, she thinks your a religious nut.

 

IF you goto the bar, running, and church your well rounded

 

Get my picture?

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Lansing Community Regular

Lansing

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Well.. With this girl, I was mixing things up and she seemed to really enjoy date one and date 2. However, since they were pretty "casual" and I had already known her and communicated to her as a "friend" before, I didn't want to jump to far ahead to kissing her on date 2... Then, on date 3, I had the start of a cold (not like I was "hacking up" or anything, I just felt like I was starting to get sick) so, I didn't want to kiss her then but I was flirting with her by touching her knee or touching her arm... I think it came accross as natural (I wasn't "trying" to get frisky with her.. it just kind of happened as our conversation developed...)...

 

Anyway, since then, she has blown me off twice. There are a few times where she has said she would call on a certain date and hasn't... However, one time I called her after that time period and we chatted and seemed to still have a good connection on the phone. I guess what I am wondering is, maybe she is trying to avoid me but still "pretending" to enjoy talking to me and laughing along with me when I call?? I think it would be better if she came accross as "bored" so I would know I am waisting my time...

 

I also read stories here about girls not calling or returning a guys call even when they were VERY interested in him... so... this confuses me.... I thought I could tell when there was a "connection" as I have gone on a bunch of first dates and I haven't felt this way about a girl in a long time (even after date 3)

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heloladies21 Grand Master

heloladies21

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We need to go step by step on your next situation dude, because there are things which you're missing and it's leading to her acting this way.

 

After you get the next chick's number, post in great detail how you got it. The write another post when you call her. You need to give us the details or else we can't diagnose the problem.

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Lansing Community Regular

Lansing

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Well.. It has been twice she said she would call and didn't... But, at the start, she was very prompt in returning calls, and seemed to make every effort to hang out..... we talked after those times where she said she would call and didn't (or, would send a text message instead a day or two later) and things seemed to be fine in our conversations. She said she would call this week so, this will be the third time and I am not planning on breaking the no contact this time by contacting her at all...

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Kevin T Mentor

Kevin T

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In answer to the topic question: Yes, I've done it... and will probably continue to do so. Why?

 

I don't want to be mean. I don't want to be rude, insensitive or hurt someone else's feelings. So I make the decision to make the best of a bad situation and stick it out until the end.

 

The thing is though, if I'm not enjoying myself and am not feeling it; it shows. It shows in body language, speech and actions. I don't mean for it to, but it does. So they usually get the hint and nothing ever comes of it. I can think of at least two recent blind dates where this happened.

 

In the end, I tried to "make the date work," but my lack of interest clearly showed. But I tried at least.

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rocio Veteran

rocio

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Kevin, what was so awful about these dates? You say you are a shy guy, could that have something to do with it? Or are you just really picky?

 

I seriously can't remember a bad date. Maybe it's just all that pot I used to smoke. Oh, but there was this one guy who my friend met online. She thought he was cute from his picture so she set up a date between us. I spoke with him on the phone and we arranged a date. But when I met him, he had this really serious stutter. I guess he was just nervous, but he couldn't even talk. Still, I thought he was kinda sweet and just felt bad for him cuz he seemed so uncomfortable with himself. I didn't have a bad time.

 

But then, maybe guys are having a bad time with me and I don't even know it! I do kinda live in lala land.

 

I'm really curious to know what ruined these dates for you.

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