Can we control how others feel towards us?

[shikashika]

I got this idea from a thread in the break up forum.

 

Do you think we can control how others feel towards us? You know sometimes when we just don't know why but we just 'feel' attraction towards someone?

 

I know how to make someone angry, anxious or upset with me (not that I usually intend to!)... do you think we can learn how to make someone feel 'love' with us?

 

people that i've known for a long time... i know how to do this quite easily, for eg. my good friends, my family and some of my work colleagues.

 

But how do we do this if we are only in the getting-to-know-you stage of a relationship?

 

This is when people often break up because they don't feel the love or the spark...but then if you don't know the person that well yet, its difficult to know what makes them tick, what makes them feel insecure, upset, angry, happy, and feel loved.

 

What do you think?

[brando]

Their is also the possibility that someone may not feel the love or the spark, cause they do not love them selves as well.

 

But i think to a degree we can make people feel a certain way towards us. It is how we treat that person as well as we treat ourselves, (which is reflected onto others when we arn't paying attention).

[LostInMyThoughts]

I think so.

 

I read this book: link removed

 

I've used some of the ideas in the book, and it's been pretty good (at least I think my coworker is starting to fall for me).

[renaissancewoman101]

Brando, even when we treat that person well (or better than we treat ourselves), it doesnt cause them to fall for us. Sometimes, when we treat a person well, the person loses interest and leaves. Then we see people who treat their SO like crap and the person stays and chases them for more of that same treatment.

 

LostInMyThoughts, do the techniques in that book work only for new relationships, or can it work for a relationship you are in right now, like can it teach you how to re-awaken the "spark" in your SO.

[blender]

loving yourself in an emotionally balanced healthy way will draw other "emotionally healthy" people into your life. Love is not a 'trick or manipulation of emotions" when it's "right and healthy" it's not desperate, unsure, jealous, it's just "right and real" and you feel good about YOURSELF and can be YOURSELF with the person you love, but it starts with selfrespect, and self love... this is the key. Take time to find out who YOU are and what your standards may be, respect yourself and other respectful people will respond in a positive way... and anyone who doesn't quite "get it" just doesn't recognize "emotional healthy mature love" because they don't "feel it for themselves", thereforeeee they can not invest these feelings towards another...

 

So "no" I don't believe we can control how others think of us, we can only control our feelings towards oneself, we can control our choices, behaviors, standards in our own lives and it will draw very similar people to us... healthy or unhealthy, depending on who YOU are... Birds of a feather, flock together.

 

Decide what kind of feathers YOU want to have....that is the first step towards healthy loving mature respectful friendships and relationships.

[Dating Coach]

Control? No. Influence? Yes.

[LostInMyThoughts]

LostInMyThoughts, do the techniques in that book work only for new relationships, or can it work for a relationship you are in right now, like can it teach you how to re-awaken the "spark" in your SO.

 

I tried it in a relationship that lost a spark, and it didn't seem to work so well.

 

It is a good read though; it gives a different perspective on dating.