Is it worth trying? (hurdles to dating)

[Proactive Paradigm]

So lately I've been considering the dating scene... but it occurs to me that there are a few things in the way of it ever working out. Or at least, I think they are. I guess that's why I'm asking; are these problems workable?

 

Obstacle 1: Still living at the family home in my late 20s. More and more I feel I want out (there's no problems at home, besides the social stigma of my age and living at home still), but illness and finance have kept me here. I can't see it being really appealing to a potential partner. Is it something that can be overcome, or am I screwed? I hear it isn't that uncommon these days even atmy age, but still...

 

This is but a small drop in the ocean to everything else I'm trying to get over, but this has been bugging me for a while so I'm looking for opinions, since the notion is 'home at your age = loser.' Not that I can argue that...

 

Ta.

[AngelEyez]

Hey Proactive Paradigm,

 

There's nothing wrong with still living at home and being in your late 20s. I don't see why a woman would judge you based on where you live. If you meet a woman, she'll like you for you, and not necessarily where you live. Living in your parents home shouldn't prevent you from meeting new people. You shouldn't be ashamed of it either. You even said you live there due to illness and financial struggles. That's perfectly reasonable. Now get out there, start dating, and be confident !

 

AngelEyez

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

If financial and health problems have kept you at home, I don't see why any half-compassionate partner would be put off.

 

As long as you can still get some *alone time*, as in well away from parental interruptions, it doesn't seem like a big issue..and you can always go to their place.

 

Unless they don't have a place of their own...so in that case, they can fully sympathise with YOUR situation!

[heloladies21]

Naw, it's not even a factor. Just the same way looks, money, or any other self limiting belief are conjured up to prevent guys from hitting on girls. You can definitely start learning how to do this at your age. Dive right in.

 

I highly recommend the ebook and dvd series at link removed. His stuff has helped me a lot.

[n83]

Honestly I would be concerned about a potential partner still living at home that late into his 20s, if only because he might not understand the responsibilities that come with maintaining your own household, paying bills on time, etc..

 

The only people I know who are still living at home are also expecting their parents to do their laundry, cook their meals, buy their food, pay their bills, etc.

[CharmedphoenixRising]

I don't think living at home's a problem - well here it's pretty common. I do - (and I tell you it's terrible after living away from home for years!)

 

But it shouldn't be a lame-o excuse used by others!

[Proactive Paradigm]

Angel, ALS, helo, Charmed, thank you for your input. However slight it may be, you've given me a slight reprieve in my misery guts way of life.

 

n83, thank you as well, I appreciate both side of an 'argument.' What concerns me the most is that the responses here are probably not a reflection of the big wide world, and maybe most people think like n does. It sure would explain a few things.

 

FYI, though I know little about maintaining a household, and have issues of... irresponsibility, I do pay bills (and on time), and do whatever I can to assist my family at home. Perhaps you were generalising, but maybe not. As I said I have had problems.... but I won't make any excuses; you think I suck, no worries, let's move on.

 

More dilemmas to come. Exciting.

[heloladies21]

No lie, I have this friend who still lives at home, mid 20's, ugly, poor, hardly any friends, dead end job, really annoying in general, and he scores like there's no tomorrow. Usually he's sleeping with 3 different women at the same time. My point is, do you really after hearing this that getting girls has anything to do with these tangible characteristics I've listed above? If it did, then how could this guy be such a pro?

[rocio]

I would say it would depend on how you approach the issue. Don't act like you're embarrassed about it, and don't make excuses. Definitly, do NOT talk about your problems with finances, responsibilities, or health. Simply say (once it comes up - not necessarily on the first date!) that you have a close relationship with your family and it works out better for everyone that you stay there. If the finances part comes up, you can just say that you have goals that you are working toward, and that living at home helps you achieve those financial goals. (But only if she brings up the issue of finances. Steer clear away if you can help it).

 

"the notion is 'home at your age = loser.' Not that I can argue that..."... This is the kind of talk that will send us running in the other direction. Don't brag, but don't ever put yourself down. Ever.

 

Otherwise, just be fun. Don't talk too much about yourself (whether it is good or bad stuff). Make her laugh. Show her a good time. You'll be great.

[Batya33]

I lived at home until I finished school at age 28. Since that time, I would if I were unattached date someone who lived at home only if (1) it was very temporary - a few months and due to a change in job/relocation, etc; (2) it was for an emergency situation such as ill parents. If he lived at home for financial reasons he probably would not be compatible with me because once I was in my 30s and looking to settle down I would want someone compatible with my financial situation which is financially independent and comfortable. If he was saving to buy a house I would respect that but it likely would not be right for me in a dating situation because over the last 12 years I have seen what a world of difference it makes to live on one's own as far as independence - something I cherish and want my partner to cherish. If I wasn't dating to settle down in the not too distant future it might not be a concern for me. As far as health problems it would depend on what it was and how it impacted the person's ability to be in a serious potentially long term relationship with a family in the future.

[Proactive Paradigm]

No lie, I have this friend who still lives at home, mid 20's, ugly, poor, hardly any friends, dead end job, really annoying in general, and he scores like there's no tomorrow. Usually he's sleeping with 3 different women at the same time.... how could this guy be such a pro?

 

...foot long dong?

 

Sorry, that was just my first assumption.

 

re hazey: that's the only talk I got... tragic, ain't it?

 

re batya: I do have my own independence, but I understand what you mean. Thank you.

 

Anyway, thanks to the latest contributors.

 

I'll get to my health problems at some point. Coming up next, social avoidance and being generally repulsive. Compelling stuff!

[Batya33]

...foot long dong?

 

Sorry, that was just my first assumption.

 

re hazey: that's the only talk I got... tragic, ain't it?

 

re batya: I do have my own independence, but I understand what you mean. Thank you.

 

Anyway, thanks to the latest contributors.

 

I'll get to my health problems at some point. Coming up next, social avoidance and being generally repulsive. Compelling stuff!

 

I thought I was independent. Then I moved out at the relatively old age of 28 and realized I had no idea what being truly independent meant until I was living on my own - for big reasons and not so big - ranging from just "knowing' I was living on my own to taking care of my own errands, laundry, bills, and on and on.

[heloladies21]

...foot long dong?

 

Sorry, that was just my first assumption.

Nope, it's purely on how he talks and acts. Come on, these girls don't have x-ray vision and he'd be braggin about it all day long if it were like that for him. The sex is a good bonus and it can be a factor in keeping a girl around for a while, but in order to get them in bed first, you can't rely on your ability in bed because the chicks don't know how you are. And these girls don't even know each other and he doesn't have any kind of reputation. This city is too big and the girls he gets are mostly complete strangers.

[rocio]

 

re hazey: that's the only talk I got... tragic, ain't it?

 

 

Kind of, yeah. But dating is a numbers game, so get out there tiger!

 

Grrrr...

 

I'm curious to know how it turns out.