Getting past your own mistakes?

[LeftBehind]

I haven't spoken to her in 4 months. It was a really complicated situation, where we fell hard for each other, but she was dealing with a complex break up with someone else, my own past junk started getting in the way. Ultimately I got very clingy, and basically acted like a pathetic loser.

 

I cried about how I had no/few friends, and how depressed I was...blah blah blah...

 

And 4 months later am totally embarrassed about the way I acted. In the end I told her I was deleting her number. She apologized for yelling at me...and what not.

 

There's been no contact since then. That was June 8th.

 

I'm over, I think, wanting to be with her. But I'm soooooo embarrassed about the way I acted. I said/admitted so many things to her that are really really embarrassing, and I'm not sure how to let go of that or get over it.

 

A few people have told me the only way is to actually contact her and let her know my perspective on things now.

 

However, she was the one who pulled away from me, so I don't really know what to do.

 

I need to let go of this junk. This is what is holding me back, and keeping me stuck in this.

 

How do you let go of feeling so embarrassed about the way you acted??

 

Any suggestions?

[melrich]

Just let it go would be my advice. Sounds like you don't see her or have anything to do with her anymore so forget what was said, what does it matter. After 4 months she has probably forgotten most of the detail anyway.

[LeftBehind]

That's the problem though.

 

I don't know how to let go.

 

I didn't even get to the good part, and I feel like I was dumped by someone I dated for 10 years. That's how intense it was.

 

And it was intense on both sides, I have tons of letters to prove it.

 

It's like I dealt with all the junk of separating a 10 year relationship, without getting the relationship.

[itsallgrand]

Try visualizing in your mind. One thing that I did, feeling mortified with the own weight of my own embarrassment, was to picture every night before bed what it would be like if I ran into the person.

Keep the fantasy positive: You are in your best mental, physical, spiritual state ever and get a chance to see her. You are happy, doing what you want to do with your life. She is happy to see you doing well, but you realize it doesn't matter so much anymore. You have moved on.

 

It may take some practice, but it's so helpful in getting full closure if you feel like you didn't quite get it in real life. You can finish it up, say what you would like to say to her in imagination, watch your own feelings about things.

 

Then take that attitude out with you into the world. It really does help to visualize positive outcomes.

 

hope this helps some.

[loveisaparadox]

As most things with love seem to work, you do the opposite thing to get the result you want

 

I know what it's like to want to let go of all that junk. The truth is, you did the best you could at the time, and you just have to let the junk process in its own time. It will.

[Scotcha]

People do some crazy things when they get dumped. I've been guilty. I've been more than guilty and totally embarrassed about it as well. Hardly anyone can say that they haven't ever gone through the same thing.

 

There's some people in my past that know some pretty embarrassing things about me. I believe I chose wisely enough in some respects and so I feel that my secrets are kept in confidence if they are even remembered at all.

 

And I always keep an ex's secrets. I have little respect for people who abuse the intimacy they had just because the relationship didn't work out.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, you're human, and that most people (worth while people anyway) know when to keep their mouths shut.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

We all have done things we wish we could take back...things which embarrass us. You are human. Over time it won't make much of a difference to you any more. Take it as a learning experience. Move on with your life and don't waste any more time worrying about what you did. You can't change it so put it in the past where it belongs.

[ElegantOverkill]

lol i think my stuff takes the cake. i got so clingy and desperate that after it was all said and done my ex had changed her cell # and now she wont talk to me or respond to e-mails. it has made me feel like crap at times knowing that i pushed someone to that point but i have let it go and one day im sure i will be out and run into her somewhere and by that time she will see the improvement in me and all the crap that happened wont matter. if you know in your heart that you did some crap and you can admit to yourself that it was goofy of you at the time and you are a good person thats all that matters. we all live and learn.

 

hope this helps some.

[Juliana]

Isn't it just part of the whole process, to come to a point where you understand that your behaviour wasn't perfect, but you're not worried about what they think of you? You know you're capable of being rational; they might, or might not -- but does it matter anymore if they know that? Unless you've hurt someone by your behaviour, is there any reason to wonder what they make of it?

 

If you want to put a better light on it, consider that it does tell someone how much they meant to you at the time, that you went into a melt-down. Although, there have been times I've regretted that; a couple of breakups that happened around stressful times, where I went h*ly bananas on the guys. I worry they think I was deeply in love; what I was was deeply needy. No actual love should be inferred by my behaviour....

[ElegantOverkill]

i agree with you juliana. lol when we broke up i was ok with it and then shortly after i started having a ton of fam. probs and other little things that made me act close to crazy! because i felt i had noone to turn to for help because she was gone! in time i know things will get better between us and i am going to be very patent.