Please advise,babysitter nightmare!

[girl23]

I have an in home daycare. I have been taking care of an 11 month old for a couple of weeks now. Problem is he cries and screams to be held all the time. I feel like i'm not allowed to go to the bathroom. At first every time I would leave the room he'd cry, even If I'm a few feet away and visible to him, he cries. When I say leaving room, I mean going to get a bottle, going to fix breakfast or going to get my son who is 6 months out of his bed.Not leaving them unattended.

 

Now, he even cries if I take a step backward, honestly. He demands to be held, gets angry and screams if I pay aother child attention, cries until I hang up the phone,hits everybody even his own mom. His Grandma who was keeping him before me is the one who called for my services but said she had to tell his mom about me. So they both came to the interview that day. The Grandmother said in response to my questions that the child was about 1, was walking, used a sippee cup for drinking but still took some formula.During the interview the mom stated (some of this info was volunteered by her before I could ask)that he was a very well behaved baby who rarely cried, that she wouldn't bring him over if he was sick because she didn't want to make my baby sick,she wouldn't drop him off until 6:30AM,and to pre-pay before my services. I did tell her however that she could pay by the day or week as long as it was paid beforehand and that after a while if I seen they were good payers that I would work with her if she had issues, but atleast the 1st week had to be paid in advance.She agreed.

 

When mom asks me how he is, if I say hes alittle cranky she will say, "oh yea, I think hes teething. If I say he is screaming all day, she says "uh, I think its his ears". If I say hes fine, she says nothing. For the past couple of days shes even bringing tylenol for me to give him and says to call her if I cant handle him.Well, the other day after he had screamed for 5 hours and really upset my son i did call her to come get him.She called me later and said the MD said he had his Ninth ear infection in the past 3-4 months.I asked her what were they doing about it.She said she takes him back, it hasnt cleared up so the MD writes him the same antibiotic everytime and thats why it wont clear up. Come on! That sounds improbable to me.

 

She brought him back in 2 days with a bottle of tylenol but no antibiotics for me to give.I have taken his temp several times, he never has 1, he never pulls at his ears.Oh, that day he screamed 6 hours, when his mom picked him up, he started laughing and hitting her!Anyway, she is bringing him 15-30 min. earlier than agreed causing my 7 year old to miss the bus,has charged her fees 3 times in 5 days, never knocks on my door, barges in and informed me today that 2morrow I will be keeping him a little over time because she has a meeting then has to go get her check cashed anyway so she can pay me. She did not ask me if I could or how much I charged for overtime(she already gets an hour extra plus my fees are dirt cheap)I'm starting to think that i'm putting myself at link removed he really sick or just spoiled or both?Could I be held liable if something is going on with him at home that I dont know about?

 

My baby, 7 year old, my husband and myself have been sick ever since he started coming here.Plus my baby shouldnt have to hear that screaming all day. Do I give her a notice to find someone else or jump ship asap?P.s child can walk but refuses to, also he is not even holding his own bottle, the sippee cup i have to put it in his mouth and tilt his head back for him to link removed his age this is not normal.

[girl23]

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE? PLUS MY BABY HAS BEEN SICK EVER SINCE DAY 2 THAT THE CHILD HAS BEEN HERE.sHOULD I GIVE HIS MOTHER A NOTICE OR TELL HER ASAP TO FIND ANOTHER SITTER?

[HellFrost666]

Is this a young mother? Is this her first child? I would tell her to go elseware if I were yu, but that is just my opinio.

 

It might help you get more replies if you would break your post into paragraphs. Huge blocks of text like this are hard to read for most poeple.

[DN]

Sounds as if this is not a good fit. I think you should give her two weeks to find another sitter.

[Gold Hawk]

I'd give her notice. It does not sound like a good fit.

 

Who is the baby's doctor? Did she leave you with a name and phone number of the doctor? I never leave my kids with anyone without that information.

I'd have asked her for a note from the doctor. I'm surprised she didn't bring the antibiotic with her. How often does he take it? What is the brand?

 

You're absolutely correct in that he should be holding his own cup by 11 months. Walking?? well... some kids don't. My oldes walked one week after 1st birthday.

 

This is simply not a good fit for you. Nothing that you did. The mother seems too blase' with her child.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I hope you don't give him tylenol all the time, thats not good for his liver.

 

She sounds like she's taking advantage of you and not respecting what you do for her. I think you should tell her you can't care for him, he's too demanding, make sure you call child protective services and tell them your concerns. There could be some health issues that may not be evident or it could be neglect, children don't cry that long without reason. Even without a temp there could be fluid in the ears, my nieghbors babies had horrible ear problems and had to have tubes put in. I've never know babies to hit at that age either unless they've had problems.

 

You really need to put your family first, you have the right to refuse her service at any time, you are not at her back and call.

[blender]

yes, the tylenol is toxic to a childs liver... but right now YOUR main concern has to be YOUR OWN CHILD.... I really think you have to let this lady and her child go... this is NOT a healthy situation, emotionally or physically... I feel for you because I can hear your concern for her child... She is obviously ignoring her childs "needs"...

 

you are so right about this, because we all know how a child behaves when thier ears are infected...and his constant crying is about something else... I think you have to cut your losses here, because god forbid something happens to this child on your watch...

 

Is there anyone whom you can confide in, could you ask for the child's doctors number, just as a "new security/safety" thing you are doing for all the children you might sit for??? Then maybe you can call him one day and ask about this child's care..and kindly voice your concerns.. because this child really seems to need an adult who REALLY IS RESPONDING TO HIS ISSUES...

 

I am so sorry this is happening in your life, but who knows perhaps fate put this child in your care so that you might be his angel and find out what is really going on with him... but it's always such a sensitive topic when we ask parents about issues with thier kids... I'd call someone, a therapist of somebody and ask for some professional input... even try that "dr. phil" website..

[Daligal83]

I think it was great advice to get the number of the child's doctor and inform him of what is going on. If you call CPS based just off of him crying, I doubt much will happen. If, however, a doctor calls and has a medical reason for concern it carries much more weight.

 

It seems like the mother is not responding to this child's need, which causes attachment problems. Maybe he has attached to you because he has learned that you respond to his needs. This could be why he freaks out if you put him down. How does he react when his mother comes to get him? Does he seem happy to see her?

 

Also related to the lack of his needs being met, that can cause developmental delays. When an infant cries because of a need, it blocks out all other sensory information that comes in. So when the child is constantly crying and stressed because it needs are not being met, it is not learning and developing because of that blocking of information. It could explain why he won't hold his cup and his other problems.

[ImThatGirl]

First off, what kind of papers did you have her sign before beg care? Do you have a listing of emergency numbers, a doctor number, an agreement that you are not liable for medical issues and will call her if he's not feeling well?

 

Secondly, he could be suffering from separation anxiety. It sounds like she most likely babies him to no end (not walking / not holding his drink.)

 

Maybe you can suggest that she see a second doctor and check into tubes being placed in his ears. My son had lots of ear infections and finally the doctor placed tubes in his ears at age 2.

 

Overall, it seems that you may have reached a frustration level that isn't good for your family or her son. I understand! I can't imagine trying to take care of a baby that wants 100% attention on top of taking care of my own.

 

It's okay to admit that this isn't a good fit. Do give her a week or two notice.

[girl23]

All of this advice is very helpful, I had never thought about a lot of the things that have been brought up. I was thinking that the mother is holding him all the time, not making him do things for himself and generally spoiling him.She insists that shes not. After she didnt pay me again yesterday,(she really messed me up bc I was depending on that payment),I decided to call her, end it but not give her a notice.I figure why should I? She certainly hasnt given me anything but troubles and lies, she cant even pay me like we agreed upon.She should have been grateful, instead the nicer I was to her the more she "ran over me".She didnt sound surprised when I called her. Why would she?She knows whats been going on and she knew how she was treating me to.I'm still concerned about the child though.Now I will probably never see him again.He was unusually lethargic and drowsy yesterday.This makes me think about the tylenol thing.I wonder if shes giving him stronger medicine to "knock him out".She claims he has a bad ear infection.So where are his antibiotics?If her MD story is true thereis no way he left that office w/o an antibiotic to be given 3-4 times a day.(I'm also a medical assistant.)She just brings tylenol.Also 1 day when I told her I gave him 2 doses of it(after 5 hours of course) she flipped out, started acting strange but she was trying to hide the way she was acting but she wasnt doing a good job.She says he cries every time she leaves the room to but that she doesnt pick him up. She stated "I dont know why he does that bc we dont hold him at home."Yet everytime I call her house they have company or she has been talking "forever 2 one of her friends", I never hear the baby make a peep in the background.Makes me wonder how is she staying so active when I cant even pee when hes with me.I dont know what to think. Something seems like its just not right.Is he being to spoiled or maybe neglected or abused? I want to help him if I can.I cant sit back wondering for the rest of my life if that child is okay and if not why didnt I do anything about it?What do ya'll think?

[girl23]

I'mThatGirl, I didn't have her sign anything, although now I see the importance of it. We did have verbal agreements though. She promised to never bring her kid over sick, going as far as to say "Oh, I'd never do that I dont want your baby to get sick." Last night I caught her in lie after lie.I asked her about tubes in his ears, and she said the MD told her he had to be atleast 1 year old first. I 've known plenty of babies to get tubes before this time. I just cant figure out if he is getting to spoiled and lazy or if he is being neglected. Usually, kids with seperation anxiety cry right when their mom starts leaving then will stop a few min. later. He doesnt cry after her, yet he always seems to be okay with her when she comes to pick him up.H acts like he doesnt care one way or another which 1 of us he is with, just as long as someone holds him. Also he calls me mama and my husband dada.

[Gold Hawk]

A good possibility for the lethargy is a good dose of "Benedryl". There have been reports of care givers and parents who will dose their kids with Benedryl to quiet them down, make them sleep... and keep the kid out of thier hair.

 

Yet again.. that is just guessing.

 

I think you did the right thing in separating yourself from this situation.

 

Had anything happened to this child while on your watch... you don't know how much of the brunt of blame you would have gotten. Then too there are your own children to consider first.

[ImThatGirl]

Couple things real quick before I leave for the day.

 

1. As you probably already know - children sometimes call male dada and female mama. My friends daughter (age 3) called me mommy when they stayed at my house this summer. My kids didn't call my friend mommy though.

 

2. If you need help with the paperwork in the event that you plan to keep another child, I can get it from my babysitter. She's my neighbor / babysitter that keeps my kids.

 

Good luck! And, congrats on stepping away from the situation as you and your family will most likely be happier.

 

Send me a pm if you'd like!

[helpme2]

does he cry like he is sick? maybe she should take him to the doctor and get a complete physical, it's not normal for an 11 month old to act that way, if she isn't holding him all the time at home, he must be sick or something.

[Abby]

I'm glad you've let this mother go although I understand your concerns about the child's welfare. In that case I'd contact the appropriate organisation to inform them of your concerns.

 

I'm guessing you're not in the UK? I say this because here, unless you're a relative, you cannot offer day care services in your home unless you've become a registered childminder with your local authority.

 

They enlist childcare providers, vet them, police checks etc and provide training for them. They then have a directory of childcarers for users to select from in the knowledge that all background checks have been done.

 

These childcare providers aren't allowed to operate without appropriate insurance which they have to provide evidence for and they receive unannounced visits from Social Services to make sure they're doing their jobs properly.

 

There's also a limit as to how many children they can care for.

 

So, there are strict rules of how childminders operate and it's really best to have the support and backing of your local authority in that respect.

 

If, where you live, has such a thing, you really need to sign up with them for your own protection and any things that crop up, such as your situation, you can immediately inform your local authority as would be your duty.

 

I hope this helps.

[sonjam]

Girl, if you are still worried about the child, even if you let the whole situation go, i would call child services and just have them check in on the family. I assume you have the address? I always tell my mom, the parents can be the biggest washouts there is on the planet, but it's still a little child's life they are gambling with, and if I don't feel right about it, somebody needs to intervene.