CoutureChica Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Hi there everyone...i just found this site on some webpage and found your advices helpful. .. Anyway my older sister has been living in with her boyfriend for more than a year..they seemed happy or so i thought!She invited me to spend a week with her,i agreed since i was having my holidays.One night my sister had gone to her friends for some slumber party,her bf was staying in saying he got a headache.I told him i was going to watch a movie and would be late since i will be stopping at my Boyfriend's place.After hanging out at my Guy's place i decided to go back.When i reached the door was open,and all the lights were off.After some time i heard some girl's voice,thought it was my sister and wanted to tell her about something so i went in...and to my horror i saw him and one of my sister's friends naked!!They were shocked to see me..after that my sis bf told me not to tell her and that he was just bored but he loves her truly blah blah...i still haven't told her sister...i don't know to tell her..she's going to be sooo devastated Link to comment
melrich Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 In this case I think you have to tell her. It is to big a burden to carry not to tell her. Your loyalties should be with your blood. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Oooh....You MUST tell your sister. If I had a friend, or especially a sibling, that knew that and didn't tell me....I would consider the withholding of information the worst betrayal of all!!! Link to comment
doyathink Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 I agree with Melrich, You owe no loyalty to this man! However, your sister is your family, without family who do we have to count on in this world! It will hurt her but in the long run you are helping her and may save her a lot of wasted time and more heartache. This man may not stop with only having one affair! You may tell him that either he tells her the truth or you will. Put the burden on him to tell of his indiscretions and if he doesn't than you have every right to intervene! Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Yeah tell your sister, if only to prevent her from marrying this creep. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Yes, you must tell her. However, I would try something else first... Give the bf and the friend a chance to tell her themselves. Speak to them, tell them you WILL be telling her no matter what, so here is their chance to make some good with her if they care about her at all. If that is really tough to do for you bc these people are intimidating, have a friend or two there when you do it. This will give you backup and show them you mean business. Your sister needs to know, but this is going to be devastating for her, her bf and her friend in a double betrayal. Also, the messenger often gets shot. (you being the messenger if you tell her). If you can avoid it, it would be better. She's going to need your support, and that would be easier if it weren't you bringing her the bad news. That's what I would do, based on being in a similiar situation with a friend. Also, have seen it played out many times. Often, even with very tight friends and family...the one betrayed will NOT appreciate hearing the news, associate bad with the news-bearer, and then take off all alone. Good luck. Let us know what you decide and how it goes. Link to comment
CoutureChica Posted August 23, 2006 Author Share Posted August 23, 2006 : wow thanks guys that was fast ..anyway yeah i thought about telling her immediately but am also doubtful if she believed her boyfriend and hate me instead!Her bf is a real smooth talker while my sister is gullible and will convince her into believing anything.... Her boyfriend told me that she's not going to believe me and that i'm just going to create total chaos and to forget about it!duh! Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Geez, the bf sounds like a real sleaze. Maybe you'd have more luck with the friend though. She might be feeling guilty. You brought up the point I was thinking of too - your sis not believing you, or taking her anger on you and pushing you away in the process. Real concern with some folks - you'll have to decide if you think she'll react that way or not, you know her best. It'd be nice if it was as simple as just telling her straight out, but yeah, it can backfire sometimes. Like if she doesn't want to know, and will choose blissful ignorance over seeing the truth. Most important, you want to stay close to your sister and be there for support when she is ready to accept that her bf is a sleaze and her world comes down on her. Do you think she will leave him if you tell her? Do you think she would want to know? good luck Link to comment
yeawutever Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 I would tell her right away, it's yourown blood and flesh. Now if it was just a friend of mine getting cheated on, I would mind my business, but your own SISTER getting cheated on, hells nope, no secrets with her. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 : wow thanks guys that was fast ..anyway yeah i thought about telling her immediately but am also doubtful if she believed her boyfriend and hate me instead!Her bf is a real smooth talker while my sister is gullible and will convince her into believing anything.... Her boyfriend told me that she's not going to believe me and that i'm just going to create total chaos and to forget about it!duh! It is up to her to decide whether or not she will believe you or not. Not up to you to decide that for her and preemptively withhold the information from her. You are depriving her of the right to make an informed decision about her life and her future. You are definitely in the wrong. Your sister could potentially catch a noncurable disease from this guy because you decided that you didn't need to inform her that he cheats on her. Link to comment
Rabican Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Imagine how badly its going to hurt her to find out... it wont be pretty. Now imagine how badly its going to hurt her if she finds out 2 years from now and realizes you could have saved her another 2 years of wasted time on a guy who gets 'bored, and sleeps with other women' Your sister is your sister, and your loyalties should lie with her. Just tell her to sit down, and that you have something to tell her. Im sure shell be upset, but she should be upset at him not you. She deserves better, and the sooner she ends it with him, and can find happiness with herself, or someone else the better. Link to comment
Rabican Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 : wow thanks guys that was fast ..anyway yeah i thought about telling her immediately but am also doubtful if she believed her boyfriend and hate me instead!Her bf is a real smooth talker while my sister is gullible and will convince her into believing anything.... Her boyfriend told me that she's not going to believe me and that i'm just going to create total chaos and to forget about it!duh! get a tape recorder, put it in your purse and tell the boyfriend that you think he needs to tell her or you will. When he proves his guilt on tape in the ensuing conversation you can give it to your sister if she doesnt believe you. Link to comment
candy604 Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 YOU HAVE TO TELL HER OR ELSE SHE'LL BE GOING OUT WITH A CHEATER and a friend who is not a true friend. It's better she knows the truth instead of carrying on a relationship that is a LIE. you'll be guilty of not telling her too. please tell her. with his behaviour, he can do it again to her and say the same excuse. Link to comment
n83 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Wow, he sounds like a #%!#!^. Tell her, and if she doesn't believe you... well, at least she stayed with him on her own free will, knowing what you know. Link to comment
candy604 Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 yeah next time snap pictures, proof. i feel so bad for your sister, what a horrible bf. Link to comment
DetHMetaLDolL Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Telling her may devistate her, but if he cheated out of boredom then he obviously doesn't truly love her, and it's a safe bet he'll do it again. So if she finds out now it will save her a lot of heartache in the long run. Link to comment
DBL Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I would see how much money I can swindle out of him and her friend not to tell her. Then when you tell her...you can take her out with the money to help her take her mind off things. Out of all the cheating I seen amongst friends and all I can only remember one time where I told someone and that is because I knew he could handle it. What happens if you sister starts associating you were the situation. Like every time she sees you, she may think you are coming with more bad news? She should know, but be tactful...have your parents do it! DBL Link to comment
CoutureChica Posted August 29, 2006 Author Share Posted August 29, 2006 Hi everyone...sorry i couldn't reply earlier as i was having some test. Anyway i told my sister about the whole thing,She was quite for sometime but started crying hysterically saying i was just pulling her leg.I was comforting her when her phone rang and it was her boyfriend calling her to say he would be late,she told him to go to her and stated screaming at him.Minutes later while she was packing her bags,he came and started asking her what was going on.After she told him everything,he was like laughing and then denying the whole thing.I could have given him an award for that performance and might actually believe him had i not seen the whole thing!!My sister called up her friend and told her to come over so they could talk,her friend started crying saying how could she ever betray her and that she should know her better than that.She also said she was with her cousin that day...My sister called up that cousin and she said its true,theyve been shoppin. My sister started accusing me and told me to get out off the house.While i was leaving her boyfriend gave me that "i told you so" look!I pleaded with her but it was no use! My mom is pretty worried about her,she can't talk to her about it since my sister warned us that if we ever bring up that topic again,she'll shut us ot off her life. Link to comment
Fallout Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 You definitely did the right thing chica, it was your duty to tell her she is just believing what she wants to believe so she won't get hurt, but I'm sure she'll realise it sooner or later. I think you should get some sort of proof if you can, like that tape recorder idea and confront him about it...or better yet a video camera and catch them in the act if you get another chance Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Yes, you definitely did the right thing. It's up to her to take all the info she has and do with it what she will, but had you not told her, she would not have even been able to make and informed decision. I suspect the truth will show itself to her eventually. Link to comment
candy604 Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 wow that's one deceptive man..i'm glad you told her though b/c it'll stick in her mind if she sense her bf is doing anything else suspicious. something will eventually show though...the truth always reveals itself later on! Link to comment
yeawutever Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Sorry to hear it didn't went the way it was suppost to but at least you already told her what kind of garbage she's been/is dating, thus you can freely clean your hand. When she realize you have told her the truth the whole time, you'll just have to say "I told you so, it's not my fault you didn't believe me". You can hire a detective or get a camara to catch them right in the act. Or get a tape recorder. Sooner or later she'll realize she has a loser. Link to comment
candy604 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 i wonder how long it has been going on for, since you told your sister , her friend and bf hopefully stop. ( and learn) Link to comment
Fallout Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 i wonder how long it has been going on for, since you told your sister , her friend and bf hopefully stop. ( and learn) Eh I think that's very naive...if they stoop as low to create a web of lies involving a 5th person (the cousin) they clearly have no regrets...I bet if it stopped it's only for a short time Link to comment
candy604 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 i noe it's horrible. I hope they get caught and the truth reveals itself. I can't imagine why the cousin would want to be part of the lie. goodness Link to comment
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